Topic: Well...

[EE]

Pretty much a rough draft that is going to stay how it is. I cant be any more truthful.

Dear Sally,

First off, I wanted to let you know that I had a little talk with Joe. I wanted to let you know because I did not want to go
behind your back and talk with him but you could not find the time to talk with me so that I could tell you the things I am
worried about with the whole situation. Pretty much, this is what I told joe, so you hear it from my mouth...I mean fingers.

I told him that you are one of my best friends and that I don't want to see you get hurt. I also told him that hurting you is
going to hurt him. I told him that if he plays you, he will be played (thats the nice way of putting it). I told him that
after what happened with my sister, her being raped, something that I could have stopped, I will not allow a friend of mine
to be taken advantage of. I also told him that I was worried about how fast this is occurring. I know I am different
then others and that you are different then me but I told him that I felt this was just a tad too early and that it worries
me that he is moving in way too fast and not giving you enough time to heal. And thats how I honestly feel.

As for the text message you received from me about wanting to talk, well, this is one of the things i wanted to talk to you
about. Another is about what happened at Jazz. When you told me, I was shocked, by many things. First off, I was shocked that
what I had thought was going on was indeed going on. I was also shocked by some of the feelings that over came me at this
news, some things that, well, I did not expect to happen. One was anger, anger at Joe for moving in so fast like a vulture on
a carcass. The second was a hurt that I had not felt in a very long time, at least 5 years. It struck me as odd and it really
confused me. When we first met, you were rather flirty with me, something I had not had happen in a long time, since Kim (
1999). That kind of confused me because at the time, I thought you had a boyfriend but was not totally sure as to seriousness
of it. Then we became friends and I decided to suppress those idea's/feelings because it would not be proper or right. Plus, I
did not want to ruin our relationship as friends. It was apparent, after much thinking at work that what I have been looking
for in a person, since 1999 was right under my nose but the friendship means much more to me then anything else and I did not want to risk ruining that.

Our friendship was really good for quite some time, we kept in touch on a regular basis and honestly, it was the best time I
have had in a long time. One of the things that really stood out to me about our friendship was the fact that you would text
me with random text messages saying, " Have a great day" etc. I have not had anyone do that kind of thing in a long time and
It really rocked to have someone care how my day went. It was the little things about our friendship that I really hold onto.

As of late though, things got bad between you and peter. As I stated before, I wanted to kick his ass for hurting my friend
but I knew it was not my place. The most I could do was sit back and watch because there was nothing I could do, you had to
do it. I wanted to give you advice but I also didn't because I was afraid you would get the wrong idea when I was just trying
to help, Though it pained me to see Peter constantly hurting you.

I tried many times to get together to talk to you, so I could express the things going on in my head, so I could relive some
stress and worry about how you were doing. I really wish we would have had more time to talk at Jazz before Wonderland and I
had seriously contiplated calling off work so I could spend some time with one of the best people I know. You are everything
I have ever wanted in a friend and losing your friendship would hurt, a lot. You have an awesome personality, your caring,
giving and have a bomb sense of humor. Don't let anyone tell you any different. You have also always managed to put a smile on
my face, no matter my mood. You just have that ability to cheer people up and that just stands out in my eyes.

Hopefully, you know where I am coming from. Again, its hard to do this in text because you cant hear tone of voice etc so I
hope you dont take it the wrong way. I am not good at these things, like feelings and expressing myself and writting isn't my best skill. All I want you to know is I will be here when you are ready to talk to me. If you choose not to, I understand. If this makes you feel awkward and you dont want to kick it with me I also understand, it makes me feel awkward to write this and know you are going to read it because I have never opened up to someone like this before, well, someone I knew. Complete strangers are different, you wont run into them face to face.

My goal in all of this is to make sure that one of my best friends is happy and gets everything she deserves and doesnt have
to go through the pain and stress that you have gone through over the last few months. I just want to make sure that you are
happy and I want you to know, as your friend, I will be there for you anytime you need me. Even if you choose to cancel the
subscription to our friendship, I will still be there for you, because what you did for me, helping me get a job with your
dad and helping me get my life straight, is something I cannot repay. You saved me from, homelessness and possibly worse. I
cant repay that with anything else but friendship and protection.

