Topic: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation  (Read 36664 times)

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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #40 on: October 05, 2007, 02:36:34 am »
Calyx - Chapter 2: Interlude I, Dirt

The starship didn't seem that big to Acasja.  She had expected a huge behemoth that filled the sky.  Instead it was no longer than the sailboats that she had taken out on the lake.  She was sure it would be very uncomfortable for a long trip through space.  Even one of the boxier ships on the ground at the spaceport would have been more to her liking.  While they didn't have windows, they at least looked large enough to be comfortable on the inside.   "It's a shuttlecraft," said Captain Acton, who was standing beside her looking out at the landing area.  "The ship you'll be travelling on can't land on a planet."
"Is it too large?" she asked hopefully.

"No, not that," he said with a laugh.  "It's not made to go through a planet's atmosphere and land.  If it did, it would never come back up.  Don't despair though; it will be more than large enough to enjoy the journey."

He was right.  Rising Star was more than large enough.  It took Acasja more than a week to walk every deck from one end to the other.  Plenty of stops in between had made the journey longer.  There was the crew galley that she was allowed to visit.  There was the casino that she was not.  Both surprised her.  She had thought the crew would eat as well as the passengers.  If I ever get my own ship, she thought, my crew will eat well.  Nor could she imagine that a spaceship would have its own casino.  Then she found out Rising Star was a luxury liner.  It travelled from the core of Federation space to the rim and back.  Acasja was one of the few passengers that was not from Earth, or Rigel, or one of the other central systems. 

She got her first glimpse also of alien species.  She met Rigellians and Andorians, whom she liked; and Tellarites and Orions, whom she did not.  Most of the passengers were human like her, but, she was pleased to discover, none seemed all that strange in manner. 

It did not occur to Acasja to become homesick.  She was walking forward to her future and that was the way she faced.  Her favorite thing to do was to look at the stars as they streaked by.  Ahead they gleamed like blue diamonds. The best ones were the ones she could see to either side.  Those weren't gems or even lights.  They were streaks of color that raced along beside the ship for a few seconds and then were gone; outdistanced like an older train in NNY.  She would look back and the stars they had just raced were scattered like a handful of playing cards dropped to the table after the game was over.

It surprised her that they did not see other spaceships until someone showed her just how vast space was.  If they met another ship out here it would be intentional on someone's part.  When the alarm sounded, the one they had practiced once on her first day on the Rising Star, Acasja returned to her own quarters to wait until another signal came that the drill was over.

Her room in the apartment was nowhere near as nicely appointed as the stateroom on the Rising Star.  That all this space, gleaming with luxury, was hers amazed her.  Later she was told that hers was one of the smallest cabins on the ship.  Whatever strings Captain Acton had pulled to get her on it, she decided, must have been pretty long. 

The alarm didn't come immediately.  For the first time on her trip, excepting when she was given a tour of the engineering section, she could feel the deck tremble slightly as the ship increased speed.  The stars must be interesting at a different speed.  It was disappointing.  As far as Acasja could tell, there was no difference in the way the stars went by.  Ahead they looked no different.  Behind, behind was a silver block that filled the starfield.  It loomed larger until it was alongside Rising Star and Acasja could see its profile.  Rising Star was vodka and satin to look at.  This ship was chocolate milk, poorly mixed.  "All passengers are advised to stay in their cabins," said the speaker in her room.  It was the first time she had heard it speak; she recognized the voice of the captain: she had sat at his table for dinner as her second meal on Rising Star.

The most surprising thing of all then followed.  Rising Star dropped out of warp alongside the other ship.  "Please remain calm," the speaker said again, still the captain.  "A crewmember will be visiting each passenger shortly.  Please comply with his requests.  We have been boarded by pirates.  Again, I remind you to please stay in your cabins."

A second voice followed his.  It reminded her of the Tellarite she had met.  "Anyone who fails to obey these commands will be shot.  There will be no exceptions."  Acasja evaluated her physical condition versus that of unknown pirates armed with unknown weapons.  She factored in the needs of the crew and other passengers and sat perfectly still facing the door to her stateroom that she now noted was being called a cabin.

