Topic: Quadrophonic Sock and others

[Gook]

quote:
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Originally posted by J'inn:
Hmm, what's this, Wow another case of beastie beer! And its warm. Boy, S'Cippy will think I'm real international like when we drink it warm. Just like in merry old England.

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GAHHH!!! Umm, J'inn. On second thought, I really would hate to impose. And I just met this nice bum downtown who promised there was plenty of room on his sewer grate. (I just didn't like the way he kept looking at my short Gorn tunic.)

During the brief time I lived in England, warm beverages were *not* one of my favorite things. Neither were the snide looks I'd get from the waitresses when they'd take my order, head off to the back, and then look over their shoulder and say disdainfully, "Oh, but you're American. I guess you'll be wanting ice?"

Of course I'll be wanting ice! Geez, for a country surrounded by water not to learn the charm of ice......


quote:
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Oh no! No chocodilles. Ummm, serious question here, just what is a chocodille.

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I've no idea.  But they sound like they have chocolate and are very bad for you, so they must be good! Besides, Pharoah promised me the gorn wouldn't be able to resist them.

-S'Cipio

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Neighbors said he was a quiet man, who kept mostly to himself.

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Gook
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 02:06 AM                 
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Scippy,
LOL, I don't think I've ever been in a pub with "waitress service" where the hell did you go! 

As for the beer, well in the kind of place you went to I doubt they'd have anything even half decent, now a nice little "free house" (that is not tied to a major brewery so can sell any beer it likes) out in the Country and a couple of pints of:

Tanglefoot, or Old Thumper, Bishops Tipple, 6X, I could go on, but I am reasonably sure if you were not lying flat on your back, you'd be jolly happy and have no need of Ice, trust me I have PHD in "Pubs N Beer!" 

PS was the "waitress" in a Bunny suit?

PPS ask Jinn for my photo and look at the T shirt I'm wearing, hevy hint for a good drink!

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KAT-Gook
KZ/Mirak MOD CW5
KZINTI Hegemony,
"Felix Fortius"
 
We are the Kzinti Assault Taskforce. Resistance is futile. Your Distinctiveness <burp> will be added to our palate (C)
KAT-Fleet

[This message has been edited by Gook (edited 12-07-2001).]

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Goose
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 05:52 AM             
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Canadians drink ice.
Labatt's Ice that is.

   

RP on.

M'Ress sat in his quarters.

Waiting.

While passing the time and a bit of wind (mental note, no more parties with the Hydrans) he had taken up an earth game called Darts. Normally a test of hand eye co-ordination, it was especially difficult with only one eye.

Besides, he did get a measure of enjoyment out of this activity. He'd finally heard the rumors...

and someone had kindly posted a picture of Sockfoot on his dartboard.

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Farfarer
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 07:40 AM             
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Bishop's Tipple, Speckled Hen, anything by Gale's - god my brain hurts just thinking of their effects.
Table Service - just ruined a beautiful country pub in Hampshire - the Chairmakers near Denmead. I went back there this summer -gutted, now a pseudo-pub restaurant.

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Gook
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 08:49 AM                 
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Farfarer,

LOL, I'm on Hayling, I haven't been to the Chairmakers for a while sounds as though they have ruined it. As for Gales HSB rools! and in the wintertime "motherinlaws Comfort" 50% HSB 50% WinterBrew, that'll slay anyone  <hic>

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KAT-Gook
KZ/Mirak MOD CW5
KZINTI Hegemony,
"Felix Fortius"
 
We are the Kzinti Assault Taskforce. Resistance is futile. Your Distinctiveness <burp> will be added to our palate (C)
KAT-Fleet

[This message has been edited by Gook (edited 12-07-2001).]

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Farfarer
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 09:52 AM             
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Hayling! Know it well. You know the Langstone Marina condos right across (i.e. on the Pompey side) from the pub ( name escapes me - used to go watch the grockle jet skiers get tickets) on the extreme west end of Hayling past Sinah Warren - I lived there.
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ghostcamel
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 01:15 PM                 
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quote:
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Originally posted by Sandman:
"She is almost ready Admiral. We have twin concordiat PPD's in what was the aft disruptor mount. All her forward mounts have been replaced with heavy disruptors. Her types 2's and 1's are all almost done being replaced with the type X phasers, and the type 3 mounts have all been replaced with gatlings. A full AEGIS rig has been installed also. We have named her 'Khomerex Zha'..."

Krenn Vestai Khemaraa sends

(aka Terrance"Sandman"Roff)



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Please dont let this be the last flight of the Khomerex Zha !!!

Don't let Socky touch ANYTHING!!! 

The Peanut{butter} Gallery wants more!

