(somewhere near the Romulan Neutral Zone, Federation side)
Spock: "Sir, Romulan warbird decloaking, Cricket-class! Distance: 250,000 km"
Kirk: "Get us out of here, maximum warp!"
(outside shot of the Enterprise, turning toward the camera, blue lights in the nacelles glowing brighter, then turning off, along with the ramscoops)
DaSalle: "I can't get power!"
Scotty: "Warp engines just stalled! I was in the middle of a diagnostic ya know!"
Kirk: "F--K! Mr. Kyle, I need some Wild Weasels on the double!"
Kyle: "Aye sir, I'm on it" (Kyle leaves Ops and heads for the turbolift)
Spock: "Cricket now at 200,000 km and closing slowly."
Kirk: DaSalle, maintain course away from the Cricket, speed: 3/4 impulse. Uhura, patch me in to the Romulan.
Uhura: "You're on, Captain"
Kirk: "Romulan Commander, looks like you're having some engine trouble. Need a tow?"
Spock: "Incoming plasma torpedo! Type R, time to impact: 30 seconds."
Kirk: "DaSalle, PUNCH IT! Mr. Kyle, your weasel had better be ready or this'll be the first manned sensor decoy."
Kyle: "Sh-tsh-tsh-tsh-t.... (dmmmmmmmmm (shuttlebay doors opening)) "F--K!! ALMOST THERE....." (HMMMMMMMMMMM (shuttle carriage moving out of the berth to the flight line)) "al...most.... GOT IT! (WHOOOOOoooooosshhh... (decompression sequence starts, gets quieter as Kyle exits shuttlebay)) "I'm clear!"
Spock: "Impact in 5...4....3..."
Kirk: "EMERGENCY STOP AND HARD OVER NOW!"
(Enterprise stops rapidly and wheels around to the left just as the torpedo impacts the sensor decoy, 12 km in front of the ship)
Romulan Commander: "baaaaahahahahahaahahahah" (gasp) "hahahahahahaahahahaaaa!!!!! You Feds are all so predictable!!"
Kirk: "GodDAMMIT, Max, why do you have to do that EVERY time?" (to Chekov) "Was it real?"
Chekov: "Negateev, sir"
Romulan Commmander (Maxillius): "I was just showing a few of my more promising cadets just how easy it is to piss-off a Fed. If Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way."
Kirk: "Not so fast, what're you doing in Fedeeration space, anyway?" (to Chekov) "Ready Operation Maxillius"
Chekov: (smirks) "Aye, sir"
Maxillius: "State secrets, Captain. Besides, I'd hate to show my cadets how crispy Federation techology is under plasma fire so any word of our... encounter... had best stay out of the hands of your superiors, and mine."
Kirk: "Oh, you have my word on that. Now, Mr. Chekov."
(4 photon torpedos streak out of Enterprise's forward tubes)
Maxillius: "Were those exercise shots?!?"
Kirk: "You'll see. <snicker>"
(Three photon torpedo-sized pink paintballs impact the formerly-pristine gray Romulan hull, coating the entire forward half. The Fourth explodes 500 km behind the ship)
Maxillius: "Bastard! Mark my words, Kirk, the next time my torpedo willl be real!"
(Romulan ship cloaks)
Kirk: (through the laughter on the bridge) "That would almost make it worth it! Till next time!"
Topic: Farmboy Humor (Read 1744 times)