Topic: Well...

[EE]

Well. Saw Sally today, things are good. even after the text message, came up and gave me a hug and rubbed my back for a bit. She was not too happy I lost my job but she understood, which is good. Unfortunatly, Joe was there and well, I could barely handle the cutsy play crap they were doing. Made me quite angry but I think I covered it up pretty well. I was chain smoking. I dont know if I can handle too much more of that crap. I dont want to see it. I would rather recieve it heh. I am used to that pain though, it hurts less each time. Damn I did not want it to come to that but oh well, I thought I could control myself better, guess I am human after all.

[oldmanken]

You know EE, your current situation is similar to something that I went through a couple years back.

I met this girl a few years ago who had just gotten out of a long term relationship.  We were at the club one night with our mutual friends, and though we didn't know each other, we were hanging out together all night.  She was interested in getting on the go, as was I, but she stopped it because she was only recently out of a relationship.  I was fine with that, but I made it clear I was interested in her.

Anyway, we became really good friends, to the point where we hung out together every day.  As far as I could see, everything just worked, even though she knew I wanted to be with her.  Unfortunately things didn't turn out as planned.  A few months later she hooked up with one of the most disgusting playa's I know.  I warned her about what he was like, and though she agreed with me she was still with him.  Not going in to details, but she learned her lesson in the end.

We're still really good friends, and she's one of two girls that I could see having something long term with.  Even so, we're off on different paths at the moment, so that will be an unlikely occurance.  Plus, she's with a really stand up type of guy now who treats her like gold...as he should.

In any case, somewhat similar to your situation.  If you can't be the number one, at least be the person she relies and leans on.  Get used to seeing her with other men, because even though it isn't easy to take at the start, it's worth it because of the friendship you keep.

[EE]

You know EE, your current situation is similar to something that I went through a couple years back.

I met this girl a few years ago who had just gotten out of a long term relationship.  We were at the club one night with our mutual friends, and though we didn't know each other, we were hanging out together all night.  She was interested in getting on the go, as was I, but she stopped it because she was only recently out of a relationship.  I was fine with that, but I made it clear I was interested in her.

Anyway, we became really good friends, to the point where we hung out together every day.  As far as I could see, everything just worked, even though she knew I wanted to be with her.  Unfortunately things didn't turn out as planned.  A few months later she hooked up with one of the most disgusting playa's I know.  I warned her about what he was like, and though she agreed with me she was still with him.  Not going in to details, but she learned her lesson in the end.

We're still really good friends, and she's one of two girls that I could see having something long term with.  Even so, we're off on different paths at the moment, so that will be an unlikely occurance.  Plus, she's with a really stand up type of guy now who treats her like gold...as he should.

In any case, somewhat similar to your situation.  If you can't be the number one, at least be the person she relies and leans on.  Get used to seeing her with other men, because even though it isn't easy to take at the start, it's worth it because of the friendship you keep.

I know. I am trying to be cool about it but its hard. This guy is not the one for her. I know this and I have no doubts. People who know him say this, people who are friends with him say this and yet I must watch this go on. I will continue being her friend, I will do what I can to keep her safe but she must learn this lesson on her own now. I voiced my fears to her, I told her what I thought about this decision and she is an adult and I will be there if and when she needs me. I just didnt think I would take it as I did, it hurt to watch that, something I did not fully expect. I swore I would not put myself into this situation again and I have and I am a bit pissed off about it. But, I must learn from my mistakes as well.

get kicked enough times and you become numb, over time, the contant kicks to my chest will numb. hopefully soon.

The only good thing that really happened tonight between them is there were a few things he did and said where she gave me this look like, wtf? If I were thinking into it, which I am, she was kinda giving me the look like, what do you think but if I were not thinking into it, which I am not, I dont know what the look meant.

At least things are cool between us and thats what matters most. I do have my friend back, though I get nervous around her now and have a bit of anxiety and awkwardness when they are together. I know I cant hide the look on my face 100 percent, that kinda bothers me.

[EE]

Let me rephrase something. I kinda said this wrong.

"This guy is not the one for her. I know this and I have no doubts. People who know him say this, people who are friends with him say this"

I really dont know how to put it without it sounding wrong. noting its kinda late at night. Some of the people I know, some that I have talked to who know Joe better then me say that his past two relationships ended bad. I dont know joe but I do know one of his ex girlfriends and well, I do know it ended bad.

anyways, I would like to rephrase it but I do not have the ability to do so at this point and time, maybe I can in the morning. going to be waking early and doing car stuff and then hitting the coffee shop. Maybe I will have some alone time with Sally, without Joe there to anger me. somehow I doubt it.

[oldmanken]

In a situation like this you can never really keep that look off your face.  When I was around Justin and Di, it was pretty obvious that I wasn't happy, though I attempted to remain civil.  Luckily Di knew how I felt and wasn't pissed at me, nor thought any less of me.

[EE]

Hopefully she thinks no less of me as well. I attempt to be as civil as possible, even shaking the guys hand, something I dont do with many people. Whats hard is not making comments, rude ones.

[oldmanken]

Well, if she has any inkling of what your feelings are she will understand any discomfert you amy feel.  By being civil and courteous you are showing that you are the better man.  But that's just my opinion...

[EE]

Well, in a way I hope she doesnt know my feelings because the whole cutesy thing really bothered me a lot lastnight. If she does know and did that then well, she was doing it on purpose...perhaps to see how I would react. Who knows. Well, its time for some lunch and heading back to Jazz for the entire night. What a boring existance I lead heh.

