Come now, SFHQ has been very helpful too don't exclude him. But thank you for recognising our efforts, I don't want to seem ungracious.
And now I feel guilty for giving up on it for now. I had all the settings in and was getting the firewall message every time for the last 20 or so tries. Tonight, I set everything back to normal (including restoring the original dlls), got through the firewall check once, then got a countdown on server login, refreshed the list, logged in, got three normal movements and then the lag resumed.
I'm not making any progress here. I'm going to take a break from vista testing. (often if I step back from something for a time a light will come on later with insight not obtainable through the brute force trial and error attempts of the last few days)
I'm going to set up XP and Kubuntu on this laptop (after calling Toshiba to grill them on its BIOS), establish working clients on both so I'll be ready to setup a temporary forge server over the weekend. I also have commitments to work on the gargantuan task of updating this website. Then I have my own server to take care of, the sprites file, the serverkit and EAW source projects, and consultation on another upcoming server or two. I need to move on for now.
Pestalence and SFHQ have been having more success than I, and may just crack this yet.