Topic: Your fire safety lesson of the day.

[Sirgod]

To say I need a kick in the ass is an understatement.

So, the wife went to do the shopping at about 0630 and got back around 0930 this morning. after getting the haul all put away, we sat down, Decided what to watch on netflix...

She sets the timer, and walks in here, where we continue coffee, and our daily ritual of cursing the news.

within 5 minutes, I started smelling a burning stench coming from the kitchen. Told the wife, and she got up, thinking maybe something had fell in the oven, and was burning.

Sure enough, that was the case, except it was from Easter Sunday. Turns out, when she pulled the ham out then, Grease had spilled in the bottom of the stove, and since we hadn't used it since then, it was just a fire waiting to happen.

Now my wife has three voices.

One is the typical conversational voice, pleasant, like a gentle wind flowing across your face while you enjoy a cold one and a fishing rod.

The Second is her anger voice, slightly louder, feels more like a volcano, and full of wit and volcanic fire.

The third voice, is unusual as I have only heard it twice before. It is direct, curt, and anticipatory.

The third voice is what I heard today, when she called for me to come fast.

She had managed to grab the foil, and drop the pizza on the oven door, and I sat there for the briefest of moments, as I watched the flames lick at her , although she was standing back much like a Nordic god of old.

So this is where my ass needing kicked comes in. I reached under the sink for the Fire extinguisher, only to find the grandkids had decided it was fun to play with, and returned it empty.

I then turned to the counter, to grab the flour, only to find it wasn't there, but over by the Microwave, on the opposite side of the kitchen exactly where I don't keep it.

I struggle against all hope to get the damn lid off, while in my mind cursing God, the makers of Pizza, Whirlpool, and I think maybe politicians just because I could, and eventually get enough flour in the bottom of the oven, to douse the flames.

I grab the hot pot holder, and move the grates to the sink, and the pizza to the cutting counter. By this time, old ham oil smoke has filled the kitchen, my 18 + Boston terriers think this is some kind of sick game, as all they smell is smoke and pork, my wife is at this point laughing her ass off at me with a mirth that would rival R.E.Howards Conan character.

I reach up above the sink to open the window, after having turned on the vents, only to realize, I am getting fat, and that those grates from the stove are still hot, hot enough to give my old beer belly the f*cking Zebra treatment as I open both glass panels.

I then look at the smoke detectors, only to find out the cheap ass batteries from the dollar store had already went out, even though I changed them two months ago.

Surveying the damage, IT looked like a rabid badger had been through the kitchen. Flour everywhere, stripes across my belly, enough pork smoke to damn any religion that doesn't allow said meat, I've got Dogs running under foot , half of them leaving a trail of Flour as they run from room to room. a Broken fire extinguisher somehow lodged back under the kitchen sink, Windows open which from the outside looked like we had employed Chinese manufacturing techniques in cooking the damn Pizza. 

Then I heard it. a single ding. During all this, the wife had finished cooking the pie in the microwave.

My friends, Things like this can happen to anyone. Please check your home for fire safety. we where lucky, and while I tried to make light of it, it could have easily turned serious. I don't want anyone to loose their home, or god forbid a loved one.

Stephen

[Bonk]

How'd the pie turn out?  (excellent fire safety lesson, but I really wanna know about the pie! What kind was it?) mmmm... pie.

[FoaS_XC]

Sounds like quite an adventure - personally, i'd kill the kids for playing with a fire extinguisher.

[Sirgod]

I've thought about having them out for the weekend to clean the stove, but I may want to eat before then.

@ Bonk, It's this Wal Mart Deli Pizza, it has Pepperoni, sausage, Canadian Bacon, and Hamburger on a thin crust. The whole thing is a 16" pizza, but it is pretty darned good all things considered.

Yeah, it was a happy ending , but man, I wish I could get the heart pumping with a lesser risk to life and property.

Stephen

[762_XC]

In an emergency, grandchildren may be used as fire smothering devices.

[Sirgod]

LOL

Stephen

[knightstorm]

@ Bonk, It's this Wal Mart Deli Pizza, it has Pepperoni, sausage, Canadian Bacon, and Hamburger on a thin crust. The whole thing is a 16" pizza, but it is pretty darned good all things considered.

Just so you, know, as a Long Islander, I will have to officially shun you for making such a statement.

[762_XC]

Dude, right? LI has the best pizza. And bagels.

And pizza bagels.

[Sirgod]

Never been to LI, so that's the excuse I'm gonna go with.

Stephen

[FoaS_XC]

DAMN - that's what I forgot to do when I was in NYC - try a Long Island Pizza (we went to a Pakistani hole-in-the-wall instead)

[knightstorm]

Dude, right? LI has the best pizza. And bagels.

