Let's see...where to start...
...well, first off, I really enjoyed the overall pace of the story and the tension in the air prior to the battle (and the operation). I said that previously, but since it's probably my favorite part of this particular piece, I'll damn well mention it again.
Throughout the initial stages, you've got a very, very good sense of matters approaching a critical point in both of the main plot arcs. And, following the confrontations with both the Ya'wenn and Thomas' disease, you get a very deep sense of relief. Unlike the other stories in this arc, there's a big sense of 'that's it, we won, we're free and clear at least for now'. That's rare in a Rog story.
Now, on to the confrontations themselves...
The battle with the Ya'wenn, as Andy said, was very well done and convinced me that the
Endeavour's attackers didn't really know they were overmatched. You also convinced me the ship was in danger despite their opponents not quite being on the same level...Jarn isn't exactly Stephen Decatur, but he's smart enough to A: Bring more friends to the party and B: Attempt to overwhelm what he knows is a superior, if hobbled, ship. I liked Ford's 'choosing his ground' to nulify a possible advantage on their part, too...never see that on Trek. And, in the classic sign of a good battle scene, I kept thinking of what La'ra would do in a similar situation.
Of course, since I have some inside info, I knew precisely what was going to happen when the
Endeavour tractored the escort ship.
The operation seemed a little glossed over to me at first...and still does, but I decided I liked that. When you get right down to it, the procedure, as described, would've been tedious to describe fully, and probably the sort of thing that either works or doesn't, so a 'crisis' really wouldn't have been believable. I think you should us about what I think you should've, and no more.
I also liked the lead-up to the medical procedure...the multiple departments working on the plan, the bizarre method of treatment, etc, Surall's estimation of the odds, etc. Much like the initial encounter with the Ya'wenn scout, it went into building that tension I liked so much.
Now, on to characterization: In this story, we probably saw the least 'development', character wise, when compared to the other tales. But that's okay. This one is more of a set-piece, to me. The characters, by this point, are known quantities, and the point of the whole endeavor (bad pun!) is that we see them blend together to work as a crew. We've seen that in the other stories, yeah, but not so much as we did in this one. This encounter seems to actually be what you titled it: Their tribulation, their real test where they show us what they can do when they're together and in tune with each other. And when they meet said test and conquer it...warm fuzzies all over.
And, as always, the events of previous stories are not forgotten. Ford's continual attempts to sneak in just a little sleep...the repair difficulties...the physical effects of all the crew has been through are there and evident, though not hammered into our skulls.
Weak points are few and far between in this story. There are parts where your dialogue sequences could be a little crisper...hard to explain, exactly, but lemme find an example.
“I misjudged you, Captain Ford. I had thought you would be a man more easily exploited. Either way, you cost me a great deal of money. I’ve come for your ship and your crew.”
Ford scoffed, his smirk losing its mirth.
“Well you just came barkin’ up the wrong damn tree, Hoss.”
I'd eliminate the 'Ford scoffed' part and just cut right to the punchline, here. We know Ford well enough by now we KNOW what kind of expression he's got on his face, and I love the 'barkin' up the wrong tree' line...I want it to have the ol' immediate impact it ought to. There's a few other places like that.
Note that I'm applying some of my own sense of style here, though, but that's probably a given since I'm writing the review. And even if you agree with me, it's a minor point.
And now, the traditional end of Larry's Big-Ass Review(TM)...the 'little things I liked' that didn't seem to fit anywhere else.
The captain's chair and the 'repair' thereof, Surall stating that Vulcan humor is hard to catch, Davenport just being Davenport, Bronstein's convincing confidence, Tolin's irritation but understanding when she's told to close up the nacelles, Keller seeming tired enough to have run a marathon, the captain's dog, the
Endeavour being all theatrical and flying through the debris, etc, etc.
There we go. How's THAT for a reply?
Topic: Story #4: Tribulation (Read 7551 times)