Topic: Things that need to be invented!!

[Panzergranate]

I figure that we need to start a list of things that seriously need to be invented.

OK, here's my suggestions:

Numero Uno........ REMOTE CONTROL FOR CHILDREN!! Definitely a Nobel Prize for this one!! Obviously it'll have to have easy to find buttons such as <WHINGE MODE OFF>, <SHUT UP MODE ON>, <PESTER MODE OFF>, etc.

Next a "Who did it" fart detector. Application is obvious.

A TV remote that remembers where you were when you go channel hopping during adverts. Cable advert breaks are 8 minutes and broadcast are 4 minutes maximum by law here in the UK. Basically a timer system that return yu staight back to the TV show no matter where you are when the adverts end.

A friend used to have a TV that could be pre-programmed with a viiewing schedule and then switch straight to the required showswhen they happened. Now here's the best part.... it locked out the remote and panel so that nobody could change the channels away from the viewing schedule!! No more missing the first few minutes of the return to a show because some idiot has decided to go channel hopping!!

Needs to be compusory of all TVs!!

Another thing is how come my old 1943 Marconi CR 100/8 Short Wave Radio receiver has Automatic Volume Control, so that I don't go deaf if the volume is at full tilt when wearing cans if I happen to tune through a loud, strong signal, BUT 21st Century TVs don't have this facility??!! Very much needed today in the 21st Century!!

Any other essential inventions you folks can suggest??

[Panzergranate]

I thought of a few more things that need inventing.

Underwear in various shades of brown.... essential for dangerous jobs like test pilots, stunt men, etc. just in case the job becomes too scary and the wearer needs to hide just how frightened they really were!! Obviously with odour surpression built in too.

Actually how come no one has taken the logical move to actually produce underwear in brown??

[marstone]

Actually how come no one has taken the logical move to actually produce underwear in brown??

Actually the underwear I was issued in the Army were brown.  (Yes they were new)

[Just plain old Punisher]

I want to invent something that steals all the good ideas, patents them, and then kills the origional inventor.

[Nemesis]

A real lie detector.

[Centurus]

A real lie detector.

Nature already invented that.  It's called THE WIFE!!!!!

[Panzergranate]

I think a bullsh*t detector would be more useful.

However artists, salesmen, politicians and lawyers would find life very complicateed if it did exist.

[Brush Wolf]

I think a bullsh*t detector would be more useful.

However artists, salesmen, politicians and lawyers would find life very complicateed if it did exist.

And that would be bad?

[Panzergranate]

Also all the personel / human resources managers, recruitment agencies and Texans would be affected too!!

Bullsh*t has been around since the start of civilisation so it would be nice to eradicate it.

[Vipre]

Another thing is how come my old 1943 Marconi CR 100/8 Short Wave Radio receiver has Automatic Volume Control, so that I don't go deaf if the volume is at full tilt when wearing cans if I happen to tune through a loud, strong signal, BUT 21st Century TVs don't have this facility??!! Very much needed today in the 21st Century!!

This one's out there as well. It was invented to counteract the issue of commercials having in general a volume double what the shows have. That and car dealers screaming their opening lines.

[Panzergranate]

Here's another idea....

The Idiot Driver Proof Car!!

OK this is how it works in concept....

The car scans the head of the person sitting in the driving seat to establish the level of intelligence present. If the level is below a certain specified mark, the car refuses to start!!

Just think, no more DUIs, dickheads, Joe Dawdles (or his wife Dithery Dawdle) or other mobile hazards to the human race littering the highways!!

OK on the downside Blond females wouldn't be able to drive, even if they try to fool the car by dying their hair brunette!! (Artificial intelligence!!)

The Chinese maybe already developing this technology.... someone I know bought a cheap Chinese motorcycle which doesn't run after a few thousand miles and he was an idiot to buy one!! In this case he was scanned as he entered the dealership!!

[Panzergranate]

Here's a challenge for programmers.... invent voice dictation software that can understand anyone from Newcastle in Northern England. You just have to watch such a person trying to use a PC for voice dictation, it is just so funny to watch as they become more and more frustrated with what the computer thinks they're saying. It's hard enough for normal English speakers to understand.

[Just plain old Punisher]

Here's a challenge for programmers.... invent voice dictation software that can understand anyone from Newcastle in Northern England. You just have to watch such a person trying to use a PC for voice dictation, it is just so funny to watch as they become more and more frustrated with what the computer thinks they're saying. It's hard enough for normal English speakers to understand.

The problem is that computers don't think. They don't understand. They only do what they're programmed to do.

It's really difficult to replicate what our brain does when it hears spoken speech. With that said, there are quite a few dictation programs out there that do a fairly good job. Perhaps one error in 30, after a 30 min of voice training.

[Panzergranate]

The problemis that people form Newcastle (refered to a "Geordies") manage to make English sound like a bizare eastern European language. You'd jave to hear one to understand the problem here! Only other "Geordies"  can actually understand a word of what they're saying.

