Topic: Woes of the Administrator, otherwise knows as the "Comcast Blues"

[FA Frey XC]

As those of you who frequent our forums may have seen, figured out, or solved via mathematical expressions, lately we've been having less than optimal service from our ISP. I wanted to share this with you, just so some of you can see the intricate goings-on behind the scenes here at Dynaverse.net.

Being the Vice President of Technology for the DGA, it's my sole perview to make sure the servers that run the webs, directory services, IRC, Teamspeak, email, and hosted websites all run the best we can make them run. This includes selecting and implementing the internet service provider after our move away from Bear Technologies. I am the Master of the Servers, sole Lord of Technological Stuff, and I deserve the respect that is due to such a prestigous position.

What you are about to read is a accurate account of the events that have transpired. Some details, including names, have been changed to protect the ignorant.

EPISODE 1

DIS-ORDER

Frey:"Hello, Comcast? Hi, I'm calling to get some information about your business class connections. So can you tell me about these services? What's the price range, SLA, and bandwidth?"

Friendly Comcast SalePerson:"I'm sorry, did you just axe me a question?"

Frey:"What?"

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson: " Good morning and thank you for calling Comcast. Can I get your phone number, starting with the area code first?"

Frey:"Sure, it's XXX-XXX-XXXX"

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson:"Thank you. One moment while I pull up your account..."

Frey:"Ummm, wait a minute...did I get transferred to the customer service department?"

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson:"This is the Sales department, sir. Business Services. Did you need to speak with Customer Service? One moment, I will connect you."

Frey:"What? Wait no !!"

BEEP BEEP BEEEP

As the tones of the call being transferred are 140 decibels, and apparently the same ultrasonic harmonic frequency that cause's intense pain in dogs, Frey's pups begin to howl profusely and get the crackhead look.

Frey:"Jesus Christ, I'm bleeding from my right ear!!"

Friendly Comcast Customer Support Representative: " Good morning and thank you for calling Comcast. Can I get your phone number, starting with the area code first?"

Frey:"sigh"

Friendly Comcast Customer Support Representative:"Sir, please do not use that language with me on the phone or I shall have to disconnect the call!"

Frey:"WTF!!"

Friendly Comcast Customer Support Representative:"Thank you Sir. Now, how may I help you today?"

Frey:"You could start by transferring me back to the Sale Team for Business Service, please?"

Friendly Comcast Customer Support Representative:"May I ask what your call is regarding?"

Frey:"Ummm, it's regarding a Business account?"

Friendly Comcast Customer Support Representative:"Thank you, Sir. That would be the Business Services department you would need to speak with. Would you like me to transfer the call now?"

Frey:"Wait, hold on just a moment. I'm going to move the phone away from my ear...

SOUNDS OF FREY MOVING OUT OF HIS STUDY AND INTO THE MAIN LIVING ROOM ARE HEARD

Frey:" oooookay, let her rip!"

Friendly Comcast Customer Support Representative:"I'm sorry, what?"

Several seconds later....

Frey:"Hello, is this the Business Services department?"

Friendly Comcast Customer Support Representative:"I axed you what you said. Transfering you now Mr. Petermeier."

BEEP BEEEP BEEP BEEPBEEP

Frey:" FUXXORS!! I can't hear a damned thing!!! Get off me you two Demon Dogs! Arrrghhh, it's not my fault!!"

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson: " Good morning and thank you for calling Comcast. Can I get your phone number, starting with the area code first?"

Sounds of Frey fending off the now insane with pain Demon Dogs, as well as trying to keep the blood from continuing to pour out of both ears.

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson: " Good morning and thank you for calling Comcast. Can I get your phone number, starting with the area code first?"

Sounds of Frey fumbling with the phone, and once again fending off the Demon Dogs as they attempt to garrot him with the phone cord itself

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson: " Good morning and thank you for calling Comcast. Can I get your phone number, starting with the area code first?"

Frey:"Hell - ouch - HELLO!! Is there anyone on the line?"

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson: "Hello, Sir, I've been here. Are we having a connection problem? If so please just call back and we'll get you taken care of.. Yes yes, I know it's break time, jesus hold on no I don't have any smokes."

Frey: "I'm sorry what? I can't hear you, could you repeat the question?"

