The door to the practice hall aboard the GCS Prima Ballerina burst open as a Skolean cabin boy crashes through it waving a newspaper in the air. Standing in a pool of his own perspiration Kroma whirls on the cabin boy ready to strike him down for interrupting his daily practice routine. Seeing the look in Kroma's eyes, and still suspecting foul play in the disappearance of all the previous cabin boys, he quickly shouts over Minkus' "Don Quixote" which is blaring throughout the hall, "Captain Kroma, I am so sorry for disturbing your practice session, but I believe you would want to hear the news right away".
Kroma's sighs in disgust as he waves the nervous cabin boy away, "If you've come to tell me about the Rommy invasion of Fed space save your breath, I already heard all about it, and I am not changing my mind about helping them out. Kroma is still not talking to the feds after they invaded our space on AOTK, besides Hoochie didn't even send flowers after our match together. I'm the Reptilian Diva of the Space lanes after all, and not some starfleet captains boy toy."
"Hmmm....it's not the war with the roms....its this little bit in the entertainment section.....seems a certain Kzin Minister has been talking about you to the gossip columnist" interjects a now extremely agitated Skolean.
"Ooooooooohhh!!!!" squeals Kroma as rips the paper from the cabin boys hands, and runs over to his oversized chaise longue, throwing himself on to it face first and kicking his legs up behind him. He quickly starts paging through the rag looking for the entertainment section, "J'inny Poo mentioned little ol me?"
"Hmm...yes, but I don't think you are going to like it." he said nervously.
"Oh, nonsense, there is nothing J'inny could say that would upset Kroma. What we have is real and pure. Besides J'inny Poo can be trusted, why it says so right here on his card. Now where is that article? I'm dying to hear what J'inn said about me."
Taking one step backwards the cabin boy blurts out, "It's on page 5, the 'Kiss & Tell' column".
Kroma, seeing the Skoleans obvious discomfort orders him to go get the lotion out of the locker room and apply some to his chaffed inner thighs while he continues, "Don't be such a prude. Kroma isn't ashamed of his Intergalactic trysts."
"Well...." says the cabin boy, "I think you better read it first just the same. Apparently he says that you went down in a CCH on your very first mission with him. I think he was implying you are easy."
"Hehehehe. Oh dear, don't worry so much, its the 23rd century after all, times have changed, and people don't care about silly antiquated morality scandals. Kroma has always been open about his personal life, so why should a little dance with Minister J'inn change anything."
"Errr.....well there is also that matter of the film", winces the Skolean, who by now is wishing he had never washed out of flight school. (apparently the attrition rate of Kroma's cabin boys is double that of fighter jocks).
"hmmmm...well, that might be a tad embarrassing, get Pamela on the phone, lets hear how she dealt with it. In any case, I have weathered far worse while working my way up in the business", said Kroma as he deftly flips his half ton frame over on to his back, so that the Skolean can work the lotion into the front of his thighs.
With his mouth hanging wide open at the site that was just revealed to him from under the front of Captian Kroma's tutu, the cabin boy lets slip, "well he wasn't lying about that!"
"About what?", says Kroma, starting to get a little irritated at the Skolean for interrupting him while he is trying to read.
Taking 2 nervous steps backwards, the poor Skoleans words get caught in his throat, "it's.....it's....hmmmm...how do I say......."
"Com'on, out with it!" barks Kroma, beginning to lose patients with the cabin boy, as pretty as he is.
"It's your grooming habits down there. Minister J'inn said it reminded him of the wild overgrown jungles on the Mirak homeworld, "like coming home to momma", he was quoted as saying."
"hmmm....well that is a little embarrassing...but what they heck, maybe I'll start a new 'al natural' trend in the personnel hygiene area", lamented Kroma.
Breathing a visible sigh of relief the cabin boy resumes rubbing lotion onto Kroma's thighs, "Well I have to say I'm quite impressed with your restraint, Captain. I never expected you to take the high road on something like this, Admiral Scipio has you all wrong."
"How's that?", asks Kroma in a tone that sets the poor Skolean on immediate alert again.
"Errr.....well....you know.....the Admiral just warned me that you can be a prima donna and a weeeeee little bit of a bitc.....errr....high maintenance let's say", stammered the cabin boy.
"Hmmmph, well that just goes to show there is more to me than just a pretty face and gorgeous body. Maybe now the Admiralty will sit up and take note of my true potential", huffs Kroma haughtingly. "Now rub that in a little deeper, you know the way I like it".
Relaxing once again in his Captains good graces the cabin boy unwittingly continues, "Plus as a bonus you get to use all those cool new Plasma Ballet steps J'inn said he taught you for the upcoming war with the Romulans".
"J'INN......TAUGHT MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Kroma, as he leaped off the chaise decapitating the stunned Skolean in one fluid motion. "The nerve of that sniveling little, two timing, backstabbing, dirty rotten......mmmmm....CAD!"
As the head of the hapless cabin boy bounced off the far wall and his body slide to the ground still twitching in a pool of blood, Captain Kroma was already halfway out of the practice hall on his way to the bridge. Stopping briefly at the nearest comm unit Kroma screamed for his XO, "Get the engines fired up and set a course for the Romulan boarder immediately".
"But I thought you still weren't talking to the Feds...." responded the XO, "or are you planning on settling an old score Captain?"
"That will have to wait, in the meantime I will be ripping open every Romulan hull we come across until I cram this BF so far up J'inn's number 4 shield they have to remove it from 10 forward", yelled a now hysterical Kroma.
"Minister, J'inn...but why would he be on a Romulan ship?" asked the XO.
"Apparently he's the only one qualified to teach the Romulans something new about spreading scurrilous lies and propaganda".
<snicker> "So you saw the latest issue of Galactic Enquirer, I take it."
"Yes I did, thank you, just get this ship underway. Maximum warp! Oh and sweetie, be a dear and send up the photos of the latest flight school dropouts, would you?"
and so it begins........
Topic: Re: Galactic Enquirer: Miraki Political Scandal (Read 2347 times)