Topic: How to clean your toilet and cat

[Mutilator]

How to Clean your toilet and cat.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo
to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards
 the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close
both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the
noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three and or four times. This provides a
"power-wash."

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that
there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift
both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the
bathroom, and run outside where it will dry itself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

[Hexx]

Traitor

[Braxton_RIP]

LMAO!!! I about died choking on my Ruben when I read that.

[Mutilator]

Traitor

Me Sir? Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

[Nemesis]

How to Wash Your Cat

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean.  Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).

Cats, like their nemesis, the dog .... do get dirty and have a variety of odors... from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath.  (Remember... your dog will try to eat anything.)  Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.

So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.

Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you .... you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.

Link to balance of article

Instructions for Giving your Cat a Pill

   1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

   2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

   3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

Link to balance of article

A Kitten's Prayer

            Now I lay me down to sleep,
            The king-size bed is soft and deep..
            I sleep right in the center groove
            My human cannot hardly move!
            I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight
            And here is where I pass the night
            No one disturbs me or dares intrude
            Till morning comes and "I want food!"
            I sneak up slowly to begin
            my nibbles on my human's chin.
            She wakes up quickly,
            I have sharp teeth- And my claws I will unsheath
            For the morning here
            and it's time to play
            always seem to get my way.
            So thank you Lord for giving me
            This human person that I see.
            The one who hugs me and holds me tight
            And sacrifices her bed at night

Link to origin

[GDA-S'Cipio]

How to Clean your toilet and cat.

I've read the joke before.........but the pictures you put with it!!!

 

Oh, that was hilarious!

-S'Cipio

[el-Karnak]

 

My 60lbs labrador thinks it's pretty funny too.

I'd have him post, but, right now, he's too busy barking at the cats outside in our neighborhood.

[KAT Chuut-Ritt]

Notice it didn't say how to wash your Tiger 

[Capt_Bearslayer_XC]

LOL... my ex had a cat that was strangely fascinated with watching ME shower (never her, but always me!! I think it was b/c, unlike him, I still have my balls )

He didn't seem to mind the sprinkles of water he got while I was in there... but he did mind when I smacked him with full bore water spray.

Every once in a while, the idiot would fall in and it was a mad scramble to see if I could a) maintain my balance, b) escape the shower, and c) do all this before my feet & calves got laced up.

One time, he did it when I has just finished lathering up my hair....  

That time, I just stood there and took the punishment as he used my calf as a spring board back to the safety of dryness.... 

[Mutilator]

Notice it didn't say how to wash your Tiger 

Tigers seem to enjoy water a lot more then their little domesticated fur ball cousins.

Beside the little ones have a hard time reading lables and often mix up the bottles under the sink 

[FA Frey XC]

I'll let this speak for itself.

Hexx is onna left, Mesa onna right.

HEXX vs FREY , Round 1

<snicker>