Topic: Sword and the Targ  (Read 13136 times)

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Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Sword and the Targ
« on: February 27, 2006, 08:40:43 pm »
Twenty Years Earlier

"4th Officer's Log:  21 July 2246.  Another uneventful night, pushing our engines faster than they were supposed to go to make the rendezvous with the Constellation.  I don't know how many times 2nd Engineering Officer Tompson screamed at me that Warp 5 was pushing these engines too hard.  I still can't believe that after all this time, the Klingons were actually going to war with us.  Relations hadn't been stellar, but they hadn't been terrible either.  The scuttlebutt around the ship is that one of our diplomats made the mistake of insulting some Brigadier General that pulled a lot of weight with the Klingon High Council.  Who knows, really.  All we know for sure is that the Constellation picked up a sizeable Klingon Fleet forming on the other side of the border.  We were in range, so we're responding to her rallying call.  One thing is certain..."  Lieutenant James Atkinson's droning on about the current situation probably would have continued for the next five minutes or so if the Captain hadn't interrupted him.

"Red Alert!  All hands to Battlestations, this is not a drill. Red Alert, All hands to Battlestations, this is not a drill." James glanced over at his chronometer, which told him that his Battlestation was Auxilliary Control, one of the most boring spots to be during an alert. He'd rather be in his cabin, well...he'd rather be on the bridge, but any place at all would be better than Aux Control.  Not wanting the black mark on his record for failing to arrive at a Battlestation, even though he wouldn't have to do anything, he ran out his cabin door, completely forgetting to turn off the log recorder.  Dashing down the corridor he spotted that the turbolift was heading up to the bridge, and would not be stopping here, so he sprinted past and jumped on the service ladder.  Straddling the ladder he slid down one deck.  He jumped off, jogged down the corridor and entered the door marked Auxilliary Control.  Seating himself he toggled the comm panel. "Bridge this is Auxilliary Control, manned and ready."

The first officer replied, "Auxilliary Control, this is Bridge, acknowledged.  Stand by."

"Standing by."  James sighed as he toggled the comm switch to stand by.  "Well...might as well see whats going on."  He punched a few buttons and brought up the tactical display.  In the center of his screen was the icon representing their ship.  USS Germany NCC-817, Texas Class Light Cruiser.  Ahead and slightly to port was a Klingon ship, designated an F5 Destroyer.  Brand new ship, against this aging Light Cruiser, we were in for one hell of a fight, he thought.  The Klingon was well within Federation Space, so when the Germany opened up with a pair of Photons set to proximety it didn't surprise him.  It also didn't surprise him that both torpedoes hit.  Ensign Parker was one of the surest shots in the Alpha Quadrant.  But those two torpedoes barely scratched the F5s shields.  The F5 came charging in, disrupters blasting, both hit, Germany's foreward shields went down to 50%.  Parker responded by firing all six Phaser 2s at the on rushing Klingon before he banked hard to Starboard.  Shortly before the turn the Captain dropped the foreward shield and placed a Transporter Bomb directly in front of the Klingon.  The Klingon had no time to react and plowed into it, but responded by dropping two of his own almost right on top of Germany.  Numbers 3 and 5 shield went down, number 2 shield buckled under the Klingon's Phaser and Disrupter salvo.  The Captain brought the ship harder to starboard and let the 4 shield take the Klingon's aft phaser barrage.  It went down.  Four Phasers lanced out from Germany in response.  A smile crept across his face as he noticed that one of the phasers got through and hit the Klingon's Drone launcher.  The Klingon continued his turn, Germany continued hers.  Germany just wasn't fast enough, the Klingon hit where the 5 shield would have been with a disrupter and phaser salvo again.  The impact threw him against the console.  The starboard phaser bank was wrecked.  Germany responded with the foreward phaser bank once it was brought around.  His foreward shield didn't collapse, but there wasn't much there either.  The Klingon tried to overfly Germany, before Parker could hit him with the Photons, he didn't quite make it, his 2 shield buckled under two point blank photon hits, which also finished the number 6 shield.  Both the Klingon's foreward Phasers went down with the Photon hits.  But he did overfly the crippled ship, and put all three of his rear phasers into the exposed hull.  The Status light for one of the two Port phasers winked out, as did the one for the starboard Photon.  But something else happened, the ship stopped turning.  The Bridge took a hit, according to the status diagram it was still intact, but the helmsman must have been knocked out.  The Klingon banked sharply to the rear, looking to get on to the Starboard side.  The ship began to move, slowly, until the ship shook violently from a Disrupter volley.  The ship stopped completely, the Bridge was gone.

James stopped, he may be the ranking officer on the ship.  The Communications console blinked, incoming transmission.  Numbly he tapped the button to receive it. "Federation Starship Ger-man-ee, this is Commander Klandathor.  Your ship is disabled, surrender and I will spare the lives of your crew."  Mutely James stared at the status screen.  The Klingons foreward shields might not be able to handle a phaser shot, but he only had three left.  There wasn't enough energy to recharge the capacitor.  There was just enough energy to finish loading that last photon.  There wouldn't be enough to reload another.  Klandathor was hovering around the Starboard rear quadrant, there was no way he'd be able to bring the Photon to bear, unless... "Auxilliary Control to Engineering."

"Engineering, Tompson here."

"Tompson, this is Atkinson, whos in charge down there?"

The young man swallowed hard, "I am, sir.  Cheif Hernandez has a piece of bulkhead through her torso...she's dead, sir."

"Understood...Tompson...how much warp power can you give me?"

"I...I...don't know sir."

"Tompson...slow down...breath, can you give me enough for a warp turn?"

"Maybe, sir."

"Start charging it up, I'll stall the Klingon." He left the channel to engineering open as he opened a channel to the Klingon ship. "Commander Klandathor, this is Lieutenant James Atkinson, surviving ranking officer of the Germany.  I apologize for not answering you sooner, there's not much left of our comm system."

"No apologies are neccessary Lieutenant, your surrender is."

"Yes, yes you're right, will you give me a moment to inform the rest of my crew?"

"No, Lieutenant, I will not give you a moment.  Surrender or Die! Choose now!"

"Now Tompson!"  Germany spun awkwardly on its side, and clumsily came to rest facing the Klingon,  Two phasers lanced out of the ship, one knocked out the Klingon's shield, while the other struck the Klingon's Port Disrupter Bank, and cut it off from the rest of his ship.  The Klingon helm officer must have jumped, or been shot, or something because the Klingon lurched hard to port, so hard in fact that a loud Klank reverberated through the ship when the Klingon slammed their Starboard Disrupter Bank into the hull of Germany.  The Klingon bounced off and turned it's tail towards them, probably to fire their rear phasers.  James didn't give him the chance, putting the last Photon directly into the phasers.  The Klingon limped away.  "Tompson...well done.  Engine status?"

"Not good, that warp turn hurt."

"What can you give me?"

"Warp one, Warp two if we wait ten minutes."

"Then we wait ten minutes."

It was an agonizingly long ten minutes.  The damage report was extensive, as was the casualties.  The Texas Class had an operating crew of one-forty, only fifty-three were present and accounted for, fifteen were missing, probably dead, including the Captain, and first officer.  The second officer was chief Hernandez.  While the third officer was in critical condition in what was left of sickbay.  At warp two Germany was six hours from the Constellation rendezvous, and two weeks from starbase twelve.  Impulse and Warp Engines were damaged, half of the ships weapons were down.  Auxillary Life Support was gone, transporters, communications were out.  James set a course for the Constellation, while he knew that Germany wouldn't be any help in a battle, Constellation could support the remaining fifty-three crewmembers.  The Baton Rouge Class Starship was big enough, although like the Texas she was nearing the end of her operating life.  The Baton Rouge Class was originally a Heavy Battlecruiser, but as the ship became more outdated, she was now classified as a Cruiser.  Rumors abounded of new Heavy Battlecruiser to take the place of the Baton Rouge, but security was so tight around the ship that most rumors were completely rediculous, if you knew anything about starship construction.  During the six hour trek to the Constellation, the third officer had died, leaving Atkinson as the senior officer.  Tompson had shored up structural integrity to take a few hits in a fight, but couldn't do anything for the Starboard Phaser bank.  Germany was going into a war zone, and if it could contribute in anyway, it would.  Tompson did some work on Auxilliary Control to make it a little bit easier to work in.  When Germany arrived at the coordinates, the Constellation was no where to be found.  What he did find was a Klingon D6 Battlecruiser.

"Sir, there is a lot of debris in the area.  Some Klingon, some Federation.  The Klingon ship started to turn towards us, but it seems to have decided that we aren't much of a threat."

"Are we within Communications range yet?"

As Tompson nodded, the communications button blinked.  Pressing it, James swallowed hard.  "Federation Starship, you are no doubt here for the Constellation.  She died a brave and glorious death in battle, my ship is the only surviving ship of our battle group.  Our warriors will sing songs for years commemorating your brave crew.  You may recover what you can without any interference from us. Qa'pla!"

"Well that was certainly unexpected."

"Indeed, anything out there Tompson?"

"Not much, I have a couple escape pods on sensors, and the data recorder from four ships, but not...wait...there it is.  I have the Constellation's event recorder."

