Topic: Questions about Australia  (Read 2981 times)

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KOTH-Steel Claw

  • Guest
Questions about Australia
« on: May 02, 2003, 07:37:41 am »
Hey Tracey!

These are real questions about Australia from various parts of the world. These were
posted on an Australian Tourism Website; the answers obviously came from a
fellow Aussie.
 
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so
how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
 
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
 
 
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
 tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
   
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
 
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
 
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
 gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
 scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
 walking.
 
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I
 dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
 A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
 
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
 

FPF_TraceyG

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2003, 07:51:02 am »
LMAO!! he he, well, yeah, that sounds like Aussie humour...

J'inn

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2003, 09:36:38 am »
All you ever needed to know about Austrailia:



1)  Founded, rather involutarily, by criminals that England felt were just a tad too dangerous to have on the same hemisphere.  


2)  Said criminals allowed to run around and breed for over a hundred years.   This of course resulted in a genetic magnification of pure evil.


3)   The Wiggles.



Be afraid be very afraid.

Kroma_BaSyl

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2003, 10:10:07 am »
Quote:


3)   The Wiggles.
 




AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter had just recently moved on from her infatuation with the Wiggles, these days it is the Tubbies.

Maxillius

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2003, 11:13:57 am »
wtf are the wiggles?

J'inn

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2003, 12:48:10 pm »
*AHEM*    <dons reading glasses and gets out his copy of The Encyclopedia of All Things Nefarious>


The Wiggles -  A group of four men from Austrialia that are the focal point of all evil in the known universe.  They provide entertainment for young children in the form of songs, drug induced lyrics, and games so stupid that it causes the minds of the young to melt.  Their name refers to what they do during 99% of their vidoe tapes while wearing tight slacks.  They seem to enjoy their work a tad too much.  The source of their power and their exact plan for the planet Earth are currently unknown.

Do an internet search on The Wiggles for further information.

What ever you do DO NOT click on any link called "Wake Up Jeff" or "It's a Wiggly Christmas."

   

FPF_TraceyG

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2003, 01:04:02 pm »
LOL!! Actually, would you believe they started out as a Heavy Rock band called "The Cockroaches" that played a lot at pubs and live venues and were reasonably successful for many years. During this time, some of the band members became Daddy's, and put on a little show for the kids. The kids lovd it, their manager promoted it, they found they made heaps more money getting mauled at shopping centres by an army of 3 year olds (mothers' in tow), than they did getting mauled by the mothers-yet-to-be only a few years earlier at pubs, and we deported them from Australia to the US... <snicker>
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 pm by Tracey Greenough »

Strafer

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2003, 01:48:38 pm »
So, like true cockroaches, they just won't die. Is that it?..

FPF_TraceyG

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2003, 01:52:34 pm »
Quote:

So, like true cockroaches, they just won't die. Is that it?..  




DOn't forget, they are breeding too...  

TheMaverick

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2003, 05:15:02 pm »
Quote:

All you ever needed to know about Austrailia:



1)  Founded, rather involutarily, by criminals that England felt were just a tad too dangerous to have on the same hemisphere.  


2)  Said criminals allowed to run around and breed for over a hundred years.   This of course resulted in a genetic magnification of pure evil.


3)   The Wiggles.



Be afraid be very afraid.  




LMAO... Nice J'inn

Green

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2003, 07:13:42 pm »
Oh ... my ... God.   The Wiggles are Feds!!!  

... not that there's anything wrong with that ...

   

FPF_TraceyG

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2003, 07:32:50 pm »
LOL!! Yeah, I've always thought they were TOS Trekkers in disguise... I'm glad we deported... errr.. exported them..  

Maxillius

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2003, 12:35:57 am »
Quote:

Oh ... my ... God.   The Wiggles are Feds!!!  

... not that there's anything wrong with that ...

   




so we've got Red (security, 1st to die), gold/yellow (command), and blue (science).

What's purple?

Holocat

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2003, 06:29:20 am »
Quote:



so we've got Red (security, 1st to die), gold/yellow (command), and blue (science).

What's purple?  




Ship's Councillor, or in this case, the Department of Psychological Warfare.

Why the Romulans won't spy on us feds,

Holocat.
 

SSCF_Paladin

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2003, 08:26:11 am »
Hmm.. purple.  Rings a bell...

Aah, wasn't there something to do with a purple TeleTubbie or some such thing?  There was a term... 'sexually ambiguous'... hmm.

Wonder if there's any connection there.

KRolling

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2003, 08:29:19 am »
Hehe!!! I was thinking the same thing, Paladin!!

SSCF_Paladin

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2003, 08:31:26 am »
Thanks Kim... I was going to...

*looks down, realizes he is still a Extra in Red Shirt, therefore the first to die*

NOO!!!  I still have so much to live for!!

KRolling

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #17 on: May 03, 2003, 08:32:52 am »
Good choice, Lt. Paladin, good choice.

mbday

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #18 on: May 03, 2003, 08:33:06 am »
But we ned the extra in the red shirt or we all die....


LOL

KOTH-Steel Claw

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #19 on: May 03, 2003, 08:48:42 am »
 
Quote:

 What's purple?  




Alternative lifestyle entertainment?

SSCF_Paladin

  • Guest
Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #20 on: May 03, 2003, 11:26:38 am »
Whatever the color, deliriously happy people give me the creeps....

Hmm?

Weird?  Of course I am... it's the ones that think they're normal that scare me.