Topic: Re: How to Fly an Evil Dave Mission and Live to Talk About it

[Kroma_BaSyl]

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NOTE: There is an entirely different technique that works for Kroma only. FCC regulations prevent me from sharing it with you.

They don't cal it the slut rush for nothing. It's really hard on the knees too.

[Maxillius]

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Professor J'inn's Handy Dandy Guide to Evil Dave Missions.

Prison Escort

So there you are.  Escorting the convict in his jail bus.  Boy that freighter sure is a speed demon ain't it?   Goes about 17 with a good tail wind.   But hey it's safe!  It's packin' a mean phaser 3 that says "Go ahead.  Make my day."

But just in case you, Mr. Security, is there to escort this felon.  Just in case.   Make ya wonder what he did.  Must have been horrible.  Mass Murder?  Traitor?  Spy?  Software Designer?  Something horrible, I'm sure.

Actually he must be really bad because you even get backup.  A nice shiny frigate with a phaser 3, a pop gun, and a pair of three day old soiled diapers.   No one had better mess with you!!

Well exactly 2 minutes and 30 seconds into the trip to Sing Sing along comes trouble.  Of course it's nice and fair.  Hey Dave's not an Evil guy. That's just for show.  Expect 1 or 2 Orion Heavy Cruisers, 1 or 2 Light Cruisers and a Frigate with an attitude.   Four ships in all.   Weapons.  Oh yes.  Loaded with the best stuff money can buy.

You will know when they arrive.  They warp in.  (Kinda cool) And start chatting.

O-FF:   Looky here Clem we got one of them city boy lost in our neck ?o the woods.

O-CA: That ain't no boy Beevis!  That city slicker looks like a sow to me.

O-CL: Heyup! That's a sow if I ever did see one Clem.

O-CA: Hey!  You! You just drop them there trousers right now boy!  We gonna have ourselves a little party.

O-FF: <strumming a banjo>

Now right about now your thinking to yourself: "Self, didn't I see this on TV somewhere?"

Well wake up and smell the coffee before your left in a whimpering pile of shattered manhood.  Clem and his boys mean business.  They've been out here in no man's land for years.

So here's what ya do . . . .

1) Prior to the 2:30 arrival of the Dueling Banjos Gang get well out in front and somewhat to the right of the Jail Barge.   That way you will be a lot closer to the Huckleberry Four when they warp in.  If you stay near the Barge they will be all over you and the barge at the same time.  Trust me, that ain't pretty considering the barge goes boom whenever Clem looks at it funny.

2) If you are a lot closer to the Gang than they are to the barge they will come after you like sailors on a <PG-13>.   Remember, it's been a while and you're cuter than you think.  

3) So what should you do.  Well lets see . . . You have four Country Boys coming after you with guns and telling you to drop trou.  If I were you I'd RUN LIKE HELL!!!

Away from the barge bonehead!!!

In short, get them to chase you.   Sure you'll get roughed up a little but to win all that has to happen is that the barge makes it to Sing Sing.  You don't HAVE to kill anything.  Just get them to chase you.

NOTE: There is an entirely different technique that works for Kroma only.  FCC regulations prevent me from sharing it with you.

What're you flying, J'inn?  I only draw 2 O-CRs, and maybe an extra LR for the annoyance factor in my SKE.  AND I usually kill them all too.

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THE AGENT

Good Morning Mr. EAW Weasel.  Your mission, if you should choose to accept it, is to extract one of our deep cover agents from enemy territory.  Mr. Phelps is located on a hostile frigate deep in enemy space.  Smash the frigates shields.  Transport Jim.  And run like the little girl you always dreamed of being but never had the guts to tell your father who just wanted you to play football and . . . and . . . <sniff>   Sorry, I got a little carried away there.

Anyways, there you are.  The classic three on three set up.   Three good enemy ships.  You.  And your two AI helpers.  Mr. Useless and Mr. Pathetic.   But what's that?  WAAAAYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back behind the three enemy bruisers is four frigates and a listening post.   No clue what the post is for other than maybe to provide a point of reference for the frigates to orbit.   Which they do.

One of those frigates has Jim.  Which one?  Easy.  Right click on one.  Check the transporter screen and look for Jim.  Repeat until you find him.   Once found DO NOT unlock your viewer from that ship!!!

Here' what you do:

1) Rush in, get your but whipped.

No wait. That's what I do.

Here's what you do:

1) Do an end run around the three big guys.  Let them get all tangled up with Mr. Useless and Mr. Pathetic.  It takes practice.

2)   Run like hell towards Mr. Phelps' Frigate.

3) The Four Frigates won't fire until you fire on them.  But, ya gotta fire to knock down a shield right?  Right.   So this really takes timing.  Because once you fire all four of the frigates are gonna turn on you like a German Shepard on a Easter Ham knocked off a table.