And pizza bagels.

Not so much Long Island as NYC, but since Long Island is NYC's main suburb, we're pretty much the same in that regard.

[Riskyllama]

Not to derail this pizza thread but the first thing I thought when I read your story was, "isn't flour combustible? Why would he use that to put out a fire?"

[Bonk]

@ Bonk, It's this Wal Mart Deli Pizza, it has Pepperoni, sausage, Canadian Bacon, and Hamburger on a thin crust. The whole thing is a 16" pizza, but it is pretty darned good all things considered.

Ooohhh... a PIZZA pie. For some reason, I was thinking apple, or blueberry or something, and you had already mentioned pizza... 

I am a pizzaologist. I have my PhD in Pizzaology.    (with a minor in Beerology) I could write a treatise, perhaps I should.

Not to derail this pizza thread but the first thing I thought when I read your story was, "isn't flour combustible? Why would he use that to put out a fire?"

I suppose that would depend on the type of flour and protein content.  Seriously. I can envision dust explosion scenarios with certain flours, but standard all-purpose flour is not likely to. It can be used in a pinch to extinguish the sort of fire where you are hesitant to use water. (grease fire in oven for example... ) Of course the fire extinguisher would be preferable, and I suppose 762's suggestion does have some merit as well. 

But back to pizza, the Super Duper Pizza Super Deluxe is definitley the super-duperest I have had. THe mark of a truly good pizza in my opinion is a high fat mozzarella, not this cheap and nasty skim milk lowfat stringcheese mozza you get on most commercial pizza these days. But there has been an issue in this market in Canada in recent years. The frozen pizza manufacturers like McCain and Kraft are getting the cheap and nasty stringcheese at cheaper prices than the mom and pop pizza shops can get. It has had an effect. Anyway, point is a good pizza should have real cheese.

[Sirgod]

Yes, Flour dust can be very explosive. But you have to look at it this way. I had already turned the power off at this point. and the fie was growing. Knowing from experience, it would take at least 10 minutes from call to a fire truck to show up.  By that time the fire would have engulfed the kitchen.

So I had a 50 50 shot with Flour (which is great for grease fires btw, if dumped really fast.)

While not near as risky as putting out a match in Gasoline, there is some risk.

Woke up this morning, and the dogs had managed to open the oven lid all the way. between their spit and Flour, their faces have taken on this ghostly paper mache' look.

Wife is heading to town for oven cleaner now LOL.

Stephen

[Sirgod]

I hear ya Bonk, I have yet to meet the Pizza I didn't like.  Now as for Pie's itself, I can make a mean Fried Pie, with just about any kind of filling. It is also very time consuming. See, I use two kinds of oil to make them. One, such as Crisco or Vegetable oil I use when I make my crust. The second, I render my own lard, to fry them in.

My family has been doing this since at least the late 1800's. Of course back then they used the same grease for them.

Oh man, Now I've done talked myself into a new task this weekend.

Stephen

[NJAntman]

Flour + pork grease = Pork Gravy in some places. Might as well turn a negative into a positive and give the dogs a treat.

I've alwasys wondered if the 1st Alert fire extinguisher I got 12 years ago is still good; has a little green pop-up peg that is supposed to be up to show the canister still has pressure. When pushed down it does pop-up, but after 12 years can I trust it?

[FRA.E.Kehakoul_XC]

Actually it isn't THAt easy to lighten gasoline(diesel) by dipping a match into it.
Flour however,i remember  that we used that to simulate explosions in a stage play...
Will you keep that grid on your belly Stephen?

[Sirgod]

LOL, I'm not sure Kehakoul, It is kind of funny looking. I tell ya one thing, I slept on my left side most of the night though.

But yeah, Flour dust can be very explosive. I'm sure we have all heard or seen about wheat silo's exploding in the past. It's not something one should attempt without much caution being taken.

Funny mentioned that also Antman, I had left the oven door just ever so slightly ajar yesterday to let the smoke out. Anyways, some how the dogs managed to get the door open while we slept, and this morning, they had managed to come into our room, with these little paper mache' death masks, created from the slober of liking the oven, the flour, the grease in the bottom.

all these little white caked on flour faces was a sight to behold, let alone wash off. Little bastards LOL. Needless to say, the wife called her sister and they went to town for easy off.

Stephen

[NJAntman]

Best make sure they have plenty of outside time to poop, that grease will work its way through them quick, but as long they enjoyed it all the better.

[FCM_SFHQ_XC]

Pie isnt pie unless it comes from NY (or perhaps arguments can be made for Chicago) anywhere else, its just PI, which is good (usually--varing based on how many digits this is worth), but not as tasty as pie
Glad to hear though it turned out to be ok as best as it could given the circumstances.