Topic: Kzinti War Orphans Need Your Help

[Hexx]

<preliminary draft>
<Not for public release>

Friends

All too often in these wars we fight we forget the true victims.
The Children of the Kzin
Through no fault of their own, their homes are ravaged time and time again as their own military is  off bombing my planets
doing the bidding of their Federation masters.
Time and time agin the Kzin leave their own young  to fend for themselves while off securing more resources for the Federation.
We say it's time to put a stop to this.

The Coalition High command have shown themselves both benign and wise in their donations. And have agreed to send a ship
to transport the orphans off into space planet.
Unfortunately the only ship with enough transporters transport capacity is a C8VK.
And even the unlimited Generosity of the Klingon Empire would be hard pressed to find a C8V that they could spare during such trying times.

It is with this in mind that I turn to you, the walking prestige factories citizens of the galaxy. In order to be able to expedite the eradication reloaction of the poor orphans, we turn to you, and ask that you help us fund the
Kzinti Homeless Urchins Relocation Subsidy Exchange program, or KHURSE for short.
We find we are about 15000 credits short for the purchase of a C8V for our personal use noble cause.

Please, with the new editing systems in place, donating is a simple and painless matter.
Simply contact Bonk, and arrange for whatever amount you wish to donate to be transferred to the
Khurse account. In order to avoid needless work complications, we must point out that no donation of less than 5000
may be accepted you cheapskate friends.

Again that account name is Khurse.

The Kzin War Orphans thank you.

[FPF-Tobin Dax]

Alliance reminder, any day you see Hexx online, it's Lyran Pelt Day. Make sure you are ready.

[Dizzy]

Unnofficial response, not for processing...

Representative Hexx... There may be a possible solution to your problem... You see, my Dreadnought was destroyed in comabat last night returning home after 3 consecutive PvP engagements with the coalition. Severely damaged with no supplies, Captain FPF-Phi-Templar attempted to escort me the last leg home but we were intercepted by a huge Lyran fleet after my Navigator accidently blundered into Lyran space. The idiot swore it was Gorn controlled or at least looked that way on his nav screen right up to the point there was no more room on the lifepods... He then admitted he was color blind. Poor bastard.

My current status has seen my command transferred to the USS Cochrane, a F-CAR+ cruiser and my current prestige after this terrible loss stands at only 2,000. I am some 30,000 credits short of being able to again field a dreadnought.

My offer, and the only one I know that would ever see your transfer of funds work would be to channel the credits through an investment banker by the name of Bonk to then be redistributed to the two of us. I know him well. I'm sure it will not cost much and the funds will be guaranteed.. Perhaps 10%? We would of course need the exact account names of the benefactor(s) willing to transfer these funds to us.

30k to me, 15 to you and 4.5k to Bonk. So we would need 49.5k. I'm sure that throughout the entire coalition, we can find some generous soul(s) to help us in this mutually beneficial situation. Please provide accurate account information for the transfer of funds to be redistributed.

Thank you,
Dizzy

[FPF-DieHard]

I will gladly donate 5000 PP from my Mirak account for this noble cause.

Account name:  "PuttyTang"

[Hexx]

I will gladly donate 50000 PP from my Mirak account for this noble cause.

Account name:  "PuttyTang"

Problem solved... Thanks!

[FPF-DieHard]

I do get to wing when Duck or Hippocrates hunt you down

[Dizzy]

Ummm.... there seems to be an accounting error there between that post and that quote...

[Hexx]

Ummm.... there seems to be an accounting error there between that post and that quote...

<Must... talk..like..kirk...to...avoid...suspicion..>
Who remember are your you cut going youto dumb believe ass ?

[Soreyes]

My current status has seen my command transferred to the USS Cochrane, a F-CAR+ cruiser and my current prestige after this terrible loss stands at only 2,000. I am some 30,000 credits short of being able to again field a dreadnought.

My Dear Capt. Dizzy. Why on your Gods Green Earth would you go through Hexx to secure a lone payment for a new DN. My word I have over 140k and would be willing to lone you 30k at 2% intrest. Heck that would still leave me enough to buy and outfit 2 Z-BBVs

[Dizzy]

Soreyes, gracious and benevolent beyond description, we want to help Hexx. By helping Hexx we help ourselves... ::wink, wink::

[Soreyes]

So do I send 5000 to the Hexx Benevolence fund

[Hexx]

So do I send 5000 to the Hexx Benevolence fund

Hmmm.. the HBF

I like the sounf of that
I could start my own fleet..

