Been to Vegas several times...
Where to start, where to start...
I kept a journal.
As a lawyer you should know better. Anything you write will be copied, uprooted and replanted in Washington square and used against you.
DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED!!!
You have been warned.
Too late
1) Never hit on a girl on a plane. Too dangerous. It's too hard to tell what they look like from the waist down. I got a phone number and a free ride to my hotel. When we got off the plane I realized her hips were a least a meter wide. YIKES!! During the drive I also learned she was nuts. RUN AWAY RUN AWAY.
Well duh!. Remember alcohol hits you harder at higher altitudes. The more you drink they better they look.
2) Biker chick are fun but a little scary. One reffered to me as her "virgin bitch." Something about me never being on a Harley before and the fact that she was driving me around on the back of the beast. Man did my arse hurt.
Don't sit on the fender, use the back seat. And NEVER date someone that could benchpress you.
3) Never NEVER NEVER NEVER let a cabbie take you to a strip club of his choosing. Just trust me here. When I left the cabbie taking me <snickered> and said "I bet a cabbie brought you here" grumble.
Next time just take out your wallet and say "Just rob me now!"
4) THERE IS NO ALCOHOL SERVED IN CERTAIN STRIP CLUBS!! ARRRRGggggggghhhhhhhhhh
How do you think they keep their licences?
5) Never play blackjack next to a desperate drunk divorced older woman. Trust me. I bearly survived.
This doesn't apply to just Vegas. BTW: which table was that...
6) If the Message Service Ad says "Non Sexual" THEY ARE FRIKKIN LIARS!!! (I'd love to tell this one but I don't think I should) Also, be careful of the two for one deal. You will be out numbered.
And this is a bad thing?
7) NEVER DRINK 12 RED BULLS IN ONE DAY. Oye.
See # 5. One more word on this topic: Aspirin
WHen getting an "Off Strip" hotel. Make sure it is in walking distance of the strip and WITHOUT a ()*&#(*&#)(*&# highway in the way. GRRRRRRRRRR
When making any sort of travel arrangements one must be aware of the certain advertising techniques. Allow me to translate:
Off-strip hotel = Located on the other side of the city, but we can't tell you that for fear of not getting your business.
9) Always get a rental car. No matter what the weasel at the hotel sez.
Remember, the weasel at the hotel (The concierge) will ALWAYS try to get you to spend more money. If you must take a taxi, DO NOT ask him anything, TELL him where you want to go... and no shortcuts! (they're even worse)
10) Don't get pissed off at the poor cab service and get a limo out of anger. Your drunk. Your stupid. And you will be broke.
Smack! It's a limo! What did you expect?
11) Don't be an idiot and not ask the beauitiful Jamican girl you met in the hotel out to dinner because you think there will be something better at the clubs. I'm an ass.
There is a reason she is in the hotel and not in the clubs. And it's either REALLY good (and expensive) or REALLY bad.
12) After drinking a lot of Red Bull it is unwise to start drinking Red Bull based drinks at a night club. My hands still shake.
Lack of Blood in your alcohol?
13) Biker Chicks can drink more than you. Trust me here.
Of course they can! That's why they're biker chicks!
Well I hope you at least learned a few things. One more peice of advise when visiting Vegas...
Watch out for Female impersonators!
Topic: What not to do in Vegas (Read 4804 times)