Topic: Inexorable Hunters  (Read 8582 times)

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Offline Mutilator

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #20 on: January 27, 2006, 04:49:36 pm »
"Inexorable Hunters"

Chapter XIV "To a bloody war and a sickly season"

_________________________________________________________________
Hyaas II

 Ronin looks at his tactical image of the Hyaas II system and orders Green to move the carriers into a defensive stand down posture on the dark side of the far moon.

“2 Hot anything to report from the forenoon patrol?” Ronin asks as the image on his screen switches from tactical to a live split image of 2 Hot on the higher screen and Green on the lower.

2 Hot “Sir the last patrol reported in with situation normal, the afternoon patrols will increase our patrol range another five light years, I recommend we start sending a capital ship to assist the patrols moving towards the next system.”

Ronin “What do you recommend 2 Hot?”

2Hot “I would think a Bishop would give enough support for that mission Sir.”

“I would concur with that Ronin.” Green adds “I recommend Bearslayer he is our most capable Captain out there in the Bishop class.  He is a strong tactician and can run risk management to keep himself out of trouble should it stumble upon him.”

Ronin “Ok that sounds fine, I would like to send a destroyer with him as well, Green have Bearslayer pick whichever destroyer he feels confident to wing with, have them report to you for mission briefs.”

Green and 2 Hot bow as Ronin nods his head towards them “With honour gentlemen Nobility out.”

Ronin moves towards his ready room as he does he orders his communications officer to set up a coded circuit to High Command and the Federation envoy; it is about time to find out how well the war out side of Hyaas II is fairing.


Onboard USS Moncton

Cavack “Captain we have returned to the site of the Vootar I await your pleasure on the bridge Sir.”

Wraith grins hmm perhaps Komodo lessons are finally getting through to her.

Very good Mr.Cavack I am on my way, have your initial readings ready for report.” Wraith orders as he switches off his view screen of the Vootar battle which he has kept going over and over looking for anything else they may have missed.

“Obviously Captain my readings are ready to report why else logically would I have called you?” Cavack replies, there is no sarcasm in her voice for such an intelligent Vulcan she sure is socially thick Wraith thinks to himself; “I guess Commander Komodo’s lessons will have to continue.” Before she can answer Wraith switches off his communicator and makes his way to the turbo lift and the bridge.

 
  ________________________________________________________________

Inexorable’s conference room one

Looking at chronometer on the deck head behind Strongbad and Croc it took them exactly twenty-two minutes to brief our current situation after Minime gave a brief of the Klingon’s intelligence. Looking around the room I see fiery-rage in the eyes of all the assembled warriors... with the exception of one whose eyes express nothing but maddening pain.

Informing Hohhoch of his brother’s death was one of the harder things I have had to do. Hohhoch the consummate professional took in the news analyzed what he heard then; in a heartbeat, smashed my desk to kzintshu! Warp and I managed to calm him down after ten minutes.

Hohhoch was to receive his own command today of the fast cruiser Cheetah, I have instead given command of Cheetah to Likkerpig. Hohhoch would best be served to be kept under the watchful and compassionate eyes of Warp. Hohhoch will be granted his own command once the freshness of this wound has time to heal. I could not bear to see him fall due to clouded judgment of revenge, his revenge however he will not be denied by me.

Standing up I move towards the dais Croc and Strongbad at the same time move clear and take their seats. I look into the eyes of Jakle and nod, and then I move my eyes and met the glare of each other Captains eyes seated before me. Shadowlord, Minime and Slider represent the Klingons. TT, Warp, and Likkerpig for the Lyrans. Once I have looked every one in the eye I move out in front of the dais.

“Warriors! Brothers!” I start “You have heard the great insults brought to our distinguished Empires today!”

The warriors nod their heads affirmatively.

“We have felt the pain here across the light years where one of the greatest Lyran leaders of all times has fallen...one of our own brothers, one of our mentors our leaders! This insult will not go unpunished this insult will not go unanswered!”

The warriors again nod their heads and start to slap their hands on the table in front of them.

