Topic: Socky's Sojourn Part deux

[Gook]

BEGIN TRANSMISSION:
To: Patriarch Gook (with generous subversive copy to Minister J'inn)

From: Captain M'Ress sector 31

(Face of M'ress appears a look of bewilderment on his face)

I don't what happened!(Shrugs shoulders and holds hands out)

One minute he's next to me and we are kicking monster butt, the next I look over and there he was... gone!

(holds hand over newly installed eye patch and says in a rough German voice)
I saw nothing, NNOTHING!

By the way, what's this I hear about an agent with RED FUR! That sounds like my wife!

END TRANSMISSION

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Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 11-29-2001 07:52 PM                 
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Episode Twelve
"Now just wait here and don't wander off!" said Tempest. "I'll be back to get you when the coast is clear."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't drive the car while Mom and Dad are out of town."

"You were more pleasant when you were drugged and drunk."

"Sorry."

EmeraldEdge and Tempest left Romulan Sockfoot in the Captain's cabin of the SNB "Green Weenie."

"You think he'll stay put?" Tempest asked.

"No. But that's alright. We have enough Tal Shiar agents on this tub to keep him from disappearing again."

"Do your commanders know he his here?"

"Know he's here? My friend, this is the Romulan Empire! SPQR Sevlek, SPQR Kreman and SPQR Firehawk all told me where to put him!"

"But I thought there was an agreement spearheaded by KAT Gook that Sockfoot be shot on sight."

"My dear Tempest! Any person that warrants a meeting of every leader of the known galaxy is too valuable a commodity to just shoot! No, we want to talk to him for a while. Your government can have him back when we are done with him."

"Well alright. I'll see you in a couple of days to pick him up."

With that Tempest beamed aboard his shuttle and made for Mirak space as fast as he could. EmeraldEdge beamed back to his own ship after warning that Romulan Sockfoot should be watched constantly.

In his cabin Romulan Sockfoot began to pace. He couldn't just sit here. Who would know if he took this measly little frigate out for a spin!

After much debate, the Tal Shiar agents onboard decide there is no harm in allowing Romulan Sockfoot a trial run or two. And so "Green Weenie" slips her moorings and heads off in search of danger.

Romulan Sockfoot pulls his first mission, a patrol. AAARRRG! 12 power! Two plasma F's, 2 phaser 1's and 2 phaser 3's! Sitting still at red alert charging these costs 10 units of power!

As soon as the phaser capacitor is full, Romulan Socky turns the capacitor down to 1/3 and inches forward. To his surprise and delight he finds that the one redeeming quality this bucket has is it costs virtually nothing to move it around. The five available units of power get him up to speed 10 with power to spare!

A sneakyscarybooger pirate comes into view! Romulan Sockfoot licks his chops! Plasma sandwich coming! He checks the charging status of his plasma! His smile vanishes when he sees how far they have to go before they are ready to fire! He checks his range to target. Maybe he'd better slow down! No reason to run to a gunfight with a knife in your hand.

Range 70. Still charging. Range 60. Still charging. Range 50. Still charging. Range 40. DON'T TELL ME! STILL CHARGING! Range 30. Almost there! Range 20. Slow down some more. Speed is now 4! Range 10. READY TO FIRE! Range 3. FIRE TORPEDOES! WHAM! Sneakyscarybooger pirate gets two plasma Fs right up the nose followed by two phaser 1's! He is 2/3s dead! Romulan Sockfoot exults! One more plasma shot and that sneakyscarybooger pirate's goose is cooked! Romulan Sockfoot speeds up to speed 12 get some range from his target and turns off one of the plasmas.

As he contemplates his next shot, he hears the distinct sound of a scatter pack going off! AAAAAH! CLOAK!!!!!!!!!!

As he cloaks, his speed drops to 4 again. He watches nervously as one by one the missiles begin to wink out. Two hit his shields but do not penetrate. Romulan Socky lets out a big "Whew!" and uncloaks. No more waiting for plasma! Phasers kill!

A few phaser blasts and the sneakyscarybooger pirate is dead in space awaiting the coup de grace. Romulan Sockfoot decides he wants his first kill as a Romulan to be by plasma torpedo. He parks his frigate at range 4 from the motionless target and begins to charge them up.

After 20 minutes of smoking cigarettes, twiddling his thumbs and pounding his head on the bulkhead, Romulan Socky finishes off his first victim with a flaming plasma bowling ball!

Romulan Socky goes on to take many more missions. He notes that Romulan AI is absolutely no help at all. Finally he has enough prestige to buy a Klingon Cruiser conversion which he names "Death Pickle" because it is long, green and guaranteed to leave a nasty taste in someone's mouth! He runs only one mission in "Death Pickle" before he decides to park it for the night and await Tempest's return.

"Man," he thinks to himself (as if he could think to anyone else!) You've got to have some SERIOUS time on your hands to play Romulan."

"Captain to mess hall."

"Aye, sir."

"Got any Oreos?"

"Regular or Double Stuff?"

"Double stuff with a tall glass of milk please!"

"Aye, sir!"

"Now a guy could get used to this!"

Stay tuned!

[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 11-29-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 11-29-2001).]

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ZTempest
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 06:03 AM                 
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Tempest was happy.
Sockfoot safely in Romulan hands, the Ministry of Information had its tail tweaked, and the Klingon Empire was in an uproar!

Most of all, the Patriarch was pleased.

But now what to do? For the first time in a long time Tempest had some time on his hands. Start that Jenny Craig diet? Pick up a new hobby? Perhaps collect old John Travolta tapes?

Suddenly, a vision from his meeting with the Patriarch flashed into his head!

DOGMATIX!

Poor Dogmatix. Being tortured in Chancellor Kor's private chambers.

Tempest punched the intercom. "Science Officer to the ready room."

Seconds later a stunningly beautiful Miraki woman strolled into the room and leaned forward provocatively, giving a glimpse of red fur between her...

"You Called??" she moaned in a sultry voice.

"Ahhh....yes. I have a job for your...rather for you to do."

She smiled and absently pulled at Tempest's erect ears. How did she manage to get on THIS side of the desk he wondered.

"Yes Captain??? I hear and Obey....anything"

Tempest reluctantly pushed her away. It took superhuman effort, but visions of Mrs. Tempest's razor-sharp claws poised over his...well, you get the picture...helped significantly.

"Ahh..yes. Here is what I need. Total confidentiality, you understand, right? I want you to monitor Klingon communications, and when you see a picture of a Klingon in a pink outfit dancing to some barbaric music, I want you to take a digital image, process it, and build a fully animated manikin that looks exactly like the image. I will give you a list of key phrases to program into it -- things like 'NOT AGAIN Chancellor!' and 'PLEASE not Donny and Marie!' and 'ABBA is the GREATEST' Also - the manikin needs to have a glassy-eyed expression on its face."

The Science officer purred.."I'm much better than any piece of lifesize plastic....if you're feeling lonely...."

Tempest decided to change the subject rapidly. "That is quite all right, Ensign. This is for a rescue mission. We are going after DOGMATIX!

She pouted and said, "I'm....on it Captain...and if you need....ANYTHING, I'll be on...I mean, here right away!"

Tempest pretended not to watch his Science Officer sway seductively out the ready room door...and boy did he feel ready....

Dogmatix buddy, hang in there. We're coming....just a couple of more days. We'll put you in with Socky and then....

Hmmm. Tempest made a mental note. Have cameras rolling when Dogmatix met Socky. It should be VERY interesting...

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Farfarer
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 08:56 AM             
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Agent Bl'oorg's mouth was agape at what he had just heard in the Ready Room of the RIS Death Pickle. Fortunately, being a fish, this expression attracted no notice.
"Great Ponds Above!", he thought, " The Tal Shiar, the Mirak, everyone were after this seemingly innocuous Sockfoot creature!"

Bl'oorg had been especially nervous the way that big Mirak had stared into the Captain's ornamental fish tank, exposing rows of sharpened teeth. Bl'oorg hoped the Mirak was merely hungry, not suspicious, and tried his best to look fishy by nosing around at the bottom of the tank, randomly eating small stones and spitting them out again, that sort of thing.

Eventually, the cat lost interest, right after Bl'oorg gulped down a particularly large piece of of his own faeces. The agent ducked into the Authentic Underwater Castle of Remus and allowed his gills to pant like crazy.

"Did the Mirak know?"

The greatest intelligence coup the IPF Foreign Sevice ever had was bribing a Romulan bureaucrat to make Ornamental Fish Tanks standard goverment issue for Starship Ready Rooms.

This information was beyond his pay grade to digest. Once the room was empty, he nosed few docile slugs out of the way and retrieved a small package from underneath the Authentic Underwater Castle of Remus. Grabbing a tiny ring in his mouth, Bl'oorg began stretching the antenna of the Hyperspace Dirac Transceiver beween the twin turrets of the Authentic Castle...

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Squiggy
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 11:31 AM             
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At the RSRD Headquarters...
Deadmeat to Squiggy: Qaplah!

Squiggy to Deadmeat: Qaplah!

(fast forward)

Squiggy to all: It seems that Former Chancellor Dogmatix is having a disco party.

Chal: Do we need hats?

Deadmeat to Chal: No, we need Angel Flights.

SunTsu: Mmmmm.... polyester.... mmmm

Squiggy to all: Right. Inform the Former Chancellor that we will be joining him once we figure out how to turn heavy dizzies blue.

Chal: Why would we want to make an overweight Captain Dizzy sad?

Deadmeat to Chal: Here, have a cookie. (feeds Chal an Oreo and pats his head) Now shut up.

Chal: I'm super!

SunTsu to all: Has anyone seen Sockfoot?

Squiggy to SunTsu: Nope.

All: Oh well....

Deadmeat to Squiggy: Qaplah!

(and so on)

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Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 12:54 PM                 
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Episode Thirteen
Romulan Sockfoot slept soundly on board the "Death Pickle" dreaming on red furred women.

"Bridge to Captain."

"Wha ... OUCH!"

"What happened, sir?"

"i HIT MY HEAD ON THE GAL DURNED LOW BRIDGE CEILINGS OVER MY BED! WHY CAN'T I GET A KLINGON SIZED BUNK IN A D7 CONVERSION HULL!"

"Sorry, sir>"

"JEESSH!"

"Sir, there is a priority message coming in from Q'uonos for you."

"On screen in my quarters."

The gaunt, drawn face of Dogmatix appeared on his screen. Dark circles underlined the neatly plucked and painted eyebrows.

"Sockfoot!" came the weak and cracking voice. "Sockfoot, you've got to help me!"

And, whether it was pity for the emaciated Klingon he saw on his screen or the second blow to the head no one knows, but Sockfoot's memory suddenly returned in a flash!

"Dogmatix! DOGMATIX! I KNOW YOU! I REMEMBER YOU! Hey! Aren't you the one that started that "Shock Socky in the Jewels with a pain stick and win a Prize" game? Yeah, I remember you! I ought to ...."

Dogmatix begins to cry.

"Sockfoot ... Sockfoot ... PLEASE COME HOME!"

Sockfoot is taken aback by this display.

"Uh ... Hey now! Take it easy there, Doggy. You've always hated my guts. What's with the waterworks? I didn't know Klingons could cry. Besides, your mascara is running"

Suddenly Chancellor Kor shoves Dogmatix out of the way.

"Sockfoot!"

"Oh, its Mr. Laughs and his flea circus!"

"Er ... sorry about that. Sockfoot what have you told them?"

"Nothing they don't already know. Well, all except the high sodium, high fat diet we are all on. They seem to find that very interesting."

"Are you coming back here?"

"I dunno."

"WHAT!"

"Well, its kind of nice to be wanted!"

"Oh, stop pouting you ..."

"Your transmittion is fading."

"AAAAAARRRRG! ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! PLEASE COME HOME!"

"Say pretty please with sugar on top!"

"YOU'RE PUSHING IT SOCKFOOT!"

"Oh alright, I'll come back."

"Alright. Now that this is settled, you didn't tell them about the time with the girls and the wading pool full of jello, did you?"

"Nah. That's between you and me. Gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "The Raspberry" though, didn't it?"

The Chancellor looks down and snickers.

"Ahem. Ok, make all haste back to Q'uonos! Be careful. Everyone is looking for you! And there are four Tal Shiar agents on the "Death Pickle" with you."

"Yeah. I've already got a plan for that."

"And Socky."

"Yeah."

"Bring back some Oreos with you, OK? Squiggy and the 8th fleet have hoarded every Oreo in the Klingon Empire."

"Ok. Anything else?"

"Some milk if you think of it. Oh and ... er ... if you happen to see a nice sequine evening gown in about size ..." the Chancellor pauses and looks down at the prone figure of Dogmatix studiously "... oh say, size 14 and its not too expensive, buy it and bring it back here. A Kajagoogoo album would be nice too."

"Riiiiight."

"Chancellor Kor, out."

Quickly Sockfoot sets his plan in motion. He orders the four Tal Shiar members to meet him in docking bay 3.

Nervously, the agents shuffle into the docking bay next to the shuttle. Sockfoot emetges from the shuttle angrily waving a little black disc in his right hand.

"I ask for Oreos and YOU guys try and pass these nasty HYDROX cookies off as Oreos on me!"

"But Captain. They taste the same."

"Oh no they don't!"

"Oh yes they do!"

"Well then you four idiots should not be able to tell the difference in a blind taste test."

"We bet we couldn't"

"Well I bet you could!"

"Couldn't!"

"Could!"

"COULDN'T!"

"COULD!"

"NO WE COULDN'T!

"Well then put these blindfolds on and I'll give you each two cookies. You tell me if you can taste the difference!"

"FINE! GIVE US THOSE BLINDFOLDS!"

"Nah. You don't really want to."

"Yes we do!"

"No you don't"

"DO!"

"DON'T!"

"GIVE US THOSE BLINDFOLDS! WE'LL SHOW YOU!"

"Ok then."

The four Tal Shiar agents blind folded themselves and Sockfoot hands them each two cookies which they eagerly begin to eat.

"I can't believe they always fall for the old Oreo/Hydrox trick!" Sockfoot gleefully thinks to himself. He produces a pipe from under his shirt and proceeds to methodically beat each one over the head in turn, knocking them unconsious. As he reaches the fourth and final agent he pauses as the agent says,

"Hey! You really can tell the difference!"

"See, I told you!"

CLANK!

"That's that!"

And a shuttle, thoroughly cloaked, leaves the docking bay of "Death Pickle" and four Tal Shiar agents behind and warps out of the system unnoticed.

 

[Gook]

Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 01:41 PM                 
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Oh man, this is great! They don't have anything like this on the Hydran 3D soaps. Although when you have 2 wives .... well never mind... Carry on Sockfoot! We're rooting for you! But if you have your gas mask handy, you are welcome to Hydrax anytime.
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Ole

"I love the smell of Hellbores in the morning..."

[This message has been edited by Ole (edited 11-30-2001).]

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J'inn
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 05:47 PM                 
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(Where the heck were the Romulans BSers!!??, Anyway, since Socky's no longer there . . . .)
The private turbolift door opened to J'inn's office and he quickly stepped in. "Destination" a computerized voice stated.

"Sub-basement Omega." J'inn replied.

"That is a secure area. DNA scan confirmed. Password please." The disembodied voice ordered.

"No good deed goes unpunished." J'inn stated.

"ID confirmed." The turbolift stated as it started to drop deep into the crust of Mraa. Down past the basement levels of the building. Down past the re-enforced protective layers and the shield generators. Down two miles beneath the surface was where J'inn's destination lie. For there was the location of the division that ran all clandestine operations on behalf of the Miraki Intelligence Service Taskforce. For there was the dreaded offices of the Miraki Committee for State Security.

The turbolift doors opened to a small room with a beautiful Miraki female sitting at a desk. Her left hand was holding a padd. Her right hand, under the desk, gripped the stock of a phaser rifle. Seeing J'inn, she relaxed and said with a nod to the door to her left: "Minister, they are assembled in the war room."

J'inn entered the war room. The war room was a darkened circular room approximately 30 feet in diameter. A large circular table occupied the center of the room. At it sat three of the Committee's top analysts. Along the walls were plasma screen. On each was the visage of the head of the intelligence service for each of the Empires. All that is, except the Klingons. Under the dark screen which would usually show the face of the Klingon Intelligence Head, was the word "Sneakyfoot." J'inn acknowledged each of them by name. They all appeared worried. Well, J'inn assumed the Hydran was worried. With them who could tell? J'inn then took his seat as Sevelek began to speak from the monitor.

"I regret to inform you that Sockfoot has escaped the Tal'Shiar." Sevelek began. J'inn noted that the Romulan looked mortified. Who could blame him however, Socky had proven quite elusive. "I also regret to inform you that the Tal'Shiar has confirmed J'inn's report that the less enlightened military branches of our respective governments have seen fit to order the liquidation of Sockfoot. This cannot happen. The Klingons have become a true pain in the ass." All of the heads on the screens and in the room nodded in agreement. "We must make sure Sockfoot is safe until this blows over. We then must return him to Q'onos where he can continue to cause trouble. We agree that only this will hold the Klingons in check"

Hondo, who secretly headed Section 31 for the Federation, spoke up. "That shouldn't be too hard, I understand Sockfoot has amnesia and is loopy as a fruit cake." J'inn smiled at the irony of that statement.

"He was" sighed Sevelek "but something happened. Somehow he regained his awareness and now the damned fool is running back to the Klingon homeworld and to his certain slow, painful, and oddly transgender death at the hands of Kor."

"By the by" J'inn stated "what's up with the Klingons and disco music." All of the great sneaky leaders screamed at once and the ISC representative started to shake uncontrollably. "Uh never mind" J'inn said obviously confused.

Regaining his composure, Sevelek continued "We need to get to Sockfoot and warn him. But how. There is no way he'll trust anyone other than a Klingon except maybe . . ." Sevelek's voice trailed off as he stared at J'inn and smiled.

J'inn smiled back. It was true that sneaky minds think a like after all. "A Mirak female!" J'inn stated. "He loves'em."

"But I thought they were all dumb as doorknobs" Hondo stated.

"Yes, all except a select few." J'inn smiled back. "Don't worry gentlemen, I'll take it from here. And remember . . . If it ain't sneaky."

"IT AIN'T FUN!!" They all shouted with a cackle and signed off, leaving J'inn and his top analysts alone.

"Well lets see we need to find Sockfoot who is in a small cloaked Romulan shuttle somewhere unknown in the alpha quadrant. We need to stop him without killing him. We need to convince him to trust us. And we need to do all of this quickly and without our agent getting killed." J'inn surmised.

"Well sir" His lead analyst started. "We agree, and we have run all of the mission parameters through our simulators. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that we have graded this mission as: IMPOSSIBLE."

"That's just what I was hoping you would say." J'inn said with a smile and pushed as particular button on the desk's comm panel linking him to the operations division head. "G'rath this is the Minister, under Article 5 you are hereby authorized to activate Agent Red Fur. Mission parameters are on there way." J'inn ordered.