I am sorry for going behind your back and talking with Joe. I just wanted Joe to understand my point of view on the situation
. I just felt I had no other choice, I needed to get it off my chest because the stress I have been dealing with over the
last couple months, about the car, you, work etc and really been effecting me. Its not work that has made me lose all that
weight, its been making me unable to eat anything because my stomach is in constant knots. The smoking 2 to 5 packs of smokes a day doesnt help either. I really hope we can get together and talk sometime, when you are ready. I am just worried now that our
friendship has been irreversibly damaged by what I did Thursday by talking to Joe and this letter, I hope thats not the case
but I did state in my LJ post that I would be more assertive and speak up and say what I feel. Perhaps I pushed it a bit far
you must understand, I am new to not being a cowardly pu**y who cant say anything. Life is a game of chance and sometimes you
must take the risk. I hope I didn't bet it all and lose.

I trust you and your decisions and will back you up on them and I will be around when or if you need me.

Take care and thank you for being an outstanding friend,

Jason

[Redshift the Kook]

That's a pretty deep letter EE. Although this line:

One was anger, anger at Joe for moving in so fast like a vulture on a carcass.

Might want to edit it so you don't sound like your comparing her to a carcass. 

Anyway, I wish you all the luck in the world. These situations are always hardcore. 

[Hstaphath_XC]

Just saw a quick note from EE saying that he had a 1 on 1 (I'm pretty sure this was in regards to Sally) and that it had gone pretty well, what's the details bro?

Also, can't wait to hear what the fallout from speaking your mind at your job turns out to be.

You will either be promoted or fired.  Probably fired. 

[EE]

Well, this weekend was an interesting one.

Friday:

Got 2 1/2 hours broken sleep on this day, only 2 hours sleep the day before, also broken and 4 the day before that

Had my 'talk' with player, as stated before. Then it was off to work, where a box fell off a forklift and hit me in my sore leg, which apparently caused all my hair to stand on end, so a coworker says and then I wheeled around and put my fist into a box of Genpak 10500's. Pretty much, a case of those styrofoam containers they put your asian food in. luckly no supervisors were around to see it otherwise I would have gotten into trouble. Leg is kinda sore still and slightly bruised again but it is fine. it hit me right in a area that still has some fluid trapped from the initial injury 3 weeks ago.

I also text messaged Sally on Friday and told her we needed to talk on Sunday, she replied with "I might be able to, might have to get the truck smogged on sunday"

Saturday:

Puked at 12:30am after eatting 4 chicken McNuggets, have not eatten in 3 days at that point, weighed myself before I left work at 8am and found out I have lost almost 6 pounds since last saturday. End up at Jazz and Java after a quick run home to shower and find my roomie and my friend from Hollywood giggling over my roomies new computer. I decide sleep is not an option and of course, as mentioned before, head off to Jazz. I kick it there from 8:30am until 1:30pm waiting for Player to come out, so I can say sorry for blowing up at him and to explain to him what I really meant. He said he understood and it was cool and he thanked me for the apology. I end up leaving Jazz at 1:30pm for a 2 hour nap and kick it there until 10pm, I then go home and go to sleep.

Sunday: I wake up at 1pm, after a 15 hour crash session. Still have yet to eat. I wake up, shower and head off to Jazz where I find Sally and Joe. I kinda ignore the fact they are there to give them their space. I relise my cell did not charge so I ask one of the workers if I can charge my phone and they say yes, as I leave the inside of the coffee shop, Sally calls out my name so now I cant ignore the situation. She gets up and gives me a hug and I shake Joe's ( player ) hand. I talk with them for a moment and then tell them I will let them go so they can finish whatever they are up to.

After that she comes over to the table I am at. She gives me another hug and sits down, we talk for a bit about random nonsense, which we enjoy doing. With other people at the table, we could not really talk. As she gets up to get some coffee I bring up that I want to talk to her about some stuff and she said she wants to talk too, she asks if I want to do it now and I tell her, it can wait a bit longer, get your coffee and lets relax. We sit there with some of our friends and kick it for a bit.

After about 45 minutes we decide its time to talk. We leave the table to go down to the other end of the old redlands train station, where the coffee shop is located. During our walk to the other side, I tell her that I think I F'd up major, that I had a 'talk' with Joe. She says she knows. He told her. She also said that Joe said that it appeared I cared for her a lot and that she has a great friend in me and she said that she agree'd and told him that I have always been around for her when she needed me. I also mentioned that I did call him and say sorry and she said that she knew that too, she was there when I called him. She said that he thought it was very cool that I would call and say sorry and she said, "it sounds like something he would do".

