Topic: Tips for a safe Halloween! Everyone should read this it can save your life!

[AlienLXIX]

1.)  When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2.)  Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3.)  Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4.)  If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.  However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.  This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5.)  When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.

6.)  As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7.)  Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8.)  If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's not just the cat, GET OUT!

9.)  If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.

10.)  Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11.)  If you find a town, which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12.)  Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

13.)  If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14.)  If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15.)  Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16.)  If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17.)  Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

18.)  If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

19.)  Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.

20.)  Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly.
Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.

21.)  Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.

Thank you and have a Happy Halloween!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[stoneyface]

posts like this is just one of the reasons that i love alien!

great list alien +1 to you! happy halloween all!

stoneyface

[Nemesis]

1.)  When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

Check have someone expendable do so.  Be prepared to shoot through the expendable one at the monster.

2.)  Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Check.  That's how I got here.  It might send me back.

4.)  If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.  However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.  This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

No children of my own so just shoot any that show up.  Check.

6.)  As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Check.  I don't want to go back anyhow.

13.)  If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

Have second expendable "friend" to trip and leave behind for the monster.  Check.

14.)  If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

Thats a problem.  You just described my friends.   Thats why they are expendable.

15.)  Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

I do recognize Nilbog.   Don't worry, I know to be very nice to it.  I have some antibiotics around here somewhere.

16.)  If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

No check.  Always go down fighting or not at all.

19.)  Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.

Damn.  No reason for me to continue hiding down there then. 

21.)  Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.

No need I have already been accused of being a witch so I can just look in a mirror.  (If any can survive that).

Thank you and have a Happy Halloween!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

May the blessings of the Great Pumpkin be upon all of us.

[J. Carney]

Alien...

you forgot the most important rule:

Never say, "I'll be right back." If you do, you won't.

[SSCF-LeRoy]

1.)  When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2.)  Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3.)  Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4.)  If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.  However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.  This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5.)  When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.

6.)  As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7.)  Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8.)  If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's not just the cat, GET OUT!

9.)  If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.

10.)  Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11.)  If you find a town, which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12.)  Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

13.)  If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14.)  If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15.)  Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16.)  If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17.)  Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

18.)  If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

19.)  Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.

20.)  Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly.
Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.

21.)  Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.

22.)  Always have the anonymous guy in the red shirt check ahead of you

[Dash Jones]

Great one SSCF-Leroy!

[Hale]

9.)  If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.

Unless space aliens are involved, which makes it ok.   

[Holocat]

11.)  If you find a town, which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

11.a)  If you are looking for a puzzle and postmodern alleyway hedgemaze however, these do just fine.  Remember, everything in a small, suspiciously deserted small town is accessed through an alley door or a secret passage way.  Remember to stock up on shotgun shells, so you can lose them as you enter the town and yet find thousands of rounds in tires, nooks and on the ground while searching for your next puzzle.

12.)  Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

12.a) If you encounter someone that assures you that they know what they're doing with recombinant DNA technology, shoot them immediately, as this will save a lot of small towns a lot of grief in the very near future.

12.b) If, for any reason, you can't shoot them, simply tie them up until mid-november.  Everyone's thinking christmas by then.

16.)  If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

16.a)  If, for any reason, you do enter the house, remember that there will be at least one entrance from somewhere in this manor to the crypt, and from the crypt to an area you need to enter though you arrived here by complete chance.  Remember to check every cupboard, floorboard, sideboard, baseboard, and wallboard for anything that might possibly lead to either a (1) a hidden passageway, (2) a secret chamber, or (3) some combination of thereof.  Remember that you will either find bullets lying on the floor or items that lend themselves conviently to your next attack, so take everything you find.

And remember, the phone, when you find it, never works, but you'll have to try anyway or you won't be able to progress.

[GDA-S'Cipio]

19.)  Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.

Another tip for attractive young ladies:  keep your boobies covered.  The instant that anyone sees your boobies, you know you are dead.  "Anyone" includes your boyfriend, who probably isn't who you think he is anymore anyway.  If you keep your boobies covered you will survive.  This rule is sad because it isn't fair (to the audience), but it is reality.

Fortunately, the ratings system has prevented the development of a similar rule for your nether regions.  So I highly encourage attractive young ladies to express their Independence by lifting their skirts.

-S'Cipio