It felt like a long time, but later she checked to find it had been less than fifteen minutes.  There were three of them in addition to the crewman, one of the pursers, she thought.  One was Orion, one human, and she did not recognize the third species.  The purser read from a padd.  "Acasja Tilfe from Anetu.  Trip paid for by Captain Acton of Starfleet.  Middle class background.  Destination: San Francisco, Earth."

"Valuable to Starfleet, eh?" mused the human.  He held a weapon in his hand, as did the unknown alien.  "What do you think? Do we take her?"

The Orion looked at Acasja.  "Answer truthfully girl.  Why did Starfleet pay for your trip?"

"I've been accepted into Starfleet Academy," she said and stopped.  It was all she knew and it answered his question.

The human scoffed.  "They don't do that for just anyone."   He leaned toward her so that she could see the individual pores on his face.  He smelled of grease and sweat.  "Do you know how many people I have killed?"

She kept her attention on the Orion.  He was the leader.  "It does not matter to me."  Again, it was the truth. 

"Given a few years you could be a fine pirate," the Orion said to her.  "Let's go."

The human raised his weapon until the end of it was just in front of her nose.  Despite her best efforts, Acasja could not make herself back down from it.  "Let's go," the Orion repeated more firmly.  "If I have to call you by name, we'll have to kill her and that would make me mad.  Now come."  They left her.  Within a minute the other ship pulled away from Rising Star and disappeared into warp with a flash.  Acasja had been one of the last to be visited.

She tried to keep in control of herself.  It had been a long time since a situation had been totally beyond her control.  It started as a slight shudder and then descended rapidly into silent heaving sobs that left her choking for air and lying face down on the floor of the stateroom with the heat from her cheek warming the cool carpet.  This close, it smelled faintly of dust.  It was an unexpected revelation and it became the rope by which she pulled herself back.  Her newfound critical eye scanned the stateroom.  Some of the gold and crystal were newer than most of the rest.  The later additions were of a similar quality and artificially made.  The older, yes older was the word for the remaining trappings, decor was hand done.  Rising Star was a tarnished gem, not as lustrous as she seemed.  Acasja wondered if it had been worth it for the pirates to stop her.  She suspected not.

Later she discovered they had removed ten passengers and most of the cargo. 

The one incident of excitement was enough for Acasja and she was grateful to make the rest of the trip to Earth without another.  They were forced to make an extra stop and undergo interviews with Federation Police officers.  Acasja told her story and was complimented on being 'such a brave girl'.  It had rankled to be dismissed like that, but she had managed to smile and nod in the appearance of gratitude.

When they reached Earth, Acasja prepared to board a shuttle down to her destination.  Instead, she was lead to a small room with no other exit.  From her tour she knew it as the transporter room.  The question is it safe? had already been answered for her with the assurance that it was.  She gathered her small bag; the rest had been transported ahead of her and would rejoin her at the academy, and stepped onto one of the pads.  At the command 'energize' she could not help but look up and found herself taking in a blue sky.

It was somewhat cloudy and there was a smell of the sea.  Not all that strange and quite welcome after a month in space.  Her gaze lowered and the city filled itself in around Acasja.  It was tall and colorful and clean and fresh.  Acasja imagined that it always smelled like it was just about to rain and that the zephyr that blew a strand of hair in front of her eyes was always gently blowing.

When her vision finally reached eye level, Acasja found she was not alone.  Two people, both in uniforms, stood nearby, waiting for her notice.  The one she noticed first was a girl in a silver open-collared dress.  On her left breast was a patch shaped like a ten-rayed star.  She wore high-legged boots and dark mesh covered her leg between the bottom of the skirt and the top of the boot.  Her hair was brown and only slightly shorter than Acasja's.  The second was a man, also in a uniform.  His resembled Captain Acton's.  He seemed cut from a similar cloth as the captain.  There was less fire in his eyes. 

The girl spoke first.  "Hi.  I'm Midshipman Lieutenant Tyler.  I'm commander of Echo Company at the academy.  Should you make it through the summer program; you will be joining my company.  This is Starfleet Lieutenant O'Hara, the company officer.  Welcome aboard."