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Star Commander Norgryl Sanctificus
Patrolling with the newly formed 827th Echelon,
along the current Federation/ISC Border.
ISCS-CVLZ Celestial Chorus, ISCS-CE Vanguard
32ndcpti Ghostcamel (G-spy name)
*************************************

[This message has been edited by ghostcamel (edited 12-07-2001).]

 

[Gook]

Gook
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 01:44 PM                 
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Farfarer,

yep that'd be the Ferry Boat Inn ! Many a pint supped in that one, and as you say watching all the grockles come down from London and fall off their Jet Ski's they just bought, a good spectator sport that!
Just been to the Ship at langstone to see someone, business of course and 3 pints of HSB, great meeting!


[This message has been edited by Gook (edited 12-07-2001).]

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Toten
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 02:06 PM                 
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Canadians may drink labbat ice,
BUT u see i'm a newfie....

i would drink anything with alcohol in it.

personal favs are tho

moose head
dominion ale
labbat 50
labbat blue
molson canadian
carlsberg bock
carlsberg extra old stock

smirnoff vodka
absolut vodka
crown royal whiskey
chivas
captain morgan
of course good old JD jack daniels

and of course when i feel haughty

IMPORTED GUINNESS IN THE CO2 SPITTING CANS
that stuff is ambrosia from the gods.

GOD BLESS THE IRISH (sigh)

Toten's Burnt Corpse

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Hale
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 02:35 PM                 
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Boddingtons also makes daught (CO2-spitting) cans. Actually, the little disk releases Nitrogen into the beer so that it tastes more like beer off of a tap. Smaller bubbles then CO2 or something like that. I've had a few cans of that beer sprayed across my ceiling by the unwary.
Does Labbats still make their 'X' beer? I had that up in Canada a few years ago and it tastes like the bottom of someone's shoe. Labbats Blue is one of my fav beers.

Speaking of Canadian products, Canadian Mist is one of the better whiskeys I've tried.

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Farfarer
Ensign   posted 12-07-2001 09:54 PM             
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Painting of the Ship Inn (original watercolour) from Waterloville artist, in the den.
The Ferry Boat, yes. I used the Oyster House in Milton (walking distance, football team so bad even I could get on the 3rds team).

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Gook
Ensign   posted 12-08-2001 01:42 AM                 
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Farfarer,
Yes the ship a much painted subject. I don't know the pub you mention in Milton.

general info for all, Socky is working on the ending of the saga and it will be here shortly (writers block permitting) 

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KAT-Gook
KZ/Mirak MOD CW5
KZINTI Hegemony,
"Felix Fortius"

 

We are the Kzinti Assault Taskforce. Resistance is futile. Your Distinctiveness <burp> will be added to our palate (C)
KAT-Fleet

[This message has been edited by Gook (edited 12-08-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Gook (edited 12-08-2001).]

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Ole
Ensign   posted 12-08-2001 08:07 AM                 
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" 'Injured Hero' my aunt Atilda's triple tail-end..." The words reverberated off of Ole's bandaged head. He quickened his limp toward the atomizer disposal carrying the garbage. He muttered to himself, "... so Gook says, 'no problem, she'll never find out a thing', I should have known better than to have taken that nap..." He realized now that women didn't need to use high speed communications, they just knew.
And just to top it off, now all intersteller communications has been hi-jacked by this obsession for "beer". The fate of the galaxy is hanging on the balance and the communications systems are jammed with prattle? Hey Socky, finish this thing!!

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Ole

"I love the smell of Hellbores in the morning..."

[This message has been edited by Ole (edited 12-08-2001).]

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J'inn
Ensign   posted 12-08-2001 08:44 AM                 
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Socky, you've created a monster. Seriously though, take your time.
As for me, I'm one happy camper. My trip with the girlfriend to the dreaded outlet mail was postponed until this afternoon. She had a minor emergency to take care of. Oh Happy happy! I'm not off the hook completely, but I just have to deal with it for one-half of a day. and OMG!!!! I asked you guys to shoot me on sight if you saw me there to put me out of my misery (see other threads) no need now! I can survive a half day. Call off the euthenasia (spelling??) request!! Whew! That was close

.....

At that moment BBJ's 1972 Chevy Caprice (Urban Combat Vehicle) fishtails into the parking lot of the Hagerstown outlet mall. SnB's riding shotgun and Tantalus is in back. They had all met up at Baltimore/Washington International a few hours ago and rented the assualt vehicle from "Rent a Wreck"

SnB looks at his wireless laptop and reads J'inn recent post. "Oh man! J'inn called it off! Oh well lets, go home." BBJ grabs the laptop and throws it out the window. And then, with an evil glare in his eye states "we got the print out of the message he posted begging us to kill him and we never saw that one! Lock and load boys!"
And with that they all state that BBJ is a genius as the step out of the car with hunting rifles in hand.

