Topic: Spin the Bottle  (Read 14259 times)

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Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #20 on: February 11, 2006, 05:16:58 pm »
Oooooh you B*STARD! You just had to end it there, dincha? *grin*

Excellent installment and brilliant cliff-hanger. I can safely assume whoever is standing closest to the bottle will be the "genie"s new master?

Hurry up with the next part!
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Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #21 on: February 13, 2006, 03:26:58 am »
Gdamn larry!!

Quote
though his boots were still remarkably yellow.

LMAO ^
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2006, 01:34:36 pm »
First things first: You dirty low down SOB, how dare you stop right there. ;)

I wasn't sure about the idea when you first started talking about writing this, to be quite honest, but I'm enjoying it. Bytor seems your prototypical 'good guy' superhero, if a bit idiosyncratic, which is an interesting contrast to good ol' Commando Bob, who's got the power but is at best ambivalent about having it and using it. Not that that's a bad thing; Bob's got potential, and despite the fact that some aspects of Bytor are kinda stock, he's quite a riot. I love his battle cry. ;)

So, the short(er) version: Keep going!
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Offline Jaeih t`Radaik

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2006, 08:11:59 am »
This is really excellent stuff. A real person (Bob) in the midst of all this wacked-out superhero/fantasy action judt seems to do it for me. I've never really liked this kind of stuff so I never bought superhero comics, but I did like 'Gen-13' and this is what your story reminds me of.

Quote
I nodded.  It was a stupid plan.  It was dangerous to both of us.  I couldn’t think of anything else.

Plus, I really love this line. Great stuff, keep it up! Give us more!
"I'm just observing. You know, making observations."
"Great. We'll stick a telescope in your head and put a dome over it, and we can call you an observatory."
Paris and Rory, from "The Gilmore Girls."


Offline Commander La'ra

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Finale
« Reply #24 on: February 23, 2006, 09:03:50 am »
Not sure I'd call Bob 'normal' considering that he's a master of cinema-style Kung-Fu, thinks nothing of walking around with cloth wrappings for shoes, and is agitated but not particularly surprised when howling demons sneak in through his apartment window.

But still...you do have a point...

...and with that, here's the finale of 'Spin the Bottle'.  Everyone lemme know what you think.


--------------------------




“Bytor, get down!”  I scrambled to my feet and leapt as far as I could.  A lance of flame shot upward from the bottle’s neck, pooling in a cloud of flame about ten feet off the ground.  I hit the ground, rolled to a stop, and watched as the formless fire swirled, gaining definition and shape.  In less than a second it’d taken a vaguely human form.  A woman’s form, only flame.

She raised her arms and howled and fire burst out from her in a constant stream.  She spun, whipping her fire around like a scythe.  The Circle mystics, stunned by the sudden disruption of their ritual, made no attempt to get away.  They were gone in an eyeblink, vaporized away with only the rough outline of a shadow seared into the ground.

The howling turned to some kind of language, spoken rapidly, and the fire-woman continued her massacre.  A fireball burned through a Circle thug who dropped dead as the fiery projectile ignited the Ninja that'd been creeping up behind him.  A group of Hellions ran screaming into the woods, clothes aflame, their panic spreading and sending pretty much everyone in the clearing into a general retreat.  Some got away, most didn’t.

“Holy sh*t.” Said Bytor.  He was lying on the ground next to me.

The screams were dying away now.  Bits of grass and tree limbs flickered and burned along with several dozen bodies.  There were no moans or cries for help, only a little wind and the crackling of whatever was still burning.

I looked up.  Ahead of me the vaguely female inferno gained shape and substance.  Fire smoothed out, died away, leaving not ash but a long-legged, curvy body with skin like polished obsidian.  There were no clothes, and her thigh-length flame-colored hair—not the carroty red you might be thinking, more a campfire caught in freeze-frame—cascaded down her back, concealing nothing.  Her eyes were warm yellow light, and they locked with mine.

“Howdy.”  I said, standing.  Bytor did the same.  The fire-woman stared.  Behind her, the Oriental pulled himself up.  She spun, hands glowing angrily.  Some of his minions had survived.  Singed and hooded, they stood and moved to join their leader.

