Topic: White Star: Episode One - Brave New World  (Read 27533 times)

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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2008, 05:33:32 pm »
I agree with Vipre.

Given the timeperiod, I'd make it seem somewhat Roman.

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2008, 06:27:43 pm »
Thanks for your input guys, especially yours Tus. Gave me just what I was after. It will of course vary as per Vipre's suggestion, but I needed something established to vary from.
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Offline Czar Mohab

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #42 on: January 10, 2008, 09:53:35 pm »
Sorry I didn't get back to you on this (I had a lot thought out, just no time to write it). I do agree with Vipre, but knowing exacty what charges the US Navy would charge the bugger with would be a good start too, so...

Possible charges for being an SOB (One click on the first link is enough, the others are just a scroll away, and each section is in order):

889. ART. 89 DISRESPECT TOWARD SUPERIOR COMMISSIONED OFFICER

890. ART. 90. ASSAULTING OR WILLFULLY DISOBEYING SUPERIOR COMMISSIONED OFFICER.

892. ART. 92. FAILURE TO OBEY ORDER OR REGULATION

928. ART. 128. ASSAULT

933. ART. 133. CONDUCT UNBECOMING AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN

934. ART. 134. GENERAL ARTICLE*

Possible charges for after the fact:

886. ART. 86. ABSENCE WITHOUT LEAVE**

887. ART. 87. MISSING MOVEMENT**

Long shot charges:

910. ART 110. IMPROPER HAZARDING OF VESSEL***

For NJP (Captain's/Admiral's Mast): It CAN be the ship's or station's CO. Since the ship is exiting and the guy isn't aboard, it is suitable for the station's CO to cunduct NJP at his discression. However, it is usually the offender's CO that cunducts the NJP. Death cannot be awarded (Why, oh why, did they ever choose "awarded" as your NJP result? "You've been awarded half Month's pay for three months, reduction in rank, and a week of work with A-Gang****." "Yes! Like winnin' the lotto, baby!") at NJP, but depending on the offence, can be awarded at CM.

USN Captain's/Admiral's Mast... Not much time to fully comment fully, just remember the table is covered in a green cloth. Not very Romulan, I don't think. i just know its green, don't ask me why.

Czar "Hope that helped some" Mohab, who knows it prolly didn't since he came so late to the party.

P.S. Standard naval practice was at one time to post 77-134 on the door to the stalls in the head so you'd have something to read. Some still there... some words highlighted, such as, but not limited to: "penetration", "sexual", "sex", and any typo's.

*The catch-all article. If you F'd up but it isn't written in those above it, they could just slap you with the General.

**Would be one, not both. Most likely in this case, missing movement. But, since he was ordered off, might not be charged, would depend on the court/NJP and if his CO charged him with it.

***He did hazard them, a little, didn't he?

****Best link I could find that described what they really do. Poor fellas. Sometimes, they find corn in the tank. Sometimes, they pretend to eat it, other times, they do eat it. Still other times, they find stuff that got flushed by mistake. Underwear, shirts, papers, trinkets, etc...


« Last Edit: January 11, 2008, 10:09:24 am by Czar Mohab »
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #43 on: January 31, 2008, 02:18:06 pm »
Thanks Czar for that input, it was most enlightening. I think I'm going to combine these kinds of charges with the Romulan-style discipline we saw in 'TOS: Balance of Terror' and go with Courts-Martial that are only convened for servicebeings who cause death or loss of government property (like, say, a ship or outpost). People want accountings for stuff like that. Being a more militarily-based culture, and being the type of people the Roms are, there are going to be a whole lot more 'incidents' in general, so convening Courts-Martial for the same things as the US Navy goes for would result in too many officers tied up in trials and too many damn trials. So, Rom COs have much larger discretionary powers as a result.

In simpler language, I'm including most Court-Martrial charges and punishments at the Admiral's Mast. ;D

Since I'm taking notes, planning where I want to go with this, and possibly even going to do some effin writing - if I can get away from playing Mass Effect - I'm hoping to havbe another chapter here by Sunday evening.

We'll see.
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Brave New World - Chapter Three
« Reply #44 on: February 16, 2008, 08:42:22 pm »
Hi Guys and Gals,

I apologise for this being two weeks late (as per my previous post) but I finally managed to rack up around 2,500 words between what I have here and what I wrote beyond it for the next chapter. I managed to finish Mass Effect, but its the only thing I've done in the past month! (What a damn good game it is. Currently replaying it! :D)

Anyway, comments are welcome, as always.



Chapter Three

Hdeian got three steps past the first travelcar shaft before an attack of “The Practicals” struck. He sighed, turned back, and took the travelcar to his quarters. Once there, he composed a concise report of the events leading to the expulsion of his former Master of Communications for the Admiral and an even less verbose message for Jaina’s supervisor and sent both to the Comm. Dept. for immediate transmission to the starbase.

No point in giving that arrogant snot a chance to wriggle out of this by presenting his “truth” first, he thought grimly. Last thing I want is to return to the bridge after my tour and find Admiral tr’Oroloth has sent him back!

A quick mental tally also reminded him that his tours usually got him dirty. He slipped out of his uniform and neatly hung it in his closet - he was gratified to see this adjutant had already transported and unpacked his gear for him - and picked out his favourite set of overalls and loaded them up with his usual set of diagnostic tools.

Thus properly prepared, the engineer-by-upbringing set out to poke and prod the inner workings of his new vessel.

*****

Kai tr’Raeteol glowered at the bulkhead opposite him and tried to control his wild emotional swings so that he wouldn’t be further disgraced before his peer and the underling pilot. He swung between a towering rage at what had just happened to him - and that for once even his father’s influence hadn’t been enough to make his adversary back down - and an icy terror at what his father might do on hearing if his son’s public disgrace.

