Topic: Murphy's laws of Star Trek (Read 4907 times)

Vaul · « **on:** April 25, 2003, 04:10:55 am »

1) A vital piece of technology will fail three seconds before it is needed (aka the Gates clause).

2) A hitherto unnoticed crewmember who suddenly has an unusually large amount of screen time will die after appearing in three episodes.

3) Anyone who engages in a romantic relationship with a senior officer is a dead man (woman, robot, weird alien with tentacles, whatever) walking.

4) If you are stood at one of the "stand-up" workstations during a battle, you will be thrown halfway across the bridge as your 50,000V display panel explodes. Usually at the first sign of trouble.

5) The number 47 wil show up more times than is statistically feasible. Panic, for the Hitman stalks thee.

....continue as necessary....

Captain KoraH · « **Reply #1 on:** April 25, 2003, 12:26:44 pm »

Loader: UP!

Gunner: Identified!

TC: Fire!

Gunner: On the way!

Main gun: BOOM!

TC: Target! Cease Fire!

SghnDubh · « **Reply #2 on:** April 25, 2003, 12:51:14 pm »

Quote:

Loader: UP!

Gunner: Identified!

TC: Fire!

Gunner: On the way!

Main gun: BOOM!

TC: Target! Cease Fire!

Ahhh...so you were a tanker in the Army, huh? THAT explains everything

Alexander1701 · « **Reply #4 on:** April 26, 2003, 02:00:43 am »

9) When in doubt, blame subspace

10) The villain at the start ends up being the hero at the end

11) No one important ever trusts you

12) There is always a 10 minute 'time out' while the crew discuss what's happening. Usually midway through, after a commercial break.

The_Pelican · « **Reply #5 on:** April 26, 2003, 06:26:53 am »

13) If you can't solve a problem, use the Deflector Dish.

Baker · « **Reply #6 on:** April 26, 2003, 09:18:27 am »

14) Only Senior Officers can solve problems, using technobable that everyone else can't comprehend.

Alexander1701 · « **Reply #7 on:** April 27, 2003, 02:06:28 am »

If the transporter is on camera and no one is arriving on it, it WILL malfunction.

Holocat · « **Reply #8 on:** April 30, 2003, 08:22:54 am »

--All glowey bits on a starship are explosive, regardless of their use location or function.

Geordi: Captian, if we remodulate the GNDN conduits to a setting five percent beyond tolerance, the isoformacac overflow can be redirected to recharge the IDN capacator.

Beverly: I don't get that.

Picard: What?

Data: What kind of c*ap solution is that?

Ricker: I'll just bend my neck now and pretend to understand.

Worf: I reccomend a PHOTON TORPEDO!

Troi: He's hiding something captain.

Picard: Well that's bloody unlikely, considering we've all got on thin lycra bodysuits. Bloody pyjamas. The waiter outfits are even worse.

Geordi: Could you just give me half the frickin' time I say I need to do it in to do it already? The romulans are getting bored and want to fire again before this becomes a two part series.

Picard: Right.

All the cheese in SFC pales in comparison to the cheeze on TV,
Holocat.

sjvessey · « **Reply #10 on:** April 30, 2003, 08:51:16 am »

15) no matter how many times you allow the ship under your command to be destroyed, starfleet will always give you a bigger and better one to make up for it

16) if you're in trouble and are about to die, don't worry as you can always manage to pull a 'deus ex machina' out of spock, data, 7 of 9, etc etc that saves the day because they are so much cleverer and knowledgeable than anyone else

17) no matter how alien the aliens you meet appear at first, you will realise that they are not so different after all as they all subscribe to a system of social values exactly like that of 21st century America

18) and if they don't at the outset, then they surely will by the end of the episode, when they realise that, out of all the ways of doing things that exist in the Galaxy, starfleet knows best

19) no matter how alien the aliens you meet appear at first, one of them will invariably be strangely attracted to one of your crew

20) and despite outward anatomical differences he / she / it / they will be perfectly capable of having your babies

21) all aliens have two arms, two legs, two eyes, one nose, one mouth and two ears. and they all speak English. however, none of them ever need to use the bathroom.

DestinyCalling · « **Reply #11 on:** April 30, 2003, 05:33:31 pm »

And neiher do the crew...... It would seem....

Riker: Captain, permission to leave the bridge as I really need to "curl one out".....

Picard: Not a Number One then, Number One !!!!

Ho Ho Ho...

Oh, and it would seem that a standard duty shift involves a lot of aimless wandering around....