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson: "Thank you for calling Comcast, we look forward to providing you with excellent customer service."

Frey: "Hello?"

Friendly Comcast SalesPerson: "Goodbye, and have a great day!!"

Frey:"Hello?"

Frey:"Hello ?"

Frey:*&*$#Grumblesmurf@(*#!"

more to come...

[Bonk]

  This is gonna be good. (having already seen episode ~23... )

[762_XC]

Thank you! Come again!

[SSCF-LeRoy]

This call may be monitored for enhanced customer service

[Skaren]

Back when I was just getting into PC's I had a similar experience with AOL trying to cancel my account,.. took about 6 months.

As your doctor Frey,...   I would recommend several shots of strong alcohol, several pulls off a fatty, and a good nights sleep.

Got to get you in shape for round two !!

[FCM_SFHQ_XC]

What else would you expect from a ISP??? Sometimes I have to get to the manager of customer support just to get anything done.. next episode should bring some more interesting events..

[stoneyface]

would you like to try our chutney slushie with that?...

guess who frey calls after all this occurs?...

trust me it gets better (or worse depending on viewpoint)

HA!

p.s frey..i just tryied my buddies fiber connection 15down 5 up this this roXors!!! (verizon fIos for those curious)

[Dfly]

this SOOOO reminds me of our trying to cancel our cell phone account in Canada.  It has been going on since December last year and it is still active, and I CANNOT cancel the payements according to the law. 

[762_XC]

Just wait, it gets better. 

[Lieutenant_Q]

hehe...

"April Showers bring May Flowers, but rain anytime can bring rain fade to satellite dish owners.  It's an annoying problem, especially during the final minutes of the big game, or in the middile of a Movie!  But those of us with Comcast, needent worry, the signal is reliable in rain, heavy cloud cover, whatever.." 

My father has Dish, my mother has Comcast.  The Dish goes out when theres strong wind and rain.  (He lives in a wooded lot so when the wind blows, a tree blocks the signal occassaionly)  Comcast goes on the fritz whenever a truck goes down the road...

[FCM_SFHQ_XC]

hehe...

"April Showers bring May Flowers, but rain anytime can bring rain fade to satellite dish owners. It's an annoying problem, especially during the final minutes of the big game, or in the middile of a Movie! But those of us with Comcast, needent worry, the signal is reliable in rain, heavy cloud cover, whatever.."

My father has Dish, my mother has Comcast. The Dish goes out when theres strong wind and rain. (He lives in a wooded lot so when the wind blows, a tree blocks the signal occassaionly) Comcast goes on the fritz whenever a truck goes down the road...

Thats why I think I will stick with regular DSL as soon as it becomes avaliable it my area

[Alphageek]

Comcast is a real pant-load.  I've had two service outages in two days.  Nothing like a five hour appointment block combined with a "no same-day service call" policy.  Rotten sons of b*tches.

[FA Frey XC]

REMEDIATIONS

about 2 hours later, after I had gone outside to have a smoke and then got some lunch. It was about 3:00pm in the afternoon and I had just gotten everything unloaded from the UHaul I had to rent to move all the servers out of collocation at BEAR. Tired, sweaty, and irritated, I knew I had to give the ISP thing another go-round.

It didn't occur to me that my life, no, my very mindset was about to change, and this was but a small warning sign I should have seen and heeded...but no.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Frey: "Okay, everything else is like $250 a month or more...and regular residential won't cut it...OH BLOODY HELL, here goes."

SOUNDS OF DIAL TONE, THEN NUMBERS BEING PRESSED

Click!

Artificial Intelligence: "Hello and thank you for calling Comcast. Please enter your 10 digit phone number, starting with the area code first. Press the pound key when finished."

Frey:XXX-XXX-XXXX#

Artificial Intelligence: "We're sorry, we didn't understand that last entry. Here, let's try again."

Artificial Intelligence: "Hello and thank you for calling Comcast. Please enter your 10 digit phone number, starting with the area code first. Press the pound key when finished."

Frey:XXX-XXX-XXXX #

Artificial Intelligence: "We're sorry, we didn't understand that last entry. Here, let's try again."

Artificial Intelligence: "Hello and thank you for calling Comcast. Please enter your 10 digit phone number, starting with the area code first. Press the pound key when finished."

Frey:"WHo codes these subroutines? Popeye?"