He knew intellectually that his father would do nothing to physically harm him. He would not be beaten, tortured, imprisoned, or any such thing. However, depending on his father’s mercurial mood - Kai came by his own mood swings honestly - it was equally plausible that Llyrrihu tr’Raeteol would have this Commander tr’Tyrava cashiered from the Fleet and possibly killed, or side with the poisonous sseikea and disown his own son to make his way in the worlds on his own resources.

The last so terrified Kai that he would go to great lengths to skew things to favour himself as much as possible. He knew not so deep down - and constantly fought to continue ignoring - that he really was as worthless as he felt beneath all his bluster.

Unfortunately, so great were the heights and depths of his emotional swings that he couldn’t think straight. He knew he should report to the base commander as quickly as possible to put over his side of the story first, but tr’Tyrava had outmanoeuvred him completely. The admiral would no doubt already be absorbing the Commander’s version and here he was; stuck in a shuttle a good hour from his earliest appearance before the man.

Should I even go to see the Admiral? he wondered frantically, half-wild eyes roving over the interior of the shuttle but assiduously avoiding the Enforcement Master’s gaze. I could just go to the starbase Personnel Officer and request a berth on another vessel. Can I do that? What do I do? That swine never told me what to do when I get off this pod!

Kai sat and worried himself half to death while the travel pod made its leisurely way back past the various construction docks to the starbase.

*****

N’alae t’Kaldaiith returned to the bridge with most of the other officers from the debacle on the shuttle deck, deeply worried and not paying any attention to her fellows.

What am I to do? I cannot get these officers to obey me and he has seen this already. How can I recoup this? she fretted, absentmindedly sitting down in the command chair. Maybe with that young bastard gone I’ll have more success…

…and maybe the Klingon homeworld will be swallowed by a supernova, her mind supplied the rejoinder as her eyes settled on the Weapons Master. It was a struggle not to let her shoulders slump in defeat. With weary force of habit she maintained her public appearance. Dignity and respect were no longer a option, as it seemed she was the only one who still thought she was worthy of it.

Okay, this is a new ship with a mostly new crew, and not everyone knows of my last tour. I can still turn this around. There has to be something I can try to rid myself of my ‘crewmate’. I could challenge that snippy bitch to a duel and end her, she considered. It does rather hinge on her actually accepting my challenge, though. It would also leave us short two senior officers even before we’ve left dock, and the crew might see me as a curse for that as well. Okay, what else? Think!

N’alae sat there with her brow furrowed in deep thought, ignoring the less-that-respectful glances that passed between the other bridge crew around her.

*****

Admiral Caedfael tr’Oroloth swung around in surprise to the urgent beeping of his comm. terminal.

Who knows me well enough to have my private work code and presumes on me enough to bypass my adjutant? he immediately wondered, before shrugging and deciding to find out in the most expedient way. Tapping in his access code, the message header data flashed up on his screen. Oh, Elements, what havoc is he causing now? the flag officer mentally groaned.

His hand hovered over the key to send the message to his adjutant while he debated shunting it for that efficient and diligent Senior Centurion to assess it and prioritise it accordingly, rather than waste any more of his time on it. A base commander is a busy person, even more so when his base was a major shipyard and re-supply point as well. With a sigh, he lowered his hand. Though that young whelp can be annoying, he doesn’t presume lightly. He was brought up properly, at least.

Tr’Oroloth brought up the full message and read it. Minutes later, he saved it to his personal data store and shut down the comm. terminal. He leaned back in his comfortable chair and massaged his forehead to try and assuage the headache that threatened to lodge itself there.

“Oh my boy, you know how to pick them, don’t you?” he muttered out loud and sighed heavily. “Couldn’t find some village idiot nobody to straighten out? Nooooo, he picks a powerful autocrat’s son to unload on.”

He’s lucky our Houses are close, the grey-haired admiral groused inwardly, or I’d have him charged for abuse of familial authority.

The jesting thought brought him some gentle amusement which was much needed at this point, as the object of the report was due at his office door inside the hour. It is unfortunate that I am affiliated with Clan Tyrava, he noted wearily. There will be insinuations of hypocrisy and cronyism even though the boy would do this no matter what admiral he was reporting to at the time.

He sighed, then brought up the report to look over again.

*****

“Enforcement to Commander,” the speakers blared throughout the ship about an hour later.

Hdeian, caught surprisingly out in the open corridors instead of stuffed up an access trunk, strode across the empty laboratory to the intercom unit. “Commander here. Report,” he answered.

“Sir, Enforcement Master here. Kai Raeteol was delivered to the Admiral’s office as directed. I left only after seeing him admitted directly,” his security chief reported.

“Excellent. Well done, Centurion. Anything else of note?”

“Only that our former Communications Master first pleaded then demanded on pain of his father’s displeasure to go directly to the base personnel officer and not the Admiral,” tr’Naithor commented jovially, matching his commander’s warm manner. “I believe he hoped to apply for a quick and quiet transfer rather than face up to his… responsibilities.”

“Thank you, Centurion. Commander out,” he responded mildly and cut the channel. Alone in the Geology Lab, Hdeian allowed himself a self-satisfied chuckle.

I wonder how his meeting with the Admiral is going?

*****

Admiral tr’Oroloth’s guarded grey eyes finally snapped up to impale the young officer before him. He’d let tr’Tyrava’s ‘problem child’ stand and stew for a good ten minutes while he’d completed a perusal of the personnel requirements of the ships within his area of responsibility, but there was no need for the Raeteol boy to know this. With the subCommander’s report fresh in his mind he demanded, “Explain your presence here, Centurion!”

Quickly, Kai tried to take in the Admiral’s state of mind and the direction of his thoughts. He had much experience at this, and though his prospects did not look good at present he allowed himself some hope. He’d actually appreciated the time he’d been left alone in the Admiral’s office as it had allowed him to finally get a handle on his panic, but he’d only just mastered it before being called on.

Instantly snapping to a course of action in a way that would have been admirable had he applied such talent to his duties and career, he bolted out, “Sir, I have been maligned and treated most unfairly! SubCommander tr’Tyrava has exceeded his authority and has punished me out of all proportion to a mistake I committed while on duty!”