GE-Raven · « **Reply #13 on:** May 02, 2003, 11:29:36 am »

24) 80% of all time travel is somehow related to teh 20th century.

25) An empath is needed to state the BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS!

26) Any suffiently "cool" episode can be redone as a movie.

27) It is always funny when the "non-human observer" character swears

28) "We come in peace." "Phasers set to Kill, Men."

29) Spaceborn lifeforms are nearly unheard of, but the Enterprise encounters at least one per season.

30) No one EVER gets pregnant from contact with their own species, however breathing the same air as the "new" species...

31) The extrodinarily Xenophobic culture always has one important scientist, politician, or child, that is not.

GE-Raven

grave · « **Reply #14 on:** May 02, 2003, 12:32:14 pm »

32) no matter how much we "think" a Key actor will die the always find a way to live.

33)starfleet must oh designed warp cores to breach at the first sign of any real battle..... "captn! we have a warp breach in progress!"

34) With ALL of the tecno bable in every show there it comes down to "what will confuse the audience the most"

awm3 · « **Reply #15 on:** May 04, 2003, 10:04:01 pm »

No matter what their configuration, when two starships meet, they are almost always oriented in the same plane, and despite the fact that they may not yet have managed to communicate, they both seem to know which way is "up" on the other ship.

mdutr0 · « **Reply #16 on:** May 05, 2003, 08:15:26 pm »

467) Whenever hostile aliens board the ship, Worf, the largest and most physically capable character on the show will inevitably go down first, taking yet another one for the team.

25) Worf will actually manage to contact someone on the ships sophisticated communication system.

79) In the holodeck, Murphy's Law applys directly and is 100% garunteed to operate or your money back....

99) Somehow no matter what the problem on board the ship, it can be solved by handing it over to a blind man, a robot with the level of comphrehension of a 4 year old, and Wesley Crusher ('nuf said)

Micah

Aliasalpha · « **Reply #17 on:** May 05, 2003, 10:56:49 pm »

Phasers cannot fire at warp speeds

Phasers can fire at warp speeds when running away

Vaul · « **Reply #18 on:** April 25, 2003, 04:10:55 am »

1) A vital piece of technology will fail three seconds before it is needed (aka the Gates clause).

2) A hitherto unnoticed crewmember who suddenly has an unusually large amount of screen time will die after appearing in three episodes.

3) Anyone who engages in a romantic relationship with a senior officer is a dead man (woman, robot, weird alien with tentacles, whatever) walking.

4) If you are stood at one of the "stand-up" workstations during a battle, you will be thrown halfway across the bridge as your 50,000V display panel explodes. Usually at the first sign of trouble.

5) The number 47 wil show up more times than is statistically feasible. Panic, for the Hitman stalks thee.

....continue as necessary....

Captain KoraH · « **Reply #19 on:** April 25, 2003, 12:26:44 pm »

Loader: UP!

Gunner: Identified!

TC: Fire!

Gunner: On the way!

Main gun: BOOM!

TC: Target! Cease Fire!

Alexander1701 · « **Reply #22 on:** April 26, 2003, 02:00:43 am »

9) When in doubt, blame subspace

10) The villain at the start ends up being the hero at the end

11) No one important ever trusts you

12) There is always a 10 minute 'time out' while the crew discuss what's happening. Usually midway through, after a commercial break.

The_Pelican · « **Reply #23 on:** April 26, 2003, 06:26:53 am »

13) If you can't solve a problem, use the Deflector Dish.

Baker · « **Reply #24 on:** April 26, 2003, 09:18:27 am »

14) Only Senior Officers can solve problems, using technobable that everyone else can't comprehend.

Alexander1701 · « **Reply #25 on:** April 27, 2003, 02:06:28 am »

If the transporter is on camera and no one is arriving on it, it WILL malfunction.

Holocat · « **Reply #26 on:** April 30, 2003, 08:22:54 am »

--All glowey bits on a starship are explosive, regardless of their use location or function.

Geordi: Captian, if we remodulate the GNDN conduits to a setting five percent beyond tolerance, the isoformacac overflow can be redirected to recharge the IDN capacator.

Beverly: I don't get that.

Picard: What?

Data: What kind of c*ap solution is that?

Ricker: I'll just bend my neck now and pretend to understand.

Worf: I reccomend a PHOTON TORPEDO!

Troi: He's hiding something captain.

Picard: Well that's bloody unlikely, considering we've all got on thin lycra bodysuits. Bloody pyjamas. The waiter outfits are even worse.