[This message has been edited by J'inn (edited 12-08-2001).]

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J'inn
Ensign   posted 12-08-2001 11:43 PM                 
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API ? WASHINGTON ? December 9, 2001
Panic struck the sleepy Western Maryland town of Hagerstown yesterday when a rare case of mass psychosis struck the crowd at the Prime Outlet Center. This group insanity seems to have also lead to three armed men storming the center and one of them taking a few shots at the mall's Santa Claus. The three men were immediately apprehended by the police and were all identified as being foreign nationals. Two were from Canada and the other from Great Britain. Apparently, it was the British gunman who opened fire as he was overheard by reporters yelling "Hey, he was big, fat and had a lot of white hair. How was I too know it wasn't J'inn." The raving Brit refused to give his name and insisted that he be referred to as "Tantalus." The two Canadians were equally insistent that they were the masters of the galaxy.

Luckily, Mr. Tantalus is an extremely poor shot and Santa was uninjured.

At that point multiple reports poured into the Hagerstown Police Department regarding the sighting of a large white furred creature roaming about the center. Reports varied greatly. Some described the creature as a Yeti while others swore it was a bipedal Siberian Tiger. Interestingly, all of the reports stated that the creature was wearing a bomber jacket and blue jeans. Furthermore, there were multiple reports that the poor creature was being lead about by a young woman who was shopping frantically. One eyewitness stated. "No, I wasn't really afraid. It was clear the creature couldn't have hurt anyone. It's paws were filled with the shopping bags that the woman it was following kept making it carry. Actually, it looked rather tired and sad. I could have swore it started to cry when the woman yelled, ?Look shoes are 70% off!'"

A team of psychiatrists from the University of Maryland were called in to investigate. Their just issued report reveals the fact that all of the "eyewitness" reports were made by men. Therefore, the specialists conclude, this was a rare case of over exposure to shopping in an Outlet Center. It seems only men can be struck with this horrible malady and it causes them to go quite mad. Thankfully, the effects are reversible, and the afflicted gentlemen are being taken to a local sports pub for treatment.

Strangely, there were some additional unconfirmed reports of a large white furred creature having dinner at a Bob Evans Restaurant in Frederick late yesterday evening. These reports also included the fact that the creature appeared to be very tired and in shock. The police have written off these reports as hoaxes.

In a final note, the three gunmen have all been deported. All charges were dropped when it became clear that they had also fallen victim to what is now being called Outlet Center Syndrome. Clearly, they were not in their right mind.

 

[Gook]

Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 12-09-2001 07:41 PM                 
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Episode Twenty Three
<Black Screen>

To George Thompson. I didn't know you, but I will never forget you.

<Black Screen>

"Captain Khemaraa, Q'uonos dead ahead."

"Excellent. Standard orbit."

"Captain Sockfoot to the bridge."

Moments later Sockfoot stumbles off of a turbo lift onto the bridge.

"CAN'T I EVEN USE THE BATHROOM WITHOUT SOMEONE CALLING ME TO DO SOME DURNED THING OR ANOTHER?! I MEAN FOR PETE'S SAKE!"

"Sockfoot."

"WHAT?!"

"You've got toilet paper stuck to your boot."

"Wha .... DANG!"

After a few moments of hopping around on one foot attempting to remove the offending tissue, Sockfoot joins the intrepid Khemaraa at the command chair.

"There it is Sockfoot. Q'uonos."

"Good work my friend."

Suddenly Sockfoot freezes. A twisted look of horror contorts his homely face even more hideously than usual.

"What is it?"

"SHE'S HERE!"

"Who?"

"MY WIFE!"

"WHERE?!" crys the usually unflappable Khemaraa looking around wildly with huge saucer eyes of fear. He has never met her, but the stories of the beautiful frying pan wielding Mrs. Sockfoot are enough to make even the stalwart heart of Captain Khemaraa skip a beat.

"She's just entered the system. ETA to Q'uonos, 30 minutes."

"How do you know?"

"I can sense her. And what's worse, she can sense me! We haven't a moment to lose!"

The Science Officer chimes in.

"He's right Captain. Its the Miraki 5th fleet. They will be at Q'uonos in 29 minutes 45 seconds."

Khemaraa is dumbstruck by the accuracy of Sockfoot's prediction.

"Don't worry, dude. You'll develop "Angry Wife Radar" after about 2 months of marriage. Khemaraa. Khemaraa! KHEMARAA!"

"WHA ...!"

"Tell Tempest, Dogmatix and Red Fur to meet me in the transporter room. We've got less than 29 minutes to stop Kor from eating those twinkies and get the heck out of here before all hell breaks loose."

