Topic: Off Topic

[Red_Green]

I am going to be out of the loop here for a while. I lost my sister. It happened 5 years ago but I never reaaly dealt with the grief. Just escaped from it by playing video games or modding. Well I accidently broke a lamp that had been hers and it triggered a lot of guilt and anger I had repressed. I feel guilty cause her death was pointless, a simple knee operation but the doctor never gave her blood thinners and see got massive clots. Instead of playing video games I should have been online searching about complications from her operation but as always I was selfish and iresponsible. Neve was reaaly there for her and took her for granted.  Its time to reeavalute what the hell I am doing with my life. Need to do something more to honor her memory. 

[wulf111]

i wish you luck in your endevours RG you will be missed here at Dynaverse and we wait for your return. God be with you .

[E_Look]

James, I too pray that God will give to you peace and healing.

Please do know, because it's pretty hard to feel this, that really, there wasn't too much you actually could have done.  Doctors' medical opinion will (almost) always prevail over that of family or friends (unless one of them is a doctor).  You may feel guilty, but really, you aren't.  And, in any surgery, there is always the risk of some complications.  I, too, now grieve with you over your sister.

[Sandman3D]

Damn.

Get it together...that's more important than this place. I know, I felt guilty for years after my mom died...I was 15, and in a pique of anger a few months before, I told her I wished she was dead, not realizing at the time she had cancer and only a few months left. To mask/hide/cover the pain, I turned to drugs. Stupidist thing I ever did.

Go take care of business, bud...we'll be here when your done.

[Red_Green]

Damn.

Get it together...that's more important than this place. I know, I felt guilty for years after my mom died...I was 15, and in a pique of anger a few months before, I told her I wished she was dead, not realizing at the time she had cancer and only a few months left. To mask/hide/cover the pain, I turned to drugs. Stupidist thing I ever did.

Go take care of business, bud...we'll be here when your done.

Thanks guys for the kind words. I am a bit freaked out right now. A lot of anxiety and stuff but I don't believe in masking feelings with drugs. Though I might try some relaxing tea. Just trying to take it easy for a few days, didn't relalized I had repressed all this stuff. I never talked much about it, She was my only sibling, and she had such a strong will. It was such a surprise and shock that I guess all I could do was try to bury my feelings. Thanks again cause talking is the only way to start to deal with it. Going to find a grief support group.

[Chris Johnson]

Oh my god...

It's never good to lose someone close to you.  Never.  I still don't know how to deal with it right.  I lost family members left and right over my years of growing up, my family turned to shambles, and recently last year my little cousin Larry (10 years old at the time) had gotten a cancerous tumor in his head.  Thankfully the doctors removed it early enough in time and eventually he had a spoiled spoiled Christmas, but if things had gotten worse, I wouldn't know how to deal with it: He's very close to me as if he was in my own family.

I don't know what to say, but I'm still speaking as I go...  But keep in mind, I'm no religious person.  I don't know how preying will work from a person like me, but my condolences and feelings go out to you.  Just remember her with your memories, but don't dive into the past too often, that'll only hurt you.  Or probably that's just in my case. *sigh* In any case, look forward.  I don't know your sister, but I'm sure she's like many others, that she'd rather want you to be happy.  Just don't let this bog down your entire life, you have to move on as do we all, no matter what tragedies occur.  As your signature quotes, pessimism isn't a survival trait.

I still don't know if I'm helping or not, but keep in mind, my feelings go out to you.

[S33K100]

You have my sympathy RG, I can't say I'll pray for you because like CJ I'm not a religious person but you and your sister will be in my thoughts. I've had many relatives die stupid pointless deaths but none as close to me as your loss so I can't really claim to understand the grief you are going through. All I can say is that repressing anything is a very bad idea, no matter how deep you bury it, those memories and feelings will always surface and the longer you deny them the worse they'll bite you in the backside when you finally deal with them. 5 years is a long time to keep something that bad bottled up so it's understandable that you'll be in a huge amount of pain. Work through it any way you can, but whatever you do don't turn to drink or drugs; that's the worst way to get over this sort of thing and is just another means of denial in my experience.

Remember that so much in life isn't up to you, there're a lot of things we'd all change if we had the power, but we don't: we're not gods. We can't bring back lost siblings and loved ones; it wasn't your fault your sister died, it's natural to feel guilt about people you know dying even when you know rationally that there was nothing you could have done to stop it. I hope that you can make your peace and emerge a stronger person for it and we're all here as a collective shoulder to rest on when you need support.

Peace to you brother,

Marauth.

[F9th0mega]

take care man... i know what your feeling... be back soon and dont do anything youll regret... anyway, peace

[Red_Green]

Thanks for the support guys.
 I am Going to a grief support group to talk things out so these feelings are less intense and I understand how to better cope with them.  But all your remarks have bucked me up quite a bit.

Sandman, sorry about the loss of your mom. I remember when I was a teenager , I can't imagine what I would have done if I lost my mom when I was that age. Losing my sister was probably toughest on my mom. Cause parents never expect to outlive thier kids.
Me and my sister had a bit of a fight a week before she passed. Dam mit it just sucks.

[FoaS_XC]

I know how you feel, RG, Sandman...I lost my mother when i was 8. still gets to me every once in a while 11 years later.

my thoughts are with you, my friend.

[E_Look]

Furyofa... ow.  Sorry.