Acasja wasn't sure how to respond to that greeting.  "Thank you," she settled on.  "Sir," she added to the officer.  He reached out his hand and took hers.  "It'll be years before you get to do that again," he told her as he continued to hold her hand in his grip.  "Enjoy it while you can."  She relaxed her hand and he allowed it to slide away. 

"Would you prefer to walk to the Academy from here or transport?" Lieutenant Tyler asked. 

"This is my first time on your planet," Acasja said and smiled. "Let's walk so I can get a picture of it.  As they walked, her fellow cadet gave Acasja a verbal tour of the campus.  Acasja only partially listened, committing to memory what interested her and allowing her other senses to run free across this new world.

The building they led her to was shaped like a large rectangle with an open field in the center.  "This was at one time a fortress that traded hands between three nations of Earth," explained Lieutenant Tyler.  "It was called The Presidio back then, but now it is the home of plebe summer at Starfleet Academy.  It will be your home for the next seven weeks.  If you pass that experience, you'll join the Academy proper.

"Why don't you tell me about your own education and how you got into the Academy to this point?"

"Of course," Acasja replied politely.  She started with her school experience and then went on to tell the other two about her trip to Earth.  More than the pirate attack, they both seem surprised that she had not taken the competitive examination.  "What's that?" Acasja asked, stopping in her tracks and looking at the other girl with eyes wide and curious.

"You take the entrance application, which you did," explained Lieutenant Tyler, "and then, if you are accepted, you go to one of the testing sites and take the competitive exam with other candidates.  Usually only one candidate from each test is admitted to the academy. After that, they come for a week long orientation.  That's when most candidates who are going to drop out discover that military life isn't anything like civilian life and quit.  Didn't you have to go through any of this?"

"I have a sponsor," Acasja answered, once she understood the meaning behind the Lieutenant's questions.  She took out the ring she had been given and showed it to them. 

"I see," said the real Starfleet officer.

Lieutenant Tyler was looking at her with an expression of jealous anger on her face.  "I had to take the competitive exam twice before I got in," she said.  The rest of the walk was in silence.

Acasja and the other two parted just inside the gates of the academy.  It felt somehow ominous as she walked beneath the stone archway that separated Starfleet Academy from the rest of the world.  She was directed to the center of the quad where many other people were standing.  Half were in uniform and the stood quietly, waiting.  Some looked at her with eyes that were predatory.  Those she smiled at warmly.  The other half were like her: civilians.  Some looked openly afraid, others were nervous, but most were chatting gaily.  Acasja had a feeling that she would be best served by joining the group of bantering candidates.

What happened next, she wondered how many of them could have predicted besides herself.  Apparently everyone who was expected to arrive had come and the gates clanged shut.  At that moment, the uniformed side of the field snapped into action. 

An amplified voice called the civilians to order and explained that this period was to be used to turn them into professional soldiers.  Those of them who made it through were to be admitted into Starfleet Academy as Midshipmen Fourth Class.  Each of them was assigned a Midshipman First Class who would be their guide throughout this introduction.

The first order of business was turning them out of civilian dress and into cadet uniforms.  This was the one thing she dreaded most.  Acasja was used to wearing a uniform.  It had been a facet of student life since her first day of school.  She hoped the uniform requirements were more flexible than they had been at home.  If she had to wear that dress Lieutenant Tyler had on...  Her worries were relieved as she received her first uniform.  Female Midshipmen had the choice of wearing a uniform either like that she had seen on Lieutenant Tyler or one in the same colors, but of the style Lieutenant O'Hara had worn.

It did not surprise her that she was the first one on the quad when they were assembled later.  How bad many of the others looked in uniform did surprise her, though.  Acasja had expected everyone to know how to wear a uniform from their own days in school.  Based on her initial evaluation of her classmates, she hoped they would make her an officer.  She was disappointed to learn that only Midshipmen of the First Class were officers.

What followed was the first day of what she called the most exhausting seven weeks of her life.  Her day began at sunrise and ended long after sunset.  The outside world might as well not have existed.  They called it teaching the intangible and tangible qualities that make an outstanding Starfleet Officer.  In many ways Acasja found it to be stimulating.  In others, she found herself forced to suppress her own nature to meet the expectations of her indoctrinators.  Anger seethed just beneath the surface of her being until she realized she would need to suppress that also.