"Right."

Sockfoot turns and heads for the turbo lift.

"Sockfoot."

"I know, I know. Be careful. Don't worry."

"No. I just wanted to tell you your fly is down."

"DOH!"

Meanwhile in the ready room of "Morning Sickness" the newly renamed flagship of the Miraki 5th fleet. Mrs. Tempest, filing her already razor sharp nails and flanked by Mrs. Sockfoot and Ensign Doo Mee, regards her new "guests" (prisoners was such an ugly word to her) Admiral Gook, Ole, S'Cipio, Pharoah and J'inn with a raised eyebrow.

"You boys have been very naughty! Attacking women with your big ships!"

"Attacking!" thought Admiral Gook. "The battle lasted 48 seconds and we didn't even scratch the paint on their ships!"

"Well ma'am, you see ...."

"Oh, do be quiet, Admiral Gook! Do we have to call Mrs. Gook?"

"No ma'am."

"Good. We'll do that later. I have some wallpaper I need to hang and I shall have to borrow you from Mrs. Gook for a short time. In the meantime, let us have a little discussion, shall we?"

Silence.

"WELL?!"

Everybody nods and murmurs "Yes, yes ma'am."

"Good. Admiral Gook W.A.N.K.E.R. is satisfied with your efforts in this matter. Please take a shuttle back to Mirak space and give Mrs. Gook our warmest regards. We will take her for a facial next Saturday so you will have to manage the kittens for the day. Is that acceptable?"

"Thoroughly, ma'am."

"Excellent. You may leave."

"Thank you, ma'am."

Whereupon Admiral Gook leaves the ready room with a sigh of relief and positively bolts for the waiting shuttle craft before the three women change their minds. Again.

"Captain S'Cipio."

"Yessss, ma'am."

"You may go as well. Please remember us to Mrs. S'Cipio and tell her bridge night is at Mrs. Gook's on Thursday. Oh and ... umm ... not to put to fine a point on it, but your behind is getting a tad,well, shall we say, wide. Must be all of those Chocodilles and Zingers. We would prefer if you went a little easier on the junk food, please. This would make you ever so much more attractive to your charming wife. Is this quiet clear?"

"Crysssstal clear, ma'am."

"Very well. Off you go."

Whereupon S'Cipio scurries away to the shuttle bay and considers himself a very lucky Gorn indeed.

"Captain Ole."

"Yes, ma'am."

"We are disappointed with your "messaging" behavior. We have informed Mrs. Ole. She is anxious to hear your explanation."

"Oh no!"

"Oh, don't go on about it! You know the rules! You were the one that said "I do!" Now you'd better get to "doing" it better or you will hear from us again, is that understood?"

"yesma'am."

"SPEAK UP!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Alright then. Other than this little message incident, we are satisfied with your behavior in this matter as well. You may leave."

"Thank you, ma'am."

And Captain Ole leaves, but not in as great a hurry as Gook or S'Cipio for obvious reasons. But he cannot help but feel a tinge of anxiety for Sockfoot. What will those three do to him when the catch up to him and confront him with his filandering with Red Fur? Ole shudders noticably and climbs into the waiting shuttlecraft bound for Hydran space.

 

[Gook]

"Captain Pharoah."

"Yes, ma'am."

"So you expect us to believe that you have been the prisoner of BB Jones, SkullnBonez and Tantalus for all of this time?"

"But its true, ma'am."

"We know. We were just checking to see if you would change your story. We have explained the situation to Mrs. Pharoah. She has been quiet understanding. Perhaps some new diamond encrusted jewelry and a nice dozen red roses would help salve the pain of your absence which left her alone with the little tadpoles for so long?"

"Ah ...."

"I don't detect the proper enthusiasm, Captain Pharoah. Would you like to be instructed on proper marital leave of absence ettiquette by Mrs. Sockfoot here?"

Mrs.Sockfoot brandishes her new frying skillet.

"No, ma'am. I'll swing by the jewelers on my way home."

"Good. You may leave."

"Thank you, ma'am. Eh, if I may ask, what is to become of BB Jones, SkullnBonez and Tantalus."

"Oh those boys. Yes, we of W.A.N.K.E.R. are VERY disappointed in them. They have been turned over to their respective spouses. We understand they are currently engaged in stripping the wax from the hardwood flooring in their respective homes with tooth brushes. After that, who knows?"

Pharoah hesitates and then asks;

"Will there ever be another Canada West Server?"

"We have left that up to our sisters. I assume that eventually the boys will be given some spare time to work on such a little diversion. But until then I suggest you get a move on before we lose our patience with you."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am."

"Run along."

Captain Pharoah skips to his shuttle craft. Diamond jewelry and roses! He got off light!

