A fever will do strange things to a mind. Hallucinations and things done and remembered that wernt real at all. Yet, there I stood on the beach. Calvary hill in the distance with the three crucifixes standing high among a multitude of people and roman soldiers.
Instantly I knew where and WHEN I was. And just as suddenly I knew I wanted to be back home in bed and take another double dose of fever reducer, but strangely, I didnt feel hot anymore. The air was cool and the skies were overcast with a hint of storm clouds on the horizon.
Curiosity got the best of me. I bounded up the hill. Who wouldn't? Who wouldnt want to look upon the face of their god? As I approached, I overhead, and understood, several high ranking roman officers discussing their new orders of what to do with Jesus. They were preparing to cut the three men down. Something about better alive and just a man, than a dead and idolotrized martyr.
Upon hearing this I spun around and nearly doubled over and noticed the hill was covered with perfectly flat round stones. My head began to swim. It was difficult to think because the implications were enormous. What if they cut him down? I didnt even begin to ponder this when action struck me like a sword. I saw a roman soldier behind a tree lifting his skirt. One swift strike to the back of his head with a flat round stone put him down and I switched clothes.
I took his spear and climbed the rest of the way up the hill. I saw the sign hanging above the center crucifix. Iesvs Nazarenvs Rex Ivdaeorvm, Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews. I wasnt but a few feet away when I heard the roman officers drawing near with a sword ready. This was the moment, Strike swift and true. Kill him!
I don't remember what happened next. Everything is a blur. What I can remember clearly is how much I didnt want to do it. I wanted to be back at home and pull the covers over my head and pretend everything was fine like I had always done before. I wanted someone else to thrust the spear. Anyone but me. I didnt want to take responsibility.
I guess that is God's message to me right now. To take responsibility. He didnt have to make me kill his son to see it.