Self-discipline, organizational ability, critical thinking: these all were qualities she already possessed in measure.  She was surprised that she started with a big edge over the others in physical fitness.  She made it one of her goals to maintain that edge.  The ability to think quickly was another area that they were trained in.  Acasja was again surprised at how many of her fellow candidates needed to be taught that.  That word, surprise, was her constant companion as she rated her cohorts. 

There were things she didn't know.  Most of those, however, were tangible skills and she picked them up very quickly.  The basics of navigation and shuttle piloting were new to her.  She enjoyed the training in phaser use and quickly became the best marksman among the candidates. 

When it came to leadership techniques she found her own knowledge lacking.  It was the one area of her performance that disappointed her.  She made it her goal to leech every bit of that part of her education out of anyone who would stop long enough to teach her some more.

Finally it ended.  Acasja was formally welcomed into Starfleet Academy as a Midshipman Fourth Class.  The small area of the Academy that had been her home was opened up to the larger campus.  For nearly a week it was to belong to her and her fellow classmates.  Then the rest of the students were to arrive.



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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #41 on: October 05, 2007, 02:42:10 am »
Having been to Japan a lot lately, I wouldn't describe Anime as a genre.  More of an artistic style.  I don't really think of style in that way when I'm writing.  I just do it as I am.  Which reminds me, this part isn't surreal.  It's simple and straightforward.  Probably too much tell and not enough show.  I consider it the necessary evil in getting from the prelude of chapter 1 to the meat of chapter 3.  I considered leaving it out entirely and skipping right to the first day at the academy.  You guys can judge it anyway and tell me what you think of it.  I won't take it out of the story, since like I said, it is in some way necessary. 

Chapter 3 is already written and I will post it in a week or so.
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #42 on: October 05, 2007, 07:30:17 am »
Can't really judge without seeing the sections afterward, but it feels necessary to me, to include this section.  It doesn't have the tone of the earlier parts of the story, but our heroine has also migrated to an entirely new environment and thus it really shouldn't feel the same as her previous life.

I liked the rather low-key pirate attack with the liner heaving-to quickly and the urging of passengers to stay in their cabins.  Nice foreshadowing with the statement that if you saw another ship, it was deliberate.

Continuing to enjoy this.  Looking forward to the next part.

And yeah, anime is style, not genre. ;D
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #43 on: October 06, 2007, 12:24:54 am »
The more I read it the more I like the second section.  Told you to put it in. :)
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Offline Czar Mohab

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #44 on: October 07, 2007, 09:18:03 am »
First off, I must say I really like this piece, a lot.

I really like the "entrance exam" conversation. Kinda made me feel like "You had to take an exam? Sucks to be you!" was the unspoken theme there. Also the whole acadamy indoc scene reminded me of the first day of boot camp; confusion, mild embarrassment, butt hole drill instructors... I realize that the acadamy would be different from experiences I've had, but the scene was reall to me.

So, do I undersdtand this right, that Acton went from an enviable posting on Enterprise to wherever he went to climb the ranks to end up as a luxury liner captain? Kind of a wierd posting, but makes sense for the story. I wonder if it was his choice or if he really got some admiral miffed at him...

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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #45 on: October 09, 2007, 12:48:53 am »
I'll need to fix that to make it more clear.  Acton is not the liner captain.  He merely pulled some strings to get Acasja on the liner.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #46 on: October 09, 2007, 10:21:49 pm »
I didn't have any problem following. :angel:

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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #47 on: October 23, 2007, 07:30:21 pm »
Acasja sat alone at the end of a table in the mess hall contemplating her situation.  It was the first day of classes and she had yet to meet her new roommate.  The previous person with whom she had shared a room hadn't made it through the summer session and Acasja had spent a week living alone. 

"Hey mister," a squeaky female voice interrupted her thoughts.  The girl had short blonde hair and was quite human.  "What do you think of Starfleet Academy?"

Deciding to play the part, since the girl had obviously mistaken her shirt and trousers as a sign that she was male, Acasja replied "I'm sure I'll love it with cute girls like you around."

