Remember this one?
WE WANT F-ING THE PATCH!!!
MAY 4, 2001
Taldren CEO Erik Bethke posts a message to the Taldren Forums stating that the eagerly awaited 2.0.0.6 patch for Starfleet Command Volume II is nearly ready for release.
Eager gamers, itching to get started in the game's online campaign ("Dynaverse II"), want to know when.
Bethke confidently predicts that both the German and English language patches will be released "Thursday next week. There I made some dates. May I eat dirt if I am wrong."
Unaccountably, people take note of this statement.
MAY 9, 2001(Wednesday)
After a marathon of coding by Taldren programmers, Interplay's QA department approves release of German patch. German players, long behind in the patching process, can now enjoy all the benefits of the SFC II 2.0.0.55 patch. Although Dynaverse II play is not yet enabled in their version, cheerful Germans spend the evening firing photon torpedoes and disruptors at one another.
English-speaking users amuse themselves by conducting soil research.
Taldren programmers, in clearing out a wide variety of late Dynaverse II problems, find that clearing them all up exposes another problem never visible before.
Bethke is frequently seen standing silently in their doorways, a wistful expression on his face.
A German user offers Bethke political asylum. All German-bound flights are booked.
MAY 10, 2001 (Thursday)
The final memory leak in Dynaverse II is eradicated. Interplay QA receives the new release candidate and commences testing.
The sun goes down on schedule. Failing to locate the International Date Line due to Southern California traffic, Bethke watches his clock tick over past midnight.
Erik Bethke, equipped with a sophisticated soil gathering device and a sterile container, emerges from the Taldren offices.
PHOTOS NOT DIGITALLY ENHANCED!
(THIS IS ALL HIS OWN HAIR!)
Using his unerring natural soil-location abilities, Bethke homes in immediately on a nearby patch of dirt.
On closer inspection, it turns out to be wetter than expected. With tire tracks. The agile hunter rises and continues his search.
After testing the wind with a wettened finger, Bethke strikes out perpendicular to the tire tracks and discovers a hidden cache of dirt that may never have been trodden on by civilized beings.
He kneels eagerly, only to discover that it's untrodden due to shards of glass, pop top rings, and items better left unmentioned - though commonly available in retail pharmacies.
It takes far more than this to daunt a game company CEO. Bethke shades his eyes from the glaring sun and sets out anew.
(photo broke)
This is the stuff. This is dirt in its natural state, unmarred by the works of Man. This is the kind of dirt we ate in the old days
(photo broke)
Yep. This is dirt, all right. This is really dirt. This is a cup full of dirt. Which I'm going to.... eat. That's it. This is a cupful of dirt that I'm going to eat. Uh-huh.
Rejecting the advice of onlookers who suggest olive oil or balsamic vinegar, Bethke decides to moisten the dirt (foreground) with water from the Taldren water cooler (background)
While cold dirt is preferred by tropical soilophages, Erik Bethke is a man of the twenty-first century. He prefers to nuke his food.
Note: there is no precalibrated setting for this task. Bethke improvises.
Yep. That's some hot dirt. That's some hot dirt coming right out of the microwave. As dirt goes, this is, well, on the hot side of the scale. This is dirt. Hot. Ready-to-eat. Oh yeah.
Topic: Cool stuff for us Old Timers (Read 1108 times)