Not entirely accurate, let me make corrections
"I'm going fishing."
Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
Accurate
"Let's take your car."
Really means...
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
Accurate
"Woman driver."
Really means...
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
Inaccurate, "someone who is more concerned about checking her makeup in the rearview mirror, or commenting on the passing houses, flowers, etc., than watching where she is going.
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means...
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
Accurate, although Hunter Green is always an option as well.
"It's a guy thing."
Really means...
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
Inaccurate "Its exactly what he said it was so you couldn't possibly understand it in your search for a hidden underlying overly emotional reason.
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
Inaccurate "If I help you can we have sex after dinner?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means...
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling
Accurate, its an evolved defense mechanism that protects out ears from continual nagging
"Good idea."
Really means...
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
Accurate, unless the idea involves sex then it is a good idea
"Have you lost weight?"
Really means...
"I've just spent our last $250 on a cordless drill."
Accurate
"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means...
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
Inaccurate "My problems aren't dramatic enough to get her attention off reality television and harequin novels"
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means...
"I have no idea how it works."
Possibly accurate depending on circumstance, it could also mean "I'd likely pop a blood vessel in the brain trying to convey this so that you would understand it."
"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means...
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
Accurate
"I got a lot done."
Really means...
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
Inaccurate it means "Since I wasn't burdened down with a big "Honey-do" list, i got the stuff done that I wanted to do. (It may or may not involve Waldo)
"We're going to be late."
Really means...
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
Partially accurate, but the main meaning is "Stop trying to fit into that old dress that is 3 sizes to small, and put on something that fits so we can get on the road."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
Accurate, but could also mean "Its the 4th quarter/ bottom of the 9th inning for Gods sake woman leave me alone"
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
Accurate, although it could also mean watching you clean house has given me a woody
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...
"Are you still talking?"
Accurate
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means...
"I forgot our anniversary again."
Accurate, although it can also mean "It scares me too much to take you to the mall to buy presents, becuase who knows what else will wind up on our credit card"
"You expect too much of me."
Really means...
"You want me to stay awake."
Accurate but can also mean "Your out of your mind if you expect me to miss the big game to go to a baby shower"
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means...
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
Accurate
"Football is a man's game."
Really means...
"Women are generally too smart to play it."
Accurate
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means...
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
Accurate
"I do help around the house."
Really means...
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
Inaccurate, it really means "You wouldn't have a house if I hadn't put the shingles on the roof, painted the outside of the house, installed gutter guards, caulked the windows, etc, If you actually looked around the house you'd see all my work, you are merely focused on INSIDE the house."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means...
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
Accurate
"I can't find it."
Really means...
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
Partially accurate, can also mean "How dare you place it where it is "supposed to be" instead of where I left it laying last week."
"What did I do this time?"
Really means...
"What did you catch me at?"
Accurate
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
Really means...
"You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
Inaccurate, it really means You just bought new clothes six months ago, and if you stopped eating chocolates while watching Ophra they still might fit."
"She's one of those rabid feminists."
Really means...
"She refused to make my coffee."
Inaccurate, it really means "She turned down my offer of sex"
"But I hate to go shopping."
Really means...
"Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."
Accurate, but also means "Because if I wanted to lift 200 lbs with my arms I'd go to the gym and not be carrying your shopping bags."
"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
Really means...
"You may actually get it to start."
Accurate
"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
Really means...
"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, with pre-evolutionary companions."
Accurate, but could also involve stuffing $20s down G-strings at the local stipjoint
"I heard you."
Really means...
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
Totally accurate
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means...
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
Accurate
"You look terrific."
Really means...
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
Accurate.
"I brought you a present."
Really means...
"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
Inaccurate, as if a woman ever is the one to scrape the ice off, it really means "I hope you don't notice my expensive new power drill"
"I missed you."
Really means...
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
Accurate
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means...
"No one will ever see us alive again."
Inaccurate, resuce services are much better these days so you probably will be rescued.
"We share the housework."
Really means...
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."
Inaccurate, it really means "If I dont help out i get no sex and she vacuums during the game."
"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means...
"I like you more than my truck."
Inaccurate, it either means "I saw the price of those diamond rings you were eyeing", or "After meeting your family, there is no way I want to go to 40 years of family reunions with that bunch"
"I recycle."
Really means...
"We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
Accurate
"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
Really means...
"Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
Inaccurate, it really means "God if she lets that one slide I promise i'll go to church every sunday for a month"
"It sure snowed last night."
Really means...
"I suppose you're going to nag me about shovelling the walk now."
Accurate
"It's good beer."
Really means...
"It was on sale."
Inaccurate, it means "It was nice to be able to drink in peace for a change with no nagging about me drinking too much."
"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means...
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
Accurate
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means...
"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
Accurate
"I broke up with her."
Really means...
"She dumped me."
Inaccurate, it really means "She nagged too much and your headed down that path yourself, so beware"
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
Really means...
"Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
Inaccurate, it really means "I need to get laid tonight"
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Topic: What Men Mean (Read 1968 times)