Just before he launched into his impassioned defence he caught a pained look flashing across the admiral’s face that puzzled him. Kai couldn’t pay it any heed right then as he’d had to fight hard to keep the sour look from his face that threatened with such self-debasing words, but as a skilled liar he knew the most successful lies were merely the truth warped to fit a certain viewpoint. Having not been instantly dismissed or punished, and not knowing what was in the report Tyrava had undoubtedly sent, he picked his course with care.

“I admit I should have checked the shuttle schedule more thoroughly so that I was aware of the subCommander’s imminent arrival, but to permanently dismiss me from my assignment… for a mere error in protocol…!”

Kai let his natural outrage cause his diatribe to flounder to a halt and waited, breathing hard, to gauge his superior’s reaction.

“I see,” the Admiral commented flatly, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “And if I were to send you back, would you be happy to go?”

Taking this as another positive sign, Kai continued to dare. “Respectfully, Admiral, I think that with the subCommander’s proven antagonism towards me, undermining his assumed authority in such a way would only make him more determined to make my life aboard his ship a most exquisite and prolonged torture. I respectfully submit that the Empire would be better served by my assignment to another vessel,” he added disingenuously.

“Indeed. I think on that score all parties can agree. So, that neatly ties up Item One.”

A ghost of a smile graced the Admiral’s features, making Kai uncomfortable even though the words were the ones he wanted to hear.

Plus, “Item One” implied the existence of, at the least, an “Item Two”.

Feeling his dread creeping back in, Kai ventured, “Item One, Admiral?”

“Yes, Centurion, Item One. Or, I should say, the first charge,” the base commander finished coldly.

Charge!? Do you know who my father is?” Kai screeched before he could stop himself.

“You dare?” Tr’Naithor’s eyes bulged and his face turned an impressive - if alarming - shade of lime as the older officer furiously bolted up from his chair and leaned over his desk. “Yes, I know who your father is, but contrary to popular belief the nobility does NOT get a free pass to behave as if Fleet regulations and codes of conduct do not apply to them!” the Admiral roared into his face. Turning shockingly quiet, he added menacingly, “Don’t threaten me, kllhe! I am not without allies and resources of my own.”

Kai felt instantly chilled to the bone and an apology was already pushing its way past his lips but the outraged flag officer settled back into his chair and rolled grimly on.

“First Charge: Dereliction of duty; namely, failing to keep up to date with message traffic as per duty stipulations, leading to the second charge. Second Charge: Disrespect towards a superior officer; namely, in the person of your Commanding Officer; Third Charge: disrespect towards a superior officer, second count; namely, in the person of the Executive Officer of the Warbird White Star. Fourth Charge: Wilfully disobeying a superior officer; namely, in the person of the Executive Officer of the Warbird White Star, and her order to report to the shuttlebay as part of the arriving commander’s honour guard.”

The starbase commander glared at him all the while he read the obviously memorised list of charges. It was apparent that Tyrava was happily throwing The Book at him. “Quite the list of charges you managed to accumulate in those five minutes, displaying an unhealthy lack of respect for your responsibilities, authority in general and your Executive Officer in particular. None of which is acceptable,” he snarled at Kai.

Kai had tried to use the threat of his father’s influence and what he might do against the admiral as a means of avoiding having his father actually find out how his son had been acting, and the possible repercussions against Kai that may result from such a discovery. It was obvious that this had failed and it left him feeling puzzled, way down deep at the back of his mind under all his frightened anger. Why has wielding my father’s influence as a threat suddenly lost its potency?

The thought fled under the effect of more immediate concerns as the Admiral shook off his fury and assumed a more sombre and stern demeanour.

He steepled his fingers and pronounced his sentence. “You are reduced two steps in rank and are henceforth reassigned to the police ship Nerfala. She is currently finishing a tour on the unbound side of the Khazara Sector and will leave for Starbase Seven on the Gorn border in four months. You are now her Communications Officer. Congratulations,” he added flatly.

Kai’s head swam. “A… police ship… headed for… the Gorn border?”

“There is a freighter leaving this base tomorrow morning at 0300 to join a convoy under her protection, the Borlak. You will be board that freighter and transfer to the Nerfala upon joining the convoy. I will inform the ship’s master to be expecting you.

"Dismissed, anteCenturion.”
« Last Edit: April 22, 2008, 11:14:58 am by Scottish Andy »
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #45 on: February 16, 2008, 09:30:44 pm »
F'ing EXCELLENT! I love the scenes with the Admiral in particular and hope he continues to pop up in this series.

I like the introspective look inbto the XO's mind, and have already mentioned via IM why I lean toward her. I'm going to enjoy following her character. Where a lot of your previous 'character-conflict-personal subplots' in earlier stories were so very anxty, soap opera-ish, this one manages to lend a more real, less melodramatic angle to the personal interaction/conflict angle.

Keep this one up. Don't change the Admiral for God's sake! He's f'ing great!

Love, also, that el capitan is crawling through his ship to check out her space worthiness and such!

--guv!!!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

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Offline Vipre

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #46 on: February 16, 2008, 10:06:58 pm »
Spot on good read. Caedfael made me do a double take though, was the name connection intentional or coincidence?
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #47 on: February 16, 2008, 10:26:41 pm »
Quote
F'ing EXCELLENT!
That's a glowing review if ever I saw one. Thanks, Mate! Stay tuned for more from the XO.

Caedfael was deliberate. I never watched the show and don't know what it's about, but I know of it. I was casting about for a first name for the Admiral and it popped into my head. I even have an image of some Roman-type guy as my grey-haired admiral. Besides, Caedfael is a good Rihannsu or Roman-esque name.
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Offline Vipre

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #48 on: February 16, 2008, 10:38:42 pm »
Former soldier in the crusades turned monk turned detective set in 12th century England.
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Brave New World - Chapter Four
« Reply #49 on: April 17, 2008, 08:58:17 pm »
Chapter Four

Kai left the admiral’s office steadily enough but once he got outside the adjutant’s waiting area he spun to face the wall and leaned heavily on it, vision swimming and a feeling of intense nausea sweeping through him. It was so bad his legs almost buckled and he was almost physically sick on the spot, but he managed to hold on and ride out the first wave.