The girl looked at her with wide eyes, and then giggled.  "Oh, you're Acasja Tilfe, the girl who dresses like a boy.  I'm Wanda Beck.  We're roomies.  Isn't that great?  Do you want a tour?"

"If you're in fourth class like me, how can you give a tour?" Acasja asked quietly even as she stood up.  The girl was a full head shorter than she was.

"That's easy," Wanda said with a smile.  "My brother graduated last year."

As they walked along and Wanda showed her the campus, Acasja could only find one word to describe the grounds of Starfleet Academy: confusing.  Message boards floated along in large clumps, displaying pertinent information about the days' upcoming activities.  Odd paths lead off in diverse directions only to lead to nearby buildings.  Beyond the initial quad there was little rhyme or reason to the layout that she could determine.

If there was a second word, it was broken.  Gates existed where the top of one side connected to the bottom of the other.  Archways stopped halfway before connecting to supporting posts.  Stairs lead up to nowhere only to have a nearby staircase, a short step away, continued on up to a building.  Large panes filtered the sunlight in some areas.  While the effect was artistic, Acasja could find no sense to it.   

As they walked, the sound of cheering grew louder at a corner.  Rounding it, Acasja saw two people in fencing garb surrounded by a large crowd of midshipmen.  Both seemed very skilled and equally matched.  When they reached the interior of the circle of the audience, one penetrated the other's defenses.  Both stepped back and saluted one another before removing their helmets.  One was a female student.  Acasja recognized her as her Julia Tyler, the company commander. 

"Julia's captain of the fencing team," Wanda explained.  "Do you fence?" 

"Where I come from, we call it dueling," Acasja said, distracted by the boy.  "Who is he?"

"Oh, that's Mickey.  Everyone adores him.  I think it's because he's so cute and so smart."

"Can you introduce me to him?"

Wanda rolled her eyes.  "You too, already?"  She led Acasja over and through the dispersing crowd.  Lieutenant Tyler appeared to be explaining some finer point of their match to Mickey.  When they were done, she brought Acasja over to the youth, who was stripping off his fencing gear.  "Excuse me sir, this is Acasja, my boyfriend, who wanted to meet you."

"Boyfriend?" asked both Acasja and Mickey together.  Wanda laughed.  "I thought that would get your attention.  Isn't she masculine?"  Red-faced, Acasja turned and quickly left the area.

Acasja never brought the subject of Mickey up and Wanda never mentioned it again. Acasja found that Wanda was in many of her classes.  The girl had a way of sneaking up on her and leaping onto her back.  "I love you, Acasja," she would say and not let go until Acasja responded in kind.  Acasja became very used to carrying the girl's weight on her back.

The workload of a Midshipman Fourth Class did not provide her with many opportunities for extra-curricular activities.  As the first semester came to an end, Acasja finally felt she had a grasp on her academics.  It had meant hard work, but her first semester grades were perfect.  She was also beginning to feel like she was ready to participate in organized sports. 

Most of the students left for the midwinter break.  Wanda went back to her family's home in England.  The company officers also went home.  Acasja and a few of the other students, mostly from beyond the Sol system, were the only ones left on campus.  She found it a very lonely time.  She used some of the time, most of the time, almost all of the time, in practice with her shinai.

It turned out that fencing was only open to upperclassmen so Acasja turned her attention to the sport of basketball.  She had been good back home and it continued here.  She became the first person from the fourth class to lead the academy team in scoring. 

With her at small forward, the Starfleet academy team made it to the collegiate championship.  As the game wound down to its final minutes, the Vulcan Science Academy team had a slight lead.  Acasja was sitting on the bench getting a breather before the final push.  "I want to be the hero, not someone taken care of," she said to herself, repeating the pep talk she always gave.  "I don't need to be protected; I need to do the protecting.  To do that I need to win!"  She hopped to her feet just as the coach called her back into the game.

The Academy team inbounded the ball and it quickly found its way into her hands.  Acasja drove down the lane, fighting through the Vulcan defenders and the arm that came down to block her shot.  Despite the foul, she made the layup and then the free throw afterwards.  The team made the defensive rebound on the next shot by the Vulcans and Acasja hit a jump shot at the buzzer to give Starfleet Academy a two point victory.

"Ooh,” Wanda cheered from the stands.  "That's so cool.  My darling Acasja's such an all-around athlete."

"And she's so nice!" agreed the girl sitting next to her.

"It's such a pity she's not a boy," said a third.  "She's the hero of the fourth class."

The victory didn't win her any perks when she returned to school, but Acasja discovered she had a fan club among the female students, who seemed to also regard Wanda with some awe.  It made her feel more alone than anything else.  She wandered the campus, reveling in her self-pity.  With a sudden shock she remembered why she had come to the academy and she hadn't even begun looking for him.  Head down, she clenched her hands into two fists and began walking.  "I came to this far-away place in search of something important to me, more important than anything else."

Something blocked her path and Acasja looked up to see what it was.  It was an open gateway with a chain-link fence across it. A sign read 'Keep Out'.  Behind it were a shallow lawn and another gateway that was closed by a pair of iron gates.  Looking back the way she had come, Acasja realized she was lost.  She realized she was lost.  She wasn't sure she would easily find her way back to anywhere she knew.  With a shrug, she stepped over the fence and walked forward to the decorative iron gate.  A sign above it read 'Officers Only'.  Despite the warning, she reached out to the latch.  The gates pushed open with only a light touch and Acasja walked between them.

Trees, tall but not threatening, loomed over her.  A narrow path meandered through them.  Enchanted, Acasja followed it. The thin wood suddenly ended and Acasja stopped and stared.

The garden was beautiful beyond her imagination.  A lane before her led to a fountain overflowing with trickling water.  Statues of figures she recognized from various Earth myths were strewn almost randomly throughout.  A line of columns separated the main garden from a small maintenance shed and many more colorful plants and flowers.  Everywhere on the near side there were roses.  There were more varieties and colours than she could name.  Their fragrance filled her nose and then her heart.  Acasja sighed and breathed deeply.  She let her hands touch the blossoms as she passed by the flowers.

Just beyond the fountain, she saw a female midshipman watering the flowers.  'I can ask where I am,' she thought.   The midshipman's head jerked suddenly sideways and the watering can fell from her hand.  Then Acasja saw that another midshipman stood behind the girl ahead and that he was one of the brigade officers.  'What's with those two?' she wondered as she got nearer.

The officer brought has right hand down across the female student's face again.  His left hand swallowed her right wrist, preventing her from escaping. 

"Hey!" someone else called out and a hand reached out and grabbed the officer's arm before it could descend again.  Acasja let out a relieved sigh.  'Thank goodness someone was there to stop him.'

Footsteps rushed up behind her.  It was Wanda, who wrapped her arms around Acasja as usual.  "We lucked out.  We'll be in the same classes again next semester..."

"Wanda, you're heavy," Acasja interrupted her.

The girl didn't pay any attention.  "What are you looking at?  Oh, Commander Simon.  He's such a hottie!"

"The guy with the wavy hair?" Acasja asked, referring to the one who had struck the girl.  "And the other is the brigade captain this semester.  His name was, was... Thomas Applebaum?"

"No way!" Wanda said in disbelief.  "You recognize Captain Applebaum, but not sweet Kevin, the boxing champion?  You are so out of it, Acasja!"

Acasja arched her shoulders and twisted so that Wanda slid down off her back.  "I'm sorry, but I don't have the advantage of my brother having been a student here.  Who's the girl, then?"

"Angela?  She's the commandant's sister.  She is so gloomy.  You'll find out soon enough that she's not good for anything.  I found out she's going to be in our Astrodynamics class starting tomorrow."

"Are they dating each other or something?"

"What?  No Way!  Tommy may be a playboy, but serious Kevin would never do something like that!  She just tends the officer's garden here, that's all."

"I see," Acasja nodded.  "So that's your type, Wanda."

The girl slapped the back of Acasja's head.  "Oh, come on.  You're just being jealous!  Well, don't worry!  I only have eyes for you.  Please believe me Acasja.  I really, really mean it."