There was a moment of silence. Followed by G'rath's trembling voice. "Great Mraa sir!, are you sure?"

"Quite!"

The next morning Felicity M'Ress the wife of the great Miraki Captain M'Ress was performing housework at the M'Ress home. She hated having to pretend to all except her husband that she had the IQ of a vegetable. Only he knew the truth. Only he knew that Felicity was as smart as a whip. And that was their dirty little secret. Well, at least that is what M'Ress thought.

Felicity was one of the most stunning Miraki females on the planet. Her fur was a dark red in color which was very rare and greatly admired by the males. Furthermore, she was in Olympic caliber physical shape. Something which M'Ress had always appreciated; but he had never understood his wife's fascination with the huge gymnasium they kept in their basement. Females just weren't supposed to be into such things. But hey, he wasn't about to complain.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and when she answered all she saw was a small little Miraki male with a box of data crystals. "Want to buy some music crystals?" He said very slowly and with elaborate hand gestures so the dim-witted female would understand. Mraa! Did she hate that.

"No" she replied.

"But I strongly suggest you try this one Ma'am it's on the house." He begged.

"On-the-house" she thought as she felt the her body become alive. "The code phrase!" Grabbing the crystal and thanking the man while slamming the door in his face she ran to her entertainment system and tossed in the crystal. The plasma screen came alive.

"Good Morning Red Fur" a deep voice stated.

"Your mission, if you should choose to accept it is as follows:

"You are to locate a Klingon named Sockfoot." A picture a balding Klingon with a bandage on his head appeared on the screen. "The militaries of the Empires have ordered his death. He is not aware of this. It is in the best interest of the Star League that Sockfoot remain alive, safe and out of the hands of the Klingons. Once you locate him you are to gain his trust, protect him, and deliver him to either the Hydran, ISC or Gorn intelligence service. An interceptor class runabout is in orbit of Mraa and is available for your use. Transporter code: Secret Squirrel. We have also downloaded additional information into the runabouts' data banks along with Sockfoot's last known position.

"Whatever you do, don't allow Chancellor Kor to get his hands on Sockfoot." A photo of a particularly diabolical looking Klingon appeared on the screen.

"And remember Red Fur, if you are captured the Minister will disavow any knowledge of your actions."

"This crystal will self destruct in five seconds."

"Crap!" Felicity yelled as she punched the eject button. For smoke was already starting to come out of her expensive entertainment system. "Awww, my poor crystal player. Oh well. Time for some fun. I should be able to buy fifty of these with the payday fron this mission. Hmm, but first I have to take care of M'Ress."

Quickly she left a note for her husband telling him that she had decided to spend a week with her mother and to catch up on some shopping. Knowing that the mere mention of these two things would insure M'Ress would stay far away for the whole week she then went to her Comm panel and typed in the correct transporter code.

Moments later she materialized in the cockpit of a very fast and very well armed runabout. Within the a storage compartment was all that she needed. Including her leather jumpsuit which she snaked into, her phaser rifle, her battle knife, and her manicure kit.

Firing up the powerful warp engines Red Fur aimed her ship toward the Romulan border and tore off at warp 8. She then sat back, did her nails, and started to read the data files regarding her mission.

[This message has been edited by J'inn (edited 11-30-2001).]

[This message has been edited by J'inn (edited 11-30-2001).]

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ZTempest
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 07:17 PM                 
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The mission went smoothly. Too smoothly.
Tempest knew that when it went this smoothly, that meant disaster was peering over your shoulder.

Operation DOGMATIX had gone off without a hitch. The Manikin was in place, but Tempest was a bit worried. He only managed to program in three responses into the Manikin before they had to snatch Dogmatix out of Chancellor Kor's chambers. They were "NO, NOT AGAIN CHANCELLOR!", "ABBA RULES!", and "SOCKY! PLEEEAASE COME HOME!!!!!"

It would have to do.

His ready room door opened and his science officer slowly led a glassy-eyed Dogmatix into the room. Tempest hurriedly stood up. "Ensign, get that ridiculus pink sequined outfit off of Doggy and set him down in the chair."

She helped Dogmatix out of his clothes and carefully set the pink outfit aside, looking at it speculatively and licking her lips. Tempest hurriedly focused on strapping the drooling Dogmatix into the chair and applying the head clamps so that he could only look in one direction, then he went over to the wall entertainment system and put in a special crystal. Immediately, images began to form in the air in front of Dogmatix, where he was forced to watch them.

The science officer spoke up. "Sir, what do you have him watching?"

Tempest beamed at her, proud that he had done his research correctly. "I found several old war videos for Dogmatix to watch. I am starting him out with 'Apocolypse Now,' then we move to 'Platoon', 'Patton', 'The Big Red One', 'Saving Private Ryan', and the first three episodes of an old show called 'Band of Brothers'. I am hoping that this will snap him out of his brainwashed state."

"Oh sir! Very good!" She clapped her hands and jumped up and down. Tempest tried to keep his eyes focused on her face, but those bouncing....he failed.

Suddenly she stopped and threw her arms around Tempest. "You are SOOOOO SMART, Sir! Can I please ask a favor????? Pretty Please????"

How could he resist. "Sure, anything."

She looked suggestively at the pink outfit that Dogmatix had been wearing.

Tempest sighed. Women

"Sure, you can have it."

She squealed with pleasure and snatched up the pink dress and began tearing her uniform off.

Tempest was getting an eyefull just as the comm beeped. "Uh, I'm busy right now watching....I mean counselling the Science Officer. This had better be good!"

"Sir, we are getting a live feed from the manikin!"

Tempest snapped, "Pipe it in here, NOW!"

The image cleared on his secondary monitor just as Chancellor Kor walked into the room. This was what Tempest was worried about -- the manikin's phrases were all randomized. A slip up here could put the whole operation in danger.

The manikin spoke first. "NO, NOT AGAIN CHANCELLOR!"

Chancellor Kor gave an evil laugh as he waved a pair of furry handcuffs in the air. "Got something new today, Dogmatix!"

"ABBA RULES!"

"Ah! So you like ABBA, eh? Aide -- put on 'Dancing Queen' again for our dear Dogmatix!"

"SOCKY! PLEEEASE COME HOME!!!!"

"Don't you worry, Dogmatix. He is on his way by cloaked shuttle, remember? His memory is back and he is coming home. Soon we can play 'Socky Shock' again, eh?"

Tempest turned pale as he heard these words. Sockfoot was on his way to Quonos? He left the Romulan Empire?

DISASTER!

Just then Tempest's ready room door opened.

Mrs. Tempest stood there, taking it all in as the Science Officer completed putting on the sequined, slinky, pink dress.

Oh no!

When it rains, it POURS!!!

Tempest dove for the hidden escape hatch to the ships' skif -- a modified fighter that he kept for special cases like this. As he dove into the cockpit he could hear his wife's voice clearly through the hull, "AND WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE???!!!! TEMPEST! COME BACK HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!!!"

He didn't know how she got there, or where she had come from. All he knew was that his gorgeous wife was about to make mincement out of his science officer, and that he did not want to be in the area when it happened. There would be a time and a place to sort it all out later. Meanwhile Dogmatix was in the chair, watching war movies.

Disaster had indeed been peering over his shoulder. What would he do now?????




 

[Gook]

Episode Fourteen
"GAL DARN PIECE OF EARLY ERA ROMULAN UNDERPOWERED, OVERRATED PIECE OF JUNk!"

Pieces of circuit board hurtled out from under the control console of Sockfoot's stolen Romulan shuttle. Upon reaching the neutral zone between Romulan and klingon space it had promptly blown a plasma relay shorting out the warp drive. This forced Socky to park his stolen vehicle on a nearby asteroid while he made repairs.

"YOU MANGY PIECE OF LOW GRADE VOMIT SMELLING TARG POOP COLLECTOR!"

"Such language!"

"Who said tha ... OUCH! GAL DARN LOW BRIDGE RACKINFRAZELPERNAPIMPINGORTABOOZELFLANGAFLEEVIN ...."

"Captain Sockfoot will you please try and control your temper!"

"Dang! Who is this?"

"Agent Red Fur."

Socky abruptly froze. Agent Red Fur! Now here was an espionage agent of the first order, spoken of only in whispered tones in the intelligence community! Oft heard of but rarely, if ever seen! He slowly turned to the shuttle's view screen.

On it was a stunning Mirak female with deep mahogany fur and dazzling green eyes.

"Wow!"

"Captain Sockfoot. Captain Sockfoot! CAPTAIN SOCKFOOT!"

"Eh? How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Your disquise. It's so life-like and you look so ...."

"It's no disguise Captain Sockfoot."

"Not a disguise? But I thought that all Mirak females were as dumb as .... Wait! Of course! It's perfect cover! Who would ever suspect a Mirak female! Wow! And here the rest of the galaxy thinks that Mirak females have brains like their bodies; all soft and lumpy!"

"And as for you, Captain Sockfoot. Somehow I expected one of the galaxy's greatest espionage agents to be ... I don't know ... let us say, taller."

"Well now what? Do we sit here and trade left handed compliments or are you going to blast my crippled ship."

"Believe it or not, Captain, your friend J'inn has sent me to help you."

"Let's say I don't believe it."

"In that case he told me to tell you that 'he also dunks his Devil Dogs in milk with his left hand.'"

Sockfoot's face broke into a wide grin.

"Please beam me aboard your ship. Mine is useless. We'll leave it here to create a false trail."

"My sentiments exactly."

Sockfoot materialized on the transporter pad of Red Rur's shuttle.

"Captain Sockfoot. It is a mild honor to meet you."

Sockfoot reached for the extended hand and suddenly found himself flying via Judo flip across the cabin. He landed on the floor and started to rise when agent Red Fur grabbed him by the right arm and placed her foot on his face.

"That is for the "dumb as rocks" comment."

"mmm swmmy."

"What?" Red Fur asked lifting her foot.

"I'M SORRY!"

"Yes. I know you are."

Red Fur let go of Socky's arm after giving it an extra twist for emphasis.

"We need to get back on the move."

Sockfoot pushed himself into a sitting position and began to message his shoulder.

"The whole of Hell's creation is looking for me and has been whiffing even when my eggs were scrambled. Just how the heck did you find me anyway?"

"Oreo cookie crumbs mixed into your warp trail."

"DANG! I KNEW I should have stolen some milk to soak those in before I ate them! Well for your information Ms. Know-it-all, those were HYDROX cookie crumbs."

"Doesn't matter. The chemical composition is exactly the same."

"It is? Then why do Oreos taste better?"

"That is a question not even the intelligence community has been able to answer."

"Hmmmm."

"I'd love to continue this brilliant intellectual conversation, Captain Sockfoot," said Red Fur dryly. "But we really need to get moving."

"Eh? Oh yeah. Set your course for Q'uonos."

"WHAT!"

"Yeah, I gotta save Dogmatix."

"But ...."

"Think about it. Where is the last place in the Galaxy anyone will be looking for me?"

"True, but why save Dogmatix?"

"Come on now, Red Fur. No one deserves what he is going through."

"But the military will shoot you, and then worse, me, on sight!"

"Oh no they won't. Besides, I have a plan. Where is the comm system?"

"Center console."

"Thanks."

Sockfoot keyed in a super secrete code known only to himself and a few others.

"Squiggy here."

"Hiya Squiggy!"

"Well, that looks like Sockfoot, but I don't see the 'HI sign'."

"Dude, there is a hot ... OUCH ... beautiful woman here! Don't make me do the stupid ...."

"Your transmittion is breaking up."

"OK. OK!"

Sockfoot placed his thumbs in his ears, wiggled his fingers and stuck out his tounge. Red Fur burst into hysterical laughter.

"Now give me the password."

"Oh, ok. 'Sockfoot is a moron and wishes he was Squiggy.'"

"Ah! Much better. Now what can I do for you Sockfoot."

Sockfoot looks ruefully back at Red Fur who is rolling on the floor holding her sides laughing uncontrolably at Sockfoot's antics.

"Squiggy, you are the saltpeter of the earth."

Squiggy only smiles.

"It's all relative, my dear Sockfoot."

"Squiggy, I need one of your specialties; a distraction."

"And who am I to distract."

"The Chancellor so I can save Dogmatix from his own personal disco fever hell."

"Yeah we heard he was getting the infamous late 70's early 80's treatment. Rumor has it Chancellor Kor is about to take it to the ABBA level."

Red Fur immediately stopped laughing and Sockfoot's mouth went dry. The ABBA level! Not even blind, deaf mutes could survive the ABBA level. The subjects Sockfoot had developed this specific torture on had all choked themselves with their own intestines when exposed to the ABBA level!

"We've got to hurry! You know what to do! Sockfoot out!"

"How fast does this thing go?" Sockfoot asked Red Fur.

"To save a fellow sentient life form from the ABBA level? I'll make it go transwarp!"

And they were off like a shot!

Meanwhile on Q'uonos Chancellor Kor was in a foul mood. Even when he closed his eyes and dipped them in milk, the darned Hydrox cookies just didn't taste like Oreos.

"Dang! Now this just pisses me off!"

Chancellor Kor picked up the ABBA cd to his left and began to spin it on his finger. Dogmatix closed his eyes and wished he would die before the Chancellor reached the cd player.

"Just then the viewscreen popped on showing the face of Squiggy.

"Hiya, Chancellor."

"Oh. Hi Squiggy."

"Want to come over to 8th fleet headquarters?"

Chancellor Kor looked at Dogmatix.

"Well, I'm kinda swamped with work. The Chancellor thing you know."

"Aw come on. We've got Oreos."

The Chancellor waivered.

"Have you got the chocolate dipped kind?"

"Yep. And Chal is putting the pettite marshmellows in the Swiss Miss right now."

The Chancellor began to salivate. Seening this, Squiggy goes for the clincher.

"And Deadmeat and Sun Tsu are warming up the Atari 2600 as we speak! How about some 'Combat'?"

"Dude! I am so there!"

"See you in 20 minutes?"

"Make it 10."

"Squiggy out."

Chancellor Kor stands up and heads for the door.

"Don't go away, Dogmatix! I'll be right back to finish up the fun later. 'You are the Dancin' Queen ... Young and Sweet ... Only Seventeen!'"

"You two," says the Chancellor to the two Imperial Guards watching the door. "Keep an eye on him. I don't want him wandering off. And install the disco ball in the High Counsel Chamber. I like atmosphere!"

"Aye, Chancellor."

Exactly three minutes later the two Klingons are installing the disco ball.

"Hold the ladder steady, you targ!"

"Stop moaning and get it up there! I don't want him to get back and find its not installed!"

Just then a transporter beam appears in the High Counsel Chamber and a beautiful roan colored Mirak female materializes. She smiles at the two Klingons, freezing them in place and then swiftly kicks the ladder causing the Klingon installing the disco ball to fall on top of the Klingon holding the ladder, knocking the latter unconscious. The former joins his mate in LaLa land when the disco ball falls on his head.

In an instant, Red Fur is at Dogmatix's side.

Dogmatix opens one bleary eye. An angel! He must be in Sto Vo Kor at last! He faints with relief. Then the transporter energizes again and they are gone. In Dogmatix's place she leaves a Mirak trader altered to look like Dogmatix. ABBA is better than any trader deserves!

Hours later aboard the Hydran frigate "Ooo That Smell" Sockfoot speaks with an old friend.

"You sure this won't get you into trouble, Ole?"

"Nah. No one else knows that you are here. Where are you going?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, I don't know yet. Its obvious that the High Sodium, High Sugar diet all of the Klingons are on has had some unforeseen side effects. Inordinate cruelty seems to be one of them. Thank God I got my memory back and remembered my mission was to find the cure!"

"Any idea where the diet came from?"

"Not a clue."

Red Fur spoke up.

"J'inn seemed to think that the ISC had developed a diet something along those lines. He thought it might have something to do with pascification. It might explain the last war."

"Well. Its worth a shot. Thanks for your help, Ole."

"No problem. Good luck."

With that, Ole beamed back to his own ship and departed leaving Sockfoot in command of the Hydran frigate "Ooo That Smell."

Dogmatix, on a biobed in the corner, moaned.

"He's coming around," said Red Fur.

Sockfoot leaned over Dogmatix.

"Doggy ... Doggy can you hear me? It's Sockfoot. You OK? I'm sorry this had to happen to you."

"Sockfoot? Oh Sockfoot is it really you? Tell me I'm not just dreaming."

"No, your not dreaming. It's really me/"

"Oh good. That means it will be for real ... WHEN I KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!"

Dogmatix leaped off the biobed and grabbed Sockfoot by the throat!

"I'LLKILLYOUI'LLKILLYOUI'LLKILLYOUI'LLKILLYOUILLKILLYOUILLKILLYOUILL ..."

And then Dogmatix lapsed back into sleep thanks to the Vulcan nerve pinch applied in a timely manner by Red Fur.

Sockfoot struggled to his feet rubbing his throat.

"He's really glad to see me."

Just where are Socky and Red Fur going?

Who has the real Dogmatix?

What is the relevance of Oreo cookies?

Aren't Nutter Butter's better than Oreos?

Tune in next time to find out the answers to these questions and more in our coming episodes!

And now a word from our sponsors.

[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 11-30-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 11-30-2001).]

IP: Logged
 
Squiggy
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 08:52 PM             
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At the RSRD HQ...
Qaplahs and yadda yadda...

Squiggy to all: Captain Sockfoot has contacted me. He needs us to distract Chancellor Kor. For this mission, we will hold nothing back. SunTsu, bring out the Atari!

Chal: Now is it time for the hats?

Deadmeat to Chal: Yes.

Chal: I'm S-M-A-R-T, smart! 

Squiggy: Don't forget to invite Captain Bonez. He thinks we're weird, and enjoys watching us.

Deadmeat: I think he just has voyueristic fantasies.

Chal: S-M-A...

SunTsu to Chal: We know. Now go play with your crayons.

Squiggy to all: Good luck on the mission! Qaplah!

qaplah, qaplah qaplah, etc etc...

(an hour later, Chancellor Kor walks into a dark RSRD HQ. A light turns on...)

All: QAPLAH!

(The quick Kor pulls out a disruptor and shoots Ensign Gator. Gator had been training with the 8th Fleet, and had been wearing a red shirt... what a coincidence, eh?)

Kor: Errrr... sorry....

Deadmeat to Kor: Nah, forget about it.

Squiggy: As long as you had fun, it's all good. 

(Chal shows Kor a nice stick figured picture done in bright crayon. Hours pass as blocky pixels kill each other on the viewscreen. The party winds down and everyone leaves.)

Squiggy to SunTsu: I hope that bought enough time for Socky.

Squiggy, while looking in the air longingly: Socky, where are you? Please come home soon. We all miss you.

(Deadmeat, Chal, and SunTsu look at Squiggy for a moment.)