I don’t remember stepping forward, but the next thing I knew I was beside the fire-woman, cracking my knuckles.  Bytor stood opposite of her, eyes flicking from one hooded assasain to another.  Lightning arced between his fingers.

“An impasse.”  The Oriental declared.  There was no defeat in his voice.

“Guess so.”  I said.

“There will be another time.”  He assured.  “Bob, wasn’t it?”

I shook my head.  “Commando Bob, to you.”

He smiled slightly and walked away, his thugs preceding him into the woods.

Fire-girl was giving me a speculative stare.  There was an odd scent in my nostrils, like good incense.

“Hurriyyah”  She muttered, then collapsed..  I blinked.

“Huh.”  said Bytor.  We looked down at her.  She didn't try to get back up.  She might've been asleep.

I shrugged.  Bytor took off his coat and wrapped the flame-girl up in it.

"Hospital?"  He asked.

I didn't really know where to take an unconscious genie, but Jill would. 

"Hospital."  I agreed.



*    *     *



"Genie bottle, huh?"

"Yeah."  I replied.  I was back in my apartment.  In front of me was a brand new thirty-two inch television set.  Some forensic-themed show was on.  "Doctor said she expended too much energy and just passed out, nothing major."

"The doctor knew what to do with a djinni?"  Jill asked.  She sounded a lot more rested than she had hours before, even over the phone.  I'd checked on her when I'd brought the genie-girl in, but she had been sleeping.

"He was a specialist."  I said.

"I love this town."  Jill chuckled.  "Odd that she didn't fade out or something.  She manifested."

"The doc said something like that. He thinks it's willful, not permanent, though."

"That's really odd.  Most spirits don't like being bound to this plane, it sort of inhibits their freedom of action.  Can't wait to get talk to her...she can talk, right?"

"Yeah."  I paused for a second.  When the ebon-skinned fire spirit had awoke she'd thrown a hissy fit.  No one really understood a word of what she'd been screaming.  "Not sure she speaks English."

"There's spells for that."  Jill said confidently.  "Glad she's all right."

"Me too."

"You saved her, Bob.  Like a real superhero."  I could hear the smile in Jill's voice.

"Don't start."

"Commando Bob, huh?"

"Do not start."

Jill giggled.  She doesn't often giggle.

"Think you could give me a ride home when they let me out tomorrow?"

"I can do that."

"Okay."  Silence for a moment.  "Hey Bob?"

"Yeah?"

"I knew you'd do it.  I mean....I knew you'd be able too."

I felt my damned face heat up.  I didn't say anything.

"You and whoever left the bottle."  I finally replied.

"Yeah...wonder who did that."

"I dunno."

"See you tomorrow."

"Sleep good."

We hung up.

I leaned back on my couch, looked around.  I was glad she hadn't razzed me too hard about the superhero thing.  I'd had enough of that already.  My apartment had been clean and mostly fixed when I'd came home.  There'd been a plate of cookies on the counter.  Big, fat, double-choclate chip cookies.  The note on top had explained how pleased Mrs. Jimenez and the rest of the building were that I'd finally applied for my license.  Wincott had come by and told them.

I sighed.  I wasn't going to be a superhero, license or no.  That silly piece of paper would expire in a year, and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.  I took a bite out of one of the cookies.

The phone rang.  I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID.  I let it ring.

"Telemarketers."  I growled.

The answering machine picked up.

"Hey Bob, it's Bytor.  Working with you rocked, man.  Got something I was looking into I thought you might wanna help with.  Saving people and kicking butt.  Makes me happy.  Wanna give me a hand, call me back."

I nibbled my cookie.  The unmistakable theme song of 'Magnum P.I.' emanated from the TV.  I heard a siren in the distance.

Bytor had helped me out;  I probably couldn't have rescued the genie chick without his help.  Jill would've been disappointed, and I probably wouldn't be watching my new TV and eating choclate cookies if he hadn't came along for the ride.

I could help him out once.  Repay the favor.

I picked up the phone, dialed Bytor's number.  Just once, I'd tell him.  I'm not a real superhero.  Didn't mean I couldn't help him out.

"Yo."  Bytor's voice seemed as yellow as his outfit.  "This Commando Bob?"

"Yeah."  I said.  "It's Commando Bob."