"And just where do you think you are going, Mr. J'inn."

J'inn has been feverishly trying to squeeze himself out of the ready room through a ventilation duct in the flooring but his durned white seersucker suit keeps catching on the vent cover.

"Me, ma'am?"

"Yes, you. Stand up."

J'inn stands and attempts to smooth the wrinkles out of his suit.

"We are VEEEERY disappointed in you!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"DON'T TALK BACK TO ME! DO YOU THINK I'M JUST TALKING TO HEAR YOU TALK BACK?!"

Silence.

"WELL, ANSWER ME!!!!"

"No, ma'am."

Mrs. Tempest's lips curl into a tight frown and her brow knits as she reads the report of the W.A.N.K.E.R. operative who was posing as one of J'inn's cigarette girls.

"Drinking. Gambling. Womanizing. The list goes on and on! Truely shocking."

The other women nod their heads in agreement.

"What are we to do with you? SPEAK UP!"

"I don't know, ma'am."

"YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP QUIET?!"

Silence.

"WELL, ANSWER ME! DIDN'T I?!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You're not very bright, are you? All of this silly knees bent, running around behavior! You'll come to no good, and you are just a plain bad influence on the rest of the men in the Alpha Quadrent."

Mrs. Tempest's lips curl into the frown again and she taps a razor sharp nail on the desk in front of her.

"What ever shall we do with you?"

J'inn begins to sweat profusely.

"Well fortunately for you, we have a solution to your problems. Ensign Doo Mee here has graciously accepted your marriage proposal."

"My marriage proposal? But I ...."

"Yes, Mr. J'inn. Your marriage proposal! "Have you a problem with that?"

Mrs. Tempest interlaces her hands displaying all of her meticulously manicured talons and leans forward.

"Uh ..."

"Are you going to disappoint me again, Mr. J'inn."

"Uh ... no ... I mean ... no, ma'am."

"Good. It's settled then. We will handle all of the arrangements. Doo-mee dear, I have a LOVELY idea on a nice pink chiffon theme for your wedding party! Simply scrumptious!"

Mrs. Tempest turns her gaze back to J'inn.

Now Mr. J'inn. You will confine yourself to Ms. Doo-mee's quarters. There you will find every book on Oprah's book of the month club list as well as 30 hours of the "Lifetime" channel for your viewing pleasure. The will help you become more sensative to a woman's perspective. You have ... potential ... Mr. J'inn. You only require guidance to maximize your ability to serve all of womankind. You are very lucky that Ms. Doo-mee here is willing to provide you with that guidance."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Off you go."

The three women watch as J'inn scuttles off to his fate, contemplating suicide.

"Well that went rather well, don't you think?"

All the women nod in agreement.

"You will make a beautiful bride, Doo-mee! Your MUCH better than he deserves, the mangy little stray that he is!"

"Ma'am, a message for you on the W.A.N.K.E.R. priority coded frequency from Agent Red Fur."

"Please put it on screen."

The view screen crackles to life.

"Agent Red Fur! Or should we say, Mrs. M'Ress! How good to see you again! Please make your report."

"Before I begin, I just wanted to say I never touched a hair on Sockfoot's body in any way except doing him bodily injury. I NEVER DID ANYTHING RESEMBLING SEXUAL CONTACT WITH HIM!"

"Oh, don't worry, Mrs. M'Ress," says Mrs. Sockfoot. "I know THAT. He's such a homely little troll I knew that one was false the minute I heard it! I'm sorry to you for being associated with him in any such capacity!"

"I only hope my husband hasn't heard that rumor. He's such a silly little boy about such things."

"Oh, him. Don't worry about him at all! He did what every man does when they are left alone. He turned on the television and began watching sports and the Three Stooges and eating pork rinds and Fritos the moment you left and hasn't moved since. He's got his stinky old feet up on the coffee table as we speak! He hasn't showered, shopped or washed a dish since you left! How did he ever survive without you?"

[Gook]

Red Fur sighs.

"It was a miracle."

"Anyway dear. Don't go giving yourself worry lines over that little couch dumpling! He's none the wiser. Now please make your report."

"Captain Sockfoot is preparing to beam to the surface with Dogmatix, Tempest and I."

"Don't go with Sockfoot, dear. We'll take it from here. You've done a splendid job!"

"Thank you. What should I tell them as my excuse for not going?"

"Oh, the usual. You have a headache and you haven't a thing to wear. If that doesn't work try the old "girl stuff." That works every time."

"Thank you ladies. Red Fur out."

"Lovely girl, isn't she? What she sees in that lazy old tom cat I'll never know."

"Mrs. Tempest, ma'am. There is a single Klingon battle cruiser in orbit around Q'uonos."