Lets just say today could be very uncomfortable.

[EE]

Well, what an interesting turn of events. I head off to Jazz to kick it but since the only person I cared to talk to there was leaving, I left to go take a nap. I get a call about 3:45pm and its Joe. His car broke down at the coffee shop and he called me to help him. As much as I did not want to, I did and for free, even though I am out of work. I got it running so he could make his show in palm springs and of course, Sally is going with him and well, that sucks for me.

Oh well, everyone is gone this weekend and tonight. Either in Palm Springs for that faggity emo band joe plays in or in vegas for a friends wedding. I am at home, bored.

[oldmanken]

I think she probably has some idea how you feel, though maybe not the extent of it.  The fact is she isn't going to guard her actions around you, that would just make all such situations uncomfertable.

It so quiet here this weekend, I feel your pain EE.  The majority of our group are gone to Dublin for the weekend, and there is only about ten of us left here.  We hit a club in Harlow Town last night to do a bit of dancing, and it felt like we stepped into the twilight zone.  The place was full of skanks, and there was more skin showing than clothing...one girl up on stage was not wearing anything under her skirt, and she wasn't trying to hide anything.  That was strange enough but when they started doing performances up on stage, like some ridiculous Christmas one, I knew I wasn't in a Canadian club.  Stuff like that just doesn't happen at home...I can't wait to hit a rave in London next week.

The UK is interesting...

[Redshift the Kook]

Eeew, I've never been to a club like that before. I think they can only exist in the shallows of London. 

EE, you deserve good Karma for fixing that guys car even though you hate him! Now that is an unselfish act.

[oldmanken]

Redshift,

We went to some place calle Jumpin Jaks in Harlow Town, and I think it's some kind of chain or something.  Anyway, I a friend took some pictures last night and I put them up in an album.

http://community.webshots.com/user/oldmanken

There is a picture of that girl in there.  She was super hot, but to bad she was a complete skank...pity.

[EE]

Well, i saw Sally again for a few minutes. I was at Jazz, kicking it and no one was around, so I decided to text her. I said, "Well, if you are not busy and are bored, I am at Jazz. Nobody is here." A few minutes after sending the text, Sally shows up, which means she was already on her way. I look at my cell and see that its nearly 3pm, which means Joe is getting off work soon. Sure enough, a few minutes after she shows, joe is off work. I had no time what so ever to kick it with her. Of course, I go from being happy to agro really fast. I am trying SO DAMNED HARD not to but I cant help it. She did thank me for helping joe out last night with his car. She said I was the first person she thought of that could help, which makes me feel good but damnit, I could help in other situations as well, besides just cars, if you see where I am headed heh.

Well, she left and I am back at home, I am just going to stay here tonight. She is off to a friends wedding with joe, I have no reason to be anywhere else then at home. I am going to use some of my Gemini skills and try to convince myself of other things. I cant take this BS.

 I really should not have ever let her in. I should never have sent that letter, I should have never let down the force field because the last time I did I got hurt and again this time. I refuse to make the same mistake again. Well, if my current run goes as it has, wont happen again for another 4 or 5 years like its been since I was 16.

I did send her a text saying if she doesnt get back too late and has time to catch me on AIM and I am going to tell her the same thing that I posted here. I cant do this, I cant see it and I cant be a part of it. I need me some time and am still willing to be her friend but I need to deal with this first, if I can.

[EE]

Update, she just logged on but instantly went to 'away' mode, invited her to chat but she has yet to accept. Ill modify this post with what is said and how it goes.

(Update) 4:32

Just signed off.

(Update) 4:47pm

Logged back on and logged back off again

[Clark Kent]

Seriously man, you are obsessed- when you have an opportunity, just go for it.

[EE]

I dont have a chance at all man. Everytime I see her its always with him and I dont want to jump in the middle of them. That would be the wrong thing to do. I just reallly wish I would have never said anything and just kept it to myself, though I would still be in a bad position I would not be in the position of allowing someone to use knowledge against me which she could full well do if she chooses. She sint the type to do so but still, it could be done. I gave her the advantage, she knows almost all and in return I recieved nothing and I dont know her position on the letter I sent her. I have no insite on to her feelings. all I do know is she is still friends with me but beyond that I dont know anything and I really wish I knew how she really felt. I need to know. If I knew I did not have a chance ever with her instead of being friends, it would help a lot. problem is, I dont know.

[EE]

Eeew, I've never been to a club like that before. I think they can only exist in the shallows of London. 

EE, you deserve good Karma for fixing that guys car even though you hate him! Now that is an unselfish act.

I dont hate him. I just dislike him and am slightly jealous.

[Clark Kent]

tha'ts OK, there's plenty of hate for the dude in here in your stead.   

[EE]

We need less hate. If he is who she wants to be with then well, I am happy for her. I am not going to hate on him and I will treat him with as much respect as I possibly can. Its going to be tough right now because I am still angry from earlier but Ill do my best. As long as she is still my friend, I am cool.

I am not going to ask her anything more, I am just going to let things go the way it goes. I dont want to pressure her anymore then I already have. Ill let her contact me when she is ready.

[Redshift the Kook]

We need less hate. If he is who she wants to be with then well, I am happy for her. I am not going to hate on him and I will treat him with as much respect as I possibly can. Its going to be tough right now because I am still angry from earlier but Ill do my best. As long as she is still my friend, I am cool.

I am not going to ask her anything more, I am just going to let things go the way it goes. I dont want to pressure her anymore then I already have. Ill let her contact me when she is ready.

Wise words EE.