Topic: Dear Gwarlock (Read 4433 times)

Hondo_8 · « **on:** April 14, 2003, 10:05:07 am »

Dear Gwarlock,

I dont know what to do. My Girlfriend of two days has yet to uncross her legs, Im troubeld by this fact becouse it means she is interested in a long term relationship. Ive tried getting her drunk in my friends hot tub, but no luck. Im really confused, and scared. She has tricked me into driving her to L.L. Beans next weekend for some shopping. I have yet to get even a passionate kiss, Ive tried but she says crap about wanting to build a strong relationship foundation. Now Im scared she is very sexxy, the kind of girl that scares the crap out of you. I actually enjoy talking with her, and well I even forgot what I really wanted to do with her when we were talking last night. What the hell this aint suppose to happen. I knew when i met her that I stood no chance, so I played it like a novelity, and she went for it! Well then i was thinking "Cool this chick wants to do it" Boy was I wrong. She talked and talked....and *Gasp* I enjoyed the conversation, Like really enjoyed it. Im scared Mrs. Gwarlock, this Girl could make me get seroiuse, like make money to support a family seroiuse.

Scared Crapless In Maine

Karnak · « **Reply #1 on:** April 14, 2003, 10:20:52 am »

*playing taps*

Another bachelor bites the dust.

Dizzy · « **Reply #2 on:** April 14, 2003, 10:32:41 am »

Dont be such a smuck. Tell her you never spend money on someone who doesnt put out. Then flash your Platinum Card and tell her you just finished paying it off... and that the credit card company has just raised your limit...

Then after she bends over, er uncrosses her legs

you will know wether or not she is worth you whipping out that Platinum Card for her pair of new shoes.

I have always made it a point never to spend money on a chick until I know she is worth it...

I mean... what if you have horrible sex and her kat smells like death incarnate...? If you have already taken her shopping, you just ****ed it all to ****.

Remember... They don't call em ho's for nothing...

wanderer · « **Reply #3 on:** April 14, 2003, 10:51:22 am »

I'm thinking there's gonna be some serious Rolling Pin whoop-ass coming this thread's way...

Kroma_BaSyl · « **Reply #4 on:** April 14, 2003, 10:53:24 am »

News flash! If you haven't gotten to first base, she ain't your girl friend, she is a friend that is a girl. Famous hot tub lines, "Put out or Get out!".

Kroma,

PS, Nothing thaws out an Ice Queen faster than faking impotence. Women love curing men of this, almost as much as giving it to them.

SSCF Hooch · « **Reply #5 on:** April 14, 2003, 11:01:21 am »

Quote:

Dear Gwarlock,

I dont know what to do. My Girlfriend of two days has yet to uncross her legs, Im troubeld by this fact becouse it means she is interested in a long term relationship. Ive tried getting her drunk in my friends hot tub, but no luck. Im really confused, and scared. She has tricked me into driving her to L.L. Beans next weekend for some shopping. I have yet to get even a passionate kiss, Ive tried but she says crap about wanting to build a strong relationship foundation. Now Im scared she is very sexxy, the kind of girl that scares the crap out of you. I actually enjoy talking with her, and well I even forgot what I really wanted to do with her when we were talking last night. What the hell this aint suppose to happen. I knew when i met her that I stood no chance, so I played it like a novelity, and she went for it! Well then i was thinking "Cool this chick wants to do it" Boy was I wrong. She talked and talked....and *Gasp* I enjoyed the conversation, Like really enjoyed it. Im scared Mrs. Gwarlock, this Girl could make me get seroiuse, like make money to support a family seroiuse.

Scared Crapless In Maine

I meet a woman like that 30 years ago, the first one to say no...I married her six months latter (this one is a keeper)

FatherTed · « **Reply #8 on:** April 14, 2003, 07:07:28 pm »

My son, the Church teaches you to abstain from the "S" thing until you are married. So take a cold shower, intake large amounts of alcohol, and sleep it off.

Or you'll burn in Hell!!!!!!!

FPF_TraceyG · « **Reply #9 on:** April 14, 2003, 07:24:36 pm »

Flowers.... chocolates.... candleight dinner for two at a fancy restaurant... more chocolates... get along well with her folks... let her know she's attractive and you want her (subtely, that is, don't be too blunt...lol!!, ie, the casual glance at her cleavage, don't stare). Don't try the impotency thing, it sends the message that she 'doesnt' do it for you (very bad for her self esteem). And another thing, get your timing right, do some research, find out when the hell her.... monthlies are due!! Understand that there are just some times when no matter what you do, aint nothing going to work, and other times when you don't have to do a thing (remember, she's the boss!! lol!!)

FPF_TraceyG · « **Reply #11 on:** April 14, 2003, 09:45:58 pm »

LOL!! But what does it mean??