We sit down and talk, I tell her I am sorry for betraying her trust and that I felt bad for going behind her back and having my talk with joe and she said she was glad that someone cared enough for her to do something like that. She said she understood where I was coming from on that and then I went on to describe the things I saw. Things like, how the second she broke up and everyone including Joe started coming around and how that upset me and how I thought half the people were too old for that and I did not want her to be taken advantage of.

We then talked about our friendship and how its been strained for the last few months. I told her about my stress and how being in the middle of the whole situation has really drained me and though I wanted to help, I did not want to appear as 'the bad guy'. I also told her that she is an adult and that I would back her up on any desisions she makes. I would voice my worries about something but leave it up to her to decide. I also told her that I was very thankful for what she did for me 6 months ago by helping me get a job with her dad and that there was no way I could repay that except with my friendship and protection and then joked, not over-protection.

Several times she gave me hugs through the conversation, again, one of them for at least 2 minutes and one for about a minute.

We then talk about some other things which I have forgotten, I kinda started to repeat myself because I was nervous and could not remember everything i wanted to talk about. I did tell her I had wrote her a letter incase she could not talk to me and told her I would send it to her if she wanted because it goes a bit more indepth of what I am thinking and how I wish I had it on me to help me remember what I wanted to talk about.

I also told her about my worries about joe and his drinking and how at the party I went to with her, I stopped drinking so that I could make sure she got home safe and she said she noticed and thanked me for that. We talked a bit more about the whole joe thing and she said that she is not after a serious relationship with Joe, they are just friends and seeing if anything else blooms or not but she also relises that joe is set in his career and doesnt know if it would work anyways

Since she was supposed to go to BEST BUY with one of her friends, I cut the conversation short. She gave me another hug and then said, "You know I love you right?" and all I could say was "yeah". She then gave me another hug, one of those side by side kind.

Anyways, she is still my best friend and she was never upset with me. Everything worked out well, which is good. I am going to be sending her the letter I wrote but with a few minor modifications ( not deleting anything, just a slight retooling and rewording ). Lets see how that goes.

I feel great right now, just wish I could have talked with her a little longer and a little more in depth, would have been nice to spend some more time with her. At least I got my friend back, the one I never lost.

P.S. I will post the rewording of the mail. Going to work on that now

[EE]

The new revised letter that has been send to Sally

"Dear Sally,

First off, I wanted to let you know that I had a little talk with Joe. I wanted to let you know because I did not want to go
behind your back and talk with him but you could not find the time to talk with me so that I could tell you the things I am
worried about with the whole situation. Pretty much, this is what I told joe, so you hear it from my mouth...I mean fingers.

I told him that you are one of my best friends and that I don't want to see you get hurt. I also told him that hurting you is
going to hurt him. I told him that if he plays you, he will be played (thats the nice way of putting it). I told him that
after what happened with my sister, her being raped, something that I could have stopped, I will not allow a friend of mine
to be taken advantage of. I also told him that I was worried about how fast this is occurring. I know I am different
then others and that you are different then me but I told him that I felt this was just a tad too early and that it worries
me that he is moving in way too fast and not giving you enough time to heal. And thats how I honestly feel.

As for the text message you received from me about wanting to talk, well, this is one of the things i wanted to talk to you
about. Another is about what happened at Jazz. When you told me, I was shocked, by many things. First off, I was shocked that
what I had thought was going on was indeed going on. I was also shocked by some of the feelings that over came me at this
news, some things that, well, I did not expect to happen. One was anger, anger at Joe for moving in so fast. The second was a
hurt that I had not felt in a very long time, at least 5 years. It struck me as odd and it really confused me. When we first
met, you were rather flirty with me, something I had not had happen in a long time, since Kim (1999). That kind of confused
me because at the time, I thought you had a boyfriend but was not totally sure as to seriousness of it. Then we became
friends and I decided to suppress those idea's/feelings because it would not be proper or right. Plus, I did not want to ruin
our relationship as friends. It was apparent, after much thinking at work that what I have been looking for in a person and
friend was right under my nose but the friendship means much more to me then anything else and I did not want to risk ruining
that. Hopefully I have not.