"Transporters?" Tompson shook his head, "Tractor Beams?" Again he shook his head. "Allright, prep a shuttle craft, we'll have to bring them in the hard way.  Get the escape pods first."

Of all four escape pods that the Germany found, only six people were still alive, none of them were in any condition to do anything.  The Constellation's data recorder was in pretty bad shape, it was the last thing they got on board, the Klingon had left five minutes earlier.  Germany turned and began to limp to starbase twelve.

"James, we have a problem."

"What kind of problem?"

"Life support sir, its failing, and theres nothing I can do about it."

"How long do we have?"

"Not long enough."

"I'll transmit a distress call, get working on Constellation's recorder."

It took a two and a half hours for the Constellation's event recorder to be extracted and patched, when combined with the other four, they had a pretty complete depiction of the battle.  Fifteen ships had rallied to the Constellation, but the Constellation was by far the biggest ship.  As Atkinson and Tompson watched a fleet of twenty Klingon ships close on the Federation fleet.  The biggest fight of the war was going to be determined here.  One by one, Federation ships winked out on the Tactical display, slightly faster was the rate at which the Klingons winked out.  Until it came down to the Constellation, and three D6 Battlecruisers.  James held his breath at the Constellation began a charge that was counter to all logic.  The Constellation literally charged one of the cruisers, while savaging another cruiser with it's weapons.  Then the screen went blank.  The words: USS Constellation NCC-1017 Event Recorder end of tape, flashed across the screen and froze there.

"I think we can guess that the Constellation self-destructed, taking the two D6s with them."

Atkinson nodded slowly, "We have to transmit this along to Starbase twelve. We're not going to make it back."

"Maybe...but maybe we are, a Starship is on sensors...one that I've never seen before, it's huge!"

"Taking us out of warp."

"Starship Germany, this is Captain Robert April of the Starship Enterprise, we're responding to your distress call.  Standby for emergency transport."
"Your mighty GDI forces have been emasculated, and you yourself are a killer of children.  Now of course it's not true.  But the world only believes what the media tells them to believe.  And I tell the media what to believe, its really quite simple." - Kane (Joe Kucan) Command & Conquer Tiberium Dawn (1995)

Offline Tus-XC

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2006, 01:43:32 am »
i'm liking this :), my only crit is that battle reads rather like it was fought on a 2d plane, remember in space you have 3 axies to work w/.  for example you could refer to the ventrical or dorsal shields taking damage from that f5 swooping in on it (or better yet don't number the shields, use port starbord fore aft, its hard figurein out which shield ya mean when ya use a number ;))  besides my need for a a battle to be fought utilizng all the x,y and z plane its a very good, imho
Rob

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Offline kadh2000

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2006, 10:52:15 am »
Very nice.  Wouldn't the Constellation have been just as big as the Enterprise though?

Re: 2d vs 3d.  It happens a lot in our fiction here anyway since most of us are used to the games where 2d is all we have.  Don't let it bother you. 
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2006, 12:39:05 pm »
The Baton Rouge Class Starship, the immediate predecessor to the Constitution was about 2/3rds the size of the Constitution.
"Your mighty GDI forces have been emasculated, and you yourself are a killer of children.  Now of course it's not true.  But the world only believes what the media tells them to believe.  And I tell the media what to believe, its really quite simple." - Kane (Joe Kucan) Command & Conquer Tiberium Dawn (1995)

Offline kadh2000

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2006, 02:06:35 pm »
Hmm.  I was looking at the TOS material and the Constellation appears to have been Constitution class despite the difference in registry numbers, that's why I mentioned it.
"The Andromedans," Kadh said, "will never stop coming.  Not until they are all destroyed or we are."

Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2006, 08:12:01 pm »
Yes...but...this part of the story takes place as the Constitution Class is making its debut.  The Constellation that Matt Decker commands hasn't been built yet.  The Third Constitution class ship will be given that special dispensation, and be renamed Constellation in honor of her sacrifice here, she'll keep the same registry cause Starfleet hadn't thought that far ahead yet.  They will eventually realize that they may be confusing people and go with the bloody A, B, C, or D system that Enterprise and the few others receive. (I think thats what they called it when they gave Sisko the Sao Paulo and renamed it to Defiant, right down the her old registry)
"Your mighty GDI forces have been emasculated, and you yourself are a killer of children.  Now of course it's not true.  But the world only believes what the media tells them to believe.  And I tell the media what to believe, its really quite simple." - Kane (Joe Kucan) Command & Conquer Tiberium Dawn (1995)

Offline CaptJosh

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2006, 12:07:31 am »
Actually, the registry number got changed from NX to NCC.
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Offline Commander La'ra

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2006, 02:02:51 am »
Actually, the registry number got changed from NX to NCC.

