Topic: Please anyone, I really need advice

[Clark Kent]

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

 I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.
 She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".
 I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?
 I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

 Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep downI just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.
 I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a veiw of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

 So what should I do? Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself? 

[Capt_Bearslayer_XC]

Dump the witch, check the cost of repair with a shop, if too expensive, do it yourself.

[TheJudge]

Dude, try to do it yourself and if that fails, go to the shop.


One thing about girlfriends (or boyfriends for that matter), when you are sleeping with them, you're sleeping with every person they've ever slept with.  Do you really want to sleep with her and whoever she's boinking on the side?  Pick up her phone and when she goes nuts ask her what she's trying to hide and if she really thinks you're that stupid.


Then watch her try to stumble in the attempt to find a good lie.  If she comes off with a clean, smooth line...she's rehearsed it for just such an occurrence and needs to be shot dead (or at least shown the front door).  If she stammers around, she's cheating and just isn't smart enough to have practiced a line.  If she reacts with speechless stupification, get rid of her because she's just too weird.  If she lets you go through her cell phone history, she's one step ahead of you and is deleting it so you won't find out...get rid of her.

Check your PM box for my phone number.  We'll go out for a few drinks and I'll help you get over her.

[Just plain old Punisher]

LOL that was good. Caught me off guard, I was preparing another "Aw crap I have to deal with someones feelings" speech.

Thanks, I hate those.

[Clark Kent]

Dude, try to do it yourself and if that fails, go to the shop.


One thing about girlfriends (or boyfriends for that matter), when you are sleeping with them, you're sleeping with every person they've ever slept with.  Do you really want to sleep with her and whoever she's boinking on the side?  Pick up her phone and when she goes nuts ask her what she's trying to hide and if she really thinks you're that stupid.


Then watch her try to stumble in the attempt to find a good lie.  If she comes off with a clean, smooth line...she's rehearsed it for just such an occurrence and needs to be shot dead (or at least shown the front door).  If she stammers around, she's cheating and just isn't smart enough to have practiced a line.  If she reacts with speechless stupification, get rid of her because she's just too weird.  If she lets you go through her cell phone history, she's one step ahead of you and is deleting it so you won't find out...get rid of her.

Check your PM box for my phone number.  We'll go out for a few drinks and I'll help you get over her.

Hmmm...
I'm not sure if you realize this was all a joke.   

[Death_Merchant]

The girlfriend thing I've seen out here, but what is this "rust" thing you mention???

Death "S. California convertible owner" Merchant

[Bonk]

How old is the car? Do you live inland or on the coast?

[E_Look]

Judge, you oughtta hit our secret Kryptonian fella here with a wet, rotting mackerel... slowly, gently, making sure to rub it on good.

[Clark Kent]

Judge, you oughtta hit our secret Kryptonian fella here with a wet, rotting mackerel... slowly, gently, making sure to rub it on good.

<shudder>

[TheJudge]

Notice my last line.  I figured it was a joke but was hoping I could seduce another man to the dark side.  Punisher is getting too old. 

[KAT J'inn]

Oh come on this is easy . . .


1)   Buy a Chiltons manual on your car.

2)   Find the master brake cylinder and drain almost all of the break fluid.

3)   Let her borrow your car for a week.

4) After she has the "accident"  call your insurance company and report the loss.

5)  Wait a few days for the check from the insurance company to arrive.

6) Go out and buy a new car. Okay lets face it, your rust bucket wouldn't be worth that mush so go by a nice Used but New for you car.

7) Send some nice flowers to the funeral home.

Get a new girlfriend.




You people just don't think creatively.

Tsk.

[TheJudge]

Yes, Jinn, we do think creatively.  However, some of us remember conspiracy charges are possible if Clark does go out and follow your advice.  This way when the police come knocking, they're not knocking on my door!


Oh, Clark, I need her SSN for the insurance policy I'm buying on her.

[Clark Kent]

Yes, Jinn, we do think creatively.  However, some of us remember conspiracy charges are possible if Clark does go out and follow your advice.  This way when the police come knocking, they're not knocking on my door!


Oh, Clark, I need her SSN for the insurance policy I'm buying on her.