He straightened and wiped away the sheen of sweat that had popped out on his brow. The first coherent thought that dropped into his head was What the imirrhlhhse do I do now?

Leaving the empty corridor behind him, Kai headed for the nearest washroom to freshen up. Staring into the mirror over the sinks, cool, clear water dripping from his ashen features, he had trouble meeting his own eyes.

What will Father think of this? I truly do not know which way he will go… so how can I tell him? Kai wondered, again splashing his face with the cool, sweet water. If I knew he would support me I would tell him instantly and get him to bend this admiral to his will. But he
could see this as a public disgrace that would affect his business standing. And if there is one thing he will not tolerate,
that is it.

Kai stretched himself out, trying to wring some of the nervous tension out of his muscles as he continued his private musings.

He’s my father. I should tell him. I could beam down and tell him in person… and bear his full wrath with no way out…

I… I could just com him, was the young man’s next thought. Find a vidcom booth and just flat out tell him and be able to cut the link at any time… which would likely just make him all the more furious no matter what happens.

Maybe make the call just as a taster? See what his reaction is before I try to visit in person? If he’s supportive, beam down and talk it over in person. If he’s… upset with me, say my ship is leaving soon and I just called to let him know?

Kai sighed, knowing he was deluding himself. His father would not accept that. He would demand the full details, and Kai was a poor liar to his father. The man was just too damn intimidating, and if Kai even tried his father would pick up on it, making everything worse.

No, calling ahead will just alert him. He’ll demand my presence and it’ll just give me more nerve-shredding anticipation before facing him. And if I want this situation corrected, I need him to correct it. Getting kicked off a cruiser to a police ship… my career would never recover. It is worth braving my father’s wrath or disappointment if he will fix it for me again. I must go and see him.

Thus decided, he splashed his face a final time, dried himself off, and made for the transporter room.

*****

“’Ere, ‘Irull, some bloke’s got ‘is ‘ead stuck up our business!”

At his technician’s overloud warning, Hirull’s eyes flicked up from his work order to take in the boiler-suited figure who was only visible from the waist down. The Specialist First’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, and he halted his approach to page through data slate’s contents, which included all the work orders currently assigned ship-wide. As he’d suspected, no one else was authorised to be in this area performing maintenance or repairs.

“Wait here,” he instructed his companion, and strode up to the still unresponsive unknown. “Oi! You there! Stop what you’re doing and explain your presence and purpose in this restricted area!”

The figure finally took notice of the two technicians and pulled himself from the circuit trunk, then straightened to face the NCO. Hirull noted him taking in the attitude and positioning of both himself and Taroth further up the corridor. Despite his basic training being a good decade behind him, Hirull felt the long dormant instruction lighting off his instincts.

Don’t move! Hands where I can see ‘em!” he yelled at the intruder. Without taking his eyes off of him, Hirull ordered over his shoulder, “Taroth! Get to an intercom panel and call this in! Get Enforcement up here on the double!

Curiously, the intruder smiled and nodded approvingly as the technician took off down the corridors to carry out his orders. He obligingly spread his arms wide and remained motionless.

Hirull knew better than to trust such apparent docility and got no closer. He’d heard too many tales of Tal Shi’ar agents who could kill or cripple in dozens of ways once they’d gotten within arm’s reach. Hirull now conspicuously felt the lack of a weapon on his person. All he had were diagnostic electronics and a few maintenance tools, none of which could be used for more than throwing or clubbing.

The stand off stretched into minutes and Hirull felt the passage of every second as if it were an ant walking the entire length of his skin. The intruder continued to just stand there, looking directly at him. It was a neutral gaze, unthreatening, neither calculating nor disinterested. He felt its’ weight regardless, and sweat popped out on his brow ridge.

This makes no sense, Hirull thought feverishly. If he’s a member of the crew, why not identify himself? If he’s a saboteur or assassin, why doesn’t he try to escape?

Boots pounded on decking and an Enforcement Squad burst into his peripheral vision. “On the deck, both of you! Now!” their leader shouted and Hirull gladly measured his length on the floor, going down almost as quickly as a puppet with severed strings. He craned his neck around to see the intruder lie down more circumspectly, still saying nothing.

Disruptors drawn, the Enforcement squad of six approached the pair from both ends of the corridor, weapons low and to their left but requiring a mere flick of the wrist to be properly trained on the two.

“Identify yourselves!” the squad leader ordered next.

“Engineering Specialist First Hirull tr’Dertha, Power Systems section!” Hirull called out.

“SubCommander Hdeian tr’Tyrava, Commanding Officer of the Warbird White Star,” the intruder responded in kind, speaking for the first time. The voice sounded as if it was suppressing some amusement.

Hirull paled to a horrible, sickly pallor. To claim to be the CO during an incident like this, the man was either unstable… or the CO.

Either circumstance did not bode well for anybody here.


SubCenturion Deila t’Aroth swallowed hard, and her hand began sweating on her disruptor grip as she came to the same conclusion. She – as had the whole crew – had heard of their new CO’s arrival onboard yet no one beyond the command crew knew what this tr’Tyrava looked like. If it was the CO, the personal consequences resulting from this incident could ruin all of them. But (arguably) worse, if this really were a madman, then he could have a bomb strapped to him or have booby-trapped the circuit trunk the Engineering crewmen had found him in.

For the moment, the situation was under control so she would follow procedure. She called out, “Tr’Dertha, stand up slowly and produce your ID chip.”

As he did so, she nodded to one of her legionnaires to verify the chip and ensure the face matched the file holo.

“Don’ worry, Centurion. That’s ‘Irull, all right,” the tech told her, voice subdued.

Her uhlan gave her a terse nod and, at her raised eyebrow added, “He scans clean for threats.” 

