Topic: Oh for cryin out loud

[Clark Kent]

OK
So I'm at the gym, after a little swim in the pool, and am in the buck drying off, getting ready to get dressed.  I'm slightly bent over, drying my leg.  Now there is a dad with two young sons, one around 3 the other 4-5.  I'm drying off, when the 4 year old walks right into my ass.
Apparently there was something highly appealling and inviting about my butt crack, because suddenly I was standing there with a 4 year old's face in my ass. 
Obviously, this caught my attention, and not in a good way.  I stood up straight with pissed off look on my face at the little punk only to see him already looking up at me like "WTF are you doing?"  HE'S THE ONE WHO STUCK HIS FACE UP MY ASS!!!! 
How in God's green Earth do I always find a way to get into these situations?????

[Blyre]

Were you behind in your schedule? Or just a butt of a bad joke? 

Wallace

[E_Look]

You're worried about yourself?

How about the poor kid who probably needs a whole bottle of antibacterial soap and a 55 gallon drum of perfume.  Imagine how much it'll cost his Daddy, you heartless, self-centered cad.

 

[Blyre]

You're worried about yourself?

How about the poor kid who probably needs a whole bottle of antibacterial soap and a 55 gallon drum of perfume.  Imagine how much it'll cost his Daddy, you heartless, self-centered cad.

 

And then there's the therapy bill...oy vey....

Wallace

[Sirgod]

that's Our Clark Kent, always showing his A$$.

Stephen

[Grand Master of Shadows NCC37385]

Maybe the poor kid was a "crack" addict???

[Clark Kent]

What do you all mean by that"poor kid"??  I'm the one that was defiled by a 4 year old!!!

[manitoba1073]

is this going to be in the new superman movie too      couldnt resist lol

[Clark Kent]

See what?
This?
(_)(_)

Happy now?   

[manitoba1073]

     watch out for that nudity clark     look what happened to JJ

[Clark Kent]

I don't know JJ, who is he, and what hapened to him? 
I know someone will give me bad karma for this, but I'm learning to really not like kids.  Don't get me wrong, I like my nieces, always look forward to seeing them and playin with them for a while.  I also would not mind taking them for a day to babaysit, especially if that means I can go out and use them (unintentionally, of course) to pick up ot chicks (asian of course).  Still, I don't think I'd ever want my own, not even down the road.  They're loud, they cry, they smell funny (even when not pooping in their pants) and they walk into my bare ass.  This does not work for me.

[Iceman]

They tend to grow on you. I actually felt bad that I wouldn't get to see my Ex's small platoon of little niece's when I broke up with her.  There's like 10 of em, all between 1-7. 

[AlienLXIX]

But kids are sooooooo much fun!    This was sent to me by my aunty.


- For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
- For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
- For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
- For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
- For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!


"Things I've learned from my Children"

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates/blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a Superman cape.  It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes LOTS of smoke.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving and very expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.  Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

[manitoba1073]

JJ is a women ( u know Janet Jackson) at halftime lol ,  my nieces r a trip too. they r so spoiled and rotten. grandma spoiles them and i get to make them rotten.   

[Just plain old Punisher]

Perhaps there is some sort of quantum singularity in your ass...sort of like washingmachines and socks.
...

Dear God I think I've found the place where all my socks go when I wash them....and someone made an awful mess down there.

[Capt. Mike]

But kids are sooooooo much fun!    This was sent to me by my aunty.


- For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
- For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
- For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
- For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
- For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!


"Things I've learned from my Children"

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates/blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a Superman cape.  It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes LOTS of smoke.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving and very expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.  Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

Ahhh Alien...I have 2 grandchildren, 9 and 2, both living in NC (watch out JC)..and a new one due in the next week or so...who will live here in Omaha (fire stations less than a mile away)...I have been through many of those things...but now I can send them home, buy an RV, and call them on the cell phone.

Mike

[Soreyes]

Gerbill ........ $10.00

Microwave Oven....... $82.00

Excuse by 5 year old Grandson for putting Mr. Bees in the Microwave and turning it on.......... Priceless.

After Mr. Bees somehow fell into the Toilet  (I'm not even going to try to figure that one out)   My Grandson said that he got the idea to Dry off Mr. Bees in the Microwave, after watching Mommy put her underware in the Microwave to dry them off after washing them.

[J. Carney]

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

*runs off to the pharmacy to get the brake fluid we keep for the delivery cars. Already has plenty of bleach*

[Clark Kent]

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

*runs off to the pharmacy to get the brake fluid we keep for the delivery cars. Already has plenty of bleach*

You too, huh?

[Ferretlxix_XC]

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

*runs off to the pharmacy to get the brake fluid we keep for the delivery cars. Already has plenty of bleach*

You too, huh?

Fighting the desire.  Hell, atleast one guy has to prove her wrong. LOL!
Anyways, I play with more dangerous stuff.