"What is our ETA?"

"29 minutes, ma'am."

"Good. Hail them."

On board Khemaraa's ship Sockfoot, Dogmatix and Tempest prepare to beam to the surface of Q'uonos.

"Girl stuff?"

"That's what Red Fur said."

Sockfoot shudders.

"Well, then it can't be helped. Lets go."

And the three beam to the High Counsel Chamber hoping they are not too late.

At exactly the same moment ...

"Captain Khemaraa, the "Morning Sickness" is hailing us."

Captain Khemaraa blanches.

"O..O..O..On sc..scr..scr..screen," he stammers.

"Captain Khemaraa, I presume."

She is everything Captain Khemaraa has been told and more. Tall and statuesque with striking raven black hair in a permanent, Mrs. Sockfoot's image projects a commanding presence onto the bridge.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Is my husband on the surface yet?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Go home."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And Captain."

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Your fiance has been made aware of your little rumor mongering. You know gossiping is not nice! It will get you into trouble! Your fiance will instruct you when you get home. She is expecting you at her favorite restaurant at 8:30 PM sharp. She will be very disappointed if you are late. DON'T BE LATE! And tell her to call me for tea sometime. Is all of that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Now run along."

The screen goes black.

"Helm, break orbit. Warp 5 for Khitimer. I've got a dinner date with my fiance."

"But sir, Captain Sockfoot asked us to wait for him. We are his get-away car."

""Gee, let me think. Angry fiance vrs. angry Sockfoot. No contest. Baldy is on his own!"

On the surface.

"Sockfoot!" crys Dogmatix. "Khemaraa is breaking orbit!"

"WHAT?!"

Sockfoot whips out his communicator.

"KHEMARAA!WHERETHEHECKAREYOUGOING!"

"Who is this?"

"IT'S YOUR FRIEND, SOCKFOOT!"

"Don't know any Sockfoot. Stop calling here. We've already got a vacuum so piss off!"

"KHEMARAA!"

<Silence except for the hissing, popping and crackling of a dead channel>

"BUMMER!"

"Sockfoot, we've still got to save Kor."

"SCREW HIM! MY WIFE IS GONNA KILL US ALL! LEMME OUTA HERE!"

Sockfoot begins to run but Dogmatix grabs him by the collar.

"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, SOCKY!"

"LET ME GO! IF YOU'RE MY FRIEND YOU'LL LET ME GO!"

Dogmatix slaps Sockfoot several times finally bringing Socky back to his senses.

"I'm OK, now. I'm OK. We save Kor and then kill ourselves!"

"SOCKY!"

"Oh alright, we save Kor and then I find a way to write us out of this mess."

The trio slips silently to the door of the High Counsel Chamber. Inside Chancellor Kor is singing and the disco ball is casting beams of light all about the empty chamber.

"PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY! PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC RIGHT! PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY! LAY DOWN THE BOOGIE AND PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC 'TIL YOU DIE!"

"Wow," says Sockfoot. "Its worse than I thought. The Chancellor is a falsetto!"

Just then a warrior enters the Chamber.

"Package for you, Chancellor Kor. Its from Pharoah of the ISC."

"Oh goodie! Must be the Oreos I asked for!"

The Chancellor greedily tears open the box to find not Oreos but Twinkies.

"Twinkies. 'Light sponge cake with a cream filling.' Sounds yummie! It ain't Oreos, but it sounds just as good. Ok, down the hatch!"

Chancellor Kor rips a Twinkie from the wrapper and studies it for a moment. Then he leans his head back and opens his mouth, the Twinkie dangling above his mouth by just his forefinger and thumb.

"WAIT!"

A knife sails by the Chancellor's nose just missing it, but skewering the Twinkie and knocking it from his hand onto the High Counsel Chamber's floor.

"DANG! Well, can't eat that one. It's been on the floor. Good thing these things come in two packs!"

"NO!"

A second knife knocks the second Twinkie from Kor's hand.

"NOW THAT JUST PISSES ME OFF!"

The Chancellor turns and sees Sockfoot, Dogmatix and Tempest sprinting into the room.

"Oh, Dogmatix. You came back and you brought Sockfoot and Tempest with you this time. Ah triple the fun!"

"Chancellor!" gasps Sockfoot. "Don't eat those."

"Well, of course not. They've been on the floor. But I've got a whole box full over on the console there!"

Seeing the box, Sockfoot whips out his trusty disruptor and fires. The box disappears in a flash of blue along with the console and part of the floor beneath it. To his chagrin, Socky sees the Twinkies, who's wrappers have melted under the blast, sitting unscathed in the crater left by the disruptor blast!

"OHMYGOD! THEY ARE INDESTRUCTIBLE!"

