Topic: I'm curious

[JMM]

Just keep letting us know if you ever need us, we are there... I used to think Hispanics were badarse because they do have strong family ties, but they have not got anything on us Taldrenites!  

[Clark Kent]

Quote:
Just keep letting us know if you ever need us, we are there... I used to think Hispanics were badarse because they do have strong family ties, but they have not got anything on us Taldrenites!  

And their women are so friggin hot.  SO are asian women for that matter...

CK

[Clark Kent]

How many of you wake up in the morning wishing you ahdn't,e very day?  I've been dealing with serious depression for along time now, and I've reached a point where nothing seems to help anymore.The one person that I felt I could trust and wanted min my life mroe than anything abandoned me over a year ago and made it clear she never wanted anything to do with me again.  Everywhere I go I'm an outsider loking in, and I don't even remember anymore how to act in a group so that I can get along with others because I've been isolated so long.  
When I was in the army, I was so alone that on my birhtdays I would go to dairyqueen, buy an icecream cake, and after being turned down after offering a piece of it to everyone I could find, I'd sit alone in my room, blow out a lit match I placed on the cake and sit in silence eating it alone in the dark.  
My social skills are so poor, in fact, that I can't even hold down a job that puts me in near isolation all the time.  
These days it feels like part of me is missing, but not just a small part.  It's like part of me was ripped away, and there's not enough of me left to function anymore.
If you don't mind, i'd rather not get the "ther are other fish in the sea" speeches, or "it'll all get better" stuff.  I've heard it before too many times, and it never works out that way. I've accepted the fact that I lack the ability to make a real friend in this life, aside possibly fromt he imaginary ones I find on the internet, and this is how my life is going to be, which is alright I guess, since I've reached my max on heartache from the people that get tired of me.   I'm just curious as to how alone I am in feeling like this.

CK

[Stormbringer]

My depression though not as severe as you describe hampers my ability to enjoy life as well. I think you should consider getting help from a doctor. Depression can not only be lethal in the short term but destroys health in the long run. Modern psychotropic medication is nothing to fear and can help immensely as can therapy addressing your social symptoms. both together or either alone can help. you can get better and learn to enjoy life and rediscover your social life. Doing nothing will merely keep you miserable. Please see a doctor. you will be glad if you do in time. no one deserves to be miserable for life. you deserve to get better.

[Sethan]

Storm is right - and dealing with the depression might help other areas of your life as well.  When you are severely depressed, it shows - and it affects the way people deal with you socially.

[Stormbringer]

Also since he mentioned it occured in the army he may be able to submit a claim and get approved for VA paid treatment. It will take longer since he is out but it has been done before. I'm not an expert on it but he can get help figuring out how to do that.

[J. Carney]

The fact that I'm posting this reply at 0408 CDT should give you a hint of my social life at this point. I haven't had a real date in five years do to one circumstance or another (Basic, deployment, ect). My first attempt back in the dating game ended on the second date- her excuse for cutting it off "you're too quiet." I have definately felt somewhat like you discribe- though not to the degree you say you are experiencing.

These feelings having gone on as long as you say the have, I really would seek help. Storm is right- you diserve better than to feel down all the time. I'd also definately try to seek compensation from the VA. If you worked for the government, it is only right and proper that it work for you as well.

[Monty]

Depression is one of those hard to quantify things in life.

The problem is that it is rarely talked about and people are afraid of being rejected or shunned.

I was told by my girlfriend not too long ago (we've had a good relationship for well over a year now) that she suffered pretty badly from this.

I could see the very visible fear of rejection in her face as I considered what she had just told me.

I told her that knowing this didn't and wouldn't change anything. It doesn't change what I think of her, it didn't change how I act towards her. It was the truth. Talking about things like this fosters understanding. I think this is important.

I could see the very visible relief in her posture and hear it in her voice.

I suppose my point is this:

Depression is an illness. But it doens't make you any less 'normal'. No one is perfect.  

[Scott Allen Abfalter]

Since no one has mentioned it directly:

Have you considered that there could be a medical basis for this depression instead of just personal/situational?

There are many, many people in the world who suffer from depression symptoms because of brain chemistry --something that is out of their control.  These are sometimes treatable by anti-depressants.  

Unfortunately, society has an old stigma against "mental disorders" and many people suffer through this needlessly because they are afraid to seek help.  But, in these cases, there is nothing different from taking a pill to counter this medically caused depression as compared to taking a pill to treat any other physical symptom.  

Not all cases of depression have a medical basis; but some do.  If you are suffering badly, and your post sounds as if you are, then I would urge you to see if this is the case with you.  

One small caution: anti-depressants are often over-prescribed so I would go to a doctor in whom you trust their judgement --one who will decide whether you really need one or not.  They are relatively safe drugs and so it would not hurt to even go on a trial run to see if they help in your case.



 

[TalonClaw]

Definitely go see a doctor.  Way back when I caught my wife cheating and almost divorced I went into a very deep depression that almost cost me my job.  I went to a doctor and got on some anti-depressants for a few months.  That and having SFC as a diversion helped tremendously.    Now I'm fine.  You need to focus on taking care of yourself man.  Everything else will work out once you take care of yourself.

[Sirgod]

They all speak the truth here About Seeing a Doctor Bro. Depression can be a very Serious Problem with Long range effects. Ignoring It , is not the answer.

as far as Social Skills, I've never noticed anything out of line from you here on these Boards, But then again, this isn't A true Example of real life either. Of course, I am always willing to talk, and do what I can for you or anyone.

Stephen

[Iceman]

I may not be any kind of expect on depression, but I can say this.

