Topic: NEW thanksgiving thread (your choice American or Canadian )

[TraumaTech]

As part of our efforts to educate Americans about Canadian culture, we bring you the Newfie joke. Newfoundland was the last province to join Confederation in 1949. They had the choice of either becoming part of Canada or part of the US. They decided to join Canada, and became our national joke. No, seriously, Albertans are a national joke, but that's another story...

The Newfie joke is a very unique form of joke, usually in two forms. The first is the Newfie outwitting the mainlander:


What's black and blue and floats in the bay?
A mainlander telling a Newfie joke

or:

Newfie Waiter: Would you like to try the beef tongue?

Mainlander: No, I do not eat anything that comes from an animal's mouth.

Newfie Waiter: Would you like an omelette instead?

 
 OR  DA UTTER TYPE



You might be a Newfie Jedi if.....
------------------------------------------------

1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."
2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.
3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.
4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.
5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.
6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.
7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.
8. Even C3-PO cannot understand what you are saying.
9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street) and Breezway (University Bar).
10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.
11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."
12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.
13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).
14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.
16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.+
17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.
18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.
19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.
20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.
21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"

[el-Karnak]

I am a Canadian citizen, but am going to be a US citizen soon. So, I should get 2 Thanksgiving days and 2 turkey dinners, plus the extra day habitually taken off after US Thanksgiving is cool too.

I could also become a French citizen, through my wife, or an Italian citizen, through my parents, which means I could also get Bastille Day(France) and Republic Day(Italy) and V-E Day(France) and Liberation Day(Italy) Assumption of Mary Day, but then that would be too much lasagne and pasta and escargot and wine  to handle.

[Rolling]

I am a Canadian citizen, but am going to be a US citizen soon. So, I should get 2 Thanksgiving days and 2 turkey dinners, plus the extra day habitually taken off after US Thanksgiving is cool too.

I could also become a French citizen, through my wife, or an Italian citizen, through my parents, which means I could also get Bastille Day(France) and Republic Day(Italy) and V-E Day(France) and Liberation Day(Italy) Assumption of Mary Day, but then that would be too much lasagne and pasta and escargot and wine  to handle.

Why in the heck you want to be a US citizen?!!!

[FPF-Tobin Dax]

Lower taxes!

[TraumaTech]

DON'T CHOKE IN TEXAS....NEW EMERGENCY MEASURE
Two Texans were having breakfast at their favorite watering hole, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady a few bar stools away turning blue from wolfing down an Armadillo omelette too fast.
The first Texan said to the other "Think we orta' help?"

"Yep", answered the second Texan.

The first Texan got up and walked over to the lady and asked,,, "Kin yew breathe?" She shook her head no.

"Kin yew speak?" She again shook her head no.

With that, he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and started to lick her on the butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe with great relief. The first Texan turned back to his friend and said......"Funny how that thar Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"

[TraumaTech]

NEWS BULLETIN
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Newfoundland, Canada.

Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.
The Newfoundland Provincial Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues.

The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the province.

Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community

[TraumaTech]

Top Ten Reasons Why Canada did not join USA in the War on Iraq...
10. We have no way of getting there.
9. We are too busy at home with the Maple Syrup Season.
8. Iraqis don't drink Labatts beer.
7. Saddam's name pronounced backwards is "Mad Ass". We'll stay away from him.
6. There is only limited potential for sales of Canadian Bacon in Iraq after the war.
5. Our Sea King Helicopter was damaged and needs repairs.
4. Celine Dion can't sing to the troops because she has a contract in Las Vegas
3. The Rivers in Iraq are too shallow for our War Canoes.
2. Lousy hockey in Iraq at this time of year
1. Our army is needed at home in case of another snow storm in Toronto<------this one for u Duck   

[TraumaTech]

Revenue Canada Audit
A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined Revenue Canada, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders: maybe even a Canadian version of the Enron or WorldCom guys. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then,they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way...


"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi..
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to Revenue Canada in Sudbury."
"Revenue Canada?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Revenue Canada ...and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."