Topic: Need a shrink and/or lawyer; Mental issues and parents outdated ideas

[Brezgonne]

As the subject says, I need some help. My sister and I live with our parents. My sister has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and I've got dyslexia, memory problems, attention problems and some sort of odd semi-sezuire on my right side.

Things are not going well. My parents are, in my view, much to hard on my sister. They do not want to deal with the problem. They just want the problem to go away.

They tell her that she is totally responsable for all of her behavoior and could change if she really wanted to but she must not want to. They say that it's stupid for her to take all the meds the psych doctors have her on. They say this because they say that the psych medical disiplines are not real science and that if the psych people would smart they would agree. They say anyone who thinks psych doctors know what they are doing is lying and an idiot.

It's getting worse over time.

Well last night I stood up for my sister and this morning my Mom told me to find a way to move out of the house as soon as possable because she didn't want to see me around any more.

Sooo....help!

[Jack Morris]

PM me your number Brez, we'll see what we can do.

[Clark Kent]

I can sympathize with you and your situation completely.
First of all, there is a sliver of truth in what your parents think, but only a sliver.  Psychology is almost as much an art as a science, since cause-effect relationships are very elusive in this field.  I've run into a few psychiatrists that think they know more than they actually do.  However, this  has only a minor effect on the whole process.  Usually people in this field work very hard and employ alot of both inductive and deductive reasoning to determine what your problem is and how to handle it.  They have your best interests in mind and work hard to fulfill those interests.
That said, as for your parents, they seem to cling to some very ignorant ideas about mental health, and I doubt you can change their minds on this.  Your sister is responsible for anythign she does, but your parents seem to lack any compassion for her situation and conditions.  They see any off behavior as a malicious choice, when it's not.
This sounds like an unhealthy environment for both of you, and it's doubtful you two can do much healing there, so it's probably best that you leave, since the ultimatum has been given anyway. 
I wish I could help, but I haven't got much to offer you other than my sympathies and prayers.  I hope your parents will someday realize how harmful they have been towards you and your sister, but most likely they will not.  Good luck.

[Jack Morris]

Psych people can suck Brez, you would be amazed at what I used to be on, and Seth and Jerry and others were like "Who in the hades is giving you that crap?"

For a long time they said DS vets were all psych, it may be true, but neurotxins do NOT help you mentally or physiaclly, and the govt. is finally fessing up.

[Jack Morris]

I talked to Daniel (Brez), and it seems that he is ok for now. But I did let him now that there are options out there for him. 

[TheJudge]

Okay, first things first, take a very deep breath, hold it for a moment, and then let it out. Dealing with parents who believe that mind over matter will prevail in all situations is quite difficult. ?If they can't be brought to understand what can and cannot be controlled, then it is definitely time to consider alternative living arrangements. ?

You are not responsible for having mental or physical problems. ?You ARE responsible for taking the prescribed medication, and for doing your best to overcome the limitations those problems present to you. ?Not taking the prescribed medications is a big problem for you and for those around you. ?That especially goes for your sister with bi-polar problems. ?Bi-polar disorders can be brought under control with proper medication and hard work. ?So long as you are both working on this diligently, you are doing everything that can be expected of you by reasonable people.

I started with that because it is important that you and your sister are doing everything you are supposed to be doing in order to keep your problems under control. ?If your parents are denying her the medication, it will be considered abuse and negligence by the State. ?If they are posing a home situation that is dangerous for her or you, it is also abusive.

From the fact that you were told to leave, I am assuming that you are over eighteen. If that is NOT the case, you will actually find yourself in a better situation. ?If it isn't the case, you aren't going to be abandoned either. ?There are so many variables here that it is hard to give you good advice, especially with the limited information and not knowing where you live. ?I am not a lawyer or a doctor, but I've known several people in similar situations. ?

If I were you, here's what I'd do:

1. ?Minimize confrontational contact with parents.

2. ?Contact the local Social Services agency. ?They can be found on the Internet or in the phone book. ?If the situation at home is PHYSICALLY dangerous to you or your sister, tell them that when you call them. ?Contrary to popular belief, social services won't automatically pull the child out of the home. ?Most social services workers are in their jobs because they want to help people, and if you work with them, they'll do their best for you. ?If they don't, don't hesitate to call their office and talk to their supervisor about the problems and ask for a new worker. ?

3. ?If you're over 18, they will also be able to help you, and YES they will help you if you ask them for that help. ?

4. ?Be Patient. ?Things aren't handled in a day, and they don't do everything for you. ?YOU are the person that can help you the most. ?

5. ?Talk to YOUR doctors, and talk to your sister's doctors about what's going on at home. ?They are most capable to ascertain what is medically necessary and will work with the assigned social worker for you. ?

Last, be patient and vent when it's necessary.

[Jack Morris]

Roger that Judge, I informed him of the SSI bennies, the worst they can do is say no, and even then a person has the RIGHT to appeal. 

[Brezgonne]

Ya. Thanks guys. you all are great

After talking to FW and Jack I'm going to try and get SSI Disabilty. Worst they can say is no. Personally I don't think I *quite* qualify but it would be nice. Which also happens to be the reason I hadn't applied yet. Didn't think I fit the descriptions in their disabilty types well enough.

But like Jack said, worst they can do is say no and I'm no worse off than now. I am rather worried about my sister though. I don't get as much yelling at as she does but thats only I think, because I actually have something my parents can physicly see (the right side tremors/seizures).

Mom seems to have backed off very slightly on her ultimatium but still wants me out of the house as soon as possable. Just seems to be a bit more willing to let me apply to SSI first.

Clark: i'd have to agree. I spent 3 hours last night trying to point out things to them both and all it did was make them more angry.