“Mighty Warriors!” I increase my tone and volume and start moving around the room I grab TT by the shoulder. “Who is going to extract revenge for these crimes?” I demand.

I move again this time I place a paw on Minime’s shoulder “Who is going to make the Hydrans, Kzinti and Federation pay for this outrageous move against our Empires!”

The Captains are all starting to rise from their seat pounding on the table in unison as they do so. I move over to Likkerpig place both paws on his shoulders.

“Who will answer our call for vengeance?”   I demand looking him in the eyes.

“Who will make the filth suffer for this defilement of our Empires?”

Finally, I look at Jackle he turns towards the others and adds “Who will extract revenge for the dishonour brought to our house and Empires this day?”

All the captains are pounding on the table “We will! We will!” they shout.

Shadowlord raises one arm in the air with his hand balled into a fist “For the glory of the Empire for StoVoKor we gathered warriors will strike at the hearts of our enemies together!”

Warp10 “We shall avenge On7’s death we shall avenge the deaths of all our warriors one hundred fold!”

Now that the room is worked up into a frenzy and the rage of the enemy insurrections is starting to be replaced with warrior reason I let them shout and exhaust some of their rage finally I raise both paws in the air and demand for silence.

“Warriors” I shout “Listen to me now, listen to me and understand this!”

I move back behind the dais and the Captains take their seats again.

I start again “Listen now and heed this warning well, we can not run full speed into the night without enlightened reason, we can not take the fight to the enemy without first taking our knives out of their sheaths. We most regroup and concentrate our efforts. Pissing into the wind only gets you wet and it tends to mats ones fur.” the room starts to chuckles and I now know I have their undivided attention.

I pause and take a drink of water before continuing with the remainder of the brief and the decisions that I have already made in conjunction with Jakle.

“Likkerpig you are hereby appointed to the command of the Cheetah take her in haste and make tracks to rendezvous with SiManx find out any other details we may have missed. I know you have ways of getting information that others do not realize they even know.”

I turn to Warp “Warp, Hohhoch will remain with you on Merciless as discussed.” Warp nods to acknowledge the conversation we had with Hohhoch after he calmed down in my quarters.

“TT, make all the repairs you can and get Sphere back up as close to one hundred percent as you can. You have two hours. Also promote Groo as your executive officer he will have to keep a close eye on your tactical until we can get a replacement for you.”

Tramua already knowing the answer to his question looks at me with a sly smirk and asks it anyway “Mutt who is going to lead the Dutchy now that On7 has crossed over?”

My reply is short and concise “I am” I move back in front of the dais again and continue “I am the leader of the Far Star Demons and I have assume the leadership of the entire Dutchy”

Warp interjects “What ship will bear your flag Sir?”

“Inexorable will remain the flag ship and I will continue to command from her.” I respond.  I turn to Jakle “As I understand from your intel brief your empire has started attacking Hydran out-posts”

Jakle responds “Yes Mutt that is correct we have started a full invasion of the western edge of Hydran space. With that pressure perhaps they will have to draw units back to defend against us and leave you clear to regroup your forces. I am going to lead this fleet into the war and have already been given orders from the council. We are going to respond to the Hydrans with full fury. I am authorized to transfer some of my most capable ships and captains to your command.” With that Shadowlord and Minime stand.

I look at Mini and Shadowlord “Welcome to the Demons Sirs, Shadowlord I will be appointing you the ranking officer of the Klingon assets with Mini as your second in command.”

Both Klingon Captains nod with acknowledgement and retake their seats. I walk over and place a paw on Crocs shoulder. “Croc you have been the best executive officer I have had serve since Warp served with me on the LyranClaw.” I turn and walk back to the dais “You have some fairly big shoes to fill but I am sure Strongbad will learn quickly and you have two days to conduct a full turn over with him. Once we get back to the Gar’field’eon field you will be appointed as Commanding Office of the Razorwire.”

Croc looks a little dumb founded of this news “Mutt what the hell is the Razorwire?”