Our friendship was really good for quite some time, we kept in touch on a regular basis and honestly, it was the best time I
have had in a long time. One of the things that really stood out to me about our friendship was the fact that you would text
me with random text messages saying, " Have a great day" etc. I have not had anyone do that kind of thing in a long time and
It really rocked to have someone care how my day went. It was the little things about our friendship that I really hold onto.

As of late though, things got bad between you and peter. As I stated before, I wanted to kick his ass for hurting my friend
but I knew it was not my place. The most I could do was sit back and watch because there was nothing I could do, you had to
do it. I wanted to give you advice but I also didn't because I was afraid you would get the wrong idea when I was just trying
to help, Though it pained me to see Peter constantly hurting you.

I tried many times to get together to talk to you, so I could express the things going on in my head, so I could relive some
stress and worry about how you were doing. I really wish we would have had more time to talk at Jazz before Wonderland and I
had seriously contiplated calling off work so I could spend some time with one of the best people I know. You are everything
I have ever wanted in a friend and losing your friendship would hurt, a lot. You have an awesome personality, your caring,
giving and have a bomb sense of humor. Don't let anyone tell you any different. You have also always managed to put a smile
on my face, no matter my mood. You just have that ability to cheer people up and that just stands out in my eyes.

Hopefully, you know where I am coming from. Again, its hard to do this in text because you cant hear tone of voice etc so I
hope you dont take it the wrong way. I am not good at these things, like feelings,expressing myself and writting isn't my
best skill. All I want you to know is I will be here when you are ready to talk to me. If you choose not to, I understand. If
this makes you feel awkward and you dont want to kick it with me I also understand, it makes me feel awkward to write this
and know you are going to read it because I have never opened up to someone like this before, well, someone I knew. Complete
strangers are different, you wont run into them face to face.

My goal in all of this is to make sure that one of my best friends is happy and gets everything she deserves and doesnt have
to go through the pain and stress that you have gone through over the last few months. I just want to make sure that you are
happy and I want you to know, as your friend, I will be there for you anytime you need me. Even if you choose to cancel the
subscription to our friendship, I will still be there for you, because what you did for me, helping me get a job with your
dad and helping me get my life straight, is something I cannot repay. You saved me from, homelessness and possibly worse. I
cant repay that with anything else but friendship and protection.

I am sorry for going behind your back and talking with Joe. I just wanted Joe to understand my point of view on the situation
. I just felt I had no other choice, I needed to get it off my chest because the stress I have been dealing with over the
last couple months, about the car, you, work etc and really been effecting me. Its not work that has made me lose all that
weight, its been making me unable to eat anything because my stomach is in constant knots. The smoking 2 to 5 packs of smokes
a day doesnt help either. I really hope we can get together and talk sometime, when you are ready. I am just worried now that
our friendship has been irreversibly damaged by what I did Thursday by talking to Joe and this letter, I hope thats not the
case but I did state in my LJ post that I would be more assertive and speak up and say what I feel. Perhaps I pushed it a bit
far. You must understand, I am new to not being a cowardly pu**y who cant say anything. Life is a game of chance and
sometimes you must take the risk. I hope I didn't bet it all and lose.

You are an Adult, I trust you and your decisions and will back you up on them and I will be around when or if you need me.

Take care and thank you for being an outstanding friend,

Jason

P.S.

Well, we have had our talk. As you can see, I did not really get into much of what I wanted to say, I kinda of started
repeating myself and going in circles because I lost my track of thought, mainly because I was so damned nervous. Hopefully
this letter lets you better understand me and where I was going with sundays talk. I hope this letter does not freak you out.
I am just telling the truth and I hope you can accept it.

Thanks again for giving me time to talk to you, I hope this( talking and letter ) strengthened our friendship and didnt
damage it. I would like to hear your point of view so when you get time, send me a response.

take care."

[Clark Kent]

I mean no offense EE, but you are extremely pensive with this girl.  It might be the stress, or the lack ofsleep, or any number of things, but perhaps you should explore that pensiveness.
Just a thought.

[Redshift the Kook]

OK, don't get too excitied EE but maybe she thinks your the person she would have a long-term relationship, however, right now she doesn't want a long-term relationship, (for whatever reason). If she just want's something casual then wouldn't it be better she had a casual relationship with the Player rather than you?

Just a possibility. Maybe something for the future, maybe not. 

[EE]

I mean no offense EE, but you are extremely pensive with this girl.  It might be the stress, or the lack ofsleep, or any number of things, but perhaps you should explore that pensiveness.
Just a thought.

and what makes you think I am Pensive? I just looked up what the word meant.

As of now, no response to my email.

[Musashi NCC-BR549]

I just read the last page of this thread and I have a question.   This "Peter" that you mentioned ..... is this a person?

Aw, nevermind, I'll go back and read it from the beginning.


[j/k ... Good luck, EE.    I hope it all works out, amigo.  ]

[EE]

Peter is her ex boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. Player aka Joe is someone she has known for 4 years and is a friend of hers.

[EE]

well, I am going to go hit the coffee shop, maybe she will head by and I can see how she will react to my letter or maybe she wont head by and I will have a reply waiting for me. I need to get out of the house. Unfortunatly I woke up at 1pm which means I have about 5 1/2 hours to wait until work and a 14 hour day ahead of me. I wont be texting her at all I am going to let her respond when she is ready. Hopefully the letter, which now that I think about it, could have had a few more things added to make myself a little more clear, didnt scare her away. As you can tell, she is a really understanding person, much like myself so I am not too worried but that thought does linger in the back of my head.

[Clark Kent]

I mean no offense EE, but you are extremely pensive with this girl.  It might be the stress, or the lack ofsleep, or any number of things, but perhaps you should explore that pensiveness.
Just a thought.

and what makes you think I am Pensive? I just looked up what the word meant.

As of now, no response to my email.

You seem to almost be walking on eggshells with her, that's what I meant, almost over thinking things.  I'm not trying to say anything to the effect of stopping that type of sensitivity, just that this email is pretty clear about how you feel about her, even though you didn't come out and actually say it.  It's very clear that you place an extremely high amount of value on how she feels and thinks- more so than even a "good" friend normally has. 
The pensive part most comes in where you seem to be moving towards an almost being bold and forward but then back off in order to try to spare any awkwardness or hurt feelings.

[EE]

I mean no offense EE, but you are extremely pensive with this girl.  It might be the stress, or the lack ofsleep, or any number of things, but perhaps you should explore that pensiveness.
Just a thought.

and what makes you think I am Pensive? I just looked up what the word meant.

As of now, no response to my email.

You seem to almost be walking on eggshells with her, that's what I meant, almost over thinking things.  I'm not trying to say anything to the effect of stopping that type of sensitivity, just that this email is pretty clear about how you feel about her, even though you didn't come out and actually say it.  It's very clear that you place an extremely high amount of value on how she feels and thinks- more so than even a "good" friend normally has. 
The pensive part most comes in where you seem to be moving towards an almost being bold and forward but then back off in order to try to spare any awkwardness or hurt feelings.

I fully admit I over think things. I even told her that in person. In a way I am walking on egg shells with her, I dont think she expected some of the things in the letter but after the letter I think she also understands a few placed comments much better, much like the one I made at the party, " I have trouble telling people I dont like in that way, that I dont like them... I even have more trouble telling someone I like that I like them ".

My friend, Tyrelco ( www.livejournal.com ) talked to her today. I left Jazz at 7:10pm and she showed up from dinner with Joe right as I left. He mentioned to her that I was a bit nervous about the letter I sent, that she might take it the wrong way and she said that she didnt get the wrong message from it or something like that, pretty much he said she said she took it the only way it sounded like. The thing that sucks is that she has yet to respond to the Email so... I dont know. I dont know how it will be tomorrow if I see her, will it be awkward for just me, or both of us? Will things be the same? Doubtful. But from what Tyrelco said, she seemed in good spirits and did not seem upset or angry at all from the letter so who knows.

I wanted to be more forward then I was but I figured I laid out the hints several times and if she cannot see it then its for the best. If she does and responds in a good way then its a plus for me, if she responds in a neutral way then we are still friends but if she responds in a negitive way, then I bet it all and lost. I hope this is not the case but I fear it could be because she has yet to respond.