Acasja didn't answer but watched as the trio left the garden, apparently unaware of their audience.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2007, 11:18:19 pm by Andromeda »
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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #48 on: October 24, 2007, 02:28:34 am »
I think I like Wanda.  She's evil.
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #49 on: October 24, 2007, 08:44:19 pm »
I wasn't picturing this as anime...not till the last post. The conversation...how things were said...was so very anime...

You have my love!

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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #50 on: October 25, 2007, 02:43:11 pm »
Crap!  I know what happened.  I wrote down everyone's ages as four years younger than they are supposed to be. For whatever reason I have them listed at ages appropriate for secondary school, not university. 

I've been reading a lot of manga.  I didn't realize it had crept into my writing.  Ah well.
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #51 on: November 01, 2007, 03:39:46 pm »
Actually, I forgot that I mentioned I was reading a lot of manga at the start of this attempt.  It certainly does and should have that feel.  Whether you want to imagine the characters with big eyes and small mouths that get impossibly large when they cry or even as cute little chibi figures is up to your own interpretation of my story. 

I'd define it as a coming-of-age story for one Acasja Tilfe.  More than most other people, Acasja's not afraid of change and that brings her into conflict with the people around her.  You'll notice that adults are either not mentioned or have no part in the story.  Does a college student really care about the adults or is her life centered around her fellow students and friends?  All the students have the same goal: power and authority.  Most want to be in command of a starship.  The upperclassmen see this goal more clearly than the fourth class students.  Of course they're all labouring under the misconception that just by wanting something, having self-confidence, and trying as hard as you can that you will reach that goal.  Not everyone who wants to gets to be the captain.  It's part of growing up and that's the heart of my story.

Surrealism: A 20th-century literary and artistic movement that attempts to express the workings of the subconscious and is characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtaposition of subject matter.    I really wanted to try writing something very surreal.  I think I'm succeeding.  Some parts more so than others, but that's intentional. The realism exists more in interactions beyond the student environment while the surreal is seen through the eyes, not only of Acasja, but all the students at Starfleet Academy.

I might have set it at a private upper secondary school for those on the path toward a university education, but chose Starfleet Academy so it would fit on the board here.  It actually increases the surrealism of the story.  Despite early misgivings, I'm discovering that I like it.

-S

Postscript: I can set MS Word for American English spellings if you find the differences jarring. 
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Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #52 on: November 01, 2007, 03:43:49 pm »
INTERLUDE II - COURT OF HONOUR


Midshipman Captain Thomas Applebaum stood framed by a large stained glass window, where the glow of the afternoon sunlight caused it to give him an almost sinister air.  "I'm sorry to have called you all together on such short notice," he addressed the assembled senior officers of the academy brigade. 

"Lieutenant Tyler, Commander Zoppi, could you both come forward as witnesses."  The pair that Acasja had seen fencing came to the fore of the chamber.  "You both saw what happened, so I feel you need to be present when I deliver my verdict as Midshipman Captain.

"Commander Simon, Angela Otori, come forward."  The MIdshipman Commander stepped forward without apparent concern and the girl, the only person present who was not an officer, followed, her hands clasped at her waist and her eyes aimed downward.

"Commander Simon, we were chosen as officers by the rules of the Starship Seal.  But your violent treatment of Midshipman Otori debases all we stand for."

The blonde Midshipman reacted with a sudden jerk and his casual manner disappeared.  "That's not true," he replied sharply.  "She is my consort.  How I treat her is my business."

Midshipman Lieutenant Commander Mickey Zoppi interrupted.  "The rules of the Starship Seal are absolute.  We are merely the competitors, granted a chance by Last Judgment... a chance for greatness or failure."

"You can't just interpret the rules to your own liking, you know that." Lieutenant Tyler
added.

Commander Simon snorted.  "I know nothing of the kind."

"Kevin!"

Captain Appelbaum raised his voice threateningly but the smaller voice of Angela Otori filled the air.  "I am his.  For now I am his consort."  She looked the Captain in the eye.  "Everything must be as he wishes.  That is what I know."  Her energy expended by the outburst, her head dropped again.  She saluted him and he returned the gesture automatically, even as his mouth opened in surprize. 

