Topic: Story #12: Settling In,,, [yeah, I reused the title...]

[Commander Maxillius]

[ahem] 31 [/ahem]

[Governor Ronjar]

I think it's kinda hard to downplay Klingon capabilities given the treatment they've had over the years. This is a race we've seen [1] remain standing after a stun blast, sometimes more than one, [2] walk away from paralising injuries, [3] fire up redundant nervous systems after death (this one actually still goes with #2), [4] boasted as having strength 'equal' to a Vulcan (DS9), ect...

About said writers, I myself loved the 2-part ENT episode with the Klingons working with Section 31. I'd been greatly miffed in the 90's when Worf was asked for an explanation about the smooth-headed Klinks and he just rumbles something about 'not speaking of it with outsiders'. Their explanation gave a good reason beyond make-up funding, imagination or 'bad reception' (as La'ra would undoubtedly remark if I had not mentioned it...and probably still will anyway...)

I like 31, and think the organization was over embelished as 'the badguy' because what they do is distasteful. The CIA does far worse, and we love them for it. 31 does not, however, play a large role in any current story, and I don't have a large plan based around them yet. They're mostly there to give the reader a glimpse into the darker corners of Ford's past.

Hope that didn't sound like a rant, 'cause it sure looks like one now that I read over it.

--thu guv!

[Commander La'ra]

I think it's kinda hard to downplay Klingon capabilities given the treatment they've had over the years.

They did their best.  DS9 and TNG both did their utter best to portray the greatest antagonists in the history of sci-fi as moronic bikers.  The Klingons from TOS were smart, mean, ruthless, cunning, and usually portrayed as an equal match for the Enterprise crew.

My opinion:  Trek and in some cases it's fandom has become so inundated by people like the guy we knew who ran the HS fan club that they're unwilling to show a more physical, less intellectual culture as being the equals of the brainy uber-nerd utopia we call the United Federation of Planets.

There was some reversal of this in Enterprise, which is one reason I was fond of the series.  We had some dumbass Klingons on that show, be we also had Uncle Phil, and the old General who screws Section 31.

"And you believed me."

God I loved that line, simple as it was.

[Governor Ronjar]

They did their best.  DS9 and TNG both did their utter best to portray the greatest antagonists in the history of sci-fi as moronic bikers.  The Klingons from TOS were smart, mean, ruthless, cunning, and usually portrayed as an equal match for the Enterprise crew.

Kor and Kang were the only ones from TOS that fit such a good discription. Beyond a few half-wit tricks or fun lines, those from 'Friday's Child', 'Elaan of Troyus', 'Private Little War' and 'The Trouble With Tribbles' all pretty well fell into the dumb-ass file (tho the act of poisoning grain to make a planet colony fail was pretty shifty, I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't Koloth's idea...). And Kor, though he remains my favorite Klingon, wasn't just too damn swift. Not that I'm defending TNG/DS9 Klinks either.

But I digress...

My staement, which you quoted, was in relation to their physical attributes. Not their heads.

--me

[Commander La'ra]

Kor and Kang were the only ones from TOS that fit such a good discription. Beyond a few half-wit tricks or fun lines, those from 'Friday's Child', 'Elaan of Troyus', 'Private Little War' and 'The Trouble With Tribbles' all pretty well fell into the dumb-ass file (tho the act of poisoning grain to make a planet colony fail was pretty shifty, I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't Koloth's idea...).

The Friday's Child dude WAS a goober, that I'll grant you.

On the other hand, the ones from Elaan of Troyius were smart enough not to engage the Enterprise once it overcame the sabotage...sabotage they performed through a third party and thus, it could not directly be linked to them...never see TNG Klinks cutting their losses in such an expedient manner.   Had their plan worked, they also would've destroyed the Enterprise and screwed up it's mission without a hostile shot fired...

[Commander La'ra]

Oh that's the end?

Well...you know what I have to say.  You and your damned boulders.  Where's part 13?

[Governor Ronjar]

I'll give ya the plan in 'Elaan of Troyus'. That one was ok.

And as for smart TNG-era Klingons plans: General Martok's plan to strike a Dominion planetary base with 2 Birds of Prey...while having two more wait under cloak. Said BoP's wait till repair crews come out to repair the damage, then those ships attack, killing the repair crews.

Said plan was working fine till the left-over TOS Klink screwed the pooch and went senile. Poor Kor, at least he ended well.

Plan #2: Using a solar flare to destroy a Dominion shipyard.

Them's about all I can think pf at this late hour, but they were not devoid of intellect.

--me agin

[Governor Ronjar]

well...I guess all that are, HAVE already posted their reply [noting the rain check by Andy].

#13 is on it's way...

--thu guv!

[Scottish Andy]

Here's your rain check back. (The missus explained that one to me, baseball fans)

Okay, I will do my usually nitpicky routine on words and stuff so hold onto your blood pressure, Guv. Just know I'm doing it to improve your writing skills and not nark you off, gleefully jumping and pointing and shouting, "You missed one! Nyah nyah!"

I can't believe I didn't comment on the first chapters... sheesh. Anyway: Onwards!

Cn 1:

“Then just take them off and be done with it!”

Great line from Tolin, loved it. We all feel his pain and sympathise, at the same time not knowing how we'd really react in his... seat. Yet you gotta quit whining and do it or become a bitter wreck. Tolin provided the right impetus for his bitter attitude. Sympathy would not help there.
Also liked the "Dan's brother" backstory. An inspiration, and a challenge. A role model to live up to and be measured against for John, and someone who knows how to properly support him in Dan. Good job!

Sharp & Chevy's scene was nice, I liked the dog bit. Shows he doesn't like ceremonies but is willing to give in gracefully. Or Something.

Ch 2:
Heather Conally looks interesting, though you suffer the same affliction as Larry's XO on Jaeih's Illustrious. No one know how to spell Scottish/Irish names properly over there?
I liked that she was already presumptuously comfy in his office despite being ther for only a week, and of Chevy saying "keep it, I'll not ne around much".

“I could…but it would be so much different. I’m more used to handling administration and strategic concerns. Stations don’t have to move. Things come to us. We send other ships to get things done. I’m afraid I’d feel…hemmed in by the lack of options.”

I also especially liked Heather's different viewpoint about starships. Not everyone in the fleet is on a bae waiting to get a ship assignment. That she had the different viewpoint was great on its own, but the way she expressed it was brilliant. Great job!
The Pang... I always see a K-BoP with that name. Doesn't fit well for a full-sized battlecruiser in my mind.

Ch 3:
I like Sharp's second thoughts about Chevy as Sector Commander. Those kind of events change people, and he's right to worry that Ford may no longer be up to restraint, even as he's right to continue to trust his friend.
The Ya'Weenies (nice word-play, Czar) are playing it safe for sure. Having not realised what the UFP actually was then coming face to face with a lot of big powerful ships, they're keeping a low profile. Smart. Especially as Jarn doesn't want to start a 2-front conflict.

Liked the armour commenting:

“None. The structure was rated for much more than was necessary to help cope with the trials every starship eventually faces. We have strength to spare.”

My history of the Excelsior class has her specially strengthened far beyond the norm as in Mirandas and Constitutions for the expected stresses from transwarp flight. The design is tough and durable and I like that you show it.

“Just fine so long as they don’t use torpedoes. The armor ablates energy fire ten times better than traditional alloys, but against concussive impacts, it’s only…ten percent better. A torpedo will still cause a breach on an unprotected hull.”

I like this too. Superior defences against beam weapons, but not invincible. I like that you understand the science!
It's also nice to see so many of your crew getting promotions and new positions while still remaining in the picture. Shows that they have a career.

Ch 4:
Nitpick alert!

I’m delighted with Mister Smith’s skill in decryption and will officially site him for commendation.

This would be "cite" - unless you are physically positioning him for that commendation.
Yup, totally Kirking at the Admiralty. But with so many examples, it's not surprising. If you love your job, why change it?
Your music comments are funny. It's noce to see comments on recent music - even if made up - instead of endless references which we all do to music we know here and now, in the past.
Ford's visit to John was a nice touch, as was the revealing of old wounds. It's stuff like this that makes great captains. I also liked that John knew it wouldn't happen without him being wounded, but that hos CO cares enough to do it when he is. Good balance of maintaining command separation with genuine compassion.