As for computers mimicing the human brain.... didn't the old Sinciar ZX 81 mimic the average blonde's brain??

On the need for certain inventions, what can't comeone invent a lawn mower than actually cuts down those annoying long stalks of grass?? All it needs is a sort on mini- hedge trimmer on the front to reduce them enough for the damned stalks so that the rotor can finish them off!!

 

[Abfalter]

A real lie detector.

Would be the downfall of civilization.

It would start with court testemony being under a 100% detector.  Then people would insist on politicians.  The CEO's and company marketfolks.  There would be more and more of a drive to make public statements only while being 100% truthful.

I'm betting a real lie detector would start more wars than nearly anything in history.

[Panzergranate]

It would stop women asking, "Doe this make my ass look big??" , type questions!! The reply would always be, "No the fat makes your ass look big!!"

Women always ask questions that they want a lie as an answer to. The older women become, the more they expect their menfolk to deviate from the truth, espcially of flattery. Face it guys, without lying, it becomes harder and harder to find anything truthfully flattering to say about women as they grow older. I mean, the truth is not what they want to hear, is it??!!

We employ politicians to lie on our behalf to other nations so that we can prosper (we hope) from it.

Where would politics, car sales, computer games, etc. be without bullsh*t??!! Who would have bought Legacy if they'd known the truth?? Who'd have bought a GMC Pacer?? And wh'd buy a cheap Chinese motorcycle if they knew that it would fall apart within a few thousand miles?? (Oh yea, idiots!!)

 

[Brush Wolf]

The Pacer was from AMC (American Motors) which was previously known as Rambler. While they were ugly enough to give French cars a run for the "ugliest" title they also had AMC's/Rambler's bullet proof reliability. I think you were thinking of the Chevrolet Vega that had engines that couldn't make 50,000 miles and bodies that showed rust within weeks of bringing them home.

[Panzergranate]

The French do have a history of producing ugly vehicles..... Just look at the ass end of a Renault Migraine.... I mean Megane!!

Their tanks have been ughly from day one until today. Just look at their God awful collection of slow moving Panzer gunnery targets they fielded in 1940 as examples.

Their latest winner of the ugliest tank in the world contest is the AMX 30, which usurped the title from the AMX 13.

What is it with the French and ugly machines??

[Dracho]

What is it with the French and ugly machines??

Ever see some of the stuff made in Eastern Europe?  (shudder)

How'd you like to only have a choice between a  Le Car & a Yugo?

[Panzergranate]

The US made the mistake of helping the Serbian transport industry when they bombed the Yugo factory!!

The export models of the Yugo all have a sticker with a tick on it stuck on the windscreen. This shows that the car actually started withing 5 minutes and therefore was good enough for export.

Ironically Czech mortorcycles proved to be better built and longer lasting than their poorly handling, over weight and quick rusting Japansse counterpart 2 strokes. The Czechs do love to over engineer everything oyt of the best materials they can find, unlike the Japs who use recycled weak steel during the 1970's and 1980's.

Russian motorcycles.... what can I say??!! The Nazis gave the Soviets the DKW 650 in 1935, when they were all pally, in the hopes of sabotaging the Russian motorcyle industry. Did they succeed?? Maybe!!

The 1970's 175cc Voshkod. This is an exercise bike designed by a sadist. It doesn't actually run!! I know a friend who has one in his collection of 134 motorcycles, and every so often, we go over and burn off the calories pushing is up and down hoping that we might actually see it even fire up or at least cough. He eventually discovered that if you remove the silencer naffle, heat it up with a blowtorch until red hot, refit it quickly and push start the bike, the engine will fire up and run like nothing was stopping it!! He carries a blowtorch with him when he rides it anywhere.

I attended an Eastern Block Red Star rally 8 years ago near Swindon (UK) and people had trailored Voshkods to the rally event in the hope that someone there might know how to start one up. Saturday morning saw various teams of people pushing these littell ugly 175cc bikes up and down and around the field in a sad sort of relay race. It was proposed that perhaps "Push Start The Voshkod" could be an event in the silly games that afternoon.

However, compared to some of the cheap and nasty Chinese bikes flooding the small bike market over here in the UK, the old 1970's Commie bikes, which are still in regular use, totally outclass them on everything from reliability to top speed. Never heard of valve heads falling off of a Russian bike within 2,000 miles ever!!

A local motorcycle repair shop, run by a mate, won't touch a Chinese bike even with two barge poles tied together after struggling to fix a 2006 125cc Chunlan that had dropped all its valves at 2,000 miles. Another friend took apart the transmission of a 50cc Cunglan Starway scooter (He refers to them as "Chubnob Stairlifts" and was horrified to find Nylon bushes where there should normally be ball race bearings on the transmission train. This is the same mate who owns the Voshkod so it takes a lot to horrify him mechanically!!