Topic: The Official SFC2.net Battle of the Sexes Thread

[KOTH-Steel Claw]

 

Quote:
Well, I must admit, I'm lost. Anyone else?  

No, I am not lost. I am just passing some time and enjoying the humor. Speaking of which, I have another dash of smiley face humor. Not sure if it was posted earlier, and the thread is long, so I didn't try digging through. Sorrry.

A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke sir, you should know five things....

The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously Mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says, "Nah....not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


 

[KOTH-Steel Claw]

A little something for all. Rated Mature.

 Heheh

 

[CW-Frankk]

Krolling, true image  

 


runing away of rolling pin  

[J'inn]

Quote:


4.  Men want to lose things where they shouldn't be lost.

 

GASP!!!     How did you know about my virginity, Costa Rica, a bottle of Mescal and a working girl name Lulu???


I BLAME FLUF!!
 

[Green]

Quote:
 

Quote:

A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke sir, you should know five things....

The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously Mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says, "Nah....not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

ROFLOL ....

Psst ... KR, your a red head ... don't take offense.

[KRolling]

Actually, I thought the blonde joke was funny!!

[Maxillius]

Quote:
OK!!! This is enough!!!!

Everyone sit down and lets learn a little something about human behavior....

This is for the majority, but not all:

1.  Women are vain.
2.  Men are vain.
3.  Women want attention from men.
4.  Men want to lose things where they shouldn't be lost.
5.  Women are competitve with getting the attention from men.
6.  Men are competitive with how often they lose these things.
7.  Women are insecure that men will not look at them therefore think they have no reason to live.
8.  Men are insecure that they won't be able to lose things where they are not suppose to be lost therefore having no reason to live.

Bottom line:  
1.  Accept the way God made you.
2.  Don't be something your not (be true to yourself).
3.  You have to have a license to drive, to own a gun, so get a license to lose the things legally.


Alright, class is over. You are dismissed.

<class stands up and starts throwing paper wads and airplanes at me as I run out of room>  
 

No comment on my post?  I was expecting at least 3 antimatter-tipped Rolling Pins for that <ducks>

[9th Thrain]

I can't believe someone neglected this story. I thought surely some one would have posted it before now.

A young man and his bride were leaving the church to begin thier new lives together. The young man hitched his mule to the wagon, loaded his bride's belongings, helped his bride into the wagon and set off for home, some 4 miles away.

About 1 mile out of town the mule slowed and finally stopped. No matter what the young man did with the reigns the mule wouldn't budge. He finally got down, walked around to the front of the mule, shook his finger at the mule in near rage and shouted "That's once!". The young man climbed back into the wagon, snapped the reigns, and the mule began to pull again.

Almost 2 miles out of town the mule stopped again. Try as he might, the young man couldn't coax the mule into moving with the reigns. The young man climbed down and again near rage he shook his fist in the mules face and shouted, "That's twice!!!". He seemed to have gotten the mules attention, so he climbed aboard again and they got on the way again.

Just 3/4 of a mile from thier new home the mule became contrary again.......(remembering the last 2 occaisions the young bride was now concerned).

The young man never said a word. He never snapped the reigns as he had done before. He calmly climbed down, reached behind the seat for an oil cloth covered bundle and walked to the front of the mule. He unwrapped his shotgun and killed the mule in it's traces..

The new bride became insensed over this action because they were farmers and this was thier only mule. She shouted at him and asked him why he could be so brutal? What were they going to do now? How could b he be so stupid?.......

She completely lost her voice as she took a breath to continue her tirade, when the young man cocked his hat back, looked her dead in the eye and said........"That's once"

[Tao]

Ah, why does there have to be a "battle of the sexes" thread. We can live in peace and harmony. Why, I've been married for 3 glorious, wonderful months.

Well yes, actually I've been married for 23 years, but... there were 3 good months there at the beginning.

Hmm. Maybe the thread makes sense after all....

Carry on gents.  

[Tao]

And now, for something completely different...


Day 1:
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, HE locked himself in the
bathroom and cried.

Day 2:
Today he says he has a big secret to tell me.  He's impotent.  He wants me
to be the first to know.  Why doesn't he tell me something I DON'T know! I
mean, give me a break.  He's been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS
with a limp.

Day 3:
This marriage is in trouble.  A woman has needs.  Yesterday I saw a picture
of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4:
A miracle has happened!  There's a new drug on the market that will fix his
"problem."  It's called Viagra.  I told him that if he takes Viagra, things
will be just like they were on our wedding night.  He said, "This time, I'd
rather not have your mother join us." (I think this will work.  I replaced
his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.)

Day 7:
This Viagra thing has gone to his head.  (No pun intended.) Yesterday at
Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper.  He thought they
were talking about him.  GET OVER YOURSELF!  Not everything is about you!

Day 8:
I think he took too many over the weekend.  Yesterday, instead of mowing the
lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.

Day 10:
Okay, I admit it.  I'm hiding.  I mean, a girl can only take so much.  To
make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Hard Cider!  The photo
of Janet Reno isn't working.  What am I going to do?

Day 11:
The side effects are starting to get to him.  Everything is turning blue.
The other day we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet.  He thought it
was "The Smurfs Do Denmark."

Day 12:
I'm basically being drilled to death.  It's like going out with Black and
Decker.

Day 13:
I wish he was gay.  I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying
"fabulous" and still he keeps coming after me!

Day 14:
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels.  Every time I shut my eyes,
there's a sneak attack!  It's like going to bed with a scud missile.  Let's
hope he's like President Bush and pulls out in 100 days.

Day 15:
I've done everything to turn him off.  Nothing is working.  I even started
dressing like a nun.  Now he tells me "Sister Wendy" revs his motor.

Day 16:
I may just have to kill him!  Then he'll go out the way he wants to:
STIFF!  But with my luck, I probably won't be able to close the casket.

   

[KOTH-Steel Claw]

Thought for the day....


Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to

stomp the shi+ out of them until they turn into something acceptable to

have dinner with.
 

[KRolling]

Quote:
Thought for the day....


Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to

stomp the shi+ out of them until they turn into something acceptable to

have dinner with.
 

Then they shrivel up into raisins.

[Kroma_BaSyl]

Quote:
Ah, why does there have to be a "battle of the sexes" thread. We can live in peace and harmony. Why, I've been married for 3 glorious, wonderful months.

Well yes, actually I've been married for 23 years, but... there were 3 good months there at the beginning.

Hmm. Maybe the thread makes sense after all....

Carry on gents.  

ROTFLMAO......

[KOTH-Steel Claw]

Miss Merna, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she  welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Merna had flipped or something...!

When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but  soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. "Miss Merna," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"  (pointing to the bowl).

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter!"
 

[FPF_TraceyG]

Quote:

Quote:
Thought for the day....


Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to

stomp the shi+ out of them until they turn into something acceptable to

have dinner with.
 

Then they shrivel up into raisins.  

Good comeback...  

[Karnak]

Quote:
Thought for the day....


Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to

stomp the shi+ out of them until they turn into something acceptable to

have dinner with.
 

Then the man is so pissed off at being stomped on so much that he dumps the martinet woman and rolls right into the arms of a new hottie who can't believe that this man is so "perfect" and "domesticated".  But, l'm sure she sent a thank you note to the martinet though.