Ah yes...... I remember it like it wasss yesterday.
There I was, talking to the Chief of the Exchequer. "Knobby," I said, "we've jussst got to have a new heavy cruissser. The Alosaur is a fine ssship, but her day isss done. The pointy earsss have a new fleet, the frogsss are gettin' froggy, and you mark my wordsss! there isss a war coming."
"Ssstuff and nonsssense" was his ignorant reply. "The Gorn are the mossst peaceful race in the galaxy, jussst assss you yourssself alwaysss sssay. We are the only race never to have ssstarted a war againssst our neighborsss. If the pointy earsss, the frogsss and the flatheadsss want to fight, let them! We will not get involved. I'd just asss soon drydock all the Allosaursss and turn them into housssing projectsss for the poor."
He'd missed a vital point, of course; a point so important that I carefully chose my words with no 's' sounds, to ensure I was understood. "Look here, Knobby," I insisted. "We have never begun a war with anyone, but we have been attacked. The Gorn will need to defend our home."
"No!" he insisted. "There isss a no-hatchling-left-behind policy to fund, and I WILL not spend any money on bigger weaponssss of war. Violence laysss eggsss for more violence. We would only draw an attack if we seek to defend ourssself."
Well, things seemed grim and I felt dispair in my liver. But then I noticed that Knobby was wearing Cuban heels and carring a Gucci handbag. He was always a slave to fashion, that Knobby. I think he shops with Kroma.
"Hear! Hear! Well spoken, Bruce!" I congratulated him. "I wassss weak for a moment, but it isss good to know that the Law of Peace still burnssss strong in the liversss of our leadersss!" Knobby, always a diva, preened under the attention.
"But let usss consider fassshion," I continued. Knobby's brow ridges creased with suspicion, but he could not resist the mention of his favorite word. I had his attention. "Let's look at these medium cruisssers that are all the rage. Not a true capital ssship, and not too expensive. But a nice two-tiered fleet concept with a path down the middle. We can't be the only fleet without one in the ssspring. Imagine the talk!"
Knobby's brow ridges went from a crease of suspicion to one of worry. "Ooh!" he worried. "We'd be the laughing ssstock at the next Paris arms show. Could you make the command variant pink?"
"Of course!" and I knew I had him.
"Then build us a few dozen before egg-layer's day. We recover some costs by putting their pictures on greeting cards."
After Knobby left I turned to my chief of Royal Engineers. "Call them medium cruisers on the plansss," I said with a wink. "But put heavy cruiser power and gunsss on the blasted thingssss!" He got a good laugh out of that.
When they got the bill, the Senate figured out I had snookered them, but by then we had our New Heavy Cruisers. And I never did paint the MCC pink. Knobby was furious. But the same trick worked again when we needed war "destroyers". <snicker> The senate are such suckers.
-S'Cipio the Liar