End
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #25 on: February 23, 2006, 09:35:42 am »
Quote
I looked up.  Ahead of me the vaguely female inferno gained shape and substance.  Fire smoothed out, died away, leaving not ash but a long-legged, curvy body with skin like polished obsidian.  There were no clothes, and her thigh-length flame-colored hair—not the carroty red you might be thinking, more a campfire caught in freeze-frame—cascaded down her back, concealing nothing.  Her eyes were warm yellow light, and they locked with mine.

“Howdy.”  I said, standing.


ROTFLMAO that's a fcking great show of intellect there :D

I'm surprised Larry, though I shouldn't be, I'm sad to see it end. But you left lotsa room for a sequal. GIMME!
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #26 on: February 23, 2006, 09:43:58 am »
Quote

ROTFLMAO that's a fcking great show of intellect there :D

Well, he was thinking that if she was going to kill him, she'd have done it already, and on the off chance she changed her mind about not setting him ablaze, he'd have a better chance of getting away if he was standing up. ;D
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Jaeih t`Radaik

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #27 on: February 23, 2006, 09:57:48 am »
lol La'ra...

This is a superb ending to the tale. Possibly a bit anticlimactic since the "oject of our affections" passes out after a mini-massacre of the bad guys, but it fits well.

I love how he still doesn't consider himself to be a superhero, and how the others razz on him for it. I loved the scene with Jill there. Made me grin widely.  ;D

Quote
"Yo."  Bytor's voice seemed as yellow as his outfit.  "This Commando Bob?"

"Yeah."  I said.  "It's Commando Bob."

And just what the smeg is this supposed to mean? *laughs* How can a voice sound yellow? Do you mean it was as loud and obnoxious as his yellow suit? That'd make sense...
The final line is classic. You just know that this'll become a regular thing for him, despite all his denial.

Great job, La'ra. I look forward to more from Commando Bob in the future.


PS. Just wondering... how does Bob pay for his lifestyle? I mean, he lives in a sh*tbox appartment to be sure, but he has a nice car in a paid parking lot, just sitting waiting to be used. He can't afford new boots, but gets himself a 32" TV? WTF? *grin*
"I'm just observing. You know, making observations."
"Great. We'll stick a telescope in your head and put a dome over it, and we can call you an observatory."
Paris and Rory, from "The Gilmore Girls."


Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #28 on: February 23, 2006, 10:01:53 am »
Quote
PS. Just wondering... how does Bob pay for his lifestyle? I mean, he lives in a sh*tbox appartment to be sure, but he has a nice car in a paid parking lot, just sitting waiting to be used. He can't afford new boots, but gets himself a 32" TV? WTF? *grin*

Well it's not THAT nice...didn't I mention it was a 1978 Impala?

And he used the money he was gonna spend on the boots FOR the TV....as for how he makes his money, I'm not sure.  I suspect he may pawn the various weapons and other such he takes off uppity gang members who menace the people in his apartment building or do maintenence stuff for his neighbors since he can get around easier than them.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Jaeih t`Radaik

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #29 on: February 23, 2006, 10:12:23 am »
Hey, I have no idea what an Chevy Impala is. I'm British!

Cool idea on the pawning of confiscated weapons. That fits perfectly, I can so see that happening.

And what the hell kind of boots can you get for the price of a 32" TV????
"I'm just observing. You know, making observations."
"Great. We'll stick a telescope in your head and put a dome over it, and we can call you an observatory."
Paris and Rory, from "The Gilmore Girls."


Offline Sethan

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #30 on: March 21, 2006, 09:02:20 pm »
I like.

One problem:  that wasn't a story.  It was an introduction.  Where's the rest of it?   ;D
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. --Aristotle

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #31 on: March 22, 2006, 01:27:21 am »
One problem:  that wasn't a story.  It was an introduction.  Where's the rest of it?   ;D

Erm...uhm...well...

...it's not written yet?
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline CaptJosh

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #32 on: March 22, 2006, 03:26:21 am »
Excuses, excuses...
CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world;
those who understand binary and those who don't.

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #33 on: February 17, 2007, 01:41:15 pm »
Bump for obvious reasons.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Spin the Bottle
« Reply #34 on: July 18, 2009, 12:53:51 am »
Yup, bumping this one too.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight