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Topic: Flashdown  (Read 3341 times)

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Offline Commander La'ra

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Flashdown
« on: March 06, 2007, 06:26:01 am »
City of HeroesVillains vignette written for my girlfriend...the antagonist of the piece is her character (though she doesn't actually play...long story). Big, Big, huge thanks to Lara for betaing it for me.

Not sure how enjoyable/sexy this is to someone without 'inside knowledge', but what the hell... ;D


---------------------------


Flashdown



She hadn't expected it.  It'd happened too quickly for expectation.  She'd caught a glimpse of the robber, let loose her mystic energy...but the thief had already evaded, already closed the distance.  Something hot and sharp tore through the blue lycra of her costume, and down the superheroine went.

She craned her neck around, trying to get a glimpse of her conqueror.

"Who...are you...?"  The heroine asked, a dark shape at the edge of her vision. 

"Who are you?"  The villain's voice was low, but undeniably female.

"Arc...Arc Flash..."  The heroine answered.

There was the rustle of fabric, an evaluating 'hmmm' from the thief.  Arc Flash was suddenly aware of the other woman's hands.

"What...are you..."  She asked.  The robber didn't answer, but the heroine could feel the other woman's body heat, the nudge of a breast, brief contact with a tight, apparently bare stomach.

Her fists clenched, grabbing fingerfulls of office-blue carpetting.

"It isn't fatal."  The thief assured.  "I'd still keep pressure on it, if I were you."

The brief touches ceased, the body heat faded away.

"What..."  Arc Flash started.  She realized she was trembling.  It wasn't shock. Shock was a cold, distant, feeling.  "...what're you going to do to me?"

Silence from the villain, but no departing footsteps, either.  The heroine felt an odd relief.

There was another rustle of clothing, another sudden...presence...against her, not quite touching.

Lip's fluttered against Arc Flash's ear.  She'd only thought the hands had been warm.  Her toes curled tightly in her electric-blue boots.

"Nothing."  The thief whispered, and the presence withdrew.

"But wha..." Arc Flash gasped and rolled herself over, hair falling into her face.  Through the curtain of blonde she could see the thief's dark locks and cowboy hat, the confident stride, the trench coat that concealed almost every other detail.

She brushed the hair out of her face, then blinked, for her assailant was already gone.

Arc-Flash let out a moan not inspired by her wound, then fell unconscious.



End
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"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2007, 05:07:27 pm »
Nice, but not enough to it, even for a vignette.

I know Misti somewhat. It's a very her kind of scene from the little I know of her.

Beyond that, I cannot critique yea or nay.

--thu guv!
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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2007, 07:56:26 pm »
I don't think you conveyed enough for this piece to be considered all that good.  I was disappointed.  Length isn't an issue if it is very tight.  This doesn't quite make it, so I'm left more annoyed than provoked into interest or thought.
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2007, 10:52:15 pm »
Thanks guys.  It was a big hit for it's intended audience (and a couple of her friends), but I had the feeling it wasn't that great in a general sense.  Guess I was right.
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"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline kadh2000

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2007, 12:48:06 am »
(Didn't mean to sound harsh.  Sorry.)
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"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2007, 07:16:48 pm »
BAHHHH!!!!! It sucks !

Just kiddin'. It had the atart of something that could be turned into a VERY interesting (if longer) story, or even vignette. But I'd almost have to see the star being the one who was injured, and not Misti's character.

-thu guv!
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'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Lara

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2007, 09:17:19 pm »
Told you it was too short and needed more info
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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2007, 02:58:00 pm »
I got the whole sexual tension thing, and quite enjoyed it really, so that was quite well done. But there just wasn't enough to latch onto. No explanation of who they are, why she was shot (beyond good gal/bad gal), what situation they were in, nothing.

With inside information you can fill in these blanks, but as a standalone, it leaves much to be desired.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #8 on: March 09, 2007, 10:29:12 pm »
And now it degenerates into all of us coming here to take a collective dump on it.

kidding of course...
*pulls up pants*

--thu guv!
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'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #9 on: March 09, 2007, 11:28:52 pm »
Hey, I was just trying to see if it worked for a less specific audience than it was written for. ;D
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"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #10 on: March 10, 2007, 12:36:28 pm »
I think we get that. Not trying to antagonize.

--me
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'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

'Jaken...are you pretending to be dead?' --Lord Sesshomaru, Inuyasha.

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2007, 12:06:37 am »
Was sayin' I didn't mind the criticism. :D
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"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.

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Re: Flashdown
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2007, 09:24:06 am »
Sorry I'm late... We already talked about this one, La'ra, which is why I was slow to comment.

Like I said, there's really not much here. It's a good foundation for a short piece, but it's just too bare bones by itself. But... I think you've been told that already. :)
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