Technical issue now! The Akyazi class has no shuttlebay. According to my schematics of her , she only has 2 docking ports for TMP style shuttles and workbees. No internal space for a shuttlepod, newver mind a junior runabout.
That said, it's not vitally important to the story, except that the shuttle is supposed to be an unknown addition to her assets. People'd notice a honkin' big warp shuttle attached to the back of her bridge or engineering pod.
Yay! Third world war hero! Don't be afraid to make up the near future! Sounds like, from Larry's comment, that he's another RPG character from your pasts.

Okay, that'll have to do you for now. Back to work. I'll try and get another review segment up later tonight.

[Governor Ronjar]

Great reply, my friend.

I'll scroll down and review and answer several points.

Rain check: Actually...I hate baseball.

Glad you liked the Tolin element in the first scene with Bronstien. I figured from what we've seen with Andorians, while she'd be sympathetic toward him and help him [she WAS there after all and made the legs herself] she aint about to put up with belly aching.It's not going to help him, so, move along. Oh, and while I failed to sneak it in there in this story, Daniel Nechayev does not actually have a brother.

Conally: She was a character I first designed to replace Thomas with, but decided to promote from within-the-house. After that, I'd had so much character make-up done on her, I used her anyway. Her love for ships became a love for stations. As to her name, names used for ANYTHING and ANYONE are subjective to the preferences of those naming said instance. I can't tell you how many people I know by the same first names that have them spelled differently. In my county, there are many Gwinns, Gwynns, Gwynnes, Gwenns, Guenns, Guinns, Guins, and Gwins to make my head spynne. [note: one of those is my last name...]

Pang: The IKS Pang is named after, but not directly for the cruiser from the TNG episode 'The Emissary', IKS P'rang, which had been sent to collect the Klingon sleeper ship. I thought it had a nice ring to it. I decided to give Dath'mar's new ship a simpler name, as I was tired of typing, then f*cking up, Gro'mokh. As to Klingon starship naming conventions, I may be mistaken, but I believe they used the name Bor'taS for both a Vor'cha Class Attack Cruiser [a big boy] and for a Raptor-Class vessel [which had a crew of 12...]...  Bor'tas translates to Honor, and that's a pretty lofty ideal to the Klingons...so...

About armor and Excelsiors: The Excelsior being used in such huge numbers even in DS9's time, and obviously still being retrofitted in VOY's flashback sequences [I have not seen said EP, but did find a Star Trek Magazine reference and pics to it], they are obviously badasses. This is how I will treat them. Excelsior fans will not find anything to gripe about there.

Your grammar nitpick: Thank you for the on-going efforts to evolve my writing skills. Please note the repeated and unnecessary use of pitcher which has and will continue to pop up as a nod to your help. But also note that I really don't care. I'm not a professional writer with published works and have no need for such ability. And if I were a published writer, I'd have publishers who employ teams of people who look for things such as that and fix them. I, on the other hand, have you. So...thank you!

Music: I note in some fanfic references to 'now' music being known and loved then. While some of our 'now' music might be known and appreiciated in the future, most of it will be simply ignorant sounding and possibly laughable to those in the future, perhaps just offensive, much as music from our past is today for us. Beethoven is great, but how many times do you hear old Irish bar diddies played on the radio without a commercial attached? [Excluding the 'Star Spangled Banner'...]

And as to Akyazi's and their 'shuttlebays'. I didn't imply at any time as to there being such on the Tenseiga. The Sanchez is no larger than that big-ass shuttle shown in the Perimeter Action Ships guide on the Akyazi. In fact, the Sanchez is much smaller than that particular shuttle, tho he is as long. He is by no means a 'runabout' and does not have a wide range of multi-purpose equipment. Think of the Sanchez as an armed SR-71 Blackbird, which is what gave me the idea. Combined with said image of that big-ass shuttle hanging on the Akyazi like some over sized tick. The Ya'wenn would not be able to 'see' the Sanchez back there because the Ya'wenn did not peek out to look at him or the Tenseiga as they came into range.

And the name Sanchez is not another RPG reference. It's the name of my 1980 Chevy El Camino, which currently is taking a nap in the front yard. Ford needed his ride.

I'm glad to have comments such as these. Makes posting these stories here worth while. Now, I'm off to do what I must to get the editted version of Story #13 onto my PC so I can post IT.

--thu guv!!

[Scottish Andy]

To Continue...

Ch 5:

Up close, her immense size and girth made her seen a colossal beast of extreme proportion. Which, she was… But at a distance of six kilometers or so, such as he now saw her through the unassisted pod view port, the Excelsior-Class starship was a sleek, streamlined beauty that put one in the mind of some aerodynamic work of art.