Hopefully tomorrow gives more insight to her feelings. Perhaps she is having trouble herself, then again, I could be over thinking it too much yet again and will end it here. Tomorrow will hopefully cough up some answers.

[Clark Kent]

I know this type of thinking- I've had it msot of my life, and am now only beginnign to change. 
To be honest, I'm not sure if you're doing the right thing (to be read as: I'm not sure).  A few years ago I met a girl that made my head spin everytime I looked at her, and ever since that moment I haven't been able to stop thinking of her.  I acted, plunged in head first knowing full well the risks, but I did it anyway knowing I'd never find another chance like it.
All went well, although there were some ups and downs until a little under two years together in a long distance relationship.  But man, when things were good they were better than I had ever hoped or imiagined.  I won't go into details, but basically she went out of her way to ruin any trust and faith I had, then told me to never speak to her again. 
A year and a half later I have honored what she wanted to the letter, and still can't stop thinking of her.  Not just the passing thoughts of infatuation, mind you.  I mean I wake up in the morning thinking about her, go through my whole day trying to keep busy because everything reminds me of her, go to bed thinking of her, dream of her all night and wake up to start the whole thing over again.  The only difference now is those thoughts only bring me misery.
Staying friends like you are might be the right course of action, I just don't know.  Just keep in mind that the cat seems to have been let out of the bag, whether she ignores it or not.

[EE]

and currently, its still being ignored. Still no reply.

[EE]

Update:

Went to Jazz today and kicked it, like usual. around 6:30pm, while I am lounging in a chair, I decide to crack my neck, while doing so, I see Sally pull up. I act like I did not notice and go back to lounging, withmy eyes closed. She walks right by me and goes and sits with Joe. I figured at that point, well.. I got my anwser but we will see. I continue to lounge and then a friend asks for a ride home so I give him one. After dropping him off at home, I go back to Jazz and see Sally and Joe walking away from Jazz, I then think, yup... I got my answer.

After sitting in the chair for a couple minutes, Sally comes up and says hi, gives me a big hug and scratched the back of my head ( its shaved ), she says she did not want to disturb me since it had looked like I was asleep. She says a few other things and then goes and sits with her future roomie, Chelse.

I send Sally a text Message that say something like, " So is everything good? I was a bit worried that I messed stuff up again shortly after fixing it. Well, I texted so that I would not interupt you and chels. Any chance of a reply to my letter?".

She sends me a reply, " Yes everything is good... So no more sillyness I love you boy... Thanks for your friendship "

That made me feel good, that I still did not mess anything up. I went to text her back and she said, " Hey, no need to text, I am right here. " but then my alarm on my cell went off which meant, time to leave for work, of course, right after we get ready to start talking. We talk a bit, really short stuff, like hope you have a good day at work etc and then I leave.

I ended up texting her back, " I love you too, you are one of my best friends and one of the most important friends I have, I am glad my sillyness didnt screw anything up. have fun tonight with Chels, Ill talk to you later."

I didnt get a reply but I did not expect one. Today went well, 3 good days in a row, cant believe it after the nasty run of days I have had recently.

[EE]

Didnt get to see her today to see how the text message was taken. From what I hear, she was not herself at Jazz today. I am thinking about taking tomorrow off work, even though I know I should not, so I can hang out with her. yeah, the $130 lost will hurt but hell, I need a bit of a break. I guess it depends on how I feel tomorrow and how tomorrow goes, if she shows etc.

[EE]

Well, I decided to say " Screw my job " today. Tomorrow I am going in and quitting. Ill find something new.

Other then that, been sick since lastnight, which is part of the reason I am quitting. They were giving me crap because I called in today and hung up on me, I dont need that crap. Not now and not from them. I also sent Sally a Email tonight seeing if she wants to get together for lunch tomorrow, since I am going to be out job hunting. Might not work out but isnt a big deal, the offer is out there.

All is still good.

[Clark Kent]

Dude, take my advice: find another job THEN quit the one you have.

[EE]

Looks like I might have a new job on Monday, not starting but filling out the app and taking the drug test. a friend of mine says she knows a place hiring and that they need people and she knows a lot of the people that work there so she said she would get me the info on monday. Since I need new tires, oil change and pretty much a tune up, i am going to give my 2 weeks today. I will go to work today and see if they fire me, if they do, oh well, could care less, otherwise it looks like its a Nitro to go day.