Is that actual canon? :D
"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.' Dialogue from a play written long before men took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth, and in the sky, than perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere in between heaven, the sky, the earth, lies the Twilight Zone."
                                                                 ---------Rod Serling, The Last Flight

Offline CaptJosh

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2006, 10:15:50 am »
Yes. I saw it onscreen, smartass.
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Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2006, 02:45:46 am »
Me like.
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #10 on: March 06, 2006, 08:36:27 pm »
It didn't dawn on him just how big this ship was until he and Tompson were standing in an absolutely enormous Transporter room.  The Germany's lone transporter room consisted of a wall console and three pads.  James looked around in awe as he noticed that there were six pads, room at the dedicated console for two people, and what appeared to be a Food Slot.  The Food Slots were rumored to be just as good as standard cooking, the way meals were prepared on Germany, but without the need for a dedicated chef.  On Germany, you ate what the Cook made, or you didn't eat at all, but these Food Slots were supposed to provide a wide selection of meals.  Standing behind the Transporter console was a young, junior officer, James didn't have much time to say anything to him when the older man, probably mid-fifties, standing beside the console spoke up.  "Lieutenant Atkinson, welcome aboard the Enterprise.  You and Chief Tompson were the last people we beamed off your ship.  We'll take your ship in tow, but I'm afraid that it won't be salvaged.  We're just glad you we're able to recover the Constellation's event recorder, it saves us a trip to the Klingon Border.  I'm sure the Klingons would love to get some sensor scans of this beauty.  I have a few things to discuss with you, but I can see that you two could use a shower and a hot meal, so I'll let you get to that.  Find me when your done, Ensign Nichols will escort you to the guest quarters."  Captain April nodded to the young officer behind the Transporter Console, then turned and left the room.  The door opening without a button being pressed and shutting itself behind him.

Ensign Nichols motioned to the door, and Atkinson and Tompson finally stepped off the Transporter Pads, following him out the door and into the almost empty corridor.  "You realize that just by being aboard Enterprise your security clearance just went up to Level Nine.  No one on this ship has any less than level ten security clearance, as guests you'll be locked in at nine, unless the Captain deems you reliable enough to raise it.  We had to take such precautions, and as a result, we're confident that no one in the Klingon Empire knows anything more than  that we've commissioned a new Heavy Cruiser, we put out enough chaff and misinformation that should keep them guessing as to our abilities for months."  Nichols stopped in front of a turbolift and waited for the lift to stop at this level.

Tompson spoke up first, "Motion sensors on all the doors?"

Nichols nodded, "Dr. Daystrom's breakthrough, the Duotronic circuit controls this entire ship.  That is, of course, not classified, it's well known that Duotronics will revolutionize Starship operations.  The Computer locates every lift on the ship, and sends the closest one to where there are people waiting.  It cuts down on lift waits considerably, because as you know, on your ship, there could only be one lift for every tube.  With Duotronics, we could have five, six, even ten lifts for every tube, although it doesn't work like that on Enterprise.  There are actually no seperate tubes, the tube that takes you to the Bridge, will take you to the shuttle bay." The lift doors opened and they walked in, grasping one of the three handles in the turbo-lift, he twisted it slightly, "Deck Four, Port."  The Turbolift hummed into action.  "It makes trips to Engineering, Sickbay, Hydroponics, the Bowling Alley, very quick, no more getting off at one level, walking down the corridor and then getting into another lift."

Atkinson's interest was peaked, "You have a bowling alley?"  Bowling was one of his childhood loves, he gave it up for a career in Starfleet, another childhood fantasy.  The turbolift came to stop, the doors opened and the three of them entered the corridor.

"Deck Seventeen, the main recreational facilities are down there.  I can't get into specifics because they're classified, but Starfleet wanted to make sure this ship could stay away from port for a long time.  Here are your quarters gentleman, Cheif Tompson, this one is yours, Lieutenant Atkinson, yours are the next one down.  The Mess Hall is further down the hall and to the left, just opposite of the Turboshaft."  Ensign Nichols smiled, and then turned back into the Turbolift, which hadn't moved since their arrival.  James nodded to Tompson, who stepped into his Quarters, while James strolled down the corridor and enter his.