I agree with this completely. And if you're painting her pure silver with highlights... oooo.

Ford's reaction to Keller's "explanation" is totally believable, and her explanation is suitably contradictory - female - and annoying for all that. Though I don't think I ever heard anyone back home saying "shan't" - but then it's not something that would be particularly memorable anyway.
I approve of her leaving for the good of the crew dynamic. It would be bloody hard me me (as Chevy) to continue to see her, and depending on the level of how much she does still care for him, it may even be more so for her to continue to see him.

“Yeah. Without the Commodore to pad my fitness review, I decided I’d better whip my happy ass back into shape. Been running and hittin’ the weights.”

Good one.   Looks like Ben's shaping up well. I like the continuations of the threads from the previous stories, with Surall still wanting off.

Ch 6:
The 31 scene was nice, and it's not terribly surprising to find Ford was once part of or used by them. Your wresting back of Tor was... unclear. I'm going by Larry's description of Tor to assume you mean he, not Jark, is the fat Orion slave girl pimp. Making Jark the head of the... "Thirsting Daggers", is it? doesn't strike me as great revenge on the Larster. 

Counter-review:

Rain check: Actually...I hate baseball.

Heh. I'm not that bothered about it, but it's still way more entertaining and interesting than "American Football". *grumbles about a waste of 3 hours to see a 1 hour game* 

Daniel Nechayev does not actually have a brother.

  How very Chekov of him. I guess it's just a motivational technique, but John's gonna knock Dan on his arse for that one when he finds out, for sure.

Yup, names are the province of the writers. I just try to get authentic ones from the region I want them to come from.

But also note that I really don't care.

I'm going to go all Liberal on your arse and say this offends me. 
I could say the weigh ewe right is lazy, and reading the wrong word detracts from my enjoyment of the story, but the simple facts outway this. Ewe punch out grate stories with interesting, reel characters with complex lives and conundrums, and ewe do so with grate frequency. Ewe don't let the niggling details slow ewe down.
Where as eye am all about the 'getting it spot on technically', and as such torture myself over getting it write before putting it out they're. I bearly manage one story a year.
Eye'm glad two perform this duty four ewe, even if ewe never wish to publish professionally. It gives me peace and joy. If ewe don't care, it bothers me. That ewe're willing too take on board my editing and thank me four it, pleases me grately.
Don't let my nitpicking slow ewe down. Keep punching out ewe're stories.   

While some of our 'now' music might be known and appreiciated in the future, most of it will be simply ignorant sounding and possibly laughable to those in the future, perhaps just offensive, much as music from our past is today for us.

Agreed.

And as to Akyazi's and their 'shuttlebays'. I didn't imply at any time as to there being such on the Tenseiga.

Sorry, I must have missed it. It sounded to me like the Sanchez was a large shuttle - you called him a "heavy" - and that the Starbase people weren't supposed to see it as part of the Tenseiga's equipment when she left, the shuttle being on a covert mission. It didn't matter to me if the Ya'Weenies seen it or not, and besides, the Tenseiga wasn't going in herself, and they weren't scanning Fed space all that heavily. I'll have a quick re-read of that to pick up your point.

That said, this was a nice bridge between stories. As a stand-alone, it's uninformative and not much happens. It could be taken as a chapter or segment of another story. But since we know you're pumping them all out as a continuing series, it's a nice little bit to let us and the characters catch a breath before the Next Big Thing.

Looking forward to your #13.

Edit:
After the re-read, I found another thing. This is what "recognizance" means:

1 a : an obligation of record entered into before a court or magistrate requiring the performance of an act (as appearance in court) usually under penalty of a money forfeiture <released on his own recognizance> b : the sum liable to forfeiture upon such an obligation
2 archaic : TOKEN, PLEDGE

I think the Sanchez is meant to be a "Type R medium range reconnaissance craft".
You also say he's "large shuttlecraft" and "a wide craft". With limited interstellar capability, "massive thruster quads" and "heavy impulse drivers", as well as nacelles that have Bussard collectors, I kinda got the impression he's a big boy. 

[Governor Ronjar]

I shall continue this as a very slow IM and respond as we have established...

