If you consider that the Borg have been repeatedly defeated by the crew of a single starship, it undermines the notion that they are such an insurmountable threat that fleets and civilisations should simply fall before them - so I have enough onscreen evidence to question the merit of such a philisophical deviation (which ultimately contradicts Roddenberry's desire to pull away from the militarism of the TMP movies and the FASA material those movies inspired.) As for other conflicts - it is inferred there have been quite a few within Federation history, yet the Federation ethos doesn't appear to alter drastically to compensate as a result of those.
I may be wrong, but as far as I'm aware, Abrahms hasn't claimed or denied that STXI is a reboot - that term seems to have come from elsewhere, probably a fan site - what he did say was that this was an attempt to bring the character of the original series to the current generation with an eye to make it feel more real. As for Abrahms, as a writer, he is perfectly entitled to interpret what has been before to help deliver his story and his vision. That is a fundament of the right to freedom of expression and artistic licence (a notion that should be more readily appreciated within a modelling board/modding community than it currently appears to be). Star Trek may be something we all enjoy (and likely for many divergent reasons), but in the end, it is a platform for someone to tell us a story that will hopefully entertain us. No platform for telling fiction is immutable - indeed, the entertainment industry takes grotesque liberties when dealling with real life events, usually without so much as a whisper of complaint. As a media consumer, you are entitled not to appreciate his vision, but you can't legitimately dismiss it without taking the time to examine it for yourself thereby making a fully informed judgement.
As for his take on Superman, I have never seen anything relating to it, so cannot pass comment, and truth be told, Superman doesn't hold much fascination for me anyway (I quite like Smallville, but I've never been a fan of the comics, and I haven't enjoyed any of the films after Superman II).
Incidentally, I'd describe myself as more of a "Star Wars Child" - as a child of the time, it was far more engaging to me than stories like "Who Mourns for Adonais", "And the Children Shall Lead" or the omelette terror "Operation: Annihilate", that doesn't mean I don't like or can never trully appreciate Trek (or Doctor Who, or Farscape, or Blake's 7, or Space 1999... or any of the other sci-fi and telefantasy shows that fill my very extensive and ever expanding DVD collection and wish list).
Going back to the model of the Enterprise - it is recognisably a Federation hull - it has all the same basic components as the other Enterprises, so the community abreaction feels completely disprportionate to me. She may not win many beauty contests, but depending on your aestheic preferences, the same can be said for all the other versions out there and even those fanships people have suggested as preferable alternatives. In case anyone's actually interested, the TMP version is still my favourite.