Everything on this ship is big, James thought as he stepped into the main area.  An acutal desk with a computer, the terminal seemed to be disabled, but what James wouldn't give to be posted on one of these ships.  Stepping into the side area he noted a sleeping area and then hidden in the back, the lavatory.  He stripped off his dirt and grime encrusted uniform and stepped into the shower, fully expecting some new and strange way of cleaning himself, he was shocked when water began squirting out of the nozzle.  The events of the past day and half washed off of him along with the dirt, grease, sweat and blood.  Grasping the towel hanging from the shower door he did a quick dry of everything but his hair, and then wrapped the towel around his waist, as he was so used to the Community Bathrooms where anyone, even a female crewman, could walk in unexpectedly.  He strode out into the main area and opened up the drawer on the vanity set.  Inside he found a couple pair of coveralls that fit him quite well, donning one of them, he noted the name on the coverall was Enterprise, but other than that almost the same as the ones he had back in his quarters on Germany. He quickly ran his fingers through his hair, making sure that it wasn't a mess, turned off the light in the vanity and strolled out into the corridor.  It didn't take him long to find the Mess Hall, and when he did, he found Captain April waiting for him.  Beside April, the Mess Hall was empty, Tompson was obviously still back in his Quarters.  April motioned that he should get something to eat first before sitting down with him.  James picked up the disks that were neatly stacked in a tray in front of the food slots, each disk had six choices on it, each choice corresponded with a button underneath the slot.  Two of the disks had nothing but beverages on it.  Making his choice he fed one disk into the drive, pressed a button, the slot made some noise, and then the door opened and produced a steaming hot roast beef sandwich.  Pulling the first disk and the sandwich out he fed a second disk into drive and pressed another button.  A tall glass of Root Beer appeared when the door opened again.  He placed the disks back into the tray, grabbed his tray and drink, and walked carefully over to where Captain April was sitting.  James sat down unfurled the napkin and placed it over his lap, grasped the fork and cut into the sandwich.  The gravy oozed towards his fork as he finished the cut and lifted the fork full into his mouth.  He slowly chewed the sandwich, tasting it, testing it.  Finally he nodded and swallowed. "Very good, much better than I was expecting."

"That was my reaction when I ate out of that thing for the first time.  Out of all the things on this ship, that's the one thing I have the hardest time getting used to.  It used to be you could tell what kind of Captain you were by the quality of the Cook you had on board.  If someone had a better cook than you, then he was a better Captain.  Now, its some programmer back on Earth, and we all have, or rather, will have the same one."

"But how does it work?  I mean, it just cant make this stuff out of thin air can it?"

"No, it can't.  Theoretically it can make almost anything, if it has the stuff on board to do it.  The ship stores now are one big stasis field, stuff like fruit, vegtables, meat, and breads are stored there and when an order is placed its cut, prepared and sent via a special turbolift.  The gravy is made from the meat itself, a process I can't even begin to understand, let alone explain.  The food is then zapped with a modified phaser beam, if you want it hot, the door opens up and there's the food you ordered.  On a more complicated order, like say a Lasanga or a Casserole, the selector can take up to a couple minutes to deliver the food, most of the time though, the wait is about fifteen to thirty seconds."

Tompson entered the Mess Hall wearing a similar coverall, he noticed James and Captain April, nodded and went over to the food slot, a moment later he was sitting right beside James with a Chicken Sandwich, with Mayo.  Tompson took a cautious bite, and swallowed. "Wow."

April smiled, "To business, We're twenty-seven hours out from starbase twelve.  I'm sure you'll do the math in your head, but I'll save you the trouble, we're cruising at Warp Six.  I've already been informed by Admiral Mayweather that the Germany is to be decommissioned after you have retrieved your personal belongings from her.  Most of your crew has already been selected for their new posts, after their six week R&R.  That leaves me to the two of you.  Chief Tompson, you have not at this time submitted your re-enlistment request.  I have to ask, do you intend to re-enlist or retire?  You only have four weeks left on your current enlistment tour."

"At this time, Captain, I think I'd like to go off active duty, for the time being, sir."

"Understood, then I will officially put you on the reserve duty roster.  You should find plenty of work back on Earth, heck you might find a spot on the team putting the third ship of this class together."

"Yes sir, thank you sir."

"Lieutenant Atkinson, Admiral Mayweather has authorized me to issue you and Cheif Tompson with the Johnathan Archer Medal of Valor for your actions.  Together the two of you saved  what was left of your crew, and you managed to, although inadvertantly, prevent the Klingons from obtaining knowledge of our latest starship design.  You have Starfleet's thanks."

"Thank you sir."

"With that, you have been put forth for a promotion, I expect it to go through, quite possibly before we arrive at Starbase Twelve.  Your next duty assignment, while not on Enterprise or the Constitution, will be on another until now classified design.  The Saladin, a new destroyer.  Slightly more compact than Enterprise, but she's still a luxury yacht compared to the design of the Germany, you're to be her first officer.  She will be launching from the McKinley shipyards at the end of August.  Unfortunately that means you're R&R will be cut a couple of weeks short, but I'm confident that you can handle it."

