Topic: The Queendom of Kromydia, how it all began.

[TheJudge]

Meanwhile MY mother was married to my father when I was born so I am not a bastard.


I am a mean ass prick though, and someone spent a lot of time showing me their ass last night, right before he got two of his buddies and beat up on me. 

[FPF-DieHard]

. . .  and someone spent a lot of time showing me their ass last night, right before he got two of his buddies and beat up on me. 

I think the Klingons call that "Foreplay."   

[TheJudge]

That's the bad thing, guys get up and shake their ass in front of me and I forget all about his buddies until it's too late...

[Strafer]

Judge can't get wise so now it's like fishing.... the jig is up!
Who's next to jiggle? Judge-bait needed. Not to troll or anything. You can always form a line...

I'll ponder some more while the candidates stream in...

[GDA-Agave]

I'll ponder some more while the candidates stream in...

Like ANYONE shows their ass quicker than J'inn................please      

[KAT Chuut-Ritt]

I'll ponder some more while the candidates stream in...

Like ANYONE shows their ass quicker than J'inn................please      

Does mooning count?   

[Kroma BaSyl]

I'll ponder some more while the candidates stream in...

Like ANYONE shows their ass quicker than J'inn................please      

Geez!!!! It's like I am invisible or something. <sob>

[SOS Cleopatra]

I'll ponder some more while the candidates stream in...

Like ANYONE shows their ass quicker than J'inn................please      

Geez!!!! It's like I am invisible or something. <sob>

The earth moves for me when I wiggle my hips too, but unlike in your case, objects don't fall off the shelves.   

[Barack Beard]

Now Queen Kroma!  you are being way to humble, lets go back to the true beginning of your rise to power.

I remember it well:


Things had looked grim on Gdhar.  Ever since the "Gorganian Disaster" the Confederation's navies had been driven back by the Pacification forces.  The buffer zones were no longer buffers, but rather staging zones for further ISC penetrations into Gorn homespace.  The colony worlds were falling, loses were heavy.  Even the flagship the Brucimus Maximus had limped off the front with massive damage, looking like and old french tank after an encounter with panzers.  The ISC was in fact driving on the nearest of the Gorn homeworlds with little to stand in its way, most captains having decided to try their luck on the safer fronts.

One obstacle did remain, however, Task force 69 led by Rear Admiral Kroma Basyl, consisting of a dreadnaught and assorted support ships including a Miridan destroyer flotilla under Commodore Firesoul's command.  Rear Admiral Kroma realized he was fighting a losing battle on the front, having nothing in his megre armada that could stand up to the ISC flagship and her fleet.  He relized his only chance to save Gdhar was to seperate the enemy battleship from her support vessels, but it would require a great risk. 

The only way was to spring a trap, and every trap needed bait, nd the only bait big enough was the Prima Ballerina.  Kroma had one advantage though, the enemy flag was piloted by a captain whose strengths and weaknessess he knew well, the traitor Agave.  Strutting his ship in front of the enemy, Kroma filled his old comrade with a lust for wanting to take down the Prima Ballerina.  His ship was no match for the enemy, but he had to lure him into position with a perfectly executed plasma ballet, that at moments seemed to get daring close to becoming the lap dance that Agave wanted so badly.

Finally, with his last reserves Kroma placed the enemy captain in the position he wanted him in, the "G-spot".  The ISC battleship was now pinned between Gdhar and the rest of taskforce 69, which had arrived from the rear.  Firesoul took command of the planetary defenses and the protective Starbases (which Firesoul had refitted with Mirdan technology) while Kroma rejoined the rest of his forces to cut off retreat.  The enemies only chance now was to smash through the starbase defenses and force the Gorn to surrender or have their homeworld destroyed.

It was a frantic battle as the citizens of Gdhar looked up into the heavens watching the live broadcast, knowing their very lives and the future of their entire race depended on it.  Knowing that deserted by their leaders, their only hope for a future as a free race depended on a rag tag fleet and a Gorn in a tutu. Then it happened....

The enemy flagship suddenly broke apart in an explosion visible to the naked eyes of the Gorn looking heavenward.  And out of the sky flew in Firesoul, leading the Prima Ballerina and the rest of Task Force 69 to its homecoming.

As Kroma transported down to the planet, the local populance was chanting "Kroma!" "Kroma!" "Kroma!" and the local leaders had somehow come up with a long pink carpet which was rolled out as the Rear Admiral strode forth the adress the citizenry.  Kroma was overwhelmed by their warm reception, and a tear came to the hero's eye.  Barely managing to get a few words of humble gratitude for the welcome recieved, Kroma was on the verge of returning to his ship. 

