Topic: If cars were invented by Microsoft...(shudder)

[IAF Lyrkiller]

I found the very funny.


> >
> >
> > For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
> >computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo
> > (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with
> >the auto industry and stated, 'If GM had kept up with technology like the
> >computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000
> >miles to the gallon.'
> >
> >
> >
> > In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
> >stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
> >driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this
> >part):
> >
> >
> >
> > 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
> >
> >
> >
> > 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
> >buy a new car.
> >
> >
> >
> > 3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
> >would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
> >off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
> >For some reason you would simply accept this.
> >
> >
> >
> > 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
> >your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have
> >to reinstall the engine.
> >
> >
> >
> > 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
> >reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on
> >only five percent of the roads.
> >
> >
> >
> > 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
> >all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation'
> >warning light.
> >
> >
> >
> > 7. The airbag system would ask, 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
> >
> >
> >
> > 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
> >out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle,
> >turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
> >
> >
> >
> > 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn
> >how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
> >the same manner as the old car.
> >
> >
> >
> > 10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.
> >
> >
> >
> > Share this with your friends who love -- but sometimes hate their
> >computer!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
 

[Panzergranate]

I remebered this from the mid-1990's and it was from the GM president himslef.... Obviously not a Windows fan either!!

[Just plain old Punisher]

That was back during the unstable times --- win98 and ::shutter:: winME. In those dark times I would often have to reinstall the OS for seemingly no reason at all.

With XP, well, I've still had my fair share of problems but it's like night and day the difference. It's relable, stable, and, well -- it's everything windows should have been a long time ago.

[Dash Jones]

But you still have to use the start button to turn it off, have to learn it all over again with each new iteration, and instead of locking you out for no reason, now locks you out on purpose if you don't have a way to phone home...

[Commander Maxillius]

But you still have to use the start button to turn it off, have to learn it all over again with each new iteration, and instead of locking you out for no reason, now locks you out on purpose if you don't have a way to phone home...

Imagine GM locking people out of their cars if they let the OnStar subscription run out...

[Panzergranate]

Imagine if Microsoft made parachutes!!

You pull the rip cord and the pack asks, "Are you sure??"

Or, "Wait while Microsoft Parachute updates!!", followed by, "Cannot Find Server!! ShallI attempt diagnostic??"

At least your last moments would be reminisent of using Google's virtual Earth and clicking the zoom in fast!!

[Panzergranate]

Even God makes mistakes....

He let Microsoft programme the Human Female Brain!!

Blondes run the unpatchedd original version apparently!!

[Commander Maxillius]

What is it with you and blondes?  You think they're a version behind but they're actually the Beta (and sometimes Alpha) of the next version.

[Panzergranate]

I've only ever dated one blonde and after that stuck with brunettes, ravens, etc. They just age better and have bothered to develop a personality.

I wished I'd listened to Al Bundy's words of wisdom regarding red heads, but too late and a long time ago now!!

Anyway, imagine if Microsoft won a contract for ICBM missile guidance software!!

At least by the time of ENT, Microsoft is a historical footnote.

And by the 30th century, gives Bender material for his jokes.  I lliked his scary story joke quite a lot.

[Nemesis]

Imagine if Microsoft made parachutes!!

Windows for Warships

The Type 45 destroyers now being launched will run Windows for Warships: and that's not all. The attack submarine Torbay has been retrofitted with Microsoft-based command systems, and as time goes by the rest of the British submarine fleet will get the same treatment, including the Vanguard class (V class). The V boats carry the UK's nuclear weapons and are armed with Trident ICBMs, tipped with multiple H-bomb warheads.

[Panzergranate]

I think that we now have some insight into how the world will end!! Microsoft for missiles!!

So now to launch a nuke the Royal Navy now needs the following sequence of events to happen:

Launch Keys inserted.

Launch Code.

Permission from Prime Minsiter.

Latest download of software patch from microsoft.

Working mouse/trackball ready to click the "Are You sure??" message when it appears.

IT technicians handy to figure out all the bugs when it fails to work properly.