Topic: St. Patrick's Day Jokes

[KAT Chuut-Ritt]

Lets see how many of you know an Irish joke for St. Patrick's Day.  I'll start with one.


Fitzgerald walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what Fitzgerald had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."

[FPF-Tobin Dax]

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.

"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.

"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.

[FPF-Tobin Dax]

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.

The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."

The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."

[GDA-Agave]

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

 

[GE-Raven]

A young man walked into a pretty standard Irish Pub in Downtown Chicago.  He walked up to the bar and said, "Three Pints O' Beamish please."

He then proceeded to take all three pints and to a table where he drank them one after another and left.

This continued Every night for about a month, when the Bartender could stand it no longer.  He asked, "Excuse me for asking, but why do you buy three pints at the same time then drink them."

The man replied, "Well I just got here from Dublin and left me dear brothers Patrick and Seamus, behind.  So since I can't have a pint with them, I will have it for them."

Well the man became a regular fixture in this little pub for ages... some 40 years later he was known and loved by all around, and every night he came in and performed his ritual to the delight of all.

One rainy day he came in and ordered two pints... the whole bar fell dead silent.  As he made his way back to his table, one of the ladies in the back actually began to sob quietly.

About half way through his first beer the Bartender came out from behind the bar and made his way to the table.  He took off his hat and quietly said, "I know I speak for all of us, when I say I am so very sorry for your loss."

As all the rooms eyes began to fill with tears the man stood up and said, "Oh, no! you got it all wrong, me brothers is fine, It just me doctor said I have to quit drinking!"

GE-Raven