At that moment one humble Gorn clad in a marvelous pink gown stumbled forward, adoration in her eye.  The city leaders tried to keep her at bay so as not to disturb the hero, but Kroma recognized her, and waved her forward.  That Gorn, he remembered had designed his very first tutu.  He remebered that day, when she saw Kroma still dressed in the stadard uniform, gazing longingly at the dresses in her shop through the store window, and had cordially waved him in on that day without judging him.  On that day he became a Diva.

S'Trupaul collapsed at the hero's feet, and cried out "Don't leave us leaderless again!, when the Tri-Bruce council fled only you remained, you Kroma BaSyl our savior."
Kroma urged her to rise but she refused clasping at his ankles.  He argued,  "My duties as a Rear Admiral, require me to persue the advantage we have gained, citizen."  But S'Trupaul looked up and begged, "But your duty to the Gorn of the homeworlds, and of the colonies as well require you to stay and lead us, the leaderless, won't you be our Queen!"

Kroma was stunned by the words, but the citizens were not, a euphoric expression took hold on all those who had been in earshot.  Then it started, first among those few who had heard S'Trupaul, then by those who heard them, then by others as the chanting spread like a wildfire out of control, within minutes it was being shouted by those who were watching it broadcast, and was being chanted soon by every Gorn on the homeworlds.  The chant of "Long Live Queen Kroma!", the plea of a leaderless race in their demand for their hero to lead them.

And that was how it really started your highness.  There is no more Conferation, in fact that word shall no longer exist, I'll have the Committee on correct thinking make that adjustment in the next version of the Histories of Gdhar, as soon as they finish placing this account of your becoming Queen in the records.  Are there any other changes you would like to make?

Kroma pursed the royal lips a moment, "Well I never particularly cared for the word 'FAT'"

[TheJudge]

And people wonder why me and my shorts-clad crew of stud muffins are chosen to patrol the Gorn border and render assistance as needed.


*sigh*

[GDA-Agave]

Why you crusty-scaled reptilian whore!!!!!!!

Long and painful will your torture be! (and not the kind you like)   I will hang you dissected body parts form the tallest steeple of The Creator.

Mark my words, S'Trupaul.   I will make it my mission to crush under my claws as I have done to so many others that got in my way when I ascended to the TRI-BRUCE commission.


Agave

[Barack Beard]

Why you crusty-scaled reptilian whore!!!!!!!

Long and painful will your torture be! (and not the kind you like)   I will hang you dissected body parts form the tallest steeple of The Creator.

Mark my words, S'Trupaul.   I will make it my mission to crush under my claws as I have done to so many others that got in my way when I ascended to the TRI-BRUCE commission.

 
Agave

Long and painful describesss tenure of the TRI-BRUCE commissssion. And why not ssspell it like it isss the TRY BRUCE commissssion, that would dessscribe your rissse more accurately asss you allowed all the sssenior Gorn to "try" you during your assscent.  I know the  talessss of your sssharing quartersss with S'Cipio on thossse debauched tripsss the Earth'sss vacation city of Orlando.  How you were only along due to your ssskills at sssomething code named a "Wood-Wind" inssstrument. And hearing S'Cipio  proclaim that noone could blow a note like Agave, made it readily apparent what wasss really going on.  Now we find you chasssing your old amore into the armsss of the enemy, but I guessss the wedding wasss political and he will need a missstresss on Romulassss.

I can hear the SOS and the other Rommiesss ssssinging now

AGAVE:       I'm a Bruce, and I'm okay.
                  I  sleep all night and I work all day.

ROMMIES:    He's a Bruce, and he's okay.
                  He sleeps all night and he works all day.

AGAVE:       I slam down beers I eat chocodiles.
                  I go to the lavatory.
                 On Wednesdays I go bowling
                 And fly for the ISC

ROMMIES:   He slams down beers. He eats chocodiles.
                 He goes to the lavatory.
                 On Wednesdays he goes bowling
                 And flies for the ISC
                 He's a Bruce, and he's okay.
                 He sleeps all night and he works all day.

AGAVE:       I slam down shots. I skip and jump.
                  I like to plasma ballet.
                  I put on women's clothing
                  And act as Scippy’s Valet.

ROMMIES:    He slams down shots. He skips and jumps.
                  He likes to plasma ballet.
                  He puts on women's clothing
                  And acts as Scippy’s Valet?!
                  He's a Bruce, and he's okay.
                  He sleeps all night and he works all day.

AGAVE:       I slam down shots. I wear high heels,
                  Suspendies, and a bra.
                  I wish I looked good in pink,
                  Just like Queen Kroma.

ROMMIES:   He slams down shots. He wears high heels,
                 Suspendies, and a bra?!
[talking]     What's this? Wants to look good in pink?! Oh, My!
                And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!...
[singing]     He's a Bruce and he's okay.
                 He sleeps all night and he works all day.
                 He's a Bruce, and he's okaaaaay.
                 He sleeps all night and he works all day.

[Kroma BaSyl]

bump....and http://mkroll.asta.chicago.il.us