Chancellor Kor leaps to his feet.

"NOW YOU'VE DONE IT, SOCKFOOT! ALL MY TWINKIES HAVE BEEN ON THE FLOOR! NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO EAT?! GUARDS! SEIZE THEM!"

And suddenly Sockfoot, Dogmatix and Tempest are surrounded by hundreds of Klingon warriors, all doubled over with constipation and in a generally foul mood! As they close in, Dogmatix whips out his trusty Batlif and with a mighty yell, charges into the crowd! Soon the hall is filled with crys of those trying to fight with full large intestines! Sockfoot, Dogmatix and Tempest are back to back in the center of the hall fighting for their lives!

[Gook]

Suddenly the view screen pops on.

"SQUIGGY!" yells Sockfoot. "GAL DARNED ITS GOOD TO SEE YOU! GET US OUT OF HERE BUDDIE!"

Silence.

"SQUIGGY?!"

Squiggy turns to Sun Tsu.

"Your right, Sun Tsu. This has got Ultimate Fighting beat a mile! And it ain't even pay per view!"

"AAAAAAARRRG! CHAL! HELP UNCLE SOCKY!"

"I'm smart! S-M-A ...."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRG!"

And finaly, despite the great fighting skills of the mighty Dogmatix, the trio is overwhelmed by the constipated Klingon zombies. Chancellor Kor exults over his newly aquired captives.

"Oh, this is going to be so much fun! Guards, bring in the whale bone corsettes for our new 'guests'! And then they will play 'spin the bottle' to entertain us!"

Socky turns to Dogmatix

"Doggy, you know I'm your brother, man. But there ain't no WAY ON HELL'S CREATION I'M KISSING YOU!"

"WELL WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR COMPLETE INABLITY TO KEEP YOUR WIFE HAPPY!"

"My wife? MY WIFE! THAT'S IT! DOGGY, YOU'RE A GENIUS! C'MERE AND LET ME KISS YOU, YOU BIG SMART KLINGON HUNK OF MAN!"

"Well, whatever you're going to do, Socky, DO IT FASTER! AND STOP TRYING TO KISS ME!!"

Sockfoot stops for a second and winks. Then he begins to sing.

"MY DARLIN' I! CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE, BABY! YEAH, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY! I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOU'RE LOVE, BAAAAABY!"

Suddenly on the far side of the Chamber, there is an explosion and in front of the explosion, three female silhouettes appear. Mrs. Tempest, Mrs. Sockfoot and Ensign Doo-Mee have arrived!

"HIYA SWEETUMS! I KNEW YOU WOULD COME IF I SANG YOU OUR SONG!"

"DON'T YOU 'SWEETUMS' ME, YOU BALDING LITTLE TOAD! AS SOON AS I'M FINISHED WITH THESE LITTLE WORMS, YOU ARE NEXT!"

And with blazing speed, the three stunning women wade into the crowd of cramped up Klingon warriors. What happens next is too horrible to describe, but suffice it to say that within scant seconds, every Klingon warrior in the room is lying unconscious on the floor with large lumps on their heads, scratches around their eyes and puncture wounds in the shape of a stiletto heel in their butts! An eerie calm falls over the High Counsel Chamber. Chancellor Kor is first to speak.

"Curses! Foiled again!"

<POW!>

Mrs. Sockfoot inspects her frying pan for dents.

"Well now he'll hold still for the PPD enema. Once again, we of W.A.N.K.E.R. show up just in time to save you miserable little men from yourselves!"

"Thank you, puddin'! What would I ever do ..."

"YOU SHUT UP! I'LL DEAL WITH YOU IN A MINUTE!"

"Right on, sister!" shouts Mrs. Tempest.

"Now Mr. Dogmatix. Isn't your wife pregnant?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"WELL, GO HOME THIS INSTANT AND RUB YOUR WIFE'S FEET! AND DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU GALIVANTING AROUND THE GALAXY WITH A DRESS ON AGAIN!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

As Dogmatix turns to leave, Mrs. Sockfoot administers a swift swat on his posterior with her frying pan. He turns to protest, but when confronted by the stately Mrs. Sockfoot holding her frying pan aloft menacingly, the brave warrior decides that a swift retreat is in order.

Suddenly Mrs. Tempest siezes Tempest by the ear!

"I'm so glad to see you, my Tempypoo! But you have cause a lot of trouble and you must be punished!"

"But dear, it was all Sockfoot's idea! OUCH!"

"All his idea, huh? And I suppose that if he jumped of a cliff you would jump off after him, wouldn't you? Well I wasn't mad at you when I got here, but after that little statement you can consider yourself officially in the doghouse! "Morning Sickness" two to beam up!"