She jerked her head and the legionnaire pulled him out of the kill box her team had set up. One down, she breathed. Okay, since he hasn’t started screaming at us for… anything yet, we’ll repeat the process.
 
“SubCommander, please stand up and produce your ID chip, and submit to a body scan,” she ordered next, managing to keep her voice steady.

“I will comply,” was the short answer.

It’s just bloody typical this would happen on my shift, Deila thought miserably. And, in a barren corridor with no mainframe access where a simple voiceprint ID would suffice to clear all this up! She fumed at the rigmarole this was putting her squad through. Absolutely anything could happen here, from a sudden explosion killing them all to demotions and censures – Ariennye, even executions! – for discombobulating their new CO.

An uhlan from the other section of her squad called out nervously, “According to these files, subCenturion, this is our new commander.”

The words sticking in her throat as visions of being demoted, reassigned to forgotten outposts, or executed played before her eyes, she managed to project, “Th-threat scan?”

“Clear, subCenturion,” the man returned, nerves equally strung out.

“Squad stand down,” she ordered next, and approached her still silent CO. Throat dry and voice wavering, she told him, “SubCommander, forgive our ignorance. We were not informed—”

He held up a hand next and she fell immediately silent. He looked around at them all, his entire bearing still relaxed and his face open and without anger. “I find no fault with you or your squad in the performance of their duties,” he told her mildly. “You responded quickly and well, and followed procedure in unusual and vexing circumstances. Most would have fallen over themselves trying to appease my anger upon my identifying myself. I expect you to act no different in responding to any security matters, regardless of whatever exalted personages are involved. Your dedication to duty and the welfare of your ship do you credit.”

Deila couldn’t believe her ears and she couldn’t help herself look around at her squad for confirmation that she hadn’t hit her head and not noticed it, but they too wore similar looks of bewilderment. She looked back to her CO to find him staring bemusedly at her.

“If there is a next time, you may want to complete the procedure and scan the circuit trunk for explosives or harmful code, but you all performed well. You will all have commendations entered into your files for this incident.”

“Th-thank you, Commander,” she replied, feeling somewhat shell-shocked.

He nodded congenially to her then called out, “Specialist First tr’Dertha.”

Full of dread and yet hopeful at the same time, Hirull was let through the press of legionnaires into the presence of the man he’d tried to have arrested. “SubCommander,” he managed to acknowledge his CO.

“Specialist, why did you summon Enforcement?” he asked, his tone slightly harder.

Hirull swallowed hard but managed to prevent his eyes closing in supplication to the Elements. “Sir, no one else was authorised to perform maintenance in this area according to my work orders,” he replied weakly.

“Come now, tr’Dertha. Give me a complete answer. You only called for Enforcement after you saw me out of the access trunk.”

A strangled noise made its way out of Hirull’s throat. The legionnaires around him offered sympathetic looks but he didn’t see them. His vision had tunnelled so that all he could see was his CO’s blank eyes.

“S-Sir, I did not recognise you and… I have never seen an officer wearing a technician’s outfit.”

“And…?” Tr’Tyrava made a point of drawing out the word. Implicit was the warning that he’d take no more prevarication.

“And I saw you measure the distances between the three of us and our relative positions.”

The subCommander nodded thoughtfully. “You saw my appraisal and interpreted it as a tactical assessment and probable precursor to a physical attack?” he asked.

Hirull hadn’t been so advanced in his thinking at the time. All he’d known was he hadn’t liked the way the intruder had sized them up and reacted on instinct. However, it sounded about right, so he nodded. “Yes Sir.”

“How long ago was your infantry training?”

“Elev-Twelve years, Sir,” he stumbled over his reply.

“Any Enforcement experience in those years?”

“No Sir.” Oh just get it over with! Hirull despaired. Enough with the questions!’

“And yet you correctly interpreted my look, thought quickly, and reacted properly to a perceived threat to your self and your ship,” tr’Tyrava said next, to everyone’s surprise. They’d all been waiting on the other shoe to drop and crush the technician, even though this officer’s method of torture was… unusual.

“You are quite perceptive and quick-witted. You are now promoted one grade in rank.”

Everyone blinked at that.

“Resume your duties, Underofficer trDertha.”

“A-Aye, Sir…” he responded, bewildered, and made for the circuit trunk the subCommander had been found in.

Returning his attention to Deila, he ordered, “Dismiss your squad, subCenturion.”

Still dazed, she nodded distractedly and complied, following them out the corridor. Wha…? What the Ariennye just happened here?

Hdeian watched them leave then departed, grinning to himself.

*****

 Kai tr’Raeteol pushed his way through the thronging crowds on the station as he made his way to the closest transporter room. Fingers damp with nervous sweat continually played with the groundside transporter pass issued to him for the duration of his stay on the starbase. It expired with the White Star’s originally scheduled departure time, so it should be good until tomorrow morning – unless the Admiral had thought to cancel that, too.

Suddenly, the doors to Transporter Room Six were before him. He continued moving towards them but his pace slowed… and then they were receding before his eyes, seeming to get further and further away. Kai stopped dead in the corridor, then pressed himself against a bulkhead and rubbed his hand over his face again. A couple of deep breaths and he pushed himself from the wall and faced the doors.

And just stood there, staring.

He could not make himself go in.

Next thing he knew, he was fleeing the room, almost hyperventilating, pushing blindly through the crowds again in the opposite direction. Getting as far as possible from the transporter room and the chain of events it would set in motion.

Feeling disoriented and now lost, he again found a wall to lean against and breathe deeply. He looked up and found his bearings – he was on one of the starbase’s many concourses, and as the Elements would have it, he was within falling distance of the entrance to a tavern.

His feet had known the best place for him, even if his brain hadn’t.

The old-fashioned door defeated him only for a second – until he found the doorknob – and then he was inside the darkened rooms. The all-encompassing gloom made him feel safe and anonymous, the flickering of the lanterns accentuating rather than dispersing the shadows, and the smoke from the various tobaccos enveloped him and added to the welcoming atmosphere.