"Aye sir."

"Now, I've heard you've taken interest in the ship's bowling alley.  Care for a game or two?  I carry a one-sixty-two average."

"Yes sir.  It's been a few years since I've bowled, but I did carry a one-forty-three in my last youth league."

"How about you Cheif?"

"No thank you sir, I'm more of a soccer person."

"Suit yourself. Lieutenant?"  April motioned for James to take the lead and headed out into the corridor.
"Your mighty GDI forces have been emasculated, and you yourself are a killer of children.  Now of course it's not true.  But the world only believes what the media tells them to believe.  And I tell the media what to believe, its really quite simple." - Kane (Joe Kucan) Command & Conquer Tiberium Dawn (1995)

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2006, 08:32:16 am »
Long sentences, fast feeling on the dialog but otherwise well done.
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole

Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2006, 02:03:07 pm »
Does anyone know off hand what Earth Date Stardate 0 is supposed to be TOS terms?
"Your mighty GDI forces have been emasculated, and you yourself are a killer of children.  Now of course it's not true.  But the world only believes what the media tells them to believe.  And I tell the media what to believe, its really quite simple." - Kane (Joe Kucan) Command & Conquer Tiberium Dawn (1995)

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2006, 11:31:35 pm »
Nice section there, Q, even though I am used to Diane Carey's Robert April.  ;D

I agree with Grim about the dialogue feeling rushed, but I do like your little comparisons of the things we know nd take for granted on TOS and their "a few steps bnehind" predecessors. Different turboshafts for different sections of the ship, and such like.  I'm a detail freak and love this kind of thing.

As for Stardate 0, you can check out my site's databanks for the rather convoluted explanation I use, but I think--with memories from the Intro of 'Prime Directive' by Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens--stardate 0 is supposed to be 1st of January 2264: the start of the Five Year Mission. It's not explicitly stated anywhere, though.

Looking forward to more.
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The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
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Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2006, 11:51:54 pm »
Dialogue is not my strong suit, I always seem to have a hard time with not making it sound rushed, I'm open to suggestions.

I remember reading Diane Carey's book regarding the first voyage of Enterprise, but I can't remember the name of the book nor April's personality, since I've already written the next four chapters, and April was only in this one, I'm not going to worry myself too much about it.

I had developed a Stardate system of my own, which is based on the TNG but wont line up exactly.  The first digit is the century, the next two digits are the year, while the last two + the decimal are a base 100 year.  Of course this is a decidedly Terran stardate system that wouldn't work when, if we encouter Vulcans and Andorians.  I just wanted the reference because chapter six opens up with "First Officer's Log: 35th day of As'shara..."  As it is an Andorian making the log entry.  I wanted to know when I can start the Stardate references...It appears I can start it once I get to Three years Earlier...
"Your mighty GDI forces have been emasculated, and you yourself are a killer of children.  Now of course it's not true.  But the world only believes what the media tells them to believe.  And I tell the media what to believe, its really quite simple." - Kane (Joe Kucan) Command & Conquer Tiberium Dawn (1995)

Offline Jaeih t`Radaik

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #15 on: March 09, 2006, 09:20:45 am »
Hi Q, I do like your story and the direction it is taking. It does conflict with my own universe and as such I cannot include it within my own canon, but I am interested, so keep going!

I agree with Andy about the details you include, as La'ra will no doubt tell you (given half a chance) that I am a detail freak too.

The Diane Carey book(s) Andy's referring to are 'Final Frontier' and 'Best Destiny'. I like that Carey paints him as an English schoolteacher-type of captain instead of the stereotypical 'square-jawed flinty-eyed hero' type. My own first story 'A New Opponent' is a continuation of her Romulan concepts in 'Final Frontier', so they're both worth a re-re-re-re-read.

I see that Grim has a point with the long sentances, as it seems to me that you use a lot of commas to string together different sentance fragments that'd be better off on their own.

Also, the main thing that I notice about your fast dialogue is that you almost never break up a piece of dialogue. Making breaks and giving reactions during someone's speaking slows the pace and makes for a better flow. E.g.:

Quote
"Blah blah blahbiddy blah blah," Lieutenant Q said confidently, trying to impress his CO--much to the captain's amusement. "Snoogle woogle snarfity blart snort speaking Klingon," he finished, illustrating his point.

"I... see what you mean, Lieutenant," Captain Of'Industry replied, nodding thoughtfully. "Speaking Klingon does make you sound like a numbskull."

 ;D

I hope this helps you out some. If you need further clarification, I'll be happy to add or elaborate.
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Paris and Rory, from "The Gilmore Girls."


Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #16 on: March 13, 2006, 09:36:39 pm »
I wrote this one a couple weeks ago, and didn't have time to edit it per the suggestions of Jaeih and Grim Reaper.  I have begun editing 4-6 and have basically put a hold on new chapters until I finish editing the previous three.

"4th Officer's Log: 23 July 2246: Destruction Entry: Enterprise arrived in orbit of Starbase tweleve six hours ago, after a brief ceremony honoring the loss of her crew and the crew of the Intrepid, we officially decommissioned the Germany by Phaser destruction.  Most of the crew is being offloaded here at Starbase Twelve, myself, Cheif Tompson and ten others are hitching a lift back to Earth on Enterprise.  We expect the trip to take roughly three weeks, meanwhile the twelve of us have been cleared to roam about the ship.  I was on the Bridge when Enterprise slipped into orbit.  A much smoother and quicker transition than Germany could ever have done, if the Saladin can do half of what Enterprise can do, I'm going to be on a good ship.  End Recording."  Atkinson paused for a few seconds, collecting his thoughts before beginning again. "Personal Log, Lieutenant Commander James Atkinson: 23 July 2246: Captain April was right, my promotion was waiting for me on Admiral Mayweather's desk.  Along with my new posting as XO of the Saladin, no word on who my CO is going to be, I guess I'll find out in a couple of weeks.  Something Captain April pointed out to me as we warped out of Starbase tweleve's system, I'll have to see if it's true or not, The dedication plate on Enterprise's Bridge reads 'Starship Class', which is rumored to be the same thing that the Saladin's plaque reads.  Obviously these two ships are not of the same class, I pulled up the specifications on the Saladin a couple hours ago, the Saladin's Saucer is slightly larger than Enterprise, but does not have the Secondary Hull that Enterprise has, and has roughly 60% the warp power of Enterprise, which is still more than Germany had.  Amazing that that one nacelle can out-perform Germany's two.  End Recording."  James signed off with a sigh as he looked about his guest quarters on Enterprise, still in awe over what he was seeing.  The sheer size of the cabin was something that he just was not used to, not even his dorm room in the academy was this big, and it was meant to fit two.  He called up the specifications for Saladin again, noting that the Saladin, although a smaller ship, seemed to be capable of everything Enterprise was, just not as fast as Enterprise.  His cabin was about the same size as the one he was currently occupying, the bridge was also the same size, the crew size was roughly half of what Enterprise was supposed to be carrying, but she wasn't carrying her full crew at this time.  A chime at the door interrupted him.  "Come in."

Cheif Tompson was waiting at the door, he entered the room and looked at James. "Getting used to the new rank sir?"

"It doesn't officially take effect until I arrive on the Saladin." James motioned for Tompson to sit down, "Why didn't you tell me you were not renewing your service contract?"

"When we were on the verge of dieing, it didn't seem important."  Tompson pulls up a chair on the other side of the desk and plops himself into it. "But I wouldn't worry sir, I doubt I'll stay away from the fleet long.  I just have a few things I want to take care of back on Earth before another long tour." 

"I'll see if I can find room for you on my next ship then."

"That Klingon we met...Kland..a..."

"Yeah, I found my self tripping over my tongue on that one...let's just call him Klank."

"Like the sound his ship made when he hit ours?"

"The very same."

"Do you think we'll ever meet him again?"

"If we're lucky...yes."

"What do you mean?"

"The only reason he was going to win that fight was because his ship was brand new, and ours was heading for the scrapyard.  If he and I lock horns again, I'm in a state-of-the-art Destroyer, and he's in a pathetic F5.  I'll hand him his head."

"You sure about that?"

"The Saladin's weapons complement is exactly the same as Enterprise's, now theres some question as to whether the engines can handle powering all of them or not, but even if I have to take a photon or two offline, I still out-gun that garbage scowl he was flying."

"You're sounding a bit too overconfident.  What if the Saladin doesn't meet its expectations?"

"I... I never thought of that.  I guess I'm just too caught up in this new technological marvel that we call Enterprise.  When the Klingons debuted their D6 a decade ago, we all thought it was the shift in the balance of power that would bring us a war.  It almost did.  Now we're shifting it right back with these Constitution and Saladin Class ships.  But you know that the Klingons won't let that stay that way for long.  Despite what Starfleet Intelligence wants us to believe, I don't think the Klingons are as blind as we would want them to be regarding this ship."

"You think they know about it?"

"No question, they may not know specifics, but they know we have it, and they know its better than their D6."

"What about the Romulans?"

"Romulans?  We haven't heard from them in eighty years, I think they would prefer that the universe forget about them.  Why do you bring them up?"

"My Great-Grandfather was on Starbase One when those bastards took it out.  It's hard for me to not think of them when I think of war."

"I'm sorry.  But as long as those barbarians stay on their side of the nuetral zone, we're going to leave them be."

"I know.  Listen, I need to do a few things, you want to stop by the rec room later, say 1700?"

"Sure thing, I need to go see Captain April about getting me something to do on the trip back to Earth, I'll go stir crazy if I dont."

***

"Well Commander, there she is."  Captain April brought James' attention to the screen as they entered the Sol system.  Sitting in a Dry Dock Lattice over Alaska was his new ship, the USS Saladin, NCC-500.  Starfleet had begun that strange numbering system at its birth, but there was a problem coming, the Light Cruisers started their numbering with 600.  Something would have to give with their numbering system.  But that was still one hundred ships down the road, it wasn't supposed to become a problem for the next quarter century.  "What do you think?"

"She certainly has a charm to her sir.  Request permission to disembark, Captain."

"Granted Commander, it's been a pleasure having you aboard.  Good luck."

James nodded in a salute before turning and entering the Turbolift.  "Deck Six, Starboard."  James spoke into the Turbolift controls, designating his destination as the Starboard side transporter room.  Upon his arrival he strode down to the transporter room, where his belongings were stacked up against the wall, right where he placed them twenty minutes before entering the system.  Nodding to the transporter operator, he bent over and picked up the duffel bag.  "One to transport to Saladin, Ensign."

"Coordinates locked in, sir."

James stepped up onto the platform, shifted his duffel bag over his shoulder, "Energize."

When the world came back into focus, he almost said Energize again, the transporter rooms were that similar, but when he noticed a man with a yellow sweater standing there, that wasn't there on Enterprise, he stopped.  "Permission to come aboard, sir?"

"Granted Commander, I'm Captain Robert Wesley, welcome to your new home. Follow me please."

James walked off of the Transporter pad and followed Captain Wesley into the corridor.  It didn't take long for Wesley to say something.  "I know you're a little curious as to why you didn't know that I was here before you arrived.  I'll be brief, I'm not the permanent CO of this ship, this is only a temporary assignment for me.  I've already been assigned the command of the fourth Constitution class ship, she'll be complete within four months.  My job, is to make you command material, Starfleet believes that with a little more seasoning, you will be a fine Captain, so upon my transfer to my next command, I will be handing over this ship to you.  Until that time, I will work with you to make sure Starfleet is correct.  Now, get your stuff put away, and meet me on the Bridge in twenty minutes."

"Aye sir."
« Last Edit: March 13, 2006, 09:58:33 pm by Lieutenant_Q »
"Your mighty GDI forces have been emasculated, and you yourself are a killer of children.  Now of course it's not true.  But the world only believes what the media tells them to believe.  And I tell the media what to believe, its really quite simple." - Kane (Joe Kucan) Command & Conquer Tiberium Dawn (1995)

Offline Scottish Andy

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #17 on: March 15, 2006, 02:40:57 pm »
I'm still reading, so you keep posting!
Come visit me at:  www.Starbase23.net

The Senior Service rocks! Rule, Britannia!

The Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "Wot's that?"
The Doctor: "No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say 'Magic Door'."
- Doctor Who: The Woman in the Fireplace (S02E04)

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Offline Lieutenant_Q

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #18 on: March 15, 2006, 09:30:28 pm »
Oh yes...I love to write, I'll keep posting.  Doing it this way is probably the best thing to happen.  I have half a dozen stories on my computer, only one was ever finished, th "script" for Star Trek XI a little further down the forum.  My problem is, that I get into a writing mood, write for about a month or two, and then get out of the mood and never finish what I started.  Doing it this way, I got you people to keep prodding me along and making sure that I keep writing and you provide a wonderful foil for fleshing the story out.

Heres to the readers!  :drink:
"Your mighty GDI forces have been emasculated, and you yourself are a killer of children.  Now of course it's not true.  But the world only believes what the media tells them to believe.  And I tell the media what to believe, its really quite simple." - Kane (Joe Kucan) Command & Conquer Tiberium Dawn (1995)

Offline Grim Reaper

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Re: Sword and the Targ
« Reply #19 on: March 19, 2006, 02:24:10 pm »
cheers m8. And I'm still aboard. But then again, I read most of the stories posted. And Andy's site has few secrets for me either...
Snickers@DND: If there is one straight answer in that bent little head of yours, you'd better start spillin' it pretty damn quick, or I'm gonna take a large, blunt object, roughly the size of Kallae AND his hat and shove it lengthwise up a crevice of your being so seldomly cleaned that even the denizens of the nine hells would not touch it with a 10-feet rusty pole