I look at Croc “Well Captain it is an experimental dreadnaught, as the scientific Dutchy we do seem to get our fair share of the test ships. Ask TT for some pointers on being one of one in a class. She has been given a designation of STL; whatever that is, I am sure you will figure it all out. Croc you are a very capable warrior and officer and have my full confidence; besides, you will still be under my direct chain of command.” I start laughing as the expression on Croc’s face has changed very little and he now has one paw on the top of his head rubbing it back and forth as though trying to force the information in.

 I quickly add “The Romulans help us develop it and I have been assured there are absolutely no plasmas on it for you to singe your fur on.” The room breaks out into robust laugher.

“Warriors, I thank you all for coming and I thank you for all the sacrifices that are yet to be made.” I signal to the stewards to bring forth some Nipnor and pass it out. “Jakle I look forward to reading your reports from our war on the Hydrans.”

Jakle stands and holds up his glass, “Mutt I wish you honour for the boldness of your plan, I will await word on your progress.”

With that the toast gong is rung and the warriors all down their drinks. With duties to perform all Captains bit farewell and wish each other luck in the days to come. After Warp and Hohhoch beam back to Merciless  Croc and I leave transporter room one. Croc suddenly stops in mid stride and asks a question I knew was coming.

“Mutt what bold plan was Jakle referring to?”
« Last Edit: May 24, 2006, 08:26:06 pm by Mutilator »
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #21 on: January 27, 2006, 07:12:58 pm »
Hey Mutt, glad to see you're continuing with this. We don't have enough authors here, and certainly none doing Lyran stories!

However, I would suggest brushing up on your editing. The story is kinda hard to read and my enjoyment suffers because of it. Not to blow our own horns, but might I suggest looking over stories by Commander La'ra, Jaeih t`Radaik and myself to see the storywriting conventions?

Please keep writing, as we never have enough stories to read here!
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Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
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Offline Mutilator

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #22 on: January 27, 2006, 07:45:48 pm »
Thanks Andy. What would you suggest to make it a better read? Is it the font spacing, or just the over all structure of my writting style or lack there of? Any tips most are welcomed.
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2006, 08:02:47 pm »
Okay, well, I think we should work on cleaning up your punctuation, to make your story more readable. I'm sure that'll lead you to any other changes you might want ot make after that on your own.  ;)

I do notice that a lot of your sentances run together, eg with different modes of character actions:

Quote
Wraith grins hmm perhaps Komodo lessons are finally getting through to her.

I would have done that like this:

Wraith grins. Hmmm. Perhaps Komodo's lessons are finally getting through to her.

You break the sentance on different actions, and a commonly-held convention for private thoughts (as opposed to personal narration) is to have the thought itself in italics

Another punctuation example:

Quote
“We have felt the pain here across the light years where one of the greatest Lyran leaders of all times has fallen...one of our own brothers, one of our mentors our leaders! This insult will not go unpunished this insult will not go unanswered!”

I'd put it as:

“We have felt the pain here across the light years where one of the greatest Lyran leaders of all times has fallen... One of our own brothers, our mentor, our leader! This insult will not go unpunished! This insult will not go unanswered!”

As you can see, it is mostly minor stuff, but it makes it more readable for me. Anyone else, please chip in with your two cents' worth. If you feel I'm being hard on Mutt, if you have other suggestions, lay them on us.

A fellow author has asked for pointers! We must answer the call!
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The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Mutilator

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2006, 02:49:09 pm »
Thanks for the tips Andy I will try to incorporate them into future chapters. If I ever find time I will probably go back and tinker with the first fourteen chapters. More to come as I find time.  ;D
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #25 on: January 31, 2006, 08:21:19 pm »
NP, glad to help out.  :thumbsup:

And, like I said, read up on the other stories here and see how their authors write, pick up a few ideas. :D
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Mutilator

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #26 on: May 24, 2006, 08:14:07 pm »
"Inexorable Hunters"

Chapter XV "The Plan"

_________________________________________________________________
Stopping mid stride with Croc I turn and place my paws on his shoulders. While applying pressure on his shoulders I look him dead straight in his eyes and whisper.