He bulled up to the bar, secured himself a stool, produced his personal credit chip and started his night as he planned to end it… however many hours hence that was.

“Ale. A bottle of 1744,” he ordered, knowing the four-year old vintage would pack a hefty wallop, “and keep it coming.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2008, 11:11:38 am by Scottish Andy »
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #50 on: April 21, 2008, 11:49:15 am »
*ahem* (and paraphrasing here)

"Feedback for an ex-procrastinator!"

*Please Sir, can I have some comments?"
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Offline Tus-XC

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #51 on: April 21, 2008, 05:30:33 pm »
Andy, its good, what else can I say.  I like where your taking Hdeian, especially as it throws the entire crew for a loop since it is obvious that they have never had a commander who actually practiced leadership and not CYOA.  I'm curious also to see where Kai ends up going, based on how much exposure he has gotten you know that he is somehow going to make Hdeian life a bit difficult to put it lightly.

Keep it up... ooo and post another one ;)
Rob

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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #52 on: April 21, 2008, 07:47:39 pm »
A kind man, that, running around the ship out of uniform, stirring up fun and handing out promotions.

A good continuation, short though it may be. Was hoping not to see any more of the whelp he'd thrown off the ship.

*all words used in this reply looked up in dictionary and double checked for grammar, subject to your approval*

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Offline Czar Mohab

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #53 on: April 21, 2008, 09:02:42 pm »
You know Andy, I have to do this to you. Its not bad, really, that this has to come. But it doesn't seem like anyone else is doing it, so I feel I must:

1.) In Chapter 3, you used "an", should be "am".

Quote
It is unfortunate that I an affiliated with Clan Tyrava, he noted wearily.
Quote
It is unfortunate that I am affiliated with Clan Tyrava, he noted wearily.

2.) In Chapter 4, you said,

Quote
Thus decided, she splashed his face a final time, tried himself off, and made for the transporter room.

While in normal settings where the story element contains both male and female characters, the first half, "...she splashed his face a final time..." would make sense, however, since it was just the male component, it should read, "...he splashed his face a final time...".

Now, I don't know exactly how to explain this, but, depending solely on context, "...tried himself off..." should either read "...tried himself of...", or, more befitting the text around it, "...dried himself off..."

Thus, the sentence is reformed into "Thus decided, he splashed his face a final time, dried himself off, and made for the transporter room."

OK, so I didn't HAVE to do it.

You do have to keep writing this, you know. I think I have a feeling where this might lead, but I'll keep to myself and see how it goes.

Your CO's actions remind me of an old Admiral H.G. Rickover story. (Very) Condensed version: You'd think that as the father of (US) Naval Nuclear Power, the guy could do whatever he wanted in the engineroom of a nuclear submarine. Well, the on watch person, doing nothing more than his job, dutifully smacked the Admiral's hand away from his panel whilst the Admiral was attempting to fiddle with one of the buttons. One slapped Admiral's hand equaled one on the spot promotion.

Czar "I'll Andy-proof the Andy" Mohab, who hopes that it was taken in the good humor in which it was written.

P.S. I work with a guy that uses the word "willn't", spells "aware" "awhere", uses "cover alls" vice "coveralls", and so many more that I've lost good quality work time laughing to myself. It is a pleasure and a privilege to read all your works (all of you) with all the various typo's, simply because, no matter how bad they get here, there "willn't" ever be a toon that is not "awhere" that his "cover alls" barely cover all. Seriously, Andy, if you hadn't often corrected us, I wouldn't have typed one word. While it is feedback, it was more for fun than anything.

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #54 on: April 22, 2008, 11:10:06 am »
Yes Czar, I properly deserved that. And really, for the amount of grief I give other people over this, how could I not expect to be held to the same standard? Fire away. Turn around is fair play, as I always say, so if I'm going to be annoyed at anyone for my mistakes it's going to be me for making them, not you for pointing them out. Besides, this is something I care about getting right, so if you want we can start a rivalry! See how many mistakes we can spot in each other's work.  I shall correct my mistakes now.

I can guess how well that'd go!  ;D

Guv, I've pissed you off. I am sincerely sorry. I don't want to piss off my friends and try not to, but sometimes the stick up my arse grows too big and starts pressing on my brain, inhibiting the 'common sense' & 'restraint' functions. Please accept my sincere apologies and a renewed pledge to Prune the Stick. Please don't stop posting!

Tus & Guv:
Back to my story, you don't like seeing more of Kai? Bad guys' and idiots' lives continue even after they get non-fatal butt-kickings, ya know.  ;) 
I'm glad Hdeian is making a good impression, but I fear I may be making him too sympathetic - or Human - a character. The guy is still a Romulan after all. We'll see how that balances out with my later chapters. I have... things... planned.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2008, 11:21:25 am by Scottish Andy »
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #55 on: April 22, 2008, 09:08:13 pm »
Yeah, I was pissed, but oh well. My decision 'not to post' has little to do with your comment. I've written so much Trek...I'm sick of looking at my own works. Think I'll do a comic or something. I do have a Dath'mar idea that may work well. For now, though, I need to write something other than Trek.

--guv
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Brave New World - Chapter Five
« Reply #56 on: May 30, 2008, 03:09:58 pm »
Sorry for the long absence Guys & Gals - I've actually been writing and having something of a life! I haven't read anything here on the forum yet, but I'll spend parts of the weekend catching up, if I manage to stop writing.

We'll see if this cheers the Guv up too...



Chapter Five

“Bridge to Commander,” the speakers blared again.

By Earth below I’m popular today, Hdeian griped silently as he pulled himself from a circuit access trunk and wiped his hands on a rag. Making his way to the nearest intercom unit, he answered, “Bridge, this is the Commander.”

“Sir, Admiral tr’Oroloth’s office demands your attention,” tr’Naekarin informed him over the intercom.

“Ask the Admiral to please stand by until I can get to my quarters, subCenturion,” Hdeian instructed.

“Aye, subCommander,” the watch communications officer responded.

Hdeian hurried from the forward phase disruptor primary coil room back to his quarters. Pausing only long enough to wipe the grime from his face, he signalled the bridge. “Put him on my desk viewer, tr’Naekarin.”

“At once, subCommander. Transferring through now.”

The screen blanked before showing the irritated countenance of the Khazara Sector Commander.

“Sir,” Hdeian nodded respectfully.

“SubCommander, by all rights I should be very annoyed with you right now,” the older man harrumphed.

“I can only assume that you’re not, though, Sir,” the ship commander returned seriously.

A tired grin broke out on tr’Oroloth’s craggy face. “You young whelp, where do you come up with such impudence? You should be quaking in your boots in fear at my disapproval.”

“My apologies, Sir. Consider me to be rebuked and properly terrified. Please go on.”

“Whelp,” the admiral repeated, shaking his head and smiling. “You should know that anteCenturion Raeteol has been reassigned to the police ship Nerfala, which after another four months here will guarding Starbase Seven on the Gorn border. There he may learn such things as discipline and respect from those who truly know nothing of his father.”

Hdeian noted the lack of the respectful ‘tr’ before the ex-Comm. Master’s House name, as well as the lack of two grades in rank from when he was last aboard the White Star. “I find this news agreeable, Admiral,” he told his senior officer.

“I thought you might,” the older man returned dryly. “He ships out on the freighter Borlak tomorrow at 0300.”

“Well, good riddance to bad rubbish,” Hdeian finally said with some feeling.

“Ah, the indomitable calm cracks at last,” the Admiral chuckled.

“With respect, Sir, he’s lucky there was a travel pod there when I flung him out of my shuttlebay,” Hdeian stated half-jokingly.

“Indeed,” tr’Oroloth returned evenly, but with a smile in his eyes. “You may want to be wary until you leave dock. I don’t know why he would possibly want to stow away aboard your ship, but idiots have done stranger things than that before.”

“Forgive my presumption, Sir, but I hope I did not create trouble for you in doing this,” the ship commander voiced his concern. “He waves his father’s influence around like a child with a battle club, and even children can cause a lot of damage like that.”

A cloud passed over tr’Oroloth’s face. “One can only hope this time he drops it on his own head. I know something of Father tr’Raeteol, and while he is an unscrupulous businessman he is also concerned with public perception – as it relates to his business. He wants his investors and partners to know he’ll do whatever it takes to succeed, and he has proven that even to the cost of his own family. I’d wager two chains of cash he dropped Kai into the Fleet to get rid of him, or teach him some life lessons.”

“In which case he’s already not impressed with the Fleet for letting him get away with being who he is unchecked for so long, or he’ll be furious that we’ve finally taken his idiot boy to task.”

“Ah, still looking on the bright side of life I see, subCommander,” tr’Oroloth grimaced. “I prefer to think that he’s going to applaud us for not letting his precious child get away with it any longer. He will not be the first parent to send a problem child to the military for them to straighten out.”

“It will all depend on just what he personally thinks of his ‘precious child’,” Hdeian offered. “That will dictate any response he makes.”

“We shall see. Do you need me to assign a new Communications Master?”

Hdeian shook his head. “I intend to promote one of my own into the position. We have a sufficiently large communications department to allow this, and it will give these people their first opportunity to see how I do things. Assuming the responsibilities that come with rank is very important to me, and giving one of their own the opportunity will hopefully show them that I reward only those who are worthy.”

The Admiral looked him over critically. “Judging by that boiler suit you’re wearing, I now suspect that crew has already had two opportunities to see how you do things.”

Hdeian grinned self-depreciatingly. “I suppose you’re right.”

“I know that his is how you like to operate, my boy, but you should know that crew has no ‘their own’ to be proud of. Most of them have been reassigned or newly assigned from the Academy and training colleges. They are all unknown to each other. I doubt it would make too much difference to have somebody new assigned to replace Raeteol.”

Tyrava considered that. “This is true,” he admitted, “but I may as well begin as I mean to continue. I am not likely to get someone who wants to be here. Survey crews have to be a bit different from the usual Warbird complement, as you know. Too many would think that being on a survey mission while the war with the Gorn gears up is inglorious, or a waste of their time. Unless you already have a promising candidate in mind…?”

“I’m afraid not. So be it, tr’Tyrava, she is your ship after all.” Changing gears, the Admiral wrapped up the call. “Elements bless your voyage, subCommander. You are cleared to depart dock at 0800 tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Sir,” he acknowledged his superior’s good wishes. “I am really eager to get out there and bring the light of D’era to the uncouth barbarians of the Wide.” He bobbed his eyebrows meaningfully.

The Admiral snorted. “Go find us some rocks to mine, young dreamer. Starbase Nineteen, out.”

The comm. screen went dark, and Hdeian allowed himself a wide grin. Patching a line through to the bridge, he ordered a shipwide channel opened.

“Crew of the White Star, we depart at 0800 hours tomorrow morning. Make sure all is in readiness. Furthermore, excepting essential duties only, the presence of the whole crew is required on the shuttle deck at 1900 hours this evening. Class A uniforms are mandatory. That is all.”

*****

Hdeian took his place and faced down the centre of the groups of crew assembled in the shuttle bay. Since the ship was still in star dock and drawing power from it practically the entire crew of 360 were present for the event. As such the crew were arranged into three blocks with six rows each, arranged as three sides of a square.

He and the command staff were arranged in a line forming the fourth side, standing behind a table on the raised stage with the banners of the Star Empire, Clan Tyrava, and the ship’s pennant draped from the bulkhead behind them. On the table, arranged in a diamond, were a lit green candle, a large beaker of water, a small incense burner creating a small cloud of fragrant smoke, and a container of earth collected from the Khazara colony below. With everyone in place, he began the ceremony with a quick nod to his adjutant.