The people on these boards are not imaginary friends by any stretch.  They help each other in very real ways.  Trust them (us, we, they, whatever).  Living in different parts of the world can not seperate people, because we won't let it.      

[Clark Kent]

Thanks for all of the replies, I appreciate.  i woke up this morning regretting posting this.  Typically I don't talk about this to anyone (one exception, but I'll get to that) because I've been told and taught that no one wants to hear it or have anything to do with it.  
I have been seeking medical help since before I left the Army, and do have a VA disability rating for this.  I've been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist at the VA up here since a couple months after leaving the Army.  I've been on St. John's wart, to Celexa to prozac and now Nefazadone, plus some stuff to help me get to sleep at night.  The Nefazadone has been a great help, since I don't have nearly as many nightmares as I used to.  Like I said though, I've reached a stalemate in the depression battle.  the urge to be around others has been waning, more than ever in the past, and I've sunk much deeper than I have before.  The only solution I see is to up my medication dosage, but while medication has help, it's had a cost, so I'm reluctant to do that.  

CK

[Confused??]

I had depression. I was much like you are now, and as a result I dropped out of college. After accepting I had something wrong I went to a doctor. He told me that I should go on anti-depressants(Lustrol), he said that 10% of people never get off them and about the same amount have recuring symptoms throughout life. I set my self good goals and was on them for 4 months when the standard is 6 months. My goal was to work abroad, and 5 months after starting treatment I was working in Spain.

Over the last few years I have had what I call "dips" in mood etc, and I get myself out of them by thinking of what life was like when ill. I am now back on track after having a good relationship (now finished because she was ill and needed time to herslf to recover) and in September I enter University as a mature student (22yrs old) doing a degree in Archaeology.

This is a genuine illness which can for a number of reasons. So I would advise a visit to you're doctor. A course of medication coupled with counsilling will do you wonders, but do it before you fail at school because it could take years to get back on track.
I wish you all the best in school and for health.

[LongTooth]

I know this is going to sound stupid but what about getting a pet?
Dogs are great (as any dog owner can tell you ) it will give you something to focus on and will become part of your life it could help  

[Clark Kent]

Quote:
I know this is going to sound stupid but what about getting a pet?
Dogs are great (as any dog owner can tell you ) it will give you something to focus on and will become part of your life it could help    

I have a kitten that will be ready to take home in hopefully less than 3 weeks.  Can't wait for the little bastard.

CK

[Likkerpig]

My experiences are almost a mirror image of yours CK. Unfortunately when I got out of the Canadian army I was not intitled to any benifits. The med costs come out of my own pocket, when work is slim I go without.
There are some great posts here, good advice and knowing you are not the only one suffering.
Being on meds can suck, but in my experience not being on them is far worse.
Hope things look up for you.
 

[TheShadow]

 What about family? I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression when I was a teen. Nothing helped. When I was in my early 20's I was diagnosed as having Agoraphobia with depression. I have taken almost every drug you can think of. I self-medicated with alchohol most of my life which got me into more trouble than I would care to go into to. I was homeless for awhile. I had sex with any woman that was willing and I was drunk almost every time. My girlfriend that stuck by me through everything, including the cheating, I eventually drove away. It was a self-defeating cycle where I believed that noone cared about me and I seemed to do everything in my power to drive everyone away. Ive gone for days without eating or sleeping with a gun in my hand trying to decide whether life was worth living or if things would be better for all concerned if I scattered my brains all over the wall. Things change though. Life is definately worth living. Every day I wake up means a chance. A chance to improve my life. If you are dead, then there are no more chances and you have wasted the most precious gift you have. Life.

Through everything there was only one person that never gave up. My mother. She was the one that helped me turn things around. She gave me a place to live, found me a job, and showed me that there was someone that truly cared. She sat with me through DT's, vomit, hallucinations, and pissing/crapping on myself. It wasnt easy. I managed to pull my life together through hard work and determination.

Like the other guys have said, get some help. Call a doctor, join a support group. You'll find that there are more people in the same situation as you than you think. They can lend support and help you get through the rough patches. It will also help you with your social skills. Believe me, things will get better. I'll be praying for you CK.

   

[Clark Kent]

I have a rifle that was a gift that now sits in the back of my closet because I'm not sure I can trust myself to mess with it.  I probably wouldn't do anything though.  My mindset is that there would be no point to suicide, because I'm tired of trying to make things better or wait for them to improve.  The point of suicide is to end it all, but thanks to my beliefs, I can't subscribe to the thought that death would be the end.  I could go into it deeper, but death isn't what I want, I'd just like to cease to be.  But that's not an option, so I'm stuck.  Faith bites.  
Family is not an option.  My family has made it expressely clear that they don't want to hear about my problems and will do anything from change the subject to ignore me to outright telling me my problems are not theirs and they don't want the misery of dealing with my problems.  they'll provide physical help- food etc if I really need it, but that's as far as they'll go.
I'm glad you managed to work through your issues, and I hope your life contines to go well for you.
Likkerpig, thanks for the words.  Sounds like you have alot of guts to stick things out like you have.  Meds are a constant source of contemplation for me.It's a trade off to be sure, and I still don't know that I'm comfortable with the cost of that trade.  

CK

[TalonClaw]

Try re-newing ties with old friends.  Make new friends.  Get out there.
Moping around the house is not good.  Get out and get some air.  Go to the park and walk.  Who knows you might meet someone especially if you take that cute little cat for a walk.

I know you don't want to hear this but get over her.  It's not worth it.  You will find love again if you have a good heart.

Put the past behind you and move on.