I'll keep this updated so you guys can have an idea what is going on. It is rather nice to know someone is out there. Though Jack freaked me out for a few seconds by calling without probably a minute of me sending the PM lol...he works fast

[Clark Kent]

... Though Jack freaked me out for a few seconds by calling without probably a minute of me sending the PM lol...he works fast

Yeah, he's a quick one...
Quick like the bunny...
with the wind up its butt...
runn little bunny, run!!!

[TheJudge]

One thing to remember is that SSI and Social Services are TWO different agencies and they don't always communicate.  Social Services can help with food stamps, health care, and housing placement while SSI won't do any of those things.  Social Services is also based on economic needs more than a disability.  However, having a disability increases the amount of aid that Social Services can give. 

Just remember that Social Services is intended to get you on your feet and running, not a lifestyle for the rest of your life (at least until you're a senior citizen and collecting your Social Security and Medicare). 

[Jack Morris]

Yeah Judge, we talked about that. His state kinda sucks with their voc rehab. Here in TX I met a youngster in auto tech school who had his tuition and books paid for by TX. The reason? He got a DWI and the judge referred him to TX voc rehab to keep him away from bars! 

[Commander Maxillius]

If I were you, Brez, I'd calmly remind her that I'm the one responsible for placing her in a home and/or pulling the plug when the times comes so she'd best be careful

Kidding aside, it always bugs me when parents forget what happens when people get old.  It's not like they can choose who will take care of them.

[TheJudge]

If I were you, Brez, I'd calmly remind her that I'm the one responsible for placing her in a home and/or pulling the plug when the times comes so she'd best be careful

Kidding aside, it always bugs me when parents forget what happens when people get old.  It's not like they can choose who will take care of them.

Hehehehe, I have to laugh because that's exactly what happened with my grandparents and me.  It was only me being willing to give up my life to take care of them that let them stay home.

[Dracho]

A lot of mental hygiene circumstances are genetic.  Have you considered that you and your sister may be the way you are because your parents are the way they are?  Is it possible you're expecting a level of rationality from them that they do not possess, just as they are expecting behavior from you that you are not currently capable of?

[KAT J'inn]

Okay . . .

1) If she is truly bi-polar then she needs the medicine. PERIOD.   Trust me here.

2)  How old is she?

3)  Parents and children always fight.  Just avoid confrontation for a while and it usually calms down.

4)   If she has seen a doctor and gotten medicine, why not have the doctor talk to her parents and you stay out of it.

5)   Contact a local SSI lawyer.   The consult will be free.

[Just plain old Punisher]

Depends on the type of bi-polar disorder. Rapid cycling (IE rapid and large swings in mood/bevahior) represents one end of the specturm, and usually must be medicated. However, there are cases where less severe forms of bi-polar disorder don't HAVE to be medicated for the individual to live an normal/healthy life. The medications that treat bi-polar disorder have their own side effects,  and sometimes the benifits don't outweigh those side effects.

I know from experiance.

[Ravok]

Depends on the type of bi-polar disorder. Rapid cycling (IE rapid and large swings in mood/bevahior) represents one end of the specturm, and usually must be medicated. However, there are cases where less severe forms of bi-polar disorder don't HAVE to be medicated for the individual to live an normal/healthy life. The medications that treat bi-polar disorder have their own side effects,  and sometimes the benifits don't outweigh those side effects.

I know from experiance.

 Same here, It got so bad at one point they wanted to do electroshock therapy with me to see if they could control it that way. I basically told them to go jump in the lake for that one.

 It also take time to find out what meds work with your body chemistry, It is a gradual process to wean you of the ones that don't work well,and have too many side affects. And just put you on a few that do work and have few or no side affects.

 This can take up to 3 years to stabilise some people.

 But the bottom line is TAKE YOUR MEDS !!! If you don't  You are asking for a life of trouble with others, your employers and your loved ones.

 People who don't take them more than often wind up in jail or prison because of their behaviour as well.

[Brezgonne]

Weee... Q&A first.

"1) If she is truly bi-polar then she needs the medicine. PERIOD.   Trust me here."
Parents think all of the shrinks don't know what they are doing and they don't believe them anyway

"2)  How old is she?"
19

"3)  Parents and children always fight.  Just avoid confrontation for a while and it usually calms down."
Mom has a hair-trigger temper and never really forgives pretty much anything. She just remembers it for later to use as some twisted justification for being mad now, even if it's months or years old.

4)   If she has seen a doctor and gotten medicine, why not have the doctor talk to her parents and you stay out of it.
Because the doctors refuse to talk to my parents because...well I don't know why exactly but it's something to do with my sister going to the hospital for a few months at a time.

5)   Contact a local SSI lawyer.   The consult will be free.
Don't suppose you know something specific to look for?

----------------------
Update:

I've got a head cold this week end. Weee! Mom still yells, insults and blames everyone else for everything. Sister gets up, walks downstairs, and goes back to sleep on the couch. I'm doing uncharacteristicly well in my math and history classes while I mostly ignore mom's ranting and raving. Went to see another neruoligist in St. Louis (5 hour drive one way!) who didn't really know whats wrong with me either but stuck names on some of the symptoms. Mom and my sister haven't been much different.

Thats about it.

[Sethan]

Mom has a hair-trigger temper and never really forgives pretty much anything. She just remembers it for later to use as some twisted justification for being mad now, even if it's months or years old.

There is a clinical reason for this:  Having two X chromosomes.

[Mike Nevil]

Are you able to function on your own, or do you need something like a group home?

Depending on which, I can suggest some avenues to pursue.

As a person with Chronic Depression, OCD, and LD (ADHD) as a child. I can tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The trip though, Like Clark or Punisher can tell you. Is Hard.