Artificial Intelligence: "We're sorry, we didn't understand that last entry. Here, let's try again."

Artificial Intelligence: "Hello and thank you for calling Comcast. Please enter your 10 digit phone number, starting with the area code first. Press the pound key when finished."

Frey: "Yer Father was a hamster, and your Mother asmelt of Elderberries!"

Artificial Intelligence: "We're sorry, we didn't understand that last entry. Here, let's try again."

Artificial Intelligence: "Hello and thank you for calling Comcast. Please enter your 10 digit phone number, starting with the area code first. Press the pound key when finished."

Artificial Intelligence: "Redrum"

Frey:"Damn the torpedoes, and full spee..huh, what?"

Artificial Intelligence: "..."

Frey:#, #, ###, ########### - #### - #####

Artificial Intelligence: "Please confirm the phone number you inputed...XXX-XXX-XXXX. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no."

Frey: 1 "how the hell can that be a coincidence? I'm rolling with it - this could be a sign, an omen!"

Artificial Intelligence: "Currently we are experiencing outages in the following areas: Dallas, Texas, Garland, Texas, Ft. Worth, Texas..."

About 10 minutes elapses as the computer voice continue to go on about the numerous outages...

Artificial Intelligence: "and most of the continental United States. Our technicians are aware of these issues and are hard at work addressing them."

Frey:"How hard can it be to speak with someone about purchasing service from Comcast?"

HAL9000:"You have reached the Sales Department, Business Services answering service. Please enter your phone number, starting with the area code first."

Frey:"Again? I just did that!"

Frey: xxx-xxx-xxxx

Frey:" Wait, he didn't say anything about a pound sign, am I suppose to hit pound here too?"

HAL9000: "...

Frey:"WTF!!!"

HAL9000:"..."

Frey : #

HAL9000:"..."

Frey: # - # - #

HAL9000:"..."

Frey: # # # # # # # ######## # ##  ##### # # ## ###

HAL9000:"..."

Frey:"Wait a minute, it should have worked...is someone there, hello?"

HAL9000: "Hello and thank you for calling Comcast. Please enter your 10 digit phone number, starting with the area code first. Press the pound key when finished. "

Frey:"JESUS CHRIST !!!!"

XXX-XXX-XXXX, #

SKYNET:"Please confirm the phone number you inputed...XXX-XXX-XXXX. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no. "

Frey:"OMFG!!"

Frey: 1

SKYNET:"Currently we are experiencing outages in the following areas: Dallas, Texas, Garland, Texas, Ft. Worth, Texas... "

About 10 minutes elapses as the computer voice continue to go on about the numerous outages...AGAIN.

SKYNET: "and almost all of the continental United States. Our technicians are aware of these issues and are hard at work addressing them. "

Frey:"Hummmm, Dizzy is doing another Slave Girls server, I gotta post something about that..oh crap! Hello.. HELLO ?"

SKYNET:"You estimated hold time is ... 24 hours...please be aware that our peak call times are between 12:00am to 12:00am, Central Standard Time. If you do not have internet service, try our handy online reporting and diagnostic tools! Just go to www.comcast.net/endusermoocow, click on the large  blinking "HELP RIGHT HERE" sign in the flashing banner at the middle of the page and we will download the tools and install them in addition to several other nifty utilites that would never spy on you or your online activities...HONEST!! "

Frey:"OMFG, that's it, I'm calling it a night!"

CLICK

[FCM_SFHQ_XC]

Well I will give Comcast credit for this.. they at least told you about how long you are going to be on hold for.. would have saved me hours on the phone if my ISP did that :roll: . Though they should of had more man power at the phones then they did.. That was a bad day to call I think with all of those outages, but you would think they would have time to set up a new customer.. What odd occurances, and happenings will be revealed in Episode 3 of "The Comcast Blues"??

[SSCF-LeRoy]

SKYNET:"Please confirm the phone number you inputed...XXX-XXX-XXXX. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no. "

[Just plain old Punisher]

Did you know that if you say cusswords on those automated phone assistants, most of them will automatically transfer you to a representative. =)

[Sirgod]

I always just press zero. But yeah, Frey's life has been Interesting since the Switch to comcast from Bear. I'm just glad he has a wicked sense of humor over it all.

Stephen