"Make that three," chimes Ensign Doo-mee. "I might as well start breaking in Mr. j'inn."

And the trio is gone leaving Sockfoot and Mrs. Sockfoot alone in the High Counsel Chamber. Almost.

"Dude, what do you suppose will happen next? Oh boy, is this great! Got WWF Wrestling beat hands down! Chal, pass the popcorn!"

"YOU SAWED OFF RUNTS IN THE 8TH FLEET GET LOST! I WANT TO SPEAK TO MY HUSBAND ALONE!"

"Deadmeat, you stooge! This isn't the 'Playboy Channel'!"

The screen goes black and Mrs. Sockfoot turns a stern eye to her husband. Sockfoot, confronted with his own mortality falls to his knees in abject submission.

"OH PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I TRIED TO CALL YOU, BABY, BUT THE PHONE WAS DEAD. MY CAR WOULDN'T START AND I DIDN'T HAVE MONEY FOR A CAB! THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE! A TERRIBLE FLOOD! LOCUST! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

A single tear runs down Sockfoot's nose as he looks pleadingly into his wife's deep, soulful green eyes.

"You know I love you and only you, baby!"

Mrs. Sockfoot cannot help but smile.

"Oh, Socky! I just can't stay mad at you! I love you too!"

"Great. Can we go home now?"

"Well, as much as I'd love that, it just ain't gonna happen."

"What?"

"Well honey. W.A.N.K.E.R. says you have to go, so, I'm sooooo sorry, sweetie, but you have to go!"

"BUMMER!"

"Remember, Socky, I still love you!"

"I love you too, baby!"

<PPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!>

Slowly he opens one eye. He has a splitting headache.

"Where am I?"

"Oh, honey! Are you OK?"

"Yeah. I think so. What happened?"

"Well I was walking up behind you to give you this CD you asked me to bring you and you saw my shadow, screamed like a weenie and fell out of your chair. You hit your head on the desk and passed out."

Sockfoot pulls himself into his chair with his wife's help. He rubs the large knot on his head while he looks at the computer screen in front of him. A Lyran interphase. He's still Lyran Sockfoot!

"Wow, what a dream, hon! I dreamed that you hit me with a frying pan and I lost my memory and played every race and everyone was trying to kill me, but you saved me and then wacked me on the head with your frying pan again!"

"That's nice, dear."

"Boy! Am I glad that was a dream! I dreamed that Dogmatix liked ABBA and Kor was disco dancing in the High Counsel Chamber and that we were all constipated because the ISC was feeding us Oreos as part of their pacification plan! And I dreamed ...."

"You're babbling, Socky. What an active imagination you have! You should have been an author!"

"Yeah. What a crazy dream! Might make a great book!"

"Why don't you sit here and think about it while I get you something to eat."

"OK."

Lyran Sockfoot shuts off his computer and stares at the blank screen. Wow! What a crazy dream! Mrs. Sockfoot comes back down stairs.

"Oh, by the way dear. We got an invitation to your friend J'inn's wedding."

"Wedding? Wow! I dreamed that too!"

"Oh, you're such a dear!" coos Mrs. Sockfoot patting Socky's cheek and smiling. "Here. Have a Twinkie!"

<Dramatic chord of music>

THE END?

NAH, JUST KIDDING! THE END!


[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 12-09-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 12-09-2001).]

[Gook]

corbin369
Ensign   posted 12-09-2001 11:19 PM                 
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BRAVO...BRAVO...Two thumbs up!! (but PLEASE no encore)...;-)
IP: Logged
 
fantric
Ensign   posted 12-09-2001 11:48 PM                 
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*clapping* great stuff!!
Hey J'inn are we invited too?

KAT-Fantric

IP: Logged
 
Gook
Ensign   posted 12-10-2001 01:31 AM                 
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Ah, The Old "Bobby Ewing" Twist  ( Yes I had to watch it even then)
Good one Socky, Well done, Tolkien, Herbert Heinleim, Niven, Pournelle may all now stop quaikng in their boots ( or coffins as appropriate).

Thanks for all the entertainment I thougt the whole thing was real FUN.

------------------
KAT-Gook
KZ/Mirak MOD CW5
KZINTI Hegemony,
"Felix Fortius"

 

We are the Kzinti Assault Taskforce. Resistance is futile. Your Distinctiveness <burp> will be added to our palate (C)
KAT-Fleet

[This message has been edited by Gook (edited 12-10-2001).]

 

[Gook]

I have  a couple of  ".............what happened next"

threads if there is anyone interested after that marathon.

[Commander Maxillius]

I'm interested


Good show!

[GDA-S'Cipio]

Thanks, Gook!  That was a grand trip down memory lane.

-S'Cipio