[Green]

MR HEXX,

WE HAVE RECEIVED A FAX MESSAGE SENT TO THIS OFFICE THIS MORNING IN REGARDS TO YOUR CLAIMS AND KZINTO LOTTO MR'AA HAS GIVEN A GO AHEAD TO PROCESS YOUR CLAIMS BUT IN THE SHORTEST TIME WHICH IS TO ELAPSE BY 28TH OF AUGUST, 2006 AS EXTENSION TO THE AFOREMENTIONED DATE IN YOUR LETTER OF NOTIFICATION THEY HAVE SENT YOU EARLIER ON WHICH WAS STATED 18TH OF AUGUST 2006.

YOU ARE ADVISED TO FILL AND SEND THE VERIFICATION FORM ATTACHED TO THIS POST BACK TO THIS OFFICE VIA FAX OR BY EMAIL TODAY. AS WE SPEAK MY ASSISTANT HAS STARTED PROCESSING YOUR PRIZE CLAIM CERTIFICATE WHICH WILL BE SENT IMMEDIATELY TRANSFER HAS BEEN EFFECTED. A COPY OF PAYMENT OF OUR CHARGES FOR PROCESSING OF YOUR PRIZE WINNING AND HANDLING CHARGES IS TO BE SENT ALONG WITH YOUR FILLED VERIFICATION FORM, UPON RECEIPT OF THESE REQUIREMENTS VIZ: FILLED VERIFICATION FORM AND CONFIRMATION OF PAYMENT OF THE REQUIRED FEE 8,968 PP (EIGHT THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT PP) IT WILL TAKE ABOUT 24-48 HOURS FOR PAYMENT TO BE EFFCETED.

KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT YOU HAVE MINIMUM TIME AND WE HAVE TO WORK ALL THROUGH THE CLOCK TO SATISFY OUR CLIENTS SO THAT THEY WOULD HAVE CAUSE TO USE OUR SEVICES SOME OTHER TIME, I WOULD ADVICE YOU MAKE PAYMENT IMMEDIATELY INTO OUR MR'AA BRANCH OFFICE VIA GORN UNION MONEY TRANSFER WHICH WOULD BE FASTER TO CONFIRM YOUR PAYMENT, WITH THE DETAILS OF OUR ACCOUNT OFFICER IN MR'AA AS STATED BELOW:

NAME OF RECEIVER:
MR. HEXX

ADDRESS OF RECEIVER:
45,56 ROW,
LYRA EC 4M,
 

A CONFIRMATION OF PAYMENT SHOULD BE SENT TO THIS OFFICE VIA FAX OR AS AN EMAIL ATTACHMENT ALONG WITH YOUR FILLED VERIFICATION FORM IMMEDIATELY SO THAT WE CAN ACT EFFECTIVELY IN EFFECTING THE TRANSFER OF YOUR PRIZE WINNING.

YOU CAN REACH ME ON MY PERSONAL STATELITE NUMBER: +8821646685846. I REMAIN,

SINCERELY,
GREEN.
FIRST SECURITIES INC.

[Father Ted]

Ted watched this pathetic ad on TV and was stirred from his usual revelries. "Laura! Get GodTV on the line now! We need to stamp out that traitorous, bastard, midget's megalomania before it reaches Fed space!"

"Too late!" she said. "He's already gotten about $1 in pledges from the dwarves on Seti Alpha Two".

This was serious. Ted had exclusive channel and cable rights to religious stuff in the Federation, especially fundraising. Hexx was undercutting him. A dollar here, a dollar there, and it might turn into a cult. And, dangerously deluded as Hexx was, this cult could be a problem.

"Ted?" Laura asked, "what do you want to do now?"

"We've gotten this far", he said as one hand held his Bible and the other his most trusted advisor and friend. "We're in the deep reaches of Klink space. He'll seek us out in the devil's den before he touches foot in Fed space."

"What makes you so sure of that?" Laura asked.

"He ordered Kung Pao Chicken on Lunesta IV", Ted replied, "Lunesta is filled with Irish and German pork farmers. He does the Devil's Work!"

"So how do you plan to handle him?" Laura asked.

"I'm going to insert an overloaded photon up his arse!"

[FPF-DieHard]

Dear Hexx,

Please kindly accept a donation of 5000 PP from my "IntestinalRotting" account to help offset your PP losses from our PvP fight last night.  The United Federation of Planets regrets any inconvenience we may have caused the Klingon Empire by “removing” you from your ship.

Regard,

DH

[Hexx]

<sigh>

Poor Bonk, the man must be getting no sleep having to rearrange all these accounts... wait!
I know!

I think if we all agree , Bonk can simply make a one time deposit of 30K in my account.
Then I can take care of everything.
I mean, there;s what 3 or 4 accounts involved already, and that's without
a single member of the coalition donating funds for my C8V yet...

[Father Ted]

I've got a better idea. We rename your traitorous arse: "Possum".

"Don't Fear the Reaper" is just a song. "Fear the Father Who's Still Breathing" is what you, S'cippy, and the rest of the traitors should worry about. You'll never find a more loyal ally, or a more pissed off enemy.