"That's how it is with us," Commander Simon asserted with a smirk.  "Good day."  He snapped a salute and turned sharply on his heels and led the girl from the room, slamming the door behind him after they departed.

"What can we do?" Mickey asked, his voice thick with worry.  "Should we let him do what he pleases with her?"

Captain Applebaum stared at his hands for a moment, twisting the ring with the symbol of the Starship Constitution that he wore on the third finger of his left hand.  "We must let Starship Seal law guide us.  Commander Simon may do with her as he wishes, but only until someone takes his consort from him.  We will turn a blind eye until the next duel."
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #53 on: November 01, 2007, 09:23:45 pm »
Two word in reply to this one in regards to how Ford would have treated this Simon feller [Southern for fellow, BTW]...

"Towel Party"

--thu guv!

[adds that the guv may have to write something based on this idea in his 'Back in the Day' line-up...]
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #54 on: November 02, 2007, 10:40:42 am »
Warning to other posters...reading this comment from Andromeda....

Quote
Whether you want to imagine the characters with big eyes and small mouths that get impossibly large when they cry or even as cute little chibi figures is up to your own interpretation of my story.


...immediately followed, in a drowsy state, by this comment from the Guv...

Quote
Two word in reply to this one in regards to how Ford would have treated this Simon feller [Southern for fellow, BTW]...

"Towel Party"

....can result in disturbing mental images too bizarre to describe with text.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline kadh2000

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #55 on: November 02, 2007, 10:05:41 pm »
Sorry Rommie, but that is a hysterical image!
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Offline Governor Ronjar

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #56 on: November 02, 2007, 10:27:30 pm »
 :angel:

--thu guv!
'It's a lot of hard work being a mean bastard...' --Captain Eric Finlander, CO USS Bedford (The Bedford Incident)

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #57 on: November 05, 2007, 03:54:04 pm »
Okay, I can't help but find this seriously bizarre. Cadet captains and commanders, women 'belonging' to men through consort attachments, cadets carrying on as if they were from a primary school as depicted in Manga...

More than anything, this reminds me of a manga series I got a graphic novel of, called Midnight Panther.

I'm just having a hard time reading this as Trek.

Beyond that, you're writing it well, and despite all the above (and maybe because of the Panthers association), you have and continue to have my attention.  :D
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #58 on: November 05, 2007, 06:43:33 pm »
women 'belonging' to men through consort attachments..

That's one thing Star Trek, past the TOS era, has been continually afraid of doing:  Portraying an alien or pseudo-Alien culture that doesn't follow mainstream 'Developed Country' social mores as anything but some kind of socially undeveloped barbarians. 

Infinite Diversity through Infinite Combinations is not a TNG more, but here we're shown a little conflict between cultures (which is what I'm assuming this to be), and that's a good thing.
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline Andromeda

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Re: Calyx: A serial novel of the Federation
« Reply #59 on: November 06, 2007, 01:37:42 am »
It's not only different cultures, but different age groups.  In a wierd way, this was meant to be a teen-aged view of the world.  Very skewed and centered on the actions of the main characters with very little interest or empathy with anything that doesn't affect them directly. 

Unfortunately Starfleet Academy age is about four years older than that.  I do remember that was about the age when empathy for others really began to matter.  I seriously considered setting this at a private academic college that was preparatory to a university education.  I couldn't find a Star Trek angle for that though.

Consort relationships are an interesting thing to explore as well.  (I just thought of this.  SA should have branch campuses throughout the Federation.  I should have set it on one of those to make everything work better than based in the old Presidio in California) The main character is meant to be 'normal' or supernormal but I didn't make her normal culture as America so it probably doesn't come across quite right. 

On ranks and titles.  Star Trek said their ranking system was loosely based on the US Navy so I went to tne naval academy website to find how they ranked their cadets.  There are adult officers from the ranks of Starfleet attached to each company of midshipmen.  Again, they're not really important to the story more than to note, as I did when the main character first arrived, that they exist.

Andy, La'ra  thanks for commenting on my story. 

I hope no one minds the occasional peak into my ideas for the story instead of just the writing.

PS.  I'm having more fun writing this than anything I've ever written before.  (Oh, yes, the next part is seriously weird.)
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