4) Come in at 31.  Select Jim on the transporter screen.  Hit Z key.  Transport.  Keep running to the border.  This really takes practice.

5) Also, watch out.  Once you get Jim, other bad guys start warping in.   It get's ugly.  Don't be a hero. Run away! Run away!

I hate Gorn.

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THE DREADED COURIER

You always wanted to knock off one of those UPS guys didn't ya?   Driving around in their big brown truck.  Double parking.   Getting their butt looked at by the office hottie who won't even say hello to you in the morning.   Well now is your chance to Go Postal on that little Neo Brownshirt Bastich!

Again with the three on three set up.   But look way back in the backfield.   Behind the three bad guys.  Yup there's that stupid brown van DOUBLE PARKED IN A FIRE LANE!!!  Heaven forbid that he actually have to walk to his pick up site.  Well you'll show him!

The courier is behind the lead enemy ship. Way back there.  Use a probe to confirm it is him.

Here's what you do.

1) Again with the end run around the furball.  I guess Mr. Useless isn't.  And Mr. Pathetic is, well he is.

2) I have noticed that one of the baddies will usually come after you no matter what you do.  Ignore him.  You goal is Mr. Ohhh Look How Good I Look in My Sweaty Shorts!!  Lock and Load Buddy!!

3) Chase the slimball down and rip him a new one!  Be vicious.  Scream out Overnight This!!! As you give him a T-Bomb shower.  

4) Once he is dead.  You may want to try and take out some more ships but in most cases you may be a little beat up now and it is probably time to leave.  

5) Watch out though.  If you wait to long to go after Mr. UPS he'll show that his true color is yellow and head for the border at 31.   Those trucks can hustle when they are carrying a load of chicken.

This one's easy when you're killing Tholians  If you're hurtin for pp, head south!

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And there you have it.   Those are the Evil Dave Missions that I have tried so far.   If I run into more.  And I know there are more.  I'll add to this.

However, my main gripe about the missions is the payout.   Hopefully it will be increased soon.  <hint hint nudge nudge>

 

Yeah, we need more points.  Not all of us are that good, and most of us that are aren't nutters.  If DoE is only supposed to last 2 weeks, this Destroyer-fest needs to end.

[Herr Burt]

When taking the courier mission, you can warp around to the right and hang out with your wingman.  The AI that comes straight after you will get tangled up with him instead and you can get to the courier largely unscathed.  This gives you a chance to tussle with the courier solo, capture him, and then head back to what is left of the enemy at your leisure

Payoff:  Usually around 650!!!

-Herr Burt
 

[NuclearWessels]

Listen to the kitty!  He knows of what he speaks!
Actually those are pretty much the tactics I use as well for those missions.

The next set of revisions (not for DOE obviously) is in the works, and includes
 - some variability in the number of escorts for the courier (randomly 1-3 rather than always 3)
 - improved prestige calculations (as in "less-likely-to-give-you-diddly" and lower loss penalties) for some of the missions
 - more enemy space missions with smaller numbers of AI (still the capability to draft any humans around on either side, but won't automatically fill those slots with AI all the time)
 - a "3 on 1" coop mission where you and your buddies try and take out a single large enemy ship (could be human controlled)

Ummm ... I'm sure there was more, but it's before 7am on a Friday morning and the brain feels like goo.

Let me know what else you think is needed/desirable/undesirable,
dave
 

[SOSGuderian]

Tholians?  I've seen no Tholians!  Where does one find these creatures.  I would like to fight one or more.



 

[Matsukasi]

For Tholian fun, go to the red stain in the SW corner of the map. No need to bring extra asses, as you'll likely get your same one handed to you over and over.

[J'inn]

LOL


For the Tholians.   Good points and bad.

GOOD

- They have ZERO shuttles.  This means no WW.   YAY

- They seem to have a poor power curve.  After a couple of smacks they really slow down.

-  I have found them kinda easy just as long as there are not a lot of them.

BAD

- Lots of Ph1 and Dizzies

-  They are T-Bomb happy.

- You cannot beam aboard their ships

-  Leave your fighters at home.  They are chuck full of AMD

-  In groups all those Dizzies will tear you up.

   

[Kroma_BaSyl]

Hey, what are you doing posting. Don't you have someone to screw over this morning?  

Is it possible for Alliance members to fight Tholians or will they just show as allies?

[J'inn]

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Hey, what are you doing posting. Don't you have someone to screw over this morning?  

 

Hmmph.   My continuing battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way of Life involved a Court Hearing this morning that was over early.  Also, I was rather slower on my feet than usual due to your remarks last night with left me up all night with a queasy tummy.  Oh well,  a couple extra years in prison will do the guy good.  He can join on of those in prison college course deals.

It all works out in the end.