Topic: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard  (Read 2692 times)

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Offline Death_Merchant

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French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« on: April 15, 2005, 02:43:46 pm »
ROCHESTER, NY—In response to increasing American demand for tangier, more hygienic meals, condiment giant French's has introduced a new antibacterial mustard.

"Each year, 15 million cases of bacterial food poisoning originate in U.S. home kitchens, resulting in nausea, diarrhea, fever, and even death," read a press release French's issued Monday. "Now, lunch doesn't have to endanger your health! All-new French's Antibacterial Mustard is the perfect way to add flavor to, and subtract harmful disease-causing bacteria from, your family's favorite meals!"

According to French's representative Darla Nelson, the new hypoallergenic mustard complements the company's expanding line—which includes French's Honey Dijon Mustard and French's Sweet & Tangy Honey Mustard—and kills over 99.99% of harmful germs.

The mustard is orange in color, more translucent than the traditional varieties, and somewhat medicinal in flavor. In product trials performed by French's, mothers preferred antibacterial mustard five to one when informed of its sterilizing properties.

A television commercial for the mustard plays up its prominent role in luncheon sanitization.

"Approximately 9,000 deaths per year are attributed to foodborne pathogens, and the most germ-filled location in the house is the kitchen," a woman says as computer-generated footage zooms in to show worm-like spirochete bacteria multiplying on a slice of bologna. "Normal mustards do nothing to combat the germs that begin forming on meats and cheeses as soon as they're taken out of the refrigerator. But an hour after spreading on our powerful French's Antibacterial Mustard, your lunch is still free of everything but zesty mustard taste!"

Nelson said consumers are increasingly concerned with the lack of germicidal properties in old-fashioned, non-antibacterial condiments.

"When I used to spread old-style mustard on my children's hot dogs, I never knew what sort of bugs were breeding between the buns," said a woman quoted on French's website. "For all I know, microorganisms were actually feeding off the condiments I was squirting on my family's meat. But now that I use French's Antibacterial, I'm reassured by the mustard's bright orange sheen, unique tanginess, and the little foaming bubbles that show it's working. That's a mustard we all can live with."

Not everyone is in favor of the new product. Lloyd Cummings, a toppings expert at the Institute for Public Health, said French's Antibacterial poses more health and taste hazards than it solves.

"We're going to see many American sandwich-makers using these powerful mustards, because the condiments have been marketed as an effective way to lower the risk of infection," Cummings said. "But widespread antibacterial sandwich-spread use will likely result in the formation of a strain of ham- and cheese-originated, drug-resistant bacteria. These 'superlunchbugs' will be more deadly than any bacteria we see today. For lunches prepared or packed for healthy family members, regular household mustard is strong enough. And it tastes a lot less like iodine."

In spite of such warnings, Nelson said all French's mustards will eventually contain triclosan, the most trusted antibacterial agent used in hospitals today, and that the company is currently working on three new germ-fighting sauces: Cattlemen's Kansas City Antibiotic BBQ Sauce, Frank's RedHot Hot Sauce with Hydrogen Peroxide, and French's Worcestershire-Neosporin Sauce.
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Offline Bonk

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2005, 02:48:51 pm »
This can't be for real.

If it is, it certainly will not help. Superbugs anyone?  ::)


Offline Death_Merchant

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2005, 03:03:48 pm »
If it is, it certainly will not help. Superbugs anyone?  ::)


Yes, that is definitely a concern (as was raised by Lloyd Cummings, a toppings expert at the Institute for Public Health, in the article).

If such "superlunchbugs" do manifest, several home appliance manufacturers are prepared to respond. Note the draft concept for Braun's "Home Kitchen Sterilization Center".
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Offline E_Look

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2005, 09:55:38 pm »
Judging by the pictures you posted, I guess I know why you're "Death Merchant"!   ;)

Offline Bonk

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2005, 10:26:57 pm »
If it is, it certainly will not help. Superbugs anyone?  ::)


Yes, that is definitely a concern (as was raised by Lloyd Cummings, a toppings expert at the Institute for Public Health, in the article).

If such "superlunchbugs" do manifest, several home appliance manufacturers are prepared to respond. Note the draft concept for Braun's "Home Kitchen Sterilization Center".



 :rofl:

My kitchen probably could use a treatment with one of those. Between work, the D2 and webservers there's dishes in the sink older than God!  ;D

Offline Strafer

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2005, 10:37:31 pm »
:rofl:

My kitchen probably could use a treatment with one of those. Between work, the D2 and webservers there's dishes in the sink older than God!  ;D
Gift to the parents when they announced the pregnancy?..  ::)
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Offline Bonk

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2005, 11:21:56 pm »
:rofl:

My kitchen probably could use a treatment with one of those. Between work, the D2 and webservers there's dishes in the sink older than God!  ;D
Gift to the parents when they announced the pregnancy?..  ::)

Yes my son, go forth a build a D2 map 48 cubits by 32 cubits and place upon it two of each SFC races... call it "The Ark" and launch it before this flood drowns us all... ;)  ;D  :rofl: muahahahah!


(unless I have misinterpreted your God complex remark(?), in which case I apologise and just try to appreciate my oddness!  ;D)

Which bears some explnation I guess: "older than God" is an expression meaning simpley really old. When applied to dishes in this context I mean that they have not been washed since pre-God time... (hehe - absurd...) the dishes themselves could be even older predating the known universe and limit of theology!... oh man, its time for bed....

Offline Strafer

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2005, 12:15:07 pm »
Was more thinking about you owning dishware that used to belong to God's parents, but the "complex" angle works very well too... ;)
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Offline Don Karnage

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2005, 06:04:11 am »
that seem very stupid, instead of looking for antibacteria stuff, keep your hand clean and your working place also clean and you wont get sick, as for food poisoning well thats another problem.

Offline FRA.E.Kehakoul_XC

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2005, 08:26:15 pm »
I really hope this is just a fake News.
That must be some sick joke...tss
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Offline Dracho

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2005, 01:36:22 am »
I'm sure it was an April Fool's joke. Intentionally sSwallowing an anti-bacterial would be a horrible thing to do to your stomach, as it uses bacteria to digest food.
The worst enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan.  - Karl von Clausewitz

Offline FRA.E.Kehakoul_XC

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2005, 10:49:33 pm »
Really frightening is that i have goten that far ,that i  theoreticaly dont even rule out BS like this.
I fully thrust the retardedness of mankind to  come up witht stuff like this.
I am in the twilight Zone already:)
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Offline E_Look

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Re: French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
« Reply #12 on: April 23, 2005, 11:20:49 am »
No, I don't think you're in the "Twilight Zone"... yet, though we all may get there.

But it IS true mankind, at least the marketing segment, is stupid enough to come up with ideas like this.

I forgot what book or TV show it was years and years ago, but I did once see or read something on the failures of marketing or something like that.  Some of them were really stupidly funny, and they weren't April Fools' jokes!