Immediately thereafter, the assembled officers and crew offered the traditional salute of fist-to-breastbone and shallow bow from the neck, which the command staff returned. Hdeian drew his ceremonial blade.

“Crew of the White Star, today we celebrate your valour and honour. You have all served loyally and well, and the Elements reward those who are worthy. This blade takes the blood of traitors, but it gives glory to you who love your ship and your Empire.

“I now dedicate this blade to the Elements,” he recited, passing his blade through the representations of each of the Elements and reciting;

“To Fire, which creates and destroys.

“To Air, of weapons, words, and wings.

“To Water, of our joys and tears.

“And to Earth, our cradle and our grave.”

Hdeian picked up the new rank pins for the lucky candidate – deserving remained to be seen – and turned back to the assembled crew. In a voice loud and clear, he ordered, “AnteCenturion Jaran i-Farnath tr’Naekarin, step forward.”

The White Star’s cryptography officer stepped forward from between the honour guard of four legionnaires standing before the table and joined tr’Tyrava on the stage.

“In the presence of the Elements, and by the power vested in me by the Imperial Senate, I hereby promote you to the rank of subCenturion.”

As protocol dictated, the young officer bowed at the neck and Hdeian placed the flat of the blade vertically against his forehead to signify his receiving of the blessing of all the Elements in his new rank. Placing the blade back on the table, Hdeian picked up the rank pins and again turned to the young officer. He removed the anteCenturion badges from tr’Naekarin’s uniform collar and replaced them himself with those of his new rank.

“SubCenturion tr’Naekarin, do you now pledge: to perform your duties honourably and well, to loyally obey your Commander and your Praetor, to serve your Empire first and always, and to uphold the honour of the Rihannsu people in all things?”

Jaran, already standing at rigid attention, lifted his head proudly and answered, “By Fire and Air, by Earth and Water, and by the Archelement which encompasses them all, I do so pledge.”

“Then may your new rank bring great deeds and glory to yourself and to the Empire.” Hdeian picked up his blade, wiped it and sheathed it, then turned to face the assemblage again. “Crew of the White Star, you are dismissed.”

As protocol dictated the crew saluted and bowed again, the command staff returned it, and everyone started an orderly filing towards the doors.

Sotto voce, Hdeian murmured to his XO, “It is a nice ceremony, but I think we need to update it.”

T’Kaldaiith looked at him in surprise. “Why do you say that, Sir?”

“The wording still strikes me as more of a battlefield commission than a proper reward for service. I certainly didn’t feel as though the words suited the circumstances. I have no immediate or personal knowledge of this crew’s own valour or that boy in particular ‘serving loyally and well’.”

“I see your point, Sir, but I don’t think Fleet Regulations had foreseen exactly these circumstances,” N’alae offered, referring to the still-in-dock replacement of assigned officers with their juniors fresh from the Academy.

 Hdeian offered her a wry grin in return. “Quite. However, Fleet Regs should anticipate the promotion of officers for non-combat successes, and officers who don’t serve on ships. Elements know, officers and crew meet with ‘accidents’ or mere disapproval often enough in the Fleet for others to advance.”

T’Kaldaiith looked at him dubiously and said nothing.

Hdeian was being pedantic and he knew it, but the promotion of that boy – a happy event – had soured his mood with memories of why he was being promoted in the first place. Commanders could alter the key words as necessary, hence his XO’s silence.

“Yes, yes, Centurion, I know,” he grumbled. “I am returning to my quarters for the evening. I have more reports and manuals to read. I am generally happy with the condition of the ship, so I leave it to you to ensure all crew are aboard by 2200 hours tonight and final provisioning is completed before 0600 tomorrow morning. If all is in readiness now, then you have the time to yourself. Fair evening, t’Kaldaiith.”

“Fair evening, Sir,” she echoed and watched him leave with the last of the crew. Waiting only long enough to ensure the cleanup crew came in immediately, she followed her commander out.
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #57 on: June 03, 2008, 10:23:50 am »
Enjoyable and well written as usual.  While some of the developments in this part may be important, nothing in particular is leaping out at me.  Curse of 'scene setting', I suppose. 

I do have one quibble right now, and that's...pace.  They have yet to leave the dock, and I want to see them go somewhere and DO something. ;D
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #58 on: June 07, 2008, 09:16:40 pm »
To echo Larry, I have to say that the pace is slow. But at least this update/chapter was not overly long. Thus I wasn't bothered.

The ceremony in the shuttlebay was a bit archaic for what I'd imagine Romulans performing, but then, I imagine that's a Diane Carey influence. [or Diane Duane, whoever]

The chapter and scenes therein are well written and taken by themselves and with the first chapters, flow just fine. Yeah, I want something to happen, but I've read enough Tolkien to know you blokes from across the pond tell a tale at your own pace. Anything worth reading is worth the time it takes to read it. So, I'm good.

Your tale has some good life to it. The comradery between the Admiral and CO is good, and shows the two have some history between them. I've already stated I like the admiral, and wish to see more of him. However, as you've aluded that the punk will be a reaccuring problem, at least during this tale, I'd think the Admiral would be a bit more concerned/peeved/aggravated about the sh*t boiling in his cauldron. He should recognize that such problems get way out of control when folk with political power go too far. Bu then...it's all in good fun for the reader, and I'll not presume to tell you how to write your tale. I'm sure it all comes out in the wash.

Anyway, this is a very good tale, and while I hate reading stuff in sections, I didn't find the need to re-read everything from start to current.

Bring forth more.

--rog!
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Brave New World
« Reply #59 on: June 09, 2008, 12:35:02 pm »
Larry:
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They have yet to leave the dock, and I want to see them go somewhere and DO something.

Ah, curse of the modern world. Everyone wants instant action. While I bemoan TNG's slow pace myself, sometimes, to set up a long-running series (which I plan on this being), time needs to be taken so they don't just pop up whenever convenient with no explanation.

I'm well pleased you and the Guv like it, despite the slow pace. More is coming! Just wondering who else is reading...
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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