All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SunTsu to Squiggy: That was a good one!

Squiggy: Sometimes I crack myself up!

Chal: S-M-A.....

The saga continues.

IP: Logged
 
Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 08:53 PM                 
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Episode Fifteen
"There is a shuttle off the port bow, Captain."

"Hail them."

"Sockfoot! You've got to hide me!"

"Slow down Tempest! I'm suppose to say that to you, remember?"

"Sockfoot, it's Mrs. Tempest! She'll kill us all!"

"Tempest, buddy. Beam over here and tell me the whole story."

A few minutes later Tempest and Sockfoot are talking in the mess hall of "Ooo That Smell."

"Dude, your screwed, blued and tatooed! Mrs. Tempest will kill me just for being near you!"

"Socky!"

"Oh, you know we'll think of something. We always do. Just ride along with me through Hydran space for a while and let her cool off."

"Ok. Oh, CRAP! I forgot Dogmatix! Oh the poor guy is probably in bloody chunck by now!"

"What do you mean? I've got Dogmatix right here on "Ooo That Smell."

"What? No you don't. I stole him and replaced him with a robot."

"Oh Boogers! We'd better check this out."

As the pair ran to sickbay Tempest yells to Sockfoot.

"The robot could only say three things!"

Socky stops suddenly.

"Is one of those things 'Socky I will drink blood wine from your steaming skull?'"

"Nope."

"Well we can relax. I've had the real Dogmatix all along."

"If you've got the real Dogmatix, who was that I got?"

"Must have been the surgically altered Mirak trader."

"Socky."

"Yeah."

"How would you rather go? ABBA or Mrs. Tempest on the warpath."

Sockfoot shivers noticably.

"Well I like your wife, Tempest, but I wouldn't want to be within reach when she gets rippin'. I'd take ABBA."

"Me too."

"Dude, let's hope it doesn't come to that. Let's check on Doggy."

A few minutes later the men join Red Fur in sickbay.

"How is he, Red Fur."

"Well. He's still very weak, but the Rob Zombie and AC/DC audio stimulation seems to be working. That in addition to the pornos might just bring him back from the brink. It was a real close shave though."

"Keep at it. By the way, do I have to keep eating the dal gurn Brussel Sprouts and Prunes?"

"Yeah. J'inn seems to think that the High Sodium/High Sugar diet works cumulatively. The more stuff like that you eat, the more constipated you get. Soon the subject can't pass the toxins and becomes highly suggestible and later cranky, uncomfortable, bloated and even violent. The Brussel Sprouts and Prunes will counter act the effects of the diet and should immunize you."

"That's great for people who aren't already in the clutches of the diet," says Tempest, "but what about those who are already under its spell."

"I've got it!" shouts Sockfoot. "Tell J'inn to try and develop some kind of laxitive weapon!"

"The X-Lax ray?"

"Well maybe not that crude, but something like that."

"Sounds like a plan."

Just then the comm system buzzes.

"Captain to the bridge!"

"I've got to go to work now. Tempest help Red Fur with Dogmatix."

IP: Logged
 
Goose
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 09:43 PM             
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now a word from our sponsor...

Has this ever happened to you?

Generic Lifeform: Hey you, Klingon!

Klingon: Ugh!

Generic Lifeform: Chew down that tritanium door!

Klingon: Ugh! (chew, chew, chew)

2nd Generic Lifeform: Why did you that?

1st Generic Lifeform: They can't read, that's all they're good for.

Can't read?

Well now our Hukd on Fonix can help even the Klingons. Just listen to our spokesperson.

Chal: Me S-M-A-R-T, smart!

Narrator (whispers): Good boy, have an Oreo.

Narrator (outloud): That's right. Hukd on Fonix will work for you too.

And now back to our program...

Chal: Me S-M-A...

Narrator (whispers): Ok thats enough.


[This message has been edited by Goose (edited 11-30-2001).]

 

[Gook]

SPQR Kremen
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 10:38 PM                 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Romulans huddled in a dark room somewhere
Sevlek: Is he gone yet?

Firehawk whacks Sevlek on the back of the head

Firehawk (Whisper): Shhhhhhh! He might hear you!

Sevlek (Whipser): Owww! Sorry.

Kremen (Whisper): Just keep it down. He might decide to come back.

Sevlek (Whipser): So, is he gone yet?

Firehawk (Whisper): Yes.

Sevlek (Relieved whisper): So what do we tell the Klingons?

Firehawk (Whisper): Nothing. We haven't seen him. We don't know anything about him!

Kremen (Whisper): Never heard of him!

Sevlek (Whisper): We got off lightly. Firehawk, Kremen, this conversation never happened.

Firehawk: What conversation?


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Dogmatix!
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 11:09 PM                 
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Two things...

Without QUESTION, Nutter Butters are better than Oreos. It's just not even close.

Dogmatix actually digs ABBA. It's an ever so guilty pleasure. You wanna torture me? Make me listen to country music or any of that modern R&B/Pop/Boy Band crap.

I will have my revenge.


Wait, that's three. Erf...

------------------
Qapla' Batlh je! (success and honour!)

Captain Dogmatix
IKV Stormbringer
Klingon Black Fleet (KBF)

====================================================
AMD Athlon T-Bird 1333, ABit KT7A-RAID motherboard (YH BIOS), 256 MB RAM, Voodoo 5 5500, Turtle Beach Santa Cruz, Mitsubishi DiamondPro 900u (19" Flat Screen), Cox @Home Cablemodem, Win98SE

[This message has been edited by Dogmatix! (edited 11-30-2001).]

IP: Logged
 
Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 11:30 PM                 
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Episode Sixteen
Hydran Sockfoot reaches the bridge of "Ooo That Smell" and bounds into the command chair. The gas mask Ole gave him makes running a little difficult and he has a little trouble catching his breath.

And then there is the hole in the middle of the chair where a Hydran captain's third leg would go. It makes Hydran Socky feel like he's using the privy right in the middle of the bridge. He looks around nervously.

"Ahead warp 5. Heading is 145 point 223>"

"Aye aye, sir."

"What?"

"Aye aye, sir!"

"What?"

"AYE AYE, SIR!"

"Well, why didn't you just say that the first time!"

Hydran Sockfoot notes that it make take a little time to get used to the crew voices around here.

He pulls his first mission, a patrol, and gets his first look at his Hydran CU. Not too bad! 16 power, 1 gatlin phaser, 4 phaser 2s and a Hellbore.

A Klingon frigate appears off his starboard bow. After his weapons finish charging, Hydran Socky cranks the speed up to 25 and puts on a point of ECM. Not bad at all!

At range 15 Hydran Sockfoot watches the disruptor fire fly past him. (True Blue disruptors in case you are curious. Everyone who is anyone knows that disruptor bursts should be blue!) He closes in and lets fly with his phaser 2s and his hellbore. Internals! And the Gatlin phaser shoots down the two missiles the frigate throws at him in response and still has enough power for one good kick in the pants for the Klingon.

Hydran Sockfoot then decides to overload his hellbore! This could be fun! He has to slow down to speed 15 to get it to charge, but for a big yield blast, it will be worth it!

WHAM! Overloaded hellbore is a roaring success! Follow up phaser fire makes one of the Klingon's blue disruptors feel too blue to fight anymore. And that wonderful little Gatlin phaser just keeps picking off those missiles that keep trying to slip up on him! What more could a Hydran want?

Then Sockfoot catches a couple of phasers and a disruptor blast in the rear shields. Now he knows what else a Hydran in a CU would want; SHIELDS!

Hydran Sockfoot does not take any internals, but the swift kick in the pants he got keeps him from employing his Gatlin phaser for anything beyond drone defense, which, by the way, it does quite efficiently!

The Klingon falls to the mighty hellbore, which Hydran Sockfoot notes has no respect for ECM and is a good bet all the way out to around range 15.

Hydran Sockfoot pulls many more missions and collects about 1300 prestige points. He never does see a Hydran AI, even in a shipyard defense mission. Very odd. Hydran Sockfoot has designs on an LB, which he would name "Eternal Flame" but he has to get over here to the Taldren Boards and write Episode Sisteen and he is too tired to stay up much longer.

And so, Hydran Sockfoot logs off after a heck of a day! He got his memory back, "escaped" the clutches of the Tal Shiar, saved Dogmatix from a fate worse than death, and, most importantly, is still one step ahead of Mrs. Tempest. All of which makes Hydran Sockfoot wonder, "What could tomorrow bring?" Suddenly he realizes, "It is tomorrow!" Then he wonders what Mrs. Sockfoot will say when she finds out that he stayed up until tomorrow. Yea, verily he recalls that this is how he got into this mess in the first place!

So our intrepid adventurer goes off to his quarters to take his rest humming a catchy little tume.

"Beauty School Drop-out. No graduation day for you!"

(Now Socky knows he had better get some rest! This post was pathetic!)

IP: Logged
 
J'inn
Ensign   posted 11-30-2001 11:47 PM                 
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J'inn paced nervously in his office. Puffing fretfully on his CatNip pipe. Finally, his comm panel beeped. Hitting the connect button his plasma screen filled with the beutiful face for Agent Red Fur.
"M'Ress! Lucky bastard!" J'inn thought. And then he ordered. "Report!"

"We got him sir!" Red Fur said with glee and then she stepped backwards and grabbed Sockfoot in order to pull him into the picture. Sockfoot flinched out of what was becoming habit.

"Socky!" J'inn yelled. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Just a little sore and scratched up." Sockfoot replied as he shot an accusing look at Red Fur. "Were on a Hydran ship, I can't say where, but we got a bigger problem." At that point Sockfoot filled J'inn in on the situation and what appeared to be the unintended consequences of the failed ISC pacification program. Somehow, someway, J'inn knew the cure would be on Concordia.

If they could only get a high level Klingon to help. J'inn slapped his forhead with his paw. "Dogmatix! is the key!" J'inn yelled. Somehow we have to get him back to his senses. He should have some information that can help us help the Klingons. "Now why the hell would I want to help the Klingons." J'inn thought. "Ahh, I got to humor Socky for now I guess, and besides the Klingons were bad enough. Hopped up on sugar they are now just plain unbearable. Perhaps it's best to look for a cure."

"Yes Dogmatix might just be able to help us." Socky said.

"Sir, we have tried everything to counter Kor's emasculation torture. We have had only limited success. We tried war moves, we tried hard rock, we even tried porno movies, even the raunchy Vanessa Del Rio stuff. Nothing seems to work." Red Fur reported with frustration.

"You guys just aren't thinking like Dogmatix." J'inn lectured. "He's an old school Klingon. Human war movies aren't hard enough, hard rock is way too tame, and porno movies involve wimpy human females. Hmmm lets see. Think like Doggy. Think like Doggy. Aha! I got it. Here's what you need:

1) Five hours of WWF Wrestling, now that's Klingon hand to hand combat. Lot's of grunting and leather.

2) The edition of Playboy with Chyna in it. Now she's any Klingon's dream babe.

3) One hour of Metallica. 'nuff said.

Try all of that at the same time and get back to me. Also, Socky, you might want to contact S'Cippy. He knows some Gorn secrets about getting into ISC space I understand.

BTW Red Fur, you are looking mighty good today." J'inn leered.

"Sir, I'd hate to have to kick your butt again." Red Fur with a toothy smile. J'inn remembered the one time he had tried something with her. His 6th rib still hurt. "Heh, just joking." J'inn said nervously. "J'inn Out!"

IP: Logged
 
J'inn
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 12:00 AM                 
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Dogmatix!:
Two things...

Without QUESTION, Nutter Butters are better than Oreos. It's just not even close.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

True. Good. Good, our efforts seem to be working.


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dogmatix actually digs ABBA. It's an ever so guilty pleasure.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OMG. He's backsliding! Try Nine Inch Nails! Quick!


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You wanna torture me? Make me listen to country music or any of that modern R&B/Pop/Boy Band crap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmmm. Note to self. Pick up some Judds albums and maybe a few Back Street Boys CDs. Just in case.


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I will have my revenge.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ooooooo. Sockfoot and Kor are in trouble!! Boy, good thing I had nothing to do with this. Right Dog. Heh heh Umm right? Hey really! Re-read the posts! Kor and Socky are the sick little puppies. It's not my fault. I wasn't even on Q'onos.

I gotta go, my mom's calling. Bye.


IP: Logged
 
Gook
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 03:17 AM                 
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Bravo, Bravo,
Encore.


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ZTempest
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 06:15 AM                 
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Dogmatix!:
.
Dogmatix actually digs ABBA. It's an ever so guilty pleasure. You wanna torture me? Make me listen to country music or any of that modern R&B/Pop/Boy Band crap.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That is why my robot was programmed to say "ABBA RULES!"

Just Kidding! 

This is really starting to spin out -- at least two, possibly three subplots going, and the main story has yet to be resolved!

IP: Logged
 
ZTempest
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 06:56 AM                 
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Mrs Tempest gently stroked her razor-sharp nails down the poor klingon in the chair. At least she thought it was a klingon. He actually sort of looked like a Mirak without his fur.
He had just gotten finished watching more than eight hours worth of violent war movies. His eyes were bright and focused with a 'thousand yard stare.'

"Now who might you be, eh? What do you know about that trailer trash science officer? Did you see my HUSBAND do anything? Where did that disgustingly revealing dress come from?" as she talked, her claws made rasping sounds as they sliced off whiskers. The man did not budge or flinch.

"My my. Who are you, anyway?"

"I LOVE THE SMELL OF NAPALM IN THE MORNING! IT SMELLS LIKE......VICTORY!"

"I see. That does not exactly answer my question, now, does it?"

"SAIGON. WHAT A PIT. THE DAY WAS OURS, THE NIGHT WAS THEIRS."

"Saigon? Is that where she came from?"

"MEN, WE GOT TO TAKE THAT HILL!"

"What hill?"

"THOSE COMMIE BASTARDS!"

"Hmm..This calls for a different interrogation technique, I see." Mrs. Tempest rummaged in her purse and pulled out an Oreo cookie. The prisoner's eyes suddenly got big and he started screaming!

"NO CHANCELLOR! NOT AGAIN! THE DRESS IS MINE YOUR HUSBAND DID NOTHING I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE CAME FROM PLEASE NO MORE SUGAR CAN I HEAR SOME ABBA???!!!"

Thoughtfully Mrs. Tempest put the Oreo away. She obviously had made a mistake, and Tempest, being the smart cookie that he is, left to give her some time to figure things out. What a sweet man.

Suddenly she pouted. That meant she would have to let the Science Officer out of the bathroom. Can't get around it. She was second in command, and she needed her to help her find her husband.

"You-whooo....Are you okay?"

"MRRF FRF NRF!"

"Oh, I am sorry. It is hard to talk with that gag in your mouth, isn't it? There, is that better?"

"WE DID NOT DO ANYTHING! THE DRESS IS MINE!"

"I know, dear, I know. Everything is okay now -- I figured it out. Now, I need you to help find Tempy-poo for me, okay?"

The Science Officer looked a bit suspecious. "What do you plan on doing?"

"Well, as you know, women do not apologize, and this whole thing IS his fault, but I better find him before the poor man gets in trouble. I think we understand each other, right?"

The answering smiles dropped the temperature another 15 degrees in as many seconds.

"Yes Mrs. Tempest, I think that we do understand each other. Tempest is a fine man, isn't he?"

"Why yes, dear, he is, and obviously very smart to be your superior officer"

"Oh yes. He is very smart -- all those long patrols we have done together has given me an opportunity to get to know him better."

"Really Dear? Well you can't really know him until you understand him. After all, it is his home that keeps him coming back."

More smiles, another drop in temperature.

Abruptly the Science Officer stood up. "I'll help you. The last thing He seemed concerned about was a Romulan shuttle headed for Klingon space. I suggest we find that shuttle and take it from there."

Mrs.Tempest was delighted! She clapped her hands!

"I just knew we could work together!"

"SURFS UP!!!! CHARLIE DON'T SURF!!!!"

Both women turned to the prisoner strapped into the chair. Mrs. Tempest scratched her head with her razor-sharp claws, narrowly missing her left ear. "Who is he, anyway?"

"I'm not sure. Tempest kept saying something about a Klingon named Dogmatix, but I did not have enough time to tell him that the scans showed this individual to be a hairless Mirak in klingon disguise wearing a pink sequined evening gown. We snatched him out of the Klingon Chancellor's private chambers. Then there is this whole Sockfoot thing. What a convoluted mess."

"I NEED A MISSION. I MISS THE JUNGLE!"

"Hmm. He sounds like a real killer, now. Whatever are we going to do with him?"

Both women thought for a moment, then started smiling at each other again. They moved to the prisoner and began to unstrap him, both talking in perfect synchronization.

"We have the perfect job for you to do."

"Yes indeed. There aren't any Oreos there, either!"

"Can you shoot decently?"

"How are your hand to hand skills?"

"BOMB THEM! BOMB THEM ALL TO HELL!"

"I see. Well, we all can't be perfect at everything, I guess."

"There, there, the Science Officer likes you, don't you, Dear?"

"Yes, you heard the nice Mrs. Tempest -- you don't want to dissapoint her, do you?"

"FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!"

"Now THAT'S the spirit!"

"Right-O"

"Here's the plan -- we are going to put you into a shuttlecraft and set you down at the closest Lyran planet, where you will seek out and find the closest shopping mall. We want you to find all of the pink and purple sequined dresses that you can, and we want you to bring them back to the Klingon homeworld. Have you got that?"

"I WILL DO MY DUTY!"

"Good!" Both women exclaimed.

Mrs. Tempest and Ensign Doo-mee watched from the bridge as the shuttle craft sped away.

"Do they even have purple and pink sequined gowns in Lyra?"

"Who cares?"

"Right-O."

"That's one problem solved."

Ensign Doo-mee turned to the navigation officer.

"Set course for Romulan space."

"Let's find my Tempy-poo."

"Aye, Ma'am."


[This message has been edited by ZTempest (edited 12-01-2001).]

[This message has been edited by ZTempest (edited 12-01-2001).]

 

[Gook]

J'inn
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 07:11 AM                 
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J'inn sat at his desk. His head hurt. Things were getting too confusing. So then he did what any good intelligence officer would do in such a situation. He whipped out the latest edition of Soap Opera Digest and read the "As the D2 Turns" section. In it, thankfully, appeared the following summary:
After the failed war of pacification, peace efforts lead to a warrior exchange program. As such, Sockfoot had been loaned to the Lyrans. While there and for reasons to be discussed later, Mrs. Sockfoot got really cranky with our hero and smacked him upside the head with a frying pan. Thereafter Sockfoot found himself lost, confused and without his memory.

The, polictical, military and intelligence wings of all the other Empires immediately sought to take advantage of the situation and tried to get poor Socky to join their forces. Unf'tly, for poor Socky it soon became apparent that his membership in any military in his addled condition only lead to the distruction of friendly ships. What to do what to do?

Well, the political branches sought to immediately, return him to the Klingons so he could cause trouble there. (Tempest's threads)

The militaries sought to kill him ASAP. (see Gook's threads)

And the intel community sought to keep him around, dispite the damage, to drain him for info. In order to spread the damage evenly they passed poor Socky around like a hot potato and often resorted to treachery to get him faster. (see J'inn's thread)

All the while the Klingons were becoming more and more unstable. (see Kor and Squiggies' thread) Once Sockfoot regained his senses he informed (not fully explained yet) that this may be related to the failed ISC pacification campaign somehow. (If you look on a bag of oreos you will see "Distributed by Concordia, Inc." And also, they are the same as Hydrox, but for some odd reason taste better. Hmmm.)

Sockfoot, out of a weird feeling of guilt we presume, also wanted to save his friend Dogmatix. Or prehaps there was more of a reson to Kor's torture and Sockfoot desire to save his former Chancellor. Hmmm.

Given this revelation about the ISC, the intel community now wants to get to the bottom of the Klingon issue. The military still wants Socky dead. And the governments just want his out of their space.

Side issues or maybe main issues:

1) There are two fake Dogs, and one real one. Which is which? Looks like Socky has the real McCoy (no not that one!) but are we sure??

2) If Kor has the fake one and finds out, boy won't he be PO'd. What will the sugar fiend do then???

3) Can Dogmatix be cured so he can help get to the bottom of the ISC Government's sneaky tricks.

4) What do the ISC intel folks know that they haven't told J'inn.

5) Will Red Fur get home to hubby before he gets wise?

6) Will Socky get another smack on the head?

7) Will the Klingons go completey insane.

What the heck are those two Miraki females up to? It certainly means trouble. But for who?? And just who do they really have with them???

9) What is this Atari 2600 device and what role does it play. (Note on back: "Distributed by Concordia, Inc.")

10) When will J'inn get his carpal tunnel surgery? (Hey a little help here!! Socky's in Hydran space, where are some Hydran tales of his misadventures. Ole?? You Gorns and ISC guys get ready. Socky's coming to a planet near you, soon!)

WAKE THE KIDS CALL THE NEIGHBOORS. NOW IT GETS GOOD! OR WEIRDER! STAY TUNED!!!!

J'inn the Blender


[This message has been edited by J'inn (edited 12-01-2001).]

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ZTempest
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 07:39 AM                 
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LOL. This is getting better than LEXX.
Sort of like "Son of the Beach" meets "Benny Hill" meets "Star Trek the First Movie" meets "Gone with the Wind" meets "Mission Impossible:2"

Sockfoot -- you should combine all of this material and put out a novella in some sort of SFC fanzine. I bet they would really like it.

I'll expound on the Miraki females some more in my next post. I wonder what sort of chemistry will occur when they meet Red Fur? Sparks will fly, I bet!

I wonder what J'inns Intelligence agents are going to find out next!

And...the next ISC plot! Double-Stuffed Oreos!

But I have a sneaking suspecion that the whole ball of wax may end up on Concordia. We will have to see which way Sockfoot goes with his hero.

Just some thoughts.

Regards,

Tempest

PS: It is a lot of fun participating on this thread. Hope the community is enjoying it.


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Lt. Commander Kuja
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 07:53 AM                 
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quote:
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Originally posted by ZTempest:
PS: It is a lot of fun participating on this thread. Hope the community is enjoying it.


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HELL YEAH! I'm enjoying this heaps, I've been checking back every 20mins to see if a new post has been made! 

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KAT-Kuja
 
«"A fight should be clean and elegant, without waste"»

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Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 08:57 AM                 
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Episode Seventeen
Mrs. Tempest prepared to leave with her new charge Ensign Doo-mee. Suddenly she stopped.

"You know. There is a certain someone I would like to have along on this little adventure."

She ambles over to the comm system on Tempest's desk and keys in a number she has used more than a few times before.

The static clears from the screen and a stunningly beautiful Klingon woman appears. Ensign Doo-mme's mouth falls open as she recalls seeing that face on fashion magazines. Mrs. Tempest and Mrs. Sockfoot make a truly striking pair of self confident and independent women.

"Mrs. Sockfoot here."

"Hi Mrs. Sockfoot! How are you and the little Sockfeet today."

"Wonderful! And how are the Tempests?"

"Excellent!"

The two women begin chatting like old friends and it becomes apparent to Ensign Doo-meethat these two women have known each other for quite some time. The way they are laughing and carrying on, it is obvious that they have spent many hours commiserating with one another, comparing notes and sharing secretes.

"So let me tell you why I call. It appears that our two "darling" husbands have gotten themselves in WAY over their heads again. And I myself have a few questions for my little hubbie."

Ms. Tempest shoots a withering look at Ensign Doo-mee. He may not have done anything, but it was 100% for sure that he had thought about it and that alone warranted a thorough butt kicking when she tracked Mr. Hot-Shot Super James Bond Type Spy Tempest down.

"Yes. Mr. Sockfoot has a few things to answer for as well!"

Mrs. Sockfoot took a few practice backhands with her frying pan.

"Yes, Mr. Sockfoot and I will have a long chat about where his worthless butt has been and what it is doing running around with a Mirak female named 'Red Fur.'"

"I see news still travels fast in the old network!"

"They will just never get it will they!"

"Why do we keep them around?"

"Oh, because every once in a while, they are sooooo entertaining!"

The two women break out into knowing giggles.

"Ok, dear. Shall we meet in the usual place?"

"Sure! Mall of America in two hours."

"Great! We'll get a facial and pick up some new clothes before we kick butt!"

"Ah, just like the old days!"

"Chaio, baby!"

"Ah, she just brightens my day!" says Mrs. Tempest. "Its so good to have friends who know JUST what you are going through!"

Ensign Doo-mee can no longer resist.

"How deep does this 'spy's wives' network go?"

"Honey," says Mrs. Tempest placing a hand on Ensign Doo-mee's shoulder. "If you knew, I'd have to kill you. Suffice it to say, we have had our eye on you for a while. And there is a certain Miraki Intelligence Officer who we need someone to keep an eye on for us. We think you will do purrrfectly! Just consider this little mission a tryout, ok?"

And the two were off to the mall.

[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 12-01-2001).]

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ZTempest
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 10:27 AM                 
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A short vignette.....
Meanwhile, in a monster-infested nebula at a super-secret base, a meeting was taking place.....

The Organian Entity stood. "I call this meeting to order. First, old business. What is the status of that meddler, Starfleet Captain Kirk? Intelligence, report!"

"Sire, Kirk is dead."

"Ah. I see. I forgot how short-lived these humans are. Oh well. On to current business. Minister of the Galactic Interior, report!"

The Organian Minister nervously cleared his throat. "Ah...your Worthiness...we have a Problem."

Dead silence. A long, Pregnant Pause.

"Minister, is that a capital 'P' I am hearing in the p-word?"

"Yes, your Ultimate Imminence, it is."

"I see. Continue."

The Organian Minister floated over the table and waved his hand. Instantly a plate of Oreo cookies appeared.

"These high-sugar, high-fat disks have been produced in the millions by our friends the Interstellar Concordium. They are part of a galaxy-wide pacification program that involves modifying behavior through dietary controls. Our own analysts have stated that the plan is absolutely brilliant. The disks are addictive, edible by all of the races, and can last thousands of years in storage."

"I see, Minister. A devious, but thoughtful approach to galactic peace. I hardly see where the crisis is..."

"Yes, your Highness. The problem lies in the fact that our scientists have discovered a fully roaming class eleven probability disturbance. The disturbance is rated as a class 11 Coincidental Manipulator, and it is running unchecked and unsupervised throughout the galaxy! Making it worse is the fact that these....OREOS are influencing its behavior negatively!"

"WHAT???!!!!"

The Organian Minister flinched at the volume of the High One's voice. Nervously, he went on. "That is not all, Sire. It appears that.....WOMEN are now involved as well."

"OH NO!!!!!!!"

The Minister waved his hand and a picture of a Klingon with a methane breathing mask and bits and pieces of fur glued on randomly to his head appeared. "This is the fully functional Class 11 Roaming disturbance. He goes by the name of Sockfoot, and, as can be expected with a fully roaming disturbance of this magnitude, Chaos follows him where ever he goes."

"So he's worse than Kirk ever was."

"Yes Sire. Kirk could at least control his actions to some extent. In comparison, Sockfoot is a surfer at the crest of a tidal wave, blissfully enjoying the view."

"I see."

"It gets worse, your Holiness." The Organian Minister waved his hand and pictures of four stunningly beautiful Miraki women filled the far wall. Agent Red Fur, Mrs. Sockfoot, Mrs Tempest, and Ensign Doo-mee.

"These four women have all been granted TSUNAMI status and, because of the involuntary coincidental probability manipulation of the Class 11 Roaming Disturbance, aka 'Sockfoot,' have joined forces. Combined, their potential for destruction approaches that of twenty Red giant star systems going supernova simultaneously."

The Organian Entity moaned. "We haven't had a situation this bad since....that woman and her toy launched that old Earth Fleet..."

"Sire, you mean Helen of Troy, and the Thousand Ships?"

"YES! That's the one. Now we have FOUR of them!"

The Organian Entity paused a moment.

"My fellow Organians....if the wrong thing happens, we are looking at INTERGALACTIC WAR!"

The Organian Minister flinched again. "Sire, on a positive note, our communications experts indicate that at some level there is cooperation going on between all of the races." he waved his hand again and a picture of J'inn filled the wall. "This individaul Mirak seems to be coordinating an effort to defeat the ISC dietary pacification plan. His successes have been minor so far, but he continues to work on the problem. Aiding him unknowingly is another Mirak named Tempest, who has fallen under the influence and protection of the Class 11 disutrbance. One of the TSUNAMI operatives is his wife."

"Oh my aching head. Is there more bad news, Minister?"

The Minister silently handed over a typical entertainment crystal. "Yes Sire."

The Organian Minister placed the crystal in the desktop reader...

"BOOGIE NIGHTS! KEEP ON DANCING!! BOOGIE NIGHTS!!!!"

garble garble fast forward....

"DANCING QUEEN, FEEL THE BEAT, ONLY SEVENTEEN..."

garble garble garble.....

"AND GIVE A BIG WELCOME TO.....DONNIE AND MARIE OSMOND!!!!!"

schreeeeech STOP.

"What in the name of the creator is THIS?"

"Sire, our scientists believe this to be a side product of the dietary pacification program. It seems to instill a desire for disco music and odd mating rituals. Our scientists are still working on a final analysis, a song called "Muscrat Love", but they are not optimistic about any near-term solution."

The Organian Entity rose to his full hieght and light began shining off of him in waves. "My fellow Organians, we face a crisis like no other. We must be prepared. We must watch these players. We cannot allow this.....Great Oreo Conflict to take place! It is not time to act, but we must be vigilant!"

"Meeting Adjurned."






[This message has been edited by ZTempest (edited 12-01-2001).]

[This message has been edited by ZTempest (edited 12-01-2001).]

[This message has been edited by ZTempest (edited 12-01-2001).]

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Gook
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 11:57 AM                 
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Gook finally got in from the "office", he wanted a stiff malt whisky and a bit of peace. He had been "testing" new ship designs and running them through the sim tanks as well as a host of other things, now he just wanted to sit down and relax.
"Dear come here please"

Oh no Mrs G, he thought and she has that tone in her voice which means:

1. I mean right Now

2. get the power tools out

3. When you are finished with the DIY the kids need entertaining, bath and bed.

"Bugger" he thought I was gonna have a nice Scotch, and maybe play the latest holodeck game called " Terran 21st century occidental Man" it was an RPG and he was a Lawyer of all things but it was just what he wanted, quiet and humdrum.

"Yes dear" he said.

" I have been chatting with the Girls and Mrs Socky and Mrs MRess are worried, they've been in touch with Mrs Tempest, and it appears you have made a terrible mistake"

Gook made a mental note, chattering sentient females to be lobotomised, well if that was a bit harsh at least have their subspace comms cut off after 2 hours, at that point the thought of the GT&T bill made him feel quite ill.

"Me dearest?, what have I done now, I have been at work for 14 hours so I can't have done anything here and I have full sensor log recording in full Holo3Derama of everything that I did today in accordance with your very reasonable instructions on the point".

"SHUT UP"

Gook fell silent.

"Mrs Socky is very upset, apparently you ordered her husbands execution along with the rest of the "Boys" on the galactic council, now that's not true is it!"

Gook realised the last part of the sentence was not a question but a statement of fact, and as he rounded the corner into the abatoir/kitchen (in Mirak homes these two functions were provided for in the same space), the way she was holding a very big cleaver confirmed his suspicion.

"Good dear I told her there must be some mistake, now I just want you to put these shelves up over there, and then sort out the kittens, they haven't seen you all day and will want some "quality time" with you, when you've done that be a dear and fix a nice long G&T for me, its been a long day"

Gook spun on his heels, his shoulders sagged, there was no escape, and he couldn't even get onto play his game and he was due to go up a level and damn, he'd better rescind the shoot to kill order, he knew Socky was clever, but it would be just his luck if the "buggeration factor" looped its way round Antares tonight and killed him before he got back into the office tomorrow.

His communicator flipped open

"this is Warchief Gook, priority one wide band, plain, message CINC to all Mirak Military and Civilian personell, Sockfoot is not to be harmed, apprehended, but not harmed, Gook out"

He could neither see or hear from where he was but knew Mrs G was smiling and purring contentedly to herself.

------------------
KAT-Gook
KZ/Mirak MOD CW5
KZINTI Hegemony,
"Felix Fortius"
 
We are the Kzinti Assault Taskforce. Resistance is futile. Your Distinctiveness <burp> will be added to our palate (C)
KAT-Fleet

[This message has been edited by Gook (edited 12-01-2001).]

 

[Gook]

Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 04:39 PM                 
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Episode Eighteen
The view screen of "Ooo That Smell" crackled to life.

"Ssssocky! Itsss good to sssee you back to your ssssensssesss! The Friday night headssss of intelligencssse poker gamesss haven't the sssame without you!"

"Aw S'Cipio, you're just saying that because you always win!"

It was true that S'Cipio always won at poker. No other entity, with the possible exception of the Horta (who didn't play cards for religious reasons) has a poker face like a Gorn. J'inn always claimed he could tell when S'Cippy was bluffing, but S'Cippy always seemed to leave the parties with J'inn's money too.

It had gotten so bad that Socky had once wondered out loud if "S'Cipio" wasn't, in fact, Gorn for "Mississippi" and Socky had a hard and fast rule he always abided by; never play cards with anyone named after a city or a river. Instead Socky's decryption agents had told him that "S'Cipio" meant "He who's luck knows no bounds." Socky was considering an amendment to his hard and fast rule.

"S'Cippy I need a ride that is a little less conspicuous in this end of the galaxy. You just don't see a lot of Hydran around these parts."

"Easssy enough! There isss a Gorn frigate not too far from your posssition. Pleassse feel free to ussse it at your dissscretion."

"You're the best, S'Cippy!"

"I know. Sssay. Your wife contacted mine. My wife sssaid Mrsss. Sssockfoot and Mrsss. Tempessst were at the Mall of America for a facsssial and sssome clothesss ssshoping."

"Huh. Tempest do you know anything about this?"

"Nope."

"What about you Red Fur?"

Red Fur looked around before answering.

"No."

Sockfoot looked at Red Fur and his eyes narrowed. He was about to call her a liar and then recalled the last beating he had received, so he decided to leave it alone.

"Well whatever they are up to we'll know soon enough when the credit card bills roll in."

"Yesss!"

"Well, thanks for the use of your ship."

"Let me know if there isss anything elssse you require."

"Want to come along, S'Cippy? We're bound for Concordia. We could use a little of that patented good luck."

"I have a few mattersss to attent to. I will follow you if time providesss."

"Sockfoot out!"

"I just love the way he talks, don't you? That Gorn accent is just music to the ears! And Gorn opera! S'Cippy's wife has a voice that would just melt butter at 2000 meters! Too good to believe!"

With that Sockfoot, Tempest, Red Fur and the limp form of Dogmatix beamed over to the Gorn Frigate "Gucci Bag."

Sockfoot settled into the command chair.

"Before we get underway, there are a few little details I need to clear up. Please take Dogmatix to sickbay and keep pumping the Metallica into his ears. Try a little MegaDeath too. Try "Kelly's Heroes" and the "Dirty Dozen" for the visuals. If all else fails we may have to try something truly drastic."

"You don't mean ...."

"Yep. Strippers. But only as a last resort."

Sockfoot's eyes snap to Dogmatix's face. Was that a smile he saw?

"Hailing frequencies. Get me 8th fleet headquarters."

The view screen crackles and there is the face of Chal with Oreo cookie smeared all around his mouth.

"Hiya, Chal. Is Squiggy there?"

"Hiya, Uncle Socky! Look what I did!"

"Wow! What a nice finger painting! No no, don't touch the view screen with the wet paint!"

"I like to paint. I am smart. S-M-A-R-T!"

"Yes you are, Chal. Is Squiggy there?"

"No."

"Is Sun Tsu there?"

"No."

"Is Deadmeat there?"

"No."

"You're all alone?"

"Yep. I'm a big boy!"

"Where did everybody go?"

"To a movie."

"Which movie."

"I dunno. Squiggy said I wasn't old enough to see it."

Tempest snickers.

"What was it rated? PG 13?"

"Shhh! You'll hurt his self esteem!"

Sockfoot turns back to the screen.

"Chal."

"Yes, Uncle Socky."

"Can you please remember to tell Squiggy that I called?"

"Yes, Uncle Socky!"

"Great! I owe you a Matchbox car!"

"Thanks, Uncle Socky! I'm super!"

"Oh, you bet you are you little muskrat, you!"

"Bye Uncle Socky!"

"Bye Chal."

Sockfoot sits back in his chair with a satisfied smile.

"I really like that guy!"


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Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 07:49 PM                 
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Episode Nineteen
Gorn Sockfoot takes to the void in "Gucci Bag", his G-FF, itching for a fight. Well maybe he's itching because of the fleas Chancellor Kor gave him before he left.

Anyway, its time for battle! Gorn Socky takes his first mission, a Deep Space Encounter, and gets his first look at "Gucci Bag."

Three phaser 1s and an F plasma. On the paltry side! However, Gorn Socky discovers that this baby makes up for her lack of punch with speed when he turns the phaser capacitor down to 1/2 and cranks up the speed to 25.

He notes that he has two Federation FF's as wingmen. To be honest, Gorn Socky notices that the only AI help he ever gets is some foreign race or another. He suspects that the other Gorn must be in their hybernation cycle.

A single Romulan WB+ is the quarry. This is Gorn Sockfoot's sworn enemy and Gorn Socky knows that the Romulan must die.

The Romulan foolishly shoots his plasma at one of the AI frigates who immediately weasles. At range 5 Gorn Socky fires his plasma. After it hits, crushing one of the Romulan's shields, Gorn Socky fires all of his phasers. Ah, swivel mounts! Just like lizard eyes they give you 180 degree coverage! Big time damage for Mr. Romulan who eats two photon torps to spare! Gorn Socky steals spare parts and gives his adversary the raspberry!

But what is this? The Romulan responds by giving Gorn Sockfoot the finger! Gorn Socky is enraged! Now he shall further humiliate this impudent Romulan by siccing the Gorn Female Swedish Bikini Team (also known as the "marines". Gorn Socky read the game manual before he logged on as a Gorn)on him!

"Bring me his little finger!" he cries beaming over his mean muthas.

The short story is the Gorn Female Body Slam Team makes short work of the two remaining Romulans. Gorn Sockfoot wins! Mucho prestige!

Gorn Sockfoot decides that playing Gorn is fun! He garners 1500 prestige, but decides to log off before he purchase another ship.

As "Gucci Bag" slides into spacedock, Sockfoot calls down to sickbay to check on Dogmatix.

"How is he doing, Tempest?"

"Not good."

"Ok, send in the strippers."

Sockfoot hears music with a grinding heavy beat playing. He listens for a few minutes and then asks,

"Anything."

"Well, no. WAIT! I SEE A SMILE! Oh, no it's gone."

"A smile, eh! Hold the phone, I'll be right down."

Sockfoot takes a turbo lift to sickbay. He walks in and sees Tempest and Red Fur.

"Is he enjoying himself?"

"How would we know?"

"Has he got a pup tent in his pants?"

"'Pup tent in his pants'?"

"Oh, don't play innocent with me. You know. Sporting wood, pitching a tent, standing at attention."

"Again I gotta ask you, how would we know?"

"Ask the strippers."

One of the strippers, after being tipped a dollar, closes in for a closer inspection. She begins to nod.

"Oh, so that is your game! I'll handle this."

Sockfoot abruptly stops the music and flips on the lights.

"Oh, hi Mrs. Dogmatix! How are you today?"

Dogmatix bounds out the bio-bed.

"I WASN'T EVEN LOOKING, HONEY! MY EYES WERE CLOSED AND ..."

Dogmatix sees Sockfoot glaring at him and smiles sheepishly.

"How long have you been faking!"

"I wasn't faking."

"HOW LONG!"

"Oh, alright. Ever since you picked me up. I liked the fact you felt guilty."

"Well alright, you've had your fun. Now join the team and help out. And put some pants on for Khaless' sake! That hospital gown leaves nothing to the imagination!"

Sockfoot continues to glare at Dogmatix.

"And another thing. Why didn't the late 70's early 80's treatment work on you?"

"Ummmm ... well ... uhhh," Dogmatix mutters looking down and blushing. "I ... uh ... well I ... uh ... kinda like disco."

"You are just plain sick!"

"Hehe!"


[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 12-01-2001).]

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ZTempest
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 10:09 PM   

[Gook]

ZTempest
Ensign   posted 12-01-2001 10:09 PM                 
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Mrs Tempest, Mrs Sockfoot, and Ensign Doo-mee turned heads as they sauntered down the main corridor of the Mall of the Americas.
"Oh lookie!! Macys has a sale!"

"Shoes. I need shoes!"

Giggle giggle giggle whisper "Victoria's Secret" hee hee.

After doing all of the normal female things, to include sneering at the software store where their husbands (and one boyfriend) spent WAY too much time, the ladies got down to business. Shopping business.

Mrs. Tempest bought a hard-edged diamond file to keep the surgical edge on those deadly claws.

Mrs. Sockfoot tried a few passes in the air with a new cast-iron skillet, narrowly missing the stockboy and clipping the sales manager behind the ear, causing another case of amnesia.

Ensign Doo-mee looked longingly at the shoes, then, with a wild look in her eye, purchased some wickedly sharp high heels. Deadly weapons in and of themselves. Mrs. Tempest and Mrs Sockfoot nodded in approval.

"Now girls, it is time for facials..."

They spent several hours chatting with the beauty boutique personnel, who were actually part of the wives secret information network. The most mundane conversation was actually a disguised intelligence briefing. J'inn would be green with envy if he ever found out....

This is how it went:

"....and THEN she slapped him silly. Typical man, always takes a mile when a girl only wants a few inches...."

TRANSLATION: Sockfoot was last seen somewhere in Hydran Space, but is believed to have traveled elsewhere.

"....and in "As the D2 Turns" Roger met Becky, and Becky thinks she's in love, but she doesn't know about Veronica, Roger's secret wife that he keeps out on Ceti 9. I tell you, that Becky just isn't very bright..."

TRANSLATION: Recent rumors have Sockfoot, Tempest, Dogmatix, and Red Fur somewhere in the Gorn Confederation blowing up Romulan vessels. Silly boys.

"And have you heard about that new wine and cheese diet? I saw it in Miraki Woman's Magazine just the other day. It said that you could lose 20 pounds in less than TWO WEEKS!"

TRANSLATION: In two weeks something special is going to happen -- something related to Oreo Cookies.....

Mrs. Sockfoot, Mrs. Tempest, and Ensign Doo-mee, now fully briefed and armed to the teeth, set out for the Gorn Confederation!

SEVERAL HOURS LATER, ON THE BRIDGE OF THE MIRAK BCH STORM.....

Mrs. Tempest mulls over everything that she has learned, and comes to a singular conclusion. Mrs. Sockfoot and Ensign Doo-mee watch in trepidation as Mrs. Tempest punches in a new comm code.

"Hello Daddy? Yes, it's your Princess. My good-for-nothing husband? Awww DADDY! He isn't THAT bad! Besides, the Patriarch LIKES him! Daddy, your princess needs a favor.....ANYTHING? Why Daddy, you are SO SWEET! I need to borrow 5th Fleet for a short period of time to help out Tempy-Poo. No Problem? Thanks Dad! Have them meet me at the Gorn Border. I won't forget Dad, and tell Mom I said hi."

She hung up and turned to Mrs. Sockfoot and Ensign Doo-mee, who were both looking at her in wide-eyed admiration.

"Girls, it always helps to have a Fleet Admiral for a Father, and I think in this situation...a girl can use all the firepower she can get...."


TO BE CONTINUED.....



IP: Logged
 
Pharoah
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 12:25 AM                 
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Grand Admiral Pharoah sat at his desk, looking over the stack of intelligence reports that he had just finished reviewing. They had piled up to a daunting height during his recent exchange to Lyran space after the recent war. Damn Kzinbane and Chuut-ritt! If it hadn't been for them, he would have been here on Concordia, keeping tabs on the situation, instead of flying around Lyran space watching his ESG's make ships go 'poof'. Fun as it was, he now had to get back to work. And not a moment to spare, it seemed. The reports had included some disturbing information, especially sensitive material concerning the pacification techniques developed during the war. He had thought THAT information safely buried, as most of the intelligence services seemed to think some sort of ray was involved in pacification. None of them seemed to realize that the 'ray' was a hypnotic suggestion to cover something far simpler and yet more effective. The ISC had learned long ago that the way to modify a species behavior lay in the stomach, not the head. Those individuals who were 'pacified' had actually been given a deep, almost unconcious drive to seek out certain foods, surreptitiously provided by the ISC through third party companies such as Keebler and Nabisco; fronts for the ISC Foreign Service.
When the war had turned sour, all evidence of this research was buried as deeply as possible. Even thought the Tal'Shiar had actually been on Concordia, they hadn't managed to discover it. When peace ensued, the ISC High Command had decided to continue the project, hoping that victory could be achieved without risking another all out war. Now, this sapient Sockfoot (at least he was believed sapient, it was at times hard to tell) had stumbled on the plan, and potential disaster awaited. "Gods, but I need a good slimebath!" Pharoah thought. It was going to take weeks and some serious skin reconditioning to make the itching of his faux fur go away. He sighed, ah well, time to get on with it.

He hit a button on his com board, calling up his secretary, whose skin had a pleasant sheen to it. Quite easy on the eyes, Pharoah thought. "Rana, get me Farfrogger and Lao Tze in here, pronto." he said. "Yes sir ,ne deep>." she croaked. Such a lovely voice.....

Farfrogger and Lao Tze wandered in to his office, nervously trying to gauge his mood. Noone like to come home to this kind of trouble, and they hoped he'd take it well. Otherwise, they knew, he might assign them to Klingon space, to serve in the exchange program. Word had it that a particular Klingon captain, by the name of Squiggy, tended to lose exchange officers at a fair clip to poorly explained 'accidents'.

"Ah, gentlefrogs, sit down please. I have some questions for you. It seems that the Dietary Pacification Project is in danger of wide discovery. We will need to act on this quite soon. First, I need you to bring me up to date with the most recent information. Farfrogger, you are in charge of the Fish Speaker project (rp off/sorry all, been readin Frank Herbert /rp on). What word from your agents?"

Farfrogger cleared his throat, knowing Pharoah wasn't going to like this much. "Well sir, we recieved that last contact report about Sockfoot leaving his Romulan ship and heading out for Klingon space. With standing orders to all military personnel to shoot on sight, we felt that was the end of the matter. We lost contact with Sockfoot, but have recently recieved some new data. Some of our Fish Speaker agents at Tal'Shiar headquarters (who are living in a lovely reef tank aparently, and have made friends with the sponges and anemones that live there) recently overheard some disturbing information. Warleader Gook recinded his order to have Sockfoot shot on sight, and it seems that the other races may go along with this. Something to do with his wife apparently." Pharoah grunted at this, knowing only to well what Gook might be going through. "Continue" he said.

"Well sir, there were some confusing reports concerning ex-Chancellor Dogmatix. It appears that he was rescued from the, ah, tender mercies, of Chancellor Kor. Twice." "Twice?" Pharoah asked, incredulity on his face. "Do I even want to know?". "Ah, no sir, probably not. We have discovered that Chancellor Kor was using a barbaric punishment on Dogmatix involving late 20th century Earth music, cosmetics, and ladies clothing. It was, ah, disturbing. The analysts who watched the original footage we procured all went insane. By the way sir, I have placed a request for more analysts. We are now short-handed in that department." Farfrogger gave a half-smile, hoping he would not be sent to Klingon space any time soon. He had seen 5 sec of that footage, and it was enough. Oh, quite enough indeed!

"Approved of course, but please try to avoid melting their brains in the future. Is that all?" Pharoah asked, hoping the answer was yes, knowing it wasn't. What he really needed was a stiff drink, perhaps that tea drink he had learned while visiting the federation. What was that again? Something about an island at any rate. And perhaps some of that Jack Daniels to go with it, though he would have to avoid flying. That Romulan, EagleEye, was still trying to get him to replace the ship that got, ah, parked on a moon. Hard.

"Ummmmm...." Farfrogger hesitated, then mumbled something. "What was that? Well speak up! Out with it, or I see a transfer coming for you!!" Pharoah said, his green skin darkening a few shades. "Ah, no sir, that's not all. Recent reports from several Fish Speaker agents place Sockfoot, in the company of Dogmatix, J'inn, and a suspected Mirak agent, in Gorn space aboard a Gorn frigate, on loan to them, and heading this direction." Farfrogger waited for the explosion. He wasn't disappointed: everyones fuses had been so short since the war.

"Wh..Wh..WHAT!!! Do you realize what your saying man! They could ruin everything!! If they find evidence, the entire alpha quadrant is going to come knocking on our door! And we haven't finished cleaning up the mess from LAST time yet!" Pharoah was insensed. Was there going to be ANY good news? He shook his head, and reminded himself to have that poolside bar installed in his office ASAP. He now understood why so many of the other races' intelligence officers drank so much.

"Lao Tze, I do hope your report bears better news. How goes the next phase of the Diet project?" Pharoah asked hopefully. "Excellently sir! The new pacification snacks are fully tested and ready for deployment. We've code named them 'Twinkies'. And work has advanced on an even more potent version that will be coated in a layer of chocolate stupifier, code named 'Chocodilles'. We hope this version will have more success with the Gorn, sir." Lao Tze smiled nastily. The Gorn had been highly resistent due to their slower metabolism. The new chocolate stupifier should take care of that!

"Excellent!" Pharoah said, hope glimmering finally. "What measures on effectiveness?" "Well sir, premilinary data from our Advanced Positron Decay scans show that the Twinkies should have a half life longer than the current age of the universe. And, due to the thickening and hardening agent in the cream filling, they should adhere to the stomach and intestinal lining in seconds. Our data shows that consumption of just six over the lifetime of any individual will initiate the pacification behavior." "Well," Pharoah smiled," I am pleased. Which company will you release them from?"

"We will use the Hostess corporation sir. We thought the name sounded friendly and inviting." Lao Tze grinned so widely the sides of his head nearly disappeared.

"Very well, I have decided on our course. Farfrogger, contact your Fish Speaker agents, tell them it is imperative that we keep a close eye on Sockfoot and friends progress toward Concordia. Lao Tze, begin distribution of the Twinkies immediately, and get the Chocodilles ready, highest priority. Also, we will take the following security measures: all guided tours of the processing plants will be halted immediately, to keep Socky from wandering about in the plants. Cite health reasons for it, to not arouse suspicion. Also, put a hold on the construction of SnackFairyLand ammusement park, we don't want to tip our hand too soon. We will also need a distraction. Send a gross of these Twinkies to Chancellor Kor with our compliments. And included the newest tape aquisitions we retrieved from the Earth archives, including the Chipmunk's Christmas album." He noted both Farfrogger's and Lao Tze's shudders at this last bit, and silently agreed. He had intended on destroying those records, but if Kor could be convinced to use them on his own, it would make for a fine distraction.

"And Lao, just in case we need to have a backup plan, in order to keep our legs off the barbicue so to speak, have our researchers come up with a cure for the DPP." Pharoah said, hoping it wouldn't be needed. "Yessir, I think I know just the thing." Lao grinned even more wickedly. Whatever the cure turned out to be, it wouldn't be pleasant. Of that, Pharoah was sure.

"Any further comment or questions? No? Dismissed!" Pharoah said. After they left, he commed his secretary again. "Rana, have maintenance come see me about revisions for my office. And try and find Grand Admiral Ariakis for me. He's been missing for days, and I'm hoping the rumors about him aren't true." Pharoah shuddered. If they were, he didn't know what he'd do.....

rp off: Sorry for the length, but I needed to catch up with the storyline and all u wisea**es out there. Can't wait for more!


------------------
Grand Admiral Pharoah of the ISC Vessel, Balancepoint
Co Race-Moderator, ISC Canada West Server

ISC RM Contact Information:

ISC_RM@hotmail.com

 

[Gook]

J'inn
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 12:42 AM                 
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Somewhere deep in Gorn Space . . . .
The Gorn heavy cruiser hung majestically in orbit around Dragon IX. The GCS Terminus Est (hope that's close) had performed well in its years of service. Most notably serving as a gorilla warfare cruiser several years ago under the able command of her captain. The small Gorn frigate GCS Gucci Bag held station off the mighty warships starboard beam like a newborn whale to its mother.

On the bridge of the Terminus Est Captain S'Cippio sat wearily in his command chair. He was tired. No, make that exhausted. A full day without sleep or food just trying to keep Sockfoot from killing his fool self in that frigate. It was worth it however, thought S'Cipio. Sockfoot was a good friend, and his observations of Sockfoot in action would give Gorn Intelligence a few keen insights into Klingon battle strategy.

They had come to Dragon IX to resupply and to hopefully get a little down time. Unfortunately, the coded subspace message he had received three hours ago dashed any hopes of rest for now. It read as follows:

PRIORITY: FLASH
FM: STARFLEETINTELCOM
TO: CO GCS TERMINUS EST
DATE: 2001.12.01

REQUEST RENDEVOUS WITH THE USS FANCY PANTS AT DRAGON IX. COMMANDER PETER GUNN, STARFLEET INTELLIGENCE, WILL BRIEF AT THAT TIME REGARDING THE KLINGON SITUATION. CO USS FANCY PANTS IS UNAWARE OF MISSION AND HAS ONLY BEEN INFORMED TO PROVIDE TRANSPORT OF COMMANDER GUNN. APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE, USS FANCY PANTS WAS THE ONLY AVAILABLE SHIP, CO IS "ECCENTRIC."

STARFLEETINTEL COM SENDS

"Well I hope this is some good news for a change." S'Cipio thought. He had already made plans for Red Fur to be present as much as possible, but under the guise of a visiting Miraki military officer. S'Cipio had learned a long time ago to not trust humans. Besides, one did not become the head of Gorn Intelligence by acting rashly.

After an hour of boredom, S'cipio's tactical officer finally announced the arrival of the USS Fancy Pants to the Dragon system. Twenty minutes later, S'Cipio and Red Fur reported to the main transporter room, dismissed the transporter chief, and beamed two humans aboard.

As the transporter powered down two human males were left standing on the pad. Both wearing the distinctive red and black uniforms of Starfleet Command Officers. One noted S'Cipio carried the rank of Commander. He was tall, for a human, lean and somewhat dangerous looking. The other was a Captain and S'Cipio found him to be a rather odd looking fellow. His uniform seemed somewhat more formal, but S'Cipio could not figure out exactly how. Furthermore, the man seemed distracted by his tricorder.

"Damn it!" the Captain shouted. "I hate it when that darn pink ghost gets my pac-man!"

The Commander appeared irritated and quickly left the Captain on the pad to come forward and greet S'Cipio. He held out his hand to the massive Gorn and announced "Commander Peter Gunn, sir, I have news for you from Star Fleet Intelligence." S'Cipio shook the man's hand, taking care not to break it.

"Pleasssed to meet you Commander." S'Cipio said and then looked back at the Captain who was totally absorbed in his tricorder.

"Ignore him," Gunn stated "that is Captain Hondo Commanding Officer of the Fancy Pants. He has never been the same since he was captured and tortured by the Klingons 15 years ago. He is a brilliant starship Captain but he is, well, um, he has his own way. He does however, have the appropriate security clearance." With that statement Gunn glaced at Red Fur with an arched eyebrow.

"Ssssshe is acting asssss my sssssecond officer Commander. The exxxxchange program. I have confirmed her clerancccce with both Mirak and Gorn High Commandssss." S'Cipio stated in reassurance. However, Gunn still looked uncomfortable. He had be told to talk to Gorns not Mirak.

Sensing the problem Red Fur put on her most seductive face and stepped forward so that the human, who was about a foot shorter than her could face her eye to chest. She bowed gracefully and announced herself, "Lieutenant Commander Minx, Tabitha Minx, sir. I am very pleased to meet you. I hope that together we can get to the bottom of the plague that has struck the Klingons before it strikes us."

Captain Hondo suddenly looked up. S'Cipio could have swore that he suddenly looked like a different person. Just for a second. And then Hondo smiled serenely and look back down at his game.

For what Honda was viewing on his screen was by no means a game. It was the results of a Section 31 database search after performing a DNA scan on S'Cipio and this Mirak Officer. The Gorn had checked out. It had been the results on the Mirak that had stunned him. His screen said:

NAME: FELICITY M'RESS
CODENAME: RED FUR
AFFILIATION: MIRAKI INTELLIGENCE, FIELD OPERATIVE, ATTACHED TO THE MIRAKI COMMITTEE FOR STATE SECURITY, DEEP COVER SPECIALIST
THREAT ASSESSMENT: LETHAL
SPECIAL NOTES: LICENCED TO KILL
"Shi%!" Hondo thought, "what the hell is she doing here!"

For the next five minutes S'Cipio and Gunn spoke. Gunn informed S'Cipio and Red Fur that Star Fleet Intelligence agreed with J'inn's hunch that the sudden addiction to human style snacks had been orchestrated by the ISC during the last war. Apparently, Star Fleet felt, the ISC had not given up the pacification campaign as previously believed. They had just moved to a less direct and far more insidious method. The introduction of massive amounts of glucose and sodium into the diets of the Klingons. Thus slowly causing violent tendencies and a type of insanity that left them vulnerable to ISC control. The rest of the races would soon be next. All except for the Federation of course since humans were immune. The effect on the Vulcans and other Federation races was a concern however. Furthermore, the Federation obviously did not want to be left in a position of being alone against the ISC and their sugar fiend hoards. Something had to be done and the Federation hoped that the sharing of intelligence would further this goal.

Later that evening Red Fur lay in her quarters in the dark. She had been unable to sleep has her mind worked over the events of the past few days. Oddly, her keen since of smell picked up the faint odor of ozone. A few moments later she smelled a human and could hear another heart beating in the room.

"Lights!" she ordered. And there sitting in the chair across from her bed was no other than Captain Hondo. He looked different however. Alert, intent, and somehow vicious.

"Waky waky kitty kat" Hondo sneered in a voice that sent a shiver down Red Fur's spine.

"What are you doing here sir!" Red Fur said with alarm, trying her best to act her part.

"Cut the bull Red Fur!" Hondo said derisively. "I don't have the time or the patience."

Red Fur's heart skipped a beat. Just who the hell was this guy. It certainly couldn't be the dim-witted Captain she had met just a few hours earlier. Could it?

"Don't talk, just listen." Hondo ordered. He looked so relaxed, Red Fur thought. That meant trouble. "I didn't expect you here babe, but here you are. And now you've given Section 31 just the opportunity we have been looking for."

"Section 31!" Red Fur gasped. Her mind raced. Section 31 was an underground group of Federation Officers that would stop at nothing to further there goals for the Federation. They were the very definition of the word amoral. Even Starfleet Intelligence knew little about them. Red Fur knew her life was in danger. "I want nothing to do with you murderers!"

"Even if it means saving the Star Leagues collective furry ass." Hondo taunted. "Those bumbling fools in Starfleet Intelligence will never get to the bottom of this. And frankly Section 31 was of the opinion that it would be better to let the other Empires twist in the wind for a while longer. More dead non-Federation officers means less trouble for the Federation and our plans. That was until we became aware that the ISC feels that their method of poison delivery is proceeding too slowly. They are working on a substance that will deliver a huge boost of pure glucose and lard into a Klingons blood stream all at once. The results would be devastating to the Klingons. Our concern became worse when our agents discovered an ISC incursion into the Federation's historical database. It appears they have a great deal of interest in a certain murder that took place on Earth back in the late 20th Century. We know this is the key to the new delivery device. So now, we wish to let the rest of you in on the party. The ISC is just too close. Here is a copy of the file." Hondo tossed a data chip to Red Fur. "There is a price, of course."

"I see to it that this gets to the right people." Red Fur said, slowly picking up the chip.

"One other thing hot stuff." Hondo stated. "About the price. My mission was to capture Sockfoot. Running into you was just pure luck. Hand him over and I'll give you the decryption protocols for that chip I just gave you."

"What could you possible want with him."

"He should be a font of information on Klingon tactics." Hondo answered with the tome of a professor speaking to a rather dull student.

"Perhaps" Red Fur stated, feeling the heat of her anger rise. "But most all of the Empires intelligence services have done there best to get information out of Sockfoot, We must have it all by now."

"Hah!" Honda laughed. "Your precious intelligence services don't have the balls to do what is necessary to extract all of the information. Section 31 is prepared to go the extra mile. Here see for yourself." With that he tossed a CD at Red Fur. She picked it up.

"The Best of Wham - The Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go Days" I don't get it. Red Fur stated.

"That's right, you Mirak, like we humans, seem to be immune. But to this, you are not." He pulled out a photograph. "Remember Admiral Kreshel?"

"Yes, the Admiral in charge of Klingon Intelligence who disappeared five years ago." Red Fur stated.

"Look at this." Honda said with a smirk, "this is the willpower of Section 31."

Red Fur looked at the photo and the gasped in shock. There was Admiral Kreshel, or what was left of him. He was wearing a ruby sequin evening gown which was accessories with a Anne Taylor purse, a pink silk scarf, and pearls. His long hair had been put up in a beehive hairdo and his dead eyes stared blankly into space. Most hideous, Red Fur noted, was the clear and liberal use of Tammy Faye Baker brand makeup on the poor Admirals face. His death must have been gruesome.

"No do you see that we can get information that you cannot." Hondo said with a smile.

Red Fur had had enough. She bolted from her bed and leaped toward Hondo. Much to her surprise however, he dove from the chair and somersaulted just far enough to cause her to miss him and strike the wall behind the chair. The next thing she felt was Hondo's K-Bar battle knife against her throat and his knee in her back.

"Section 31 kills enemies of the Federation for a living babe. And I'm the best there is at what we do." Hondo hissed. "Call Sockfoot to your quarters. Now!"

"Okay, okay" Red Fur gasped. And with that she felt the pressure of Hondo's knife lessen just a little. At that instant she trust her head backwards away from the blade and smashed Hondo's nose with the back of her skull. She then spun and clipped the side of his head with her elbow.

He recovered quickly and rolled away. Bleeding from his nose and with a look of pure hate on his face he rose to a knee and looked over at the knife he had dropped which lay between them. Immediately, Red Fur leaped and in mid air extended her rear claws and drew her knees to her chest. She intended to deliver a raking blow which would tear the soft human's arms off. Before she could land her strike, however, Honda struck his combadge once and disappeared in a shimmering transporter field.

Red Fur picked up the chip and looked at it. Perhaps, she hoped, the Ministry could decode its contents. She the ran to the bridge and notified S'Cipio of what had occurred. S'Cipio was furious. He immediately contacted the USS Fancy Pants only to be informed, oddly, the Captain Hondo was not on board and could not be located. They said that it had happened before and that the Captain was a little odd, but that he always returned.

Frustrated, Red Fur and S'Cipio then transmitted the coded data on the chip along with a full report to J'inn at the Ministry of Information from S'Cipio's ready room. A few hours later Red Fur returned to her quarters. While walking she had wondered what the heck an ancient Earth murder case and the delivery of glucose into a Klingon's blood stream could possibly have to do with each other. She hoped J'inn could figure it out. She currently felt safe, however, as S'Cipio had scanned the ship for humans and had ordered the shields raised in order to prevent any further unwanted transports. Upon entering her room she froze and her blood ran cold. For Hondo's knife, which he had left on the floor, was gone.

 

[Gook]

Sandman
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 05:34 AM                 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aboard the IKV Death, deep in gorn space.
Security, is that the last of the intercepts and scan logs? "Yes Admiral"
came the reply. Khemaraa shock his head in amazement at the goings on of the galaxy.
Over the course of this long mission his squadron had travelled across the territory of all the empires tracking Sockfoot. The oreo's had run out some weeks back forcing the crew (with no small amount of complaing) back on to a diet of whitefang steaks, Ga'K, and bloodwine. After weeks without the concordiat approved diet life in the squadron had returned to what have been considered normal for the fleet in years past. The depth of the conspiracy engaged by the ISC with the assistance of the Organians was very nearly beyong comprehension. His squadron had cesaed recieving orders from the chancellors office 2 weeks back. Fortunatly the efficient offices of Imperial Intlligence had continued to send him updates on all the files and data by subspace transmission. Without the mind numbing infulence of the oreo diet the picture had slowly revealed its self. His captains were of two minds. The choice seemed to be either to snatch captain Sockfoot and cold turkey (a human phrase) him off of the oreo diet, or to go after the Orgainians, homefully obliterating thier presence in this quadrent of the galaxy by triggering a detonation of thier star with the single extent copy of the federation genisis device hidden away in the holds of his dreadnaught. (Assuming that even the genisis device could effect the Orgainians.) The intercept detailing the fact of Sockfoots extraordinary ability to effect probibility seemed to warrent and neccesitate recovering sockfoot and getting him clear of ISC influence at the earliest opportunity.

His great grand sire, the famous Thought Admiral Khemaraa, never had a situation even remotly close to this. Krenn sighed a particularly Klingon sigh. Reaching down, he absent mindedly scratched his Trag behind its ears. It was time. A decision needed to be made now, before the situation got worse then it allready was. He rose out of his chair and went to the wardrobe. Contemplating, he selected the full cerimonial grab of a Klingon Though Admiral and Arbiter of Change. Striding out of his quarters he went quickly to the bridge. As he passed through the bowels of this, his command, crew stopped and snapped to attention as he passed with a determined stride.
Reaching the bridge, he threw his cloak over the back of the command throne.
"Communications, all ships. all crew staions, attend. And use laser link, we need to keep this secure."
"Acting" came the reply from the communications console. Moments later the comm officer reported all in readiness.

"Warriors of the 69th fleet, 61st battle squadron, attend my words. A crime of such magnitude as to make even the aactions of that arch criminal, Admiral James Tiberius Kirk of the Federation seem a minor infraction by comparison, has been perpetrated aginst the empire and the other powers of the galaxy. The masters in this affair are the Orgainians with the concious assistance of thier satraps and puppets, the Inter Stallar Concordium. It is up to us to bring an and to this charade. The first task befor us is the recovery of Capatin Sockfoot, and removing him from the influence of those damdable Oreo's which you yourselves have only just been free of. We must then take him to the orgainian homeowrld so that he might extract proper blood vengence apon the orgainians for what they have done. We shall have the honor of assisting him in the task that he must do. But first we must help him to recognize this task as his own. He must once again undergo the Klingon rite of passage, as must we all before we can once again claim for ourselves the Khomerex Zha. We begin now."
Signalling the ned of the broadcast Khemaraa assumed his command throne. "Sound battle stations" he ordered. "Tactical, Range to the Gorn vessel?", "100,000 kilometers" came the reply. "They will be slowing shortly as they must pass through the N'Goth nebula.". "Estimated time to intercept including travel time to the nebula?" Krenn asked. "5 minutes at this speed, they cannot outrun us of avoid us once they enter sir, and we can maintain a high rate of closure due to our thicker hull plating and armor without taking significant damage.".
Excellent Krenn thought to himself. "Weapons, disabling fire only. As soon as thier shield are down I want Sockfoot transported to a medical holding cell. Fail me and your family name will be struck for all time from the records of the empire. You will be unable to kill yourself with sufficent speed for me. Is That Clear?"
The weapons offcier looked over his shoulder at the steady glare of his admiral, and knew fear. "It is clear sir, i will not fail!" he replied. Helm, full speed as soon as the enter the nebula and are masked from us.

Aboard the GSC Gucci Bag

After her scrap with Hondo, the federation agent, Felicity was about ready to blow her oh so feline top. Feeling like the butt of a game of blind Lyrans bluff, frustrated, to the point of nervousness, and with her temper in a high pitch.she stalked across her quarters. A moment later her door opened to reveal Sockfoot in a combat crouch and a ready and armed disruptor pistol in his hand.
Looking past her, he scanned the cabin.... "I noticed you had an unwelcome visitor..." It was just to much for Felicity.
Sockfoot, looking every inch the klingon warrior with mayhem on his mind and being being protective of her, the fight with Hondo, the mission, the mess..all of it.
With a low growl she launched herself at Sockfoot. Snaking an arm around his waist, and another around his neck, with her legs wraped around his midsection, she nuzzled with her head tucked uo against his chest, giving playfull if slightly painfull nips across his left shoulder..and clean through his battle leathers. Sockfoots growls answered hers in kind and a most passionate embrace ensued. Fumbling for the door controls Sockfoot just managed to slap the close and lock switch before they both tumbled to the cabin flooring. Raising his disruptor he shot out the comm panel. Felicity hissed in fearfull reaction. Tossing the disruptor aside he whispered into her fur behind her ear.. "I do not wish to be disturbed". Reaching around behind her, he unclasper her tunic and with his hand...

(CENC0RED! You bunch of apes, theres kids that read this forum!)

The ship gave a lurching heave that threw Sockfoot across the cabin. Landing with sufficient force to dislocate his shoulder he screamed, "We are being attacked.. Bridge, REPORT!" not remebering he had shot out the comm panel just minutes before. He could hear the hiss of nebula particles impacting the outer hull, and the groan of the ships shields failing. "Noooo!" screamed Felicity, throwing herself at Sockfoot as they were both enveloped by the dazzle of transporter effect.

Hours later.....
Admiral, Medical here, I have a report.
Khemaraa looked up to the monitor from his desk. "Computer, screen on" he muttered. As the wall screen flashed to life, he commanded, "Lets hear it surgeon.".
"Sir. Capatin Sockfoot his suffering from the ISC diet, a dislocated shoulder, and a touch of pheremone reaction. We have the shoulder join stabilized and stationary in traction. We have all ready started a blood transfusion which should finish inside of 25 minutes. He is allready starting to throw off the effects of the oreo's. We these new methods we should have him back to his old self inside of 2 days sir." reported the doctor. "And the Miraki female?" Khemaraa asked. "Recovering from the stunning she suffered when she tried to trow herself through the force field of the medical cell.
Three curious and interesting points with the female sir..." the doctor trailed off..
"Yes yes, lets have it" Khemaraa urged. "Well sir, first off, this Miraki female is most unusuall. Preliminary testing even in her unconcious state shows her to be well above even the average Miraki intelligence. A genius as the humans like to say. Second of all, she is in supurb physical condition, and she also had a number of cybernetic implants, which we have removed and disabled. Third and last.
she is also pregant, but just barely. The embryo is a Klingon/Miraki hybrid. I wish your permission to prepare a report for the Thought Masters of Medicine on Khonos. I am un aware if there has ever been a Klingon/Miraki fusion offspring in history and this is most exciting to me sir. With your permission I would like to see this female carry the child to term if it is possible for her to do so."
Khemaraa looked thoughtfull, and more then a bit startled by the whole thought..Sockfoot you randy son of a targ he thought to himself.. Sockfoots wife would have a targ if she ever found out, but an even bigger one if she were to find out after it had been hidden from her. Khemaraa shuddered at the thought.
"Doctor" Khemaraa asked.. "Is Captain Sockfoot the sire?". "Yes he is" came the reply. "Doctor, carry on as you see fit, co-ordinate with security. This woman is a Miraki field intelligence agent and is to be handled with the utmost respect for her abilities. She is to go nowhere with out an armed escort. She is not to leave a medical cell without restraints. Is that understood..oh and one more thing. Once captain Sockfoot recovers he is to be permitted to visit her.". "It will be as you command Admiral, and thank you sir. Medical out"

A moment later the wall screen lit up with Khemaraas Flag Capatin. "Sir, the Gorn ship has been eliminated to the best of our ability. There is no remaining fragments over the molecular level. A Nova mine will detonate within 10 minutes after we leave this section of the nebula. The resultent detonation will eliminate all trace of our passage in this area. Shall I have a report Uploaded and sent to the chancellor?" the Flag capatin queried?

Absolutly Not Captian. Full communications silence. No one is to know we have sockfoot.
No communications of any kind. Send only one message to imperal Intllegence. Report that dus to our situation deep in possible hostile territory we will maintain comm silence from here forward. We will contact them when we have something to report. Send NOTHING else! As Soon as you send it, I want the subspace comm transtator relays of all ships in the squadron locked into the captains safes. Do it now." Khemaraa ordered.
"Acting" replied the flag captain.


[This message has been edited by Sandman (edited 12-02-2001).]

IP: Logged
 
ZTempest
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 07:06 AM                 
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Aboard the IKV Death, transiting Gorn Space...
"Admiral! Long Range scanners have picked up a ship inbound!"

"Range to Target!"

"105,000 Kilometers and closing. Sir! The alien ship is hailing us!"

"On Screen!"

The screen lit up with a picture of a Miraki Female doing her nails. She applied a final rasp of her file, looked up, and smiled at the viewscreen. She was flanked by two other beautiful women. One was idly swinging a cast-iron skillet and the other was wearing a snazzy pair of high heels. All three were smiling....

The Admiral remembered something his Grandfather once told him. "When a Mirak smiles, run. When a Mirak female smiles, run AND hide!"

The Admiral cleared his throat. "Uhmmm..to what do I owe this pleasure, Ladies?"

"Oh, nothing much, Admiral. I was just wondering if you would be a sport and turn over Sockfoot, Tempest, that odd Klingon named Dogmatix and Agent Red Fur. We came in on the tail end of your operation and we know you beamed someone aboard....."

In the background his science officer whispered "Sir, it is a single Mirak Heavy Battlecruiser. We can take him, Sir. They are no match for our Dreadnought!"

AHA! They may be Mirak Females, but they could not stand against his might!

He put on his best Klingon sneer and growled into the viewscreen, "I have the upper hand here! I don't know who you are talking about! We only beamed two people onboard before we blew the Gorn vessels into dust! Who they are is none of your concern!"

The Mirak female dropped her file. "YOU ARROGANT KLINGON! YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND????!!!!!"

He had never witnessed such rage! Such power!

Then she calmly sat down and began flexing her claws. In admiration, he saw her turn to the Mirak in high heels. "Start the attack run!"

The Admiral sneered again. "Woman, you can't possibly HOPE to beat us! In case you have not noticed, we are a Dreadnought, you are a Battlcruiser. You may recall the last battlecruiser we fought -- it is the debris field behind us. At least you will die with honor!"

To his horror, she smiled even more. So did the other two females! Were they CRAZY?

"Oh Admiral-poo! Did I forget to mention my friends????"

His science officer suddenly broke in. "Sir! I am reading inbound targets! Two Mirak Heavy Dreadnoughts, a Heavy Carrier, two light Carrier Escorts, another Heavy Battlecruiser, two drone frigate squadrons, and numerous other medium to light combatants. Sir -- an entire reinforced Mirak battlefleet has just warped in and is accellerating to intercept!"

"ARRRRGHHHH!"

MEANWHILE, DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF THE IKV DEATH....

Must have been SOME party! Sockfoot thought. Oh my aching head! I need an Oreo....

Suddenly, it all came back. He was in a Klingon Dreadnought -- the brig, if he was not mistaken. He was pretty familiar with the brig. Suddenly interested, he began reading the graffiti on the walls..

I PLAYED SOCKY SHOCK WITH CHANCELLOR KOR!

FOR A GOOD TIME CALL PSYCHOBARBIE AT 555-5555

I SLEPT WITH KIRKS SISTER!

ABBA RULZ!

DOUBLE STUFF OREOS ARE THE BEST!

HYDRAX OREOS TASTE LIKE DOGGY-DOO!

Suddenly Socky noticed that the deck was swaying and shifting under him. Was he dizzy? No. The hangover was nearly gone.

Inspiration struck!

They were under attack!

A particularily hard hit slammed him to the floor and he heard the sound of multiple drones impacting on the hull.

Somebody was having a good time!!!!

Then....the unmistakable pull of a transporter beam....

Tempest looked up from the small transporter in the shuttlecraft as Socky and Red Fur materialized.

"Whew. Socky! We've got to get out of here! That's my wife out there! It looks like my Father in Law let her borrow 5th Fleet! We've got to run! She looks VERY ANGRY!"

"Calm down, Tempest. We'll just turn you over and then..."

"NOOOOO! NOT YET!"

Dogmatix looked up from the hand disrupter he had been field stripping. "Jeez Socky. The Admiral had it in for ya, huh? Lucky Tempest and I stole this Gorn shuttle before the heavy BCH blew. Klingon sensors really are inferior. They did not even notice us attached to their hull...."

Agent Red Fur looked at Dogmatix with new appreciation. This was one Klingon she had better keep an eye on....

"Okay Tempest. Let's warp out of here while they are busy pounding on each other. Let's see...where to next??? And uhhh, you don't have any more of those double-stuff Oreos tucked away...do you???"

On the bridge of the BCH Storm.....

"Ma'am! I am reading a small shuttlecraft warping out of system! Onboard are four lifeforms -- Sockfoot, Tempest, Dogmatix, and Agent Red Fur!"

"WHAT! Okay. All fleet elements, break off attack and FOLLOW THAT SHUTTLE!"

"Too late, Ma'am. They have warped out. We will have to scan for their ion trail, and it will take hours...."

"Okay. Get me that foolish Klingon Admiral again."

The screen cleared and the sparking, sputtering remains of a Dreadnought bridge came into view.

"Whereya goin, huh???" The Admiral swayed on his feet. "We jes begun to fight. Come back, you cat wussies!"

Mrs Tempest looked coldly at the viewscreen. "Today, you live. Go home, Klingon, and tell the Chancellor that sooner or later, we will be on our way. Meanwhile, I have to go get my Husband!"

TO BE CONTINUED....




[This message has been edited by ZTempest (edited 12-02-2001).]

[This message has been edited by ZTempest (edited 12-02-2001).]

 

[Gook]

Gook
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 08:52 AM                 
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Gook had most definitely had enough, the shelves were up and the Kits in bed, Mrs G had her G&T, he was now ensconsed in his CPU room with what was left of the evening. He poured a very large shot of Ballvenie Double Wood and brooded on the whole situation.

He then began poring over the reports flooding in on the SockfootGate crisis. He noticed that one report from the Tal Shiar agent in the Klingon 69th fleet was coded for "Triumverate eyes only", Jinn's M.I.S.T, agents were doing well playing the Masters at their own game.


He read the report. OH SH*T, he thought.


Red Fur, AKA Felicity, AKA Mrs Goose, AKA Mrs. KAT-MRESS was in a Klink DN, with aforementioned Socky and in a "littering way" and Socky appeared to be the "perp". Now Red Fur was a common feature in Mirak battles and was often heard on the battle channels codenamed RW, and was basically the darling and pinup of the entire Elite KAT fleet. Now the Hegemony had never really gone to war over females as they were in the main non-sentient, but if news of this leaked out, then not even Gook would be able to stop the entire KAT fleet descending on Klinshai, with vengence on their minds, the Klinks would have done better to hang draw and quarter the Patriach on a live Galactic wide broadcast, it would have been less enraging.


Worse than that the underground pan galactic pan race female forum would be a little "PO'd" to say the least and that meant every married male being in the galaxy was gonna get it in the neck, what the hell was Socky thinking about, damned peace and love Froggie Oreos probably! Gook suspected that whatever happened Socky was gonna be in more trouble than anyone, not from the rest of the Galaxy, but from Red Fur, he must have shot her the "I've been seen to by the Vet" line, and Red Fur fell for it, phew, unbeleivable but Socky always was a silver tongued Bas*ard! But when Red Fur got mad, setting the controls for the heart of the sun seemed like a sane option.


He opened a channel to his old pal and deadly enemy Kzinbane, they had a public pretence of hatred but generally played Golf every other Saturday on the pretext of "on going talks about talks"


"Kzin, you know that CWLF you leant me, well I'm gonna need to take her out for a while, I could be gone some time, and it may be a tad scratched when I get back, is that OK"


"Gook, if you need it take it, but where you headed?"


"Well initially ISC land, you know the other races can?t tell us cats apart, so you being allied and all, I should be able to get through without too much hassle"


"OK Gook, I suppose this means golfs off this weekend?"


"Probably, and keep this quiet about this, it is more delicate than the matter of Dogmatix in a pink Tutu"


"Roger that" said Kzinbane and the channel was closed.


Gook slipped out of the house, no need to disturb Mrs.Gook at this time of night and anyhow she may have found out already and there would be hell to pay just for being male!


"Slice n Dice" slipped its moorings and headed out to the last known coordinates of the "Sockfootgate" problem. Just then he began receiving battle reports from the 5th Fleet, they were attacking a Klink DN in a nebula, his mind raced they were supposed to be on a good will mission to help under privileged fart......., Hydran Children learn about other cultures! What was even worse was that Mrs Tempest, Do Me and Mrs Sockfoot were in "Command".


"Oh bugger" he thought to himself, if "Women?s alliance new knowledge exchange repository" (W.A.N.K.E.R.), knew then it was already too late, but from the tone of the transmissions W.A.N.K.E.R, was still unawares of the true magnitude of what Socky had done, AND Mrs "S" herself was present, oh Lord (any) the Galaxy was in deep doggy do-do?s.


"Helmsman" All ahead full head for that Nebula, lets try and get the 5th home and the women back to the Mall.


------------------
KAT-Gook
KZ/Mirak MOD CW5
KZINTI Hegemony,
"Felix Fortius"
 
We are the Kzinti Assault Taskforce. Resistance is futile. Your Distinctiveness <burp> will be added to our palate (C)
KAT-Fleet

[This message has been edited by Gook (edited 12-02-2001).]

IP: Logged
 
J'inn
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 09:36 AM                 
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Somewhere in Gorn space aboard a small, cramped and slowly becoming sweaty smelling Gorn Shuttle in Gorn Space . . .
Dogmatix was busy polishing has dagger for the 100th. Kahless! It was good to be back to his old self. They had an impossible mission, against impossible odds. And this time, it was personal! Kor had some ?splaining to do. Poisons or not! This was just too good to be true. Absent mindedly he started to hum a Donna Summers tune as he polished. His eyes dilated and he started to twitch involuntarily. He then shook himself back to reality and using all the will power he could muster, he began a silent Klingon mediation technique taught to him by Squiggy in happier times.

Tempest sat at the controls of the shuttle. The ship was on automatic so he had nothing to do except sit and dread the battle that was to come. It would be violent, it would be vicious, it would be bloody. He knew it was unlikely he would survive. But he also knew that it had to come. Sooner or later he would have to face . . . his wife!!

Red Fur sat at the comm panel. She had been in constant contact with J'inn but they were no closer to breaking the Section 31 code. While going over the code her thoughts were disturbed by Sockfoot, who had been happily sleeping on a bunk. He was talking in his sleep:

"Squiggy give me back my oreos!"

"It's my turn to play Atari quit hoggin' it!"

"Ooooo Red Fur! You are so soft any furry. Oooooo baby that's it. Ow Ow watch the claws! Oooooooo."

This sickened her. She remembered the discussions aboard the Klingon ship when they were held captive. That sick Klingon admiral had released a false message to Q'onos on an insecure channel that Sockfoot had gotten her pregnant. She knew the wily Klingon was buying insurance. Even if Sockfoot escaped. Mrs. Sockfoot would surely kill him as the "news" would eventually get to her. Somehow wives always found out about such things. It was just a matter of when. The doctor had also discussed actually trying to mate them. Ughh! Even worse, Sockfoot had been asleep at the time and the conversation had caused him to have very vivid dreams that he and her had been well, at it, and that she was pregnant with his love child. It really wasn't his fault she knew. He was suffering from oreo withdrawal. Nevertheless, her anger caused her to throw a spanner at Sockfoot, striking him in the chest.

"Owwww, waddiyah do that for?" Sockfoot said with a start.

"Shut up and stay up!" She yelled.

"Hmmm" Socky thought. "Part of me is up already and I was having the bestest dream ever."

Meanwhile back on Mraa . . .

J'inn sat in the war room in the sub sub sub basement of the Information Ministry. Reports were not good. The Section 31 code appeared to be impenetrable and the few Section 31 agents he knew had told him to pound sand. There was only one possible way. And it was a longshot. The quadrant thought the ISC officer who had defected to the Mirak had been killed in battle. This was incorrect. Knowing that he might me useful again one day, J'inn had had the poor man entered into the witness protection program. He was now living out his days on a tropical planet deep with Miraki space. That is until recently, for J'inn had ordered him brought to the war room immediately.

The doors opened and the stately amphibian walked into. Flanked by two burly security guards. "Good day sir (okay I forgot the guys name!) J'inn said as he stood. I'm sorry to bother you, but we have a situation." J'inn then filled the former ISC officer in on all that had happened. He then told him about the data chip and the fact that Hondo had mentioned something about a 20th Century murder on Earth.

The amphibian's skin changed from green to white and he appeared to be in shock. "By the great pond!" He yelled. "The fools! They've activated Operation Hostess!"

"Get a hold of yourself man! What the hell is Operation Hostess." J'inn yelled

"OMG!! OMG!!" He croaked. "During the war we began feeding human snacks to the Klingons. Our scientists determined that only a human, and perhaps a Mirak, could digest the huge loads of glucose, sodium and fat. Klingons, it was found were especially susceptible. That is how we pacified them so quickly. During our research of Federation snacks however, we came across something disturbing. It is called THE TWINKEE!!"

"Never heard of the thing." J'inn stated.

"It is so powerful that it effects even humans." The frog like being stated. "The effects first became apparent in the late 20th Century when a human male, driven insane by Twinkee addiction committed murder. His lawyers raised the defense of insanity due to the Twinkees. Unfortunately, early humans were not scientifically advanced enough to recognize the danger. "The Twinkee Defense " was ridiculed and the man was convicted. Years later it became apparent that the Twinkees were slowly causing humans to go insane. What else could explain the Back Street Boys, N Sync, and the Martian incident of 2045. They were banned on Earth after the Third World War.

"However, the organization that created them, Hostess, continued. During the years while non warp travel was available the ISC secretly took control of various Hostess plants throughout the Federation. From there we were able to create our weapons of mass destruction. We even re-created the Twinkees. After testing however, it was determined that they were just too evil. The poor Klingon test subjects went completely mad after just one box.

"If the ISC has grown desperate enough to unleash this weapon . . ." His voice trailed off.

"There must be something that can be done." J'inn said. He was starting to panic.

"No it is impossible. The only was to counter the effects of the diet is to expose the poor souls to a PPD burst at just the right setting. This will set up a harmonic resonance within the digestive system that will liquify the poisons. They will then cause the bowels to activate, expelling the poisons. Furthermore, the endorphin effect of a PPD at this setting, which is why may ISC officers have suffered from "Personal Pleasure Device" addiction, will counter the effects the poisons have had on the brain long enough for the natural chemical balance to be restored."

"I'd hate to be on the planet that gets hit with that cure" J'inn thought. "Whoa Nelly, what a mess!" He then spoke, "Excellent, will you help you calibrate the PPD."

"What!" the frog croaked. "You have a PPD?"

"Not just a PPD" J;inn said with a smile. "We got a whole ISC frigate. Captured during the war." (Hey! Play along with the ISC FF PPD thing! We don't got all day for Socky to work his way up to an ISC CA)

The next day. The unnamed ISC frigate left Mraa on a heading to Gorn space. Along with it was the MCS Dreadnought Arc Light under the command of Speaker of the Deadus.

"Where the heck has the Warchief run off to?" J'inn stated. "He should be iun on this."

"I dunno" Speaker said while sitting in his command chair. "It's really weird. He just disappeared."

"Hey Speaky! Why couldn't you just let me command the ISC ship until we find Sockfoot and turn it over to him. I know that ship better than any Mirak."

Speaker of the Deadus doubled over in laughter along with several of the bridge crew. "J'inn my boy! You crack me up. But seriously, this mission is just too important. I had to put one of our best commanders at the Conn of that ship. It has to get to Sockfoot in one piece."

"Really!! ?Jaxy is there. We're related ya know! Can I talk to him."

"No! Warrior Ajax was unavailable. And please stop using the diminutive of our warriors names it's really irritating. Captain M'Ress is in command of the ISC ship until we find Sockfoot."

"M'Ress!!" J'inn blirted.

"Is there a problem Minister?" Speaker stated with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh crap!!!!!" J'inn thought. "This is gonna get just plain ugly. Thank Mraa I'm single."

(R/P off, somewhat. J'inn sat back and looked at his latest installment. Not bad. I'll have a headache for a week from trying to blend all of this but, I like it! Just then the phone rang:

Hello. What! Oh jeez not again. Look it's comedy. Don't you lawyers have a since of humor. Yes I know your client works hard to provide people with delicious snacks. Hey its not my fault those things drove that guy nuts. Now that's uncalled for. You can't do that! No judge will award you that much. Oh, ah, well I see. I had no idea you guys made that much on Twinkees. Wow! Hey I get the message. No need for threats. Alright! alright! Now there's no need for that. Okay?? Please.)

 

[Gook]

Sandman
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 05:38 PM                 
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The Miraki battlefleet pulled out of range, leaving the IVK Death to its wounds.
Krenn with a vicious gleam in his eye turned to the his fleet security officer. "What?" he ordered. "4 agents identified sir. The Android Sockfoot double seems to have been accepted totally. Your orders sir?"
"Remove that refuse off of my ships, No records. And communication tech Trall has been spaced?", "Yes Admiral, I have had his service records pulled. His honor dagger has been shattered. It's remains will be returned to his family.".
Hours later, with the nebula battle hours behind her, the IKV Death pulled into range of a black hole. A port opened in her outer hull. 4 bodys and a fishtank floated free, the water in the tack flash freezing to ice, while the 4 huminoid forms ruptured from thier internal fluid pressures and froze solid at the same time. The dreadnaught performed a fine manuver, angling a thruster port at the floating group of courpses. With a puff of plasma the group was send in to a terminal orbit toward the black hole.


two days later, in the great belt. A galactic oddity..an asteroid shoal the streatched in a plane some 280 parsecs across the galaxy,, 40 parsecs wide, and 3 deap. The IKV Death pulls into a ship yard thats had been hidden from sight for over 200 years. No enemy power had ever found the yard. It workers had lived, worked, and died at the yards for generations. Only thier bodeis were granted leave to return to the homeowrld. Most chose not to. During the pacification waronly a handfull of captains had ever stopped here. Its greatest secret, was it was not a secret. It was simply under ratted. In its graving dock was a what appeared to be a B11K Battleship, even though none had ever been built or officially seen action during the war. work crews were swarming over the ship pulling her type 1 phasers with the new hi tech units, the X phasers. Her engines had already been replaced with the newer hi output versions. The Yard Master looked to Admiral Khemaraa. "She is almost ready admiral. We have twin concordiat PPD's in what was the aft disruptor mount. All her forward mounts have been replaced with heavy disruptors. Her types 2's and 1's are all almost done being replaced with the type X phasers, and the type 3 mounts have all been replaced with gatlings. A full AEGIS rig has been installed also.". "We have named her 'Khomerex Zha', in honor of her mission of reinstating the proper order of the galaxy, and returning us once again to the glory of empire against empire, and the great game.". Khemaraa grunted. "Commadore Sockfoot should be quite pleased with his new command. Your people have outdone them selves Master Koloth. I myself had understood that X refitting a battleship was impossible. How?" he quieried. "Koloth smiled, "simple.. when you have access to equipment, no deadlines, and thousand of ship fitters with nothing to do, solution present themselves. Oh Admiral, we would like your dreadnaught and the cruiser of your squadron. I think you will find the trade more then equitable." he said as he handed over a data chip. Krenn took the chip and slipped it into the reader on his desk. Technical scematics began to flash across the screen. His eyes widened in appreciation. "You have 3 advanced cruisers here?" he asked, "Yes admiral, with some slight changes.". Slight indeed Khemaraa though to himself. 2 additional drone racks, with all 6 racks upgraded to type E, the heavy phaser B's replaced with additional heavy disruptors, which pleased him. Simulator trials had shown the heavy type B phaser to be problematic in its use, and a drain on ships resources. His captains and crew would be pleased. Koloth spoke again. "they are ready now, you will want to move your people abord quickly." checking his comm padd, Koloth chuckled. the Zha is ready now. She has a crew abord, and the ship executive officer is in your outer office ready to meet his captain."
"Yard master" Krenn replied, "You have my thanks, and though it may never be known, the thanks of the empire. There is 70 tons of prime white fang in the hold of this ship, along with 200 kilo liters of ancient bloodwine from my family estates. And the Ga'K vats have been doing quite well. Honor to you and your people, Accept them with the gratitude of the fleet." Koloth tipped his head. "I thank you for my people Admiral, we dont get much fresh Ga'K or bloodwine out this way. I should go now and co-ordinate crew transfers with your executive officer. By your leave?". Krenn stood clasping his honor dagger in his hand slicing his palm, and squeezing a drop into his goblet, then stirring with the tip of his dagger, he lifted the goblet to the yard master. "Victory" he saluted. draining the goblet. The yard master straitened, turned and exitted the office.

A moment later the single transporter pad in the office came to life, and sockfoot strode out. "Have you seen.. he spoke excittedly " what power that ship represents.. with 3 of her we could take any homeworld in the galaxy at will..." Sockfoot rambled on a bit about the battleship. Krenn did not inturrupt other then to make a technical addition now and again. It was good to see Sockfoot recovered from his year long ordeal. Al last Socky wound down, and asked the most important question of all..

"So", he exclaimed, "When do you take command" Krenn smiled in his hidden joy at the shock he was about to give his old battle friend. "First things first Commadore, you need to meet your new executive officer. We need you in a ship of course, and you would feel put out without a command.", "All right Krenn, I see you are going to leave me hanging on this. Lets meet this exec." Nodding, Krenn pressed a button on his desk.."Come in" he said. The door irised open and Captain Chal steped through.
Sockfoot jaw snapped open in amazement.."CHAL!" he yelled.."Bu..your de.. ahh" Chal just grinned as he grasped his old fleet mates arm. "Yes" he replied, Id heard that to.".. "But how?" Sockfoot. "That Chal replied is a very long story, and for another time. Right now you need a readiness report for your command."

Krenn spoke, "Warriors, be seated." he ordered as he pointed to two seats in the office. "Lets get this started, we have much to do today, and the galaxy will be forever changed when we are done." Sockfoot and Chal took seats. Sockfoot turned to Chal and ordered "Report".
Chal grunted, and began. "Engineering reports full fuel loads aboard, sufficient for 10 years warp cruising. Quartermaster reports all holds filled to capacity, including a full complement of additional marines in stasis cannisters. Weapons reports all drone racks filled to capacity with type 4, Fast drones, ADD racks and magazines loaded, all shuttlecraft aboard with spares. Lancer type 3 fighter have been equipped for the 2 flights"..."Fighters? WAHT?" Sockfoot growled.." that would mean that.."his eyes open wide with shock as he turned to Khemaraa.."She's mine?". Krenn just smilled as he placed two additional goblets on the desktop and then topped all three with Bloodwine of a very deep violet hue from a phenominally dusty bottle. Lifting his, he saluted with his goblet towards Sockfoot. "I give you the captain of the 'Khomerex Zha', Q'pLah warriors. Taking up the presented goblets, Sockfoot and Chal echoed the salute, and all three drained thier wine in one pull. As Sockfoot set his goblet down he asked.. "ahhh, could I have some more of that, and this time...no salute? Krenn chuclkled.."Bloodwine, aged 173 years from my family cellers. I thought you might appreciate it. There is a case of it in your quarters. I suggest you save a bottle for your wife. Last time I saw here she had a new wardrope and a maxed out galactic express card. In other words, battle to the death might be safer, but only if you can manage to get your self killed."
"Krenn?" Sockfoot asked.. "By the way, what in the name of the gods of StovoKor happened? I dont remember a thing!!!" Kren guffawed, and slapped his desk with sufficient force to make all three goblets jump and dance. "Thank my quick thinging exec. The moment Miraki ships appeared on scanners he activated an advanced android double, and locked you into a transporter loop. Basicly you spent the next 4 hours in a transporter memory buffer untill we were able to effect repairs. The Android was impressed with your memory engrams from the transporter. It's an old trick which fortunatly your wife, and the other wives would not know of. One of those things you learn from experience. Usually to try and save the lives of crew that have been grievouly wounded and keep them alive untill a doctor can get at them. Your wife has never commanded a ship in battle.".

"Speaking of the battle Krenn, what happened". "Well, we nearly died out there. The Miraki are now short a battlecruiser and a light carrier. The moment the gorn shuttle that had your android double on board warped out, the Miraki ships pulled away and ceased fire. It was a good thing too. We had just taken a direct hit to the main sensor array. Feedback had killed a number of bridge crew, and I myself had been knocked unconcious. That shuttle leaving with your life signs abord saved our lives.. yours too."

The three officers continued to discuss the details of Sockfoots new command.

Meanwhile...lightyears away at the edge of a black hole....

the fishtank floated peacefully along, drifting evr closer to the black hole. The greater mass of the humanoid corpses had accerated them further in. One had allready dropped into the event horizon of the singularity. In menutes, the fish tank would join them. The rainbow flash of a starship exitting warp entered the conciousness of the agent, still barely alive in the frozen mass of water in his tank. A shimmer of transporter effect, and another flash of particolored psudo light, and the starship was gone. Leaving the black hole to continue its role as a galactic refuse bin. But just a little bit emptier then it could have been.

Hours later a formation of 4 starships flashed out of the Great Belt. A massive Battleship, and what appeared to be 3 heavy cruiser of Klingon design. The captain of the cloaked Orion light raider backed up his sensor logs knowing they would be of value to someone. The moment the warships had cleared the asteroid shols they had accerated with the speed of fighter shuttles befor all 4 ships cloaked, and went to warp speed. The orion capatin shuddered at the forepower those ships seemed to be carrying. He ordered his comm officer to zip the information off to his Cartel's base.
The message had just gone out on its lonely way as heavy disruptor fire tore into his ship. Calling his crew to red aleart he could only wonder at the fact his shields we still up as he ship came apart around him.

(end of role play....
Ok you guys, this is it, You May NOT have sockfoot, he ours and we're gonne keep him!..now go play with andriod. Some guy named Noonian Sihg put him together for us and he's fully functional. He might even know what you want..In the mean time we must get the galaxy back to its natural state of imperial growth and death.. you call it war.
Now to get RID of thos damd pesky orgainians......
Ok SOcky, ya got a one of a kind advanced tech Battleship, along with 3 highly modified advanced tech klingon XCA's. Wrap this up will ya?

Krenn Vestai Khemaraa sends

(aka Terrance"Sandman"Roff)


IP: Logged
 
Goose
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 05:40 PM             
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSER:
Has this ever happened to you.

(Scene opens up. A party is in full swing with several races in attendance.)

Generic Klingon: M'auh vor kuu whaa!

Generic ISC: Ne'deep.

Generic Mirak: Meow.

Generic Fed: ...and the bartender says, "Sure but the next time, leave the dog at home!" bua ha ha ha.

Klingon: mok chu' ni wok!

ISC: Ribbit.

Mirak: Rowr.

(Everyone goes their own way.)

Well this can never happen again! The new Babel Fish from Organia Labs will solve all your language problems for you! This genetically engineered fish is easy to use. just insert this comfortable litle fish in your ear and get ready to party!

(New scene of everyone stood around ...)

Fed: ...and the bartender says "Sure, but next time, leave the dog at home!"

Everyone laughs except the Klingon.

Klingon: I don't get it.

(Fade)

 

[Gook]

Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 05:52 PM                 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode Twenty
"Sockfoot. Sockfoot wake up?"

"Ummm. <snork, gurgle, drool>"

"SOCKFOOT!"

"Eh? AAAAAARRRRRRRG!"

Sockfoot awakens to find J'inn, Tempest, Dogmatix, S'Cipio and Red Fur standing over him.

"WHATTHEHECKISGOINGONHERE!"

"How do you feel?"

"What."

"How do you feel?"

"Geez, ya know. About twenty pounds lighter and I'm actually HUNGRY for the first time in months!"

"It worked!" exulted J'inn. The Brussel Sprouts and baked beans PPD worked like a charm! No more Oreo pacification for Socky!"

"Yeah, three cheers. Ummm. Where is the bathroom?"

"Second door on the right."

"Great. Uh, anyone got any reading material."

"It's on a rack in the bathroom."

"Double great!"

Half an hour later Sockfoot appears on the bridge of the ISC Frigate "Tounge Bath." KAT Speaker yeilds him the command chair. As Socky sits down a sound from hell comes from the chair.

"Must have been the chair. Ahem. Ok. All ahead warp 5."

"Tounge Bath" bounds into space looking for its first action. Sockfoot pulls a patrol and is not surprised to find that an early era ISC ship has, all together now, 15 power. It also has 4 phaser 1s and 2 F plasmas.

ISC Sockfoot notes that flying ISC in the early era is exactly like flying Gorn! ISC Socky is happy to discover this.

Then the Romulan appears. ISC Sockfoot cranks the speed up to 25 and begins cooking a wild weasle. ISC Sockfoot sets his course directly at the Romulan.

"Everyone to the escape pods!" roars Dogmatix who is now sweating profusely and gasping for air.

"What's wrong, Dogmatix?" asks J'inn.

"You've never flown with him before! I have! Let me out of here!"

Red Fur gives Dogmatix another Vulcan neck pinch causing him to lapse into a blissful sleep.

ISC Sockfoot turns back to the screen in time to see he is at range 20 to the Romulan. At range 10 Sockfoot fires his two plasmas and drops his as the Romulan returns fire. WHAM! Two plasma hits which ISC Socky follows up with his phasers. He also beams aboard 2 marines with orders to capture the Romulan as the Romulan is only carrying 2 marines now.

ISC Sockfoot rushes out to range 20 and lets his phasers charge again. He closes in and blasts down the Romulan's rear shield and beams over 2 more marines. Minutes later ISC Sockfoot has his first victory as a frog. Yeah, he knows this was short but he is in a hurry! He's got a galaxy to save, remember?

"Helm, set your course for Concordia's moon "Google Eyes."

"Uh, Sockfoot. Don't you mean Concordia."

"Hey, this is my story! I bloody well know where I am going! And when I'm done with it no one will be to blame!"

"Ok, ok 'Google Eyes' it is!"

Tempest approaches Sockfoot.

"Socky, aren't you the least little bit worried about what your wife will think when she hears the story about you and Red Fur?"

"WHICH ISN'T TRUE!" barks Red Fur pointing a wicked talon at first Tempest and then Sockfoot.

"Nah. She'd never believe it. Besides, Red Fur already told her it wasn't true."

"What do you mean?"

"You did tell her it wasn't true, right Red Fur? In your last coded transmittion on the 'wives of CW players' network."

"How long have you known about that?"

"Mrs. Sockfoot talks in her sleep sometimes. I think she does it on purpose to let me know I can't get away with anything in the Alpha Quadrent."

"Yeah, I told her it wasn't true."

"See, Tempest. Problem solved. Now my wife will kill me for the right reason; being absent without leave."

"Nope. She said she would leave you alive so you can do the housework when you get home from pretending to be a spy. And you will wear the 'I love my wife' apron!"

"DOH!"

A few hours later.

"Captain Sockfoot! 'Google Eye' dead ahead!"

"Slow to impulse. Dogmatix, Tempest, J'inn and Red Fur to the transporter room."

Minutes later the away team assembles in the transporter room.

"Everybody ready. Good. Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"To meet the wizard!"

And the transporter beam energizes.

R/P off

I just wanted to say a couple of things.

1) Thank you to my co-authors J'inn, Gook, Squiggy and Tempest! We began conspiring a few days ago and we have the end in sight!

2) Thank you to Pharoah for your brilliant anticipation! I promise to extricate the ISC from this mess and clear them from any blame!

3) I have, in fact, flown every single race now! Thank you to the people who helped me along the way and taught me to fly each race effectively! I will, at the end of this little story, be making comments (humourous of course) about the ships of each race and the AI. Here is a little teaser for you: {Sockfoot's Golden Toe Awards ("Golden Toe" is a brand of sock) Most overrated heavy weapon; the Plasma F, F being the operative word. Grade "F" for energy consumption. "F" for firing time. "F" for range. "F" for damage inflicted per point of energy wasted. "F" for "Feeling of False Security" it provides. All around a weapon that must be used in VERY close to do what it was designed to do.)

4) Thank you for the audience participation! This post really began to shape up when people began throwing in their own ideas and the story just spun out from there! Every night I would read everyone's posts and find a way to incorporate them into my story giving me an endless supply of plot twists! However I must request that if you feel the need to join in you please keep it PG. Mrs. Crow (R/L Mrs. Sockfoot) read the sexy portions of this post before J'inn and Tempest so neatly cleaned it up and things were a little frosty around the Crow ranch this evening. She is feeling better now that J'inn and Tempest fixed it so double thank yous to them! MY HEROES!

5) For those of you in the UK an Oreo is a biscuit produced by a company by the name of Nabisco, who, thankfully, has yet to sue us! They have also neglected to pay us for all of the free international advertising now that I think about it! That might account for the lack of a lawsuit! Anyway an Oreo is 2 chocolate waffers which sandwich a white cream filling. You haven't lived until you have eaten a bag of Oreos with milk in bed with your lovely wife after the kids are in bed! (Yeah, Socky is still shamelessly kissing his wife's ass! I love you, baby! <Socky is blinking in morse code 'My wife is making me say this!'> ) If you are middle aged and eat enough of them, you WILL aquire a "spare tire" around your waist and require a laxative. A "Twinkie" is a piece of sponge cake full of a cream filling and was actually used in the infamos "Twinkie Defense" as a cause of insanity to excuse four murders. This was the low water mark in American Jurisprudence until the prosecution's performance in the O.J. Simpson Trial.

6) I am still reeling from the revelation that Dogmatix likes ABBA. For some reason I just can't picture the mighty Dogmatix striking a pose on the dance floor to the strains of "Fernando." Then again he may only be following some of my old advice that if your pregnant wife is upset, don't try and talk because you'll just upset her more. Do something silly instead like lip sync Barry White's "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Baby!" This works well on non pregnant wives as well! If you want to get your wife all giggly and romantic, nothing beats it. For you guys without wives, don't try this at home. Better to stick with that cool "James Dean" approach that has been working so well at keeping you wifeless and lonely. But I digress. Hey Dog, do you have a white suit and boogie shoes to go with that "groove thang?"

7) Thank you to all of you who have been reading along so faithfully! Stay tuned! Now it's going to get good!

Socky


[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 12-02-2001).]

 

[Gook]

Sockfoot
Ensign   posted 12-02-2001 08:01 PM                 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode Twenty One
Captain Khemaraa started awake in his bunk.

"Whew! What a vivid dream! Too bad I didn't think of it when they snatched Socky back!"

The comm system buzzed.

"Captain Khemaraa."

"Yes."

"There is a priority one coded transmittion for you coming in on a secured channel from 8th fleet headquarters."

"Patch it through to my quarters."

The comm screen crackled to life.

"Hiya Khemaraa!"

"Hello Captain Squiggy. What's up?"

"I just got a call from Socky. He needs a ride from Khitimer on the Klingon/ISC boarder to Q'uonos and he asked that I send you to pick him up."

"Why me?"

"Well, he said he felt safest with you at the helm. That and his wife is on his butt and he said you would be able to keep him one step ahead of her. He also said that you don't eat junk food so that made you the best choice."

"Junk food?"

"Yeah, he said he'd explain it all later."

"Ok."

"By the way, how is Chal?"

Khemaraa looked at the sleeping form of Chal clutching his "Curious George" stuffed animal. The portrait of Klingon innocence! It made Khemaraa smile.

"He seems to be doing great."

"Excellent. Take good care of him. He's Socky's favorite little muskrat!"

"Aye aye, Squiggy."

"G'Night Khemaraa."

"See ya, Squiggy."

"Captain to the bridge."

"Aye, sir."

"Set your course for Khitimer. Maximum warp. We're going to meet an old friend."

"Aye, sir."

Meanwhile on "Google Eyes" the away team materializes in a cavern deep below the moon's crust. Sockfoot produces a small sensor from his pocket and begins to turn around until he sees a light on it begin to blink.

"This way."

"Where are we?"

"Shhhh!"

Suddenly a light appears at the end of the tunnel. The away team hears voices.

"The final phase is complete! The Twinkies have been distributed to Q'uonos and soon to every other empire. Soon we shall control the leaders of every single empire and through them, we will control every single empire! Muhuhahahahaha!"

"MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

Sockfoot holds his finger to his lips for silence and peers around the corner. He sees Pharoah tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth under the light of a single bare bulb, but who is that speaking?

"Mmmmf. Mmmf."

"What is that, our Froggy friend? You want a Twinkie? Well, you will be our first good little slave then!"

And then Sockfoot sees them and his blood runs cold! This goes deeper than he ever imagined!

Into the light step ...

BB JONES, SKULLNBONZ AND TANTALUS!!!!!!!!!

"HOLY S%#*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Who's there?" barks BB Jones.

"DANG!"

"Show yourself!"

"Oh, alright. I was never any good at hide and seek. It's me, Sockfoot."

"Ah, the ever meddlesome Sockfoot!" says BB Jones, Twinkie dangling over Pharoah's mouth. "By the way. How did you like our little Pharoah robot? Pretty life-like, eh? That was Bonz's handiwork."

"Very convincing."

"How did you ever find us?"

"Pharoah has a transmitter in his ... uh ... froggy butt that I followed with this little receiver here."

"Well, you always had trouble just being a good little boy didn't you?"

"Yep. Just in my nature."

"And lets see who you have with you. Dogmatix, Red Fur and J'inn. And I suppose those troublesome little meddlers Gook and S'Cipio are involved in this somewhere as well?"

"I'm not sayin'."

"Well you are too late! The Twinkies are on their way to Kor as we speak! Even if we don't infect the rest of the race leaders there will be wars forever! Canada West will go on and on and on! Guards! Seize them!"

And with that members of every race appear and surround our intrepid little band! Dogmatix wants to fight but Sockfoot holds up his hand. The odds are too great! Now what?

"BUMMER! We would have played Canada West forever, Twinkies or no Twinkies. Dude, and when I was flying Lyran I wanted to be just like you!"

"What?"

"Yeah, I wanted to be Lyran like the great Long Nail."

"You're kidding!"

"No way! Go check the beginning of the story."

"Hold on a minute."

BB Jones scrolls the post back to the beginning.

"Son of a bitch! Well that changes everything now, doesn't it."

Sockfoot looks confused.

"It does? I mean, it does!"

"Right. Off you go!"

The guards lower their weapons.

"We can just leave?"

"Sure. Take Pharoah here with you. But you all have to promise to log onto the new Canada West test server using the Khoromag 2011 patch."

"No problem."

"And Socky."

"Yes, BB."

"I want to see you in Lyran colors on the Test Server!"

"Deal!"

"Ok. You'd better hurry and get to Q'uonos before Kor eats those Twinkies."

"Right. Thanks guys!"

"Don't mention it."

And Socky and crew beam back to the "Tounge Bath."

BB Jones turns to Tantalus and SkullnBonz.

"Now that wasn't so hard now, was it?"

On the Bridge of the "Tounge Bath" Sockfoot bounds into the command chair.

"To Khitimer! Maximum warp!"

Dogmatix walks up next to Sockfoot and stares at him.

"So Sockfoot, this whole thing was just an advertisement for Canada West?"

"Sure looks that way doesn't it."

"Well, now that is a real rip off!"

"Why do you say that, Doggy? This thing isn't over yet! And aren't you the least little bit curious to know how all of this is going to end?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we still have to save Kor and find out what happens when our wives all catch up to us. I mean, that is the one thing BB, Tanty and Skull cannot control, right! What happens if our wives won't let us play any more?"

<Every character turns and looks at the audience>

"Captain Sockfoot. Captain Khemaraa on screen."

"Hiya Khemaraa! Got the taxi all ready?"

"All set."

"Hiya, Uncle Sockfoot!"

"Hiya, Chal! How is my favorite little muskrat?"

"I'm super!"

"Terrific! Well, beam us over! I can't wait to find out how this all ends!"

"Roger that!"

Will they reach Q'uonos in time?

Tune in next time for the STUNNING conclusion to this whole sordid affair!

[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 12-02-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Sockfoot (edited 12-02-2001).]
 

[Gook]

Next installment later in the weekend

[GDA-S'Cipio]

Next installment later in the weekend

 

 


-S'Cipio