KATChuutRitt · « **Reply #12 on:** April 14, 2003, 10:33:02 pm »

Until you decide if you want to get serious, don't limit yourself to the one girl. Its amazing what competition will do. Likely if she's the looker you say she is other women at the clubs will start taking an interest if she's in your company. Expect recieving some attention and perhaps even phone numbers when she leaves you side for a few moments. Then you can either tell her laughing it off or keep the numbers. Either way you will likely benefit from the increased attention.

Whatever you do don't be a pushover. Women tend to like confidence and decisiveness. Giving in on occasion isn't a bad thing but giving in constantly is the slow death in my experience. If she turns you on, nothing wrong with letting her know it. Honesty is the main thing. Don't lie about anything, if she doesn't like you for who your are it aint worth it. If you get more serious she will have plenty of time to try to change you, but she must at least like the raw material. Sexual attraction is a must in most relationships, so if she doesn't respond soon I think your chances of a real sexual relationship go way down. Friendship is still a possible worthwhile goal in that case however. This is not saying you should expect to be doing the dirty deed in a week, but some nice passionate kissing should definately be on the agenda unless she is the religious type.

My best relationships started fast and furious, the slow starting ones usually left much to be desired, even long term.

Just my 2 cents.

Karnak · « **Reply #14 on:** April 15, 2003, 09:54:38 am »

If this develops into serious relationship, I think you should first go talk to a divorce lawyer and understand what exactly the law entails regarding marital property and how you have to split it 50/50 or worse if you split. It also helps to keep the "female bossy" attitude in line when you understand your legal rights. Trust me, women would prefer to argue with you instead of with your divorce lawyer cuz the divorce lawyer does not give a flying hoot about her feelings and are out to get the most of her than they can for you. Don't hold back on the practicalities about financial costs. If she's not reasonable about finances even after you show her clearly what your budget can afford then I would drop her. No one wants to retire poor.

Oh yeah, and another thing. Get her to learn karate.

KRolling · « **Reply #18 on:** April 15, 2003, 02:47:49 pm »

I'm staying out of this one. You all are such ding-a-lings, it wouldn't matter what I wrote!!!

<stomps off>
<turns around, throws Iron Rolling Pin (IRP) at Dizzy and continues to stomp away>

Karnak · « **Reply #21 on:** April 15, 2003, 04:00:50 pm »

I like the advice one on my co-ed roomates gave us in college about women and dating:

If she won't be passionate after 3 to 5 dates then dump her and move on.

KRolling · « **Reply #25 on:** April 16, 2003, 05:47:19 am »

I think guys don't realise that girls like men who are in control of their facilities. Not weak and out of control.

But, you see, I'm from the old school where you must have a license to drive. I have a daughter who I will raise with the same morals I was given.

Karnak · « **Reply #26 on:** April 16, 2003, 10:38:41 am »

I was always taught that when a man is ready for marriage they will have no problem finding a wife.

Karnak · « **Reply #30 on:** April 16, 2003, 01:01:27 pm »

At first, I thought the advice from Dr. Laura (you know the 1-800-WHINERS show

) about no marriage before age 30 was extreme. Now, I think she is very correct. Marriage is such a huge commitment that it's better to live a full single life first.

wanderer · « **Reply #32 on:** April 16, 2003, 01:07:57 pm »

Holy mackeral, Karnak, you and I agree on something...cool

...although I can't stand Dr. Laura...

Maxillius · « **Reply #33 on:** April 16, 2003, 01:11:15 pm »

I think 30 is extreme. I want to be able to keep up with my kids (if I ever get any) for a short time anyway. However, marriage at my age is still a smidge too early (22). Although, I did almost mess that up, but luckily(?) she cheated on me so I didn't have to worry about it.

Maxillius · « **Reply #35 on:** April 16, 2003, 01:44:02 pm »

!

That would've been funny at the time, but things like that sort themselves out in time. I've still got the same job, and she quit after a fight with another chick. I'm still single, and she's still with the guy she left me for, but she's also pregnant. SOOO I still have my dreams ahead of me that I can pursue at any time I choose, but she is pretty much stuck for at least 16 years. It's an evil way to look at it, but I think I got the better deal.

News:

Topic: Dear Gwarlock (Read 4433 times) var addthis_config = {"data_track_clickback":true};

Hondo_8

Karnak

Dizzy

wanderer

Kroma_BaSyl

SSCF Hooch

Maxillius

Gumby

FatherTed

FPF_TraceyG

Green

FPF_TraceyG

KATChuutRitt

Kroma_BaSyl

Karnak

KATChuutRitt

Kroma_BaSyl

CW-Frankk

KRolling

Kroma_BaSyl

Gumby

Karnak

KRolling

Gumby

FPF_TraceyG

KRolling

Karnak

Maxillius

Maxillius

Gumby

Karnak

Gumby

wanderer

Maxillius

Karnak

Maxillius

Topic: Dear Gwarlock (Read 4433 times)