Geordi: Could you just give me half the frickin' time I say I need to do it in to do it already? The romulans are getting bored and want to fire again before this becomes a two part series.

Picard: Right.

All the cheese in SFC pales in comparison to the cheeze on TV,
Holocat.

sjvessey · « **Reply #28 on:** April 30, 2003, 08:51:16 am »

15) no matter how many times you allow the ship under your command to be destroyed, starfleet will always give you a bigger and better one to make up for it

16) if you're in trouble and are about to die, don't worry as you can always manage to pull a 'deus ex machina' out of spock, data, 7 of 9, etc etc that saves the day because they are so much cleverer and knowledgeable than anyone else

17) no matter how alien the aliens you meet appear at first, you will realise that they are not so different after all as they all subscribe to a system of social values exactly like that of 21st century America

18) and if they don't at the outset, then they surely will by the end of the episode, when they realise that, out of all the ways of doing things that exist in the Galaxy, starfleet knows best

19) no matter how alien the aliens you meet appear at first, one of them will invariably be strangely attracted to one of your crew

20) and despite outward anatomical differences he / she / it / they will be perfectly capable of having your babies

21) all aliens have two arms, two legs, two eyes, one nose, one mouth and two ears. and they all speak English. however, none of them ever need to use the bathroom.

DestinyCalling · « **Reply #29 on:** April 30, 2003, 05:33:31 pm »

And neiher do the crew...... It would seem....

Riker: Captain, permission to leave the bridge as I really need to "curl one out".....

Picard: Not a Number One then, Number One !!!!

Ho Ho Ho...

Oh, and it would seem that a standard duty shift involves a lot of aimless wandering around....

GE-Raven · « **Reply #31 on:** May 02, 2003, 11:29:36 am »

24) 80% of all time travel is somehow related to teh 20th century.

25) An empath is needed to state the BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS!

26) Any suffiently "cool" episode can be redone as a movie.

27) It is always funny when the "non-human observer" character swears

28) "We come in peace." "Phasers set to Kill, Men."

29) Spaceborn lifeforms are nearly unheard of, but the Enterprise encounters at least one per season.

30) No one EVER gets pregnant from contact with their own species, however breathing the same air as the "new" species...

31) The extrodinarily Xenophobic culture always has one important scientist, politician, or child, that is not.

GE-Raven

grave · « **Reply #32 on:** May 02, 2003, 12:32:14 pm »

32) no matter how much we "think" a Key actor will die the always find a way to live.

33)starfleet must oh designed warp cores to breach at the first sign of any real battle..... "captn! we have a warp breach in progress!"

34) With ALL of the tecno bable in every show there it comes down to "what will confuse the audience the most"

awm3 · « **Reply #33 on:** May 04, 2003, 10:04:01 pm »

No matter what their configuration, when two starships meet, they are almost always oriented in the same plane, and despite the fact that they may not yet have managed to communicate, they both seem to know which way is "up" on the other ship.

mdutr0 · « **Reply #34 on:** May 05, 2003, 08:15:26 pm »

467) Whenever hostile aliens board the ship, Worf, the largest and most physically capable character on the show will inevitably go down first, taking yet another one for the team.

25) Worf will actually manage to contact someone on the ships sophisticated communication system.

79) In the holodeck, Murphy's Law applys directly and is 100% garunteed to operate or your money back....

99) Somehow no matter what the problem on board the ship, it can be solved by handing it over to a blind man, a robot with the level of comphrehension of a 4 year old, and Wesley Crusher ('nuf said)

Micah

Aliasalpha · « **Reply #35 on:** May 05, 2003, 10:56:49 pm »

Phasers cannot fire at warp speeds

Phasers can fire at warp speeds when running away

News:

Topic: Murphy's laws of Star Trek (Read 4907 times) var addthis_config = {"data_track_clickback":true};

Vaul

Captain KoraH

SghnDubh

Scorpion

Alexander1701

The_Pelican

Baker

Alexander1701

Holocat

Firestorm

sjvessey

DestinyCalling

ChamadaIV

GE-Raven

grave

awm3

mdutr0

Aliasalpha

Vaul

Captain KoraH

SghnDubh

Scorpion

Alexander1701

The_Pelican

Baker

Alexander1701

Holocat

Firestorm

sjvessey

DestinyCalling

ChamadaIV

GE-Raven

grave

awm3

mdutr0

Aliasalpha

Topic: Murphy's laws of Star Trek (Read 4907 times)