Most excellent, Hondo. 
Of course all real Klingons know that true Klingons are the smooth heads from ST:OS. The ridgeheads are nothing but yapping Federation Lap Targs that go about saying stupid things like, "It is a good day to die!" What kind of lunacy is that? It's NEVER a good day to die. It IS a good day to make the other guy die.
A true Klingon is a being of will and will stop at nothing to achieve victory. The smooth heads were smart and devious and when they said something they meant it. For example, when the smooth heads said that they would shoot 100 Organians every 30 minutes until they got what they wanted, by Kahless they went right ahead and shot them.
The ridgeheads are dim witted and simple. By Kahless if they'd have given the smooth heads a Bird of Prey that could fire when cloaked, all those Federation Targs would be shining Kang's boots outside of Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco. Kang didn't bother spouting that Shakespear crap. That's for pussies!
Klingons in the OS were a proud conquerors and they were out to get the Federation, not become part of it. Then the ridgeheads come along, blow up Praxis and then give the whole Empire up to the Federation! What are they now? Nothing but pawns in the Federation's giant chess game in the alpha quadrent! Who was the cannon fodder in the war with the Dominion? The ridgeheads, that's who! The leather wrapped bondage slaves of the Federation! The next thing you know the ridgeheads will be running around in buttless chaps, bending over in front of Willy Riker <spits> and saying, "Give me a number 2!" P'Taks!
Damn them! Damn them to the deepest depths of Gre'thor and forget them! There aren't any of them fit to row a barge in the Black Fleet! Kahless spits on these pretenders and the smooth heads howl for vengence on the ridgeheads for what they did to the once mighty Klingon Empire!
So if you're going to be a Klingon, be a REAL Klingon! Sand those bumps off your forehead and get devious and strong! Shoot ten Organians just on general principle and if any one of them says "Boo" about it, shoot ten more of 'em!
AND GET RID OF THAT STINKING LEATHER BODY ARMOR, FOR KAHLESS SAKE! YOU LOOK LIKE THE POWER BOTTOM BRIGADE FROM THE FETISH CONVENTION! SMARTEN UP!
Yes, all praise the warriors of old! They were really quite clever in those days...such as when a D7 couldn't even manage to destroy an obviously cripped Fed CC (playing luxury yacht for some Elasian b@#$h) before it repaired its warp drive and crippled the vessel of genetically-pollut- I mean, gallant "old school" Klingons with a single phaser volley. Yes, I'd be truly
fearful of what warriors of such renown would do with a ship that could fire while cloaked...they'd probably mistake it for a phase-cloak and try flying through a planet for some cunning ambush. Or let's see, there's Kor the Drunk, er, Dahar-Master, who had both the Organians and the infamous criminal Kirk in his grasp, I guess he could use inebriation for his failure to even recognize Kirk as not even being an Organian. Let us nod to the grand strategic wisdom of the Klingons of those times as well. The Treaty of Sarmba (or wherever it was, I try to forget)...in a brilliant move to secure allies against the Federation menace, these glorius conquerors form an alliance with the Roms. Not only are the Roms so resource-poor that despite being a spacefaring race for over two-thousand years, they
still couldn't even figure out how to construct a navy capable of tactical warp combat. Oh, and of course, these Rom idiots are actually stupid enough to fall for the "corbomite maneuver"...Why did we even bother to exchange any tech with them, when they're just handing cloaking devices to anyone claiming "Oh, uh, yeah, we're lost, our Captain's gone nuts, we didn't mean to cross into the neutral zone, can we have one of those ship-turning-invisible things?" It's a wonder the Empire even survived up to the Praxis debacle.
So I'll take leather over polyester pants and glittery space-gypsy vests any day. And I will proudly show my ridges as well. "Ridge-heads", as you say, have actually crushed the Federation in both occasions of open warfare they were involved in. All you quasi-humans can boast of is mouldering in bed, telling an empty room how you would've conquered the Federation in a quick-and-dirty war, if only the Organians
had been kind enough to let you.Go ahead and keep spouting off approbations for Fed propoganda films. Maybe next you can even suggest Klingon children should be taken out of school, so they can labour in factories to produce shoddy plastic likenesses of Kirk to replace icons of Kahless in Klingon households. But prove me wrong...have the courage to reclaim your place in your old fleet, or maybe one the many weak pretender-houses. Prove the merits of your argument on the field of battle. Otherwise, your words carry all the weight of an Earther's oaths scatched out on a paper receipt <spits> (you can always console yourself that it's "never a good day to die", as you put it).
Topic: Klingon 101 (Read 2069 times)