Topic: 38 things not to say at work.

[Sirgod]

Things You'd Love to Say at Work, but Can't

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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http://www.stamey.nu/Humor/ThingsYoudLikeToSayAtWork.htm

Stephen

[KBF-Angel Slayer]

Those are good. 

One more. 

I see why they made you management.  You weren't good at anything requiring thought or ability.

[Sirgod]

Pretty Good Angel, and welcome aboard.

Stephen

[Hale]

I once got repremanded for telling someone:

"I'm trying to work with your strengths, but I'm not sure you have any"

Now I just wait for review time.   

[Sirgod]

LOL, That's Hilarious. I can just see one of us from here saying that also.

Stephen

[Clark Kent]

Do you have ANY idea how tempting all of these are to use?
Do you???

[Capt. Mike]

During a work review:  "Of his work, I cannot comment, for I have seen none"

Or the most damaging I'd ever seen on a MSgt's performance report by a Col.  "This is a mandatory endorsement IAW AFR whatever the heck it was"...tubed his career.


Mike

[KBF-Angel Slayer]

Every one deserves to be stupid once in a while, but you are abusing the priviledge.

I had an employee one time and said that to him after he cost me $200 from ignoring directions.

Glad to be here by the way.  Now, if I can just get into the H&S (wherever that is) and stir up some conversation...and yes, I've done did the link thingy and PM'ed the mods.  Still...stuck in goody goody land. 

I hope to be in the games blowing folks up soon, too.

[Sirgod]

Every one deserves to be stupid once in a while, but you are abusing the priviledge.

I had an employee one time and said that to him after he cost me $200 from ignoring directions.

Glad to be here by the way.  Now, if I can just get into the H&S (wherever that is) and stir up some conversation...and yes, I've done did the link thingy and PM'ed the mods.  Still...stuck in goody goody land. 

I hope to be in the games blowing folks up soon, too.

I believe It's the Admins that give access there, Us mods just make sure you don't swear, and post Links to Porn that kinda thing. It's pretty simple, Don't do what you wouldn't want your kids too do.

Stephen

[KBF-Angel Slayer]

That's cool.  I have no need nor desire to cross the line.  I enjoy a good discussion with people that don't have to take their shoes off to count above ten.
   We all know some of them.  Yeesh.   They ever make ignorance a misdemeanor, I know some people that are going to get the death penalty!!

[Nemesis]

Do you have ANY idea how tempting all of these are to use?
Do you???

I do.  But then again I have used variations on 1, 3, 5, 6, 9, 14, 18, 20,  and 28.

"Are you really that stupid or do you practice?"
"We could train a monkey to do your job.  In fact we did, have a banana."

[RogueJedi_XC]

"Are you really that stupid or do you practice?"
"We could train a monkey to do your job.  In fact we did, have a banana."

\

Better: "We could train a monkey to do your job. Here, have a banana."

I think I've said most of these thing to the people who call at work (with mute enabled, of course... I do like getting paychecks). It's amazing how many poeple out there have been using Win98 for 7 years but still don't know their mouse from their a...er, elbow. Er, sorry, no pithy quotes from me tonight, all the good ones have been taken already. 

[Sirgod]

"Are you really that stupid or do you practice?"
"We could train a monkey to do your job.  In fact we did, have a banana."

\

Better: "We could train a monkey to do your job. Here, have a banana."

I think I've said most of these thing to the people who call at work (with mute enabled, of course... I do like getting paychecks). It's amazing how many poeple out there have been using Win98 for 7 years but still don't know their mouse from their a...er, elbow. Er, sorry, no pithy quotes from me tonight, all the good ones have been taken already. 

+1 for using the word Pithy.

Stephen

[KBF-WillWeasel]

Those are good. 

One more. 

I see why they made you management.  You weren't good at anything requiring thought or ability.

Speaking of management.....
Good thing ya were not at work today our whole department about lost it. Didn't get crap done.

O and BTW glad ya made it in at last.

[KBF-Angel Slayer]

You'll have to give me all the gory details when I go in today, then.  Sounds like the idiot brigade brought out the heavy artillery again.

[Nemesis]

Better: "We could train a monkey to do your job. Here, have a banana."

I think I've said most of these thing to the people who call at work (with mute enabled, of course... I do like getting paychecks). It's amazing how many poeple out there have been using Win98 for 7 years but still don't know their mouse from their a...er, elbow. Er, sorry, no pithy quotes from me tonight, all the good ones have been taken already. 

I was talking to that monkey at work today.  I told him that he was the most qualified "person" that I know to answer a question.  I asked him "is stupidity painful" he said no.  I expressed my disappointment and started to walk away.  I was about 15 feet from him when I heard "WAIT a minute!  I'm NOT STUPID."  The evidence is against him.

[Clark Kent]

 

[SSCF-LeRoy]

<highlights text and hits "print" button>

PRICELESS!!!

[Harlax]

A friend of mine was once reprimanded for putting "prolonged and excessive stupidity" as the reason for termination on an unemployment claim response he was asked to fill out.

[RogueJedi_XC]

How about: "If I need an opinion, I'll ask someone who knows...like the janitor."