http://www.mgm.com/scifi/story.php?parm=vol28/story7.xmlHere at MGM headquarters, we often get questions from you, our loyal readers, regarding how the writers over at Stargate SG-1 have managed to consistently come up with some of the most inventive plotlines in science-fiction history for so many seasons. Well, we here at the Sci-Fi Newsletter like to get to the bottom of such hard-hitting questions, and so I set off for the SG-1 offices to ask some tough questions of some tough characters.
Alas, they were at lunch. Thinking quickly, I decided to go through their trashcans. And what a treasure trove I stumbled upon. It turns out that the writers at Stargate don't merely come up with winning ideas one hundred percent of the time. No, in fact, before hitting on a "go" premise, the writers often struggle for hours with a host of mediocre ideas. And, you're probably wondering, where do these rejected plotlines end up? Why, in the trashcan, of course!
Here is a rundown of our favorite Stargate SG-1 rejected ideas:
* SG-1 prepares to travel to an entirely unexplored planet in an utterly foreign region of space, further than they've ever traveled before. And, lo and behold, there on the other side of the gate they find that here, like everywhere else, is a Starbucks.
* SG-1 travels to a new planet ruled by cats, not cat-people, just cats. . . . No, SG-1 travels to a new planet ruled by comedian Margaret Cho. . . . No, no, no. SG-1 travels to a new planet ruled by an answering machine. . . . Hmmm, no. SG-1 travels to a new planet ruled by the cast and crew of Magnum, P.I . . . No, no, NO!
* Dr. Daniel Jackson is reprimanded when it is discovered that he has been using the Stargate's energy source to power a toaster oven in his room.
* The Goa'uld find their most devastating weapon yet when Carter accidentally drops her credit card into the wormhole. The wicked Goa'uld use the card to finance their war against Earth in attempt to destroy both humanity and Sam's credit.
* When the Stargate malfunctions, O'Neill is sent back in time to 1986 and finds that the only one crafty enough to fix the gate and return him to the present day is MacGyver. Upon finding out that the gate is malfunctioning, the brigadier general proposes to return to a time during which he had hair. Dr. Daniel, meanwhile, uses the busted gate to travel forward in time and get the next season's DVD set, so as to be better prepared.
* The team, during a particularly boring evening on duty, discovers that the symbol on Teal'c's forehead is more than just molten gold poured into an open wound. Indeed, if he stands next to the TV it also allows the team to pick up free HBO.
* A secretive alien race called the Noglix are angered to the point of war when the smell of Col. O'Neill's burnt jambalaya drifts through the Stargate and fills their homeworld with the unmistakable odor of blackened shrimp.
* In an effort to finally turn the tide of their battle against baseball's Yankees, Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein invites A-Rod, Jeter and Mariano Rivera to a special gala in their honor. There, they are drugged and secreted off to Stargate headquarters where they are whisked through the gate to the Goa'uld homeworld. Of course, they return three days later, having defeated the Goa'uld. . .and just in time for the American League Playoffs.
* Traveling to a foreign world for the first time, Col. O'Neill and Daniel Jackson are confronted by a furious Kurt Russell and James Spader, who insist angrily that if they had known that the show would be such a success, they would have demanded to play the lead characters.
* In a bold and ingenious move, Dr. Jackson gathers The New Kids on the Block, Barney, Yanni, the Teletubbies and the entire cast and crew of "Gigli," then sends them through the gate to the Goa'uld homeworld. In what must be some kind of record, the Goa'uld sign a treaty of unconditional surrender after only 45 minutes.
Topic: Rejected SG-1 plotlines! (Read 1544 times)