Ford and Keller's conversation threw me in oh so many ways. It was one of the scenes that was hardest. I was worried about whether it would fly as believable, not too soap opera-y, too adolescent, etc... The more I edited, the less interesting it became and her responses and reasoning...less female. I've had similar conversations with a certain female in the past, though not about life and death, and know first hand that the feminine side cannot make that much sense to a man if it is to be accurate. The true test for that particular scene would be a female reading it and agreeing with Keller's side. I don't give it that much credability, tho...

Ben Thomas is indeed fitting into his role as a starship commander. However, it leaves me in a fix for what to do with said character without writing Tenseiga based stories all the time. I may, but as yet do not want to create that many characters. Maybe once I've had my fill of Endeavour's crew, I'll do a Tenseiga series.

My 'revenge' with Tor was more something La'ra would and does understand. Tor was my creation from the stories that got Larry into writing La'ra stories to begin with. He posted those long before I HAD a computer, and therefor, you are familiar with big, fat stupidly evil Tor. It irked me greatly to see him used thus, as I had and still have great ideas for Tor as a old warrior who had lost his way and and must meander back toward the honorable path. La'ra took all of his falacies from the one story he'd read using Tor and...made him truely disgusting. His reason for thus was 'to get Tor out of the way so he could introduce Brigadier Jark'. But...La'ra has really done nothing more than hint at Jark. Therefor my 'revenge', twinking as it is, was to introduce Jark as a fat, Orion lusting piece of crap much like the treatment rendered to Tor years ago. This really does nothing to change things, as our stories occur in different trek 'universes' where Jark and Tor have become transposed and Ron'jar's name is misspelled with an 'a'.  This is little more significant than me flipping our shared friend the finger from a mountain top in the range of cyber space.

Just so long as my intended target liked it...

And if any incarnation of Sharp shows up in a La'ra story as being fat or whatever...it'll really be on...

 While I figure you did understand what I meant, I was not just saying the spellings of names are the perview of only writers. But of real life people as well. Those different spelling of Gwinn all exist in or around this county here in Arkansas.

Saying that baseball is more interesting than football in my house will get you shot. Be thinking of this if you ever do come to visit...

Your...creative spellings during the grammar tirade: I hadn't laughed THAT hard all damn day, man...And Larry was here today visiting, so that says something! What I do not care about is the deficientcy of my spelling, not that you care to help me with it. Just to clarify.

My spellings of the long form of recon... well, that was one me and my f*cking spellchecker went round and round over. I'm not sure if it HAS the right spelling of the word in it, so, I settled on the one it gave me... Didn't think it looked right...but then, well, you've seen my spelling...who am I to argue with the computer? I use Word '97...which is...twitchy. But it was a freebie.

Yes, the Sanchez is a heavy shuttle. Much as the shuttle in the tech manual of the Akyazi is also a heavy. This one has neater stuff on it. Think of a slightly larger version of a cargo shuttle. As far as the station personnel 'not seeing it', Ford didn't care whether they did or not. As much as goes on at a typical starbase in my universe... Who the hell's gonna really notice an Akyazi carrying a shuttle anyway? Ford didn't place much classification on the recon mission anyway. Better to avoid more trouble with the fleet (IF they took exception to his ordering the mish...) by NOT trying to hide it. He was only concerned with the Ya'wenn finding out, which wasn't too likely.

To this part specifically: "You also say he's "large shuttlecraft" and "a wide craft". With limited interstellar capability, "massive thruster quads" and "heavy impulse drivers", as well as nacelles that have Bussard collectors, I kinda got the impression he's a big boy."

Yup. Big boy. My mind's-eye thoughts of him have his nacelles and winglets nearly so wide that they almost don't fit between an Akyazi's pylons. But they are slanted downwards, and therfor do fit. The Sanchez would be complicated enough that set designers would not be financially able to make a full scale mock-up of him. They'd have to use mostly CGI, much like with VOY's Delta Flyer [which I note, also had Bussard collectors].

I can see how this story can be discribed as 'uninformative'. To tell the truth, it was going to be just the first half of the next story, and I was halfway done with what is now #13 when I decided there was enough difference between the two portions that I could split them up. Otherwise it was going to be what I felt was too long of a story when compared to my previous episodes. Therfor I decided on a two-parter. Since the two are so different, I gave them seperate names as well, rather than Whatever Parts 1 and 2.

I'm enjoying the banter on this one. Thank you!

--thu guv!