Croc we can not allow for sacrifices made by On7 and his flotilla to be squandered, the damage they inflicted on the enemy fleet must be…no strike that...will be exploited by us...”

I stop I take my hands of Croc’s shoulders as a crew member approaches, as he passes and acknowledges his superior officers we return his salute and continue walking. Again in a lower tone I continue.

 “Listen Croc once we regrouped in the Gar’field’eon field I will order an immediate attack back on the Kavraa system. They will be wielding from the thumping On7 provided, we may have lost that first battle, but I will be damned if we do not seize this opportunity to strike back as they regroup and are getting delusional visions of a quick Lyran demise.”

Croc turns his head towards me and asks another simple, yet well meaningful question.

“Mutt how many ships do we have to commit to this action?”

As we turn and head towards the turbo lift to the bridge I wait until we are in the lift before answering.

“To answer truthfully Croc and can not give you a definite number, Shadowlord and Minime each command a group of five ships, with the Inexorable, Merciless Sphere and now Likkerpig’s Cheetah that makes fourteen. When we join up and you take command of Razorwire and her seven consorts that brings us up to twenty-one.”

Croc interrupts my count as he orders the lift to proceed to the bridge deck. I continue adding up my counter strike forces.

“Add Relentless, Vanquisher and four other ships that assisted Captain SiManx’s retreat that brings us to twenty-seven.”


Croc interjects again,” What about the Vantage?”

“SiManx’s reports she is not in fighting shape and recommended her crew be farmed out to other units, I concur with his assessment.” I reply.

Croc follows me to the bridge the Yeoman intercepts me first with a report; I give it a quick scan, sign it, and smile handing the report back to Crim. I wave off Strongbad knowing that he wants to give me an updated situation report. He understands it can wait and returns to his station. Croc follows me into my war room. Taking my chair I pick up our conversation.

“Croc there are other forces that are going to be drawn upon for this war, I am certain Simanx will have rustled up a few more willing ship’s from the Red Claw and Foremost dutchies.”

Looking at Croc’s body language I know he has other concerns.

“Relax old friend you will be an excellent Captain and your crew will server you well, besides you have my confidence. What more could a budding leader need?”   I ask Croc in jest.

“Mutt you are such an arse-monkey.”  Croc retorts laughing.

Laughing I add “In all seriousness Croc you were ready for this command a few months ago On7 and I were just waiting for the right ship for you. Also I was just too insatiable to allow you to go I mean besides you who else would team up with me in Fong Tara?” 

We both take a quite moment to reflect on the last few days events. Croc breaks the silence and asks another question.

“Mutt I know Jakle and the Klingons are going to put pressure on the Hydran in their space what about our response in the Siamois IV system?”

“I just received the official word on that Croc; it is going to be dealt with in all severity by the LDR and Enemy’s Blood Dutch lead by the Lord Dfly himself.” I respond with a smile.

Croc stands up and moves towards the door stops and looks back at me, “Well Sir if you will excuse me I am going to start turning things over to Strongbad... Dfly you say? Well Mutt you seem to have covered all contingencies for this little impromptu plan of yours. How the hell did you manage to get the other three Dutchies on side so quickly?”


“Just luck I guess Croc, just luck.” I respond.

Croc throws up his hands “Mutt I stand by my earlier assessment.”

“Oh do say” I interject smirking at what Croc is about to enlighten me with.

Croc trying hard to be serious concludes his statement. “You are an arse-monkey.” 
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Offline TraumaTech

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #27 on: May 25, 2006, 06:05:34 pm »
love the story mutt    keep up the good work  :)

Offline Mutilator

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Re: Inexorable Hunters
« Reply #28 on: May 25, 2006, 07:21:14 pm »
Thanks bud more TT action to follow... soon  ;)

I spent some time polishiing it up as Andy suggested, hope it is little easier on the eyes  :o and a smoother read.
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte