Topic: Kestrel

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Thanks guys. :-) Stay tuned, a lot more to come.

Any other comments? Rommie? Kadh? Kieran? Grim? Guv? Josh? Andy? The rest of you?

[KOTH-KieranXC, Ret.]

The more I read, the more I think I'm going to have to wait until it's all done to give you any kind of meaningful feedback. However, from what's been posted so far, I like it, very much. I'm not sure I completely buy Riov t'Radaik giving up command, as she seems like the type that always needs to be in control, no matter what's happening. She has to know she's nearly committing suicide in more ways than one. I suppose she has her reasons, but I'm not quite sure I understand it. Nevertheless, I am really enjoying the story so far, and am looking forward to more.

By the way - I'm still getting a kick out of the fact that you thought I was British Not that that would be a bad thing; I actually felt rather complimented. It was still amusing, though.

Anyway, keep it up.

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Well hell, Kieran, of course it was a compliment. 

I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and I too share your concerns about her stepping down, but I couldn't manage to finish the story any other way. I did originally have the attack on the bridge successful and t`Radaik captured, but went another way there too. I maybe wonder of that was wise...

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Hi all, me again.

Looks like Andy's posted the next chapter of 'Kestrel' on his site, and it he's doing well on his promise so far.

As before, you can navigate through his site to push up his visitor stats and read the story there, at:

http://www.starbase23.net

Or you can go straight to the story itself at:

http://www.starbase23.net/Stories-Jaeih-03Kestrel.html

Now come on, the rest of you! For those who are reading chapter by chapter, I want to know what you think of my story! I worked hard on this, I'd like to know what you think of it so far!

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Hi all, me again.

Looks like Andy's posted the next chapter of 'Kestrel' on his site, and it he's doing well on his promise so far.

As before, you can navigate through his site to push up his visitor stats and read the story there, at:

http://www.starbase23.net

Or you can go straight to the story itself at:

http://www.starbase23.net/Stories-Jaeih-03Kestrel.html

Now come on, the rest of you! For those who are reading chapter by chapter, I want to know what you think of my story! I worked hard on this, I'd like to know what you think of it so far!

[kadh2000]

Okay, I've finished reading the story to date.  However, I'm going to comment a chapter at a time.  That will give you more feedback and such a story deserves more feedback.
The good first or the bad?

The bad.  You mention in the introduction your pet peeve about retrofiting stuff into the ST universe.  My peeve is Rihannsu.  Were I reading the story in their language I would have no problem with it.  However, your readers are english speakers.  Just as we say Germans instead of Deutsch, I prefer to read about Romulans instead of Rihannsu.  This also leads to my second issue.  Chapter one feels like it was poorly translated from Romulan into English.  There are just too many examples of Romulan terminology that the flavor benefits are lost.  They distract from the flow of the story because the reader has to fathom them out.

The good.  Spot on for the first officer's attitude.  Even though the story is just beginning I can already find personality in the characters.  Being a novel really instead of a short story, you have the leisure of taking your time and you're doing so very nicely. Despite my concerns above, there's enough meat that I already like the characters I've met and want to keep reading.

 Being a Klingon fan, I enjoy the analysis of the Klingon ship.  I can't even argue with it.  Of course there are valid reasons for the inferior quality of some systems, but a Romulan wouldn't know them. 

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Hey Kadh, thank you so much for the feedback, especially if you go ahead with the chapter-by-chapter review you're planning on. I truly appreciate it, especially that you state I deserve more! *smile*

I like the style of the review too. Always give me the bad before the good! Save the best to last, I've always said.

The Bad: I have to agree. Another of my pet peeves is people writing aliens just like they're human, even down to understanding and using idom as if they'd been raised by humans themselves. Before I completed this story, I was determined to reverse this trend and make my aliens actually alien. However, the hugemongous amount of italics this involves (as a result of my technical convention style for foreign language words) was rather wearisome. I think from now on I'll just make them alien by the way the speak, their sentence structure and formaility, rather than specific words they use.
-Though, on another note, Chapter One had very few Rihannsu words in it. Riov, erei`Riov, Ie Rekkhai, Lhhei, and Ne'rrih was about it, I think. You may have confused this with later chapters, where I do admit, a lot of Rihannsu words are evident.

-The Good: I'm pleased you like Lyie. She's going to be the anchor of the ship. Jaeih gets to be a little nuts, but her XO is the one who hauls her back in whenever she does. And since my story is all about the character development as well as the action, I'm really pleased that you like what you see so far. Means I'm doing my job properly, achieving my own goals. Gives me a warm fuzzy, so thanks!

The analysis of the Klingon ship was a originally less... expansive, and more negative towards the Klingons. Beta Reader La'ra and I had a brainstorming session after he'd read it, and the new, evolved version was the result. I put the transporters in the 'plus' side of Klingon design, and made the lack of advanced science, communications, and medical equipment more understandable by offering reasons for them being that way. Anyhoo, thanks to La'ra for the input, as it improved a decent, ethnocentric analysis to a truly in-depth one.

That said, I'm looking forward to more reviews from you, Kadh! The rest of you can also weigh in with your penny's worth.

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Hi all, me again.

Looks like Andy's posted the next chapter of 'Kestrel' on his site, and it he's doing well on his promise so far.

As before, you can navigate through his site to push up his visitor stats and read the story there, at:

http://www.starbase23.net

Or you can go straight to the story itself at:

http://www.starbase23.net/Stories-Jaeih-03Kestrel.html

As always, comments are welcome.

[Scottish Andy]

As always, old friend, your story is well put together and carefully thought out. My, what a tangled web we weave, hmmm? I know there's more and I couldn't wait to reread it, so I cheated and read my own advanced copy.

Girl, your storytelling is first rate! I'll not comment on the future parts until they're actually posted, but for Chapter Thirteen alone, here's what I've got for you:

I like your detailed analysis of the shipboard power grid, but then again, that appeals to a fellow detail freak like me. It's quite concise for not knowing how this stuff would actually work. You must have spent ages figuring this all out and have it appear plausible, rather than giving some surface-only, doesn't-stand-up-to-close-scrutiny technobabble explanation. Well done! The character interaction is a bit dry in that scene, but it is just an explanation for the audience.

The second scene of that chapter has some good character moments, but I still find it a little hard to believe Jaeih would sink so far down and be unable to see the Truth of the matter. Mind you, this coming from Mr. Introspective himself, take that for what it's worth. *smile*

Best moment of the whole chapter:

Courig watched the transformation as his former CO seemed to collapse in on herself, then suddenly it was as if there was another person in the room. A chill ran down his spine for no reason that he could place as he gave the room a quick, thorough scan

Not the whole of the moment, but the best lines from it. I tell you, it gave me a shiver up and down my spine to read this, picturing it happening, so you obviously achieved a great emotive moment there.

Can't wait for the continuations!

(And I hope this helps bolster your spirits)

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Hi all, me again.

Looks like Andy's posted the next chapter of 'Kestrel' on his site, and I'm almost a week lkate in telling you about it.

So, if you haven't yet read it, then you can navigate through his site to push up his visitor stats and read the story there, at:

http://www.starbase23.net

Or you can go straight to the story itself at:

http://www.starbase23.net/Stories-Jaeih-03Kestrel.html

As always, comments are welcome. Many thanks to Andy, who gave me one. 

[Commander La'ra]

Do I get a kiss if I comment, too?

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Hi all, go to the usual spot to view the latest chapter of the epic story of one woman and her quest for commentary.

http://www.starbase23.net/Stories-Jaeih-03Kestrel.html

And yes, La'ra, if you do an in-depth comment you'll get a kiss too. Maybe show these lunks how to do it right. *smile*

[Lieutenant_Q]

Brilliant as usual, Jaeih.  I particularly enjoyed the investigation.  The Commander's venting during the tribunal was excellent.  I guess the guard will have a few new words to use when things go bad the next time. 

[Jaeih t`Radaik]

Hi all, go to the usual spot to view the latest chapter of the epic story of one woman and her quest for commentary.

http://www.starbase23.net/Stories-Jaeih-03Kestrel.html

*sigh*... Looks like everyone is away playing EVE Online...

[Commander La'ra]

I'm a workin' on it....sheesh, you spend a few hours tricking out your favorite frigate instead of posting and the Scottish types get all antsy...

 

[Sethan]

No time for games anymore, Jaeih - but I still have a little time once in a while to read my favorite authors.

Noticed one typo in Chapter Fifteen:  "She was too soft with out new crew."

I occasionally had a little trouble making the connection between characters referred to by last name and rank in one sentence, and by first name a couple of sentences later.

Other than those two minor things, a wonderfully told story so far - you never disappoint.

[Governor Ronjar]

This is such a damn good story!!!
I read it such a long time ago on the Taldren site, and now, reading it after all your work on it...Damn!

Keep it up, my lady!

--thu guv!

[Scottish Andy]

Well, the last chapter of 'Kestel' was posted on the 7th of May but Jaeih seems to have done another of her infamous disappearing acts and hasn't told you about it.

I, on the other hand, have been learning my new job and reading two fabulous books by Arthur Herman: 'How the Scots Invented the Modern World' and (perhaps surprisingly) my favourite of the two, 'To Rule the Waves: How the British Navy Shaped the Modern World'. I'm taking copious notes on famous countrymen (sorry ladies, but this was from the 1600s-1900s), decisive battles and all the ships mentioned within, so I've not been on here in a couple of weeks myself.

I've also been playing aroundwith networking at home. I've now managed to successfully set up a wireless laptop, and ethernet laptop and an ethernet desktop through a router and mapped the drives of the wired machines. I'm quite pleased with myself. *grin*

So, back to the story at hand. The Final Chapter and Epilogue of the fabulous 'Kestel' has been posted, and no doubt Jaeih (if she ever reappears) would appreciate some comments. So, if you haven't already done so, go and read it--from the start, if necessary--and tell her what you think.

[Commander La'ra]

Any idea where's she's gone off too?

[Scottish Andy]

Nope.