Topic: Sirgod's rant about Poo...

[AlienLXIX]

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and Perches on my shoulder. WTH?

Stephen  

Sounds like one we used to have.  Eventually it out grew that, sort of.  When it became too large it would lie across the back of your neck, rear legs hanging forward over one shoulder, forelegs and head hanging forward over the other.  Tail whipping around your face and purring in your ear.  All 20 pounds of it.

Then there was our Hunting Siamese cat.  It was very large, dogs left it alone, it was bigger than our beagles.  It would go hunting (over half a mile away) and bring back full grown rabbits.  Once it brought back a live rat, into the house where it let the rat go as a gift for my mother.  

Talking about gifts . . .  I had this little cat in high school named Screaming Meemee, she liked to patrol the house and grounds protecting us from dogs and other cats that weren't hers.  Mind you she only weighed in at 6 pounds!  You could almost say she had the heart of a Klingon.   Anyway one morning I was rushing around trying to get ready for school OK so I was more like a chicken with it's head cut off.  I knew I was cutting it fine to catch the bus so I go slamming out the door and jam my feet into my slippas (flip-flops) and screamed.  Meemee wanted to share her half eaten rat with me!  Needless to say I missed my bus.  

Rotten cat looked so proud of herself!

[Sirgod]

EWWW. Actually My dog Gruntie likes to Bring me her Prey when she catches It.

rat Jam between the toes is just wrong.  

Stephen

[Sirgod]

 
Just a follow up about that Kitten I saved that I mentioned here.


http://forums.taldren.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=311398&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=1

I use Kitten loosely  here, as this little mass of Grey hair is worse then any tribble a Klingon could ever have been around. First off, when I said thank you all those times in Pm's etc. for the advice on raising a Kitten, I didn't understand how many of you all truely hated me.

Oh sure all my dogs still love the kitten, very much so, But she ( Looked for the slash instead of 2 dots and a slash) , loves me way to much. I think It's because I feed her. She's about as worthless as my Nephew who at 3 months old is too lazy to get out and mow the lawn. No matter how much I yell at him, He just looks at me and smiles.  

a couple of problems that Poo has caused so far.

1.) I told my wife abot her , while she was visiting her dad. She told her whole family She was named Pooh after EZkills bear. When she got home she learned the truth. She makes more of her Nomiker then my 12 dogs combined.  

2.) Of course everyone's heard about Cat hair in the keyboard, And I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for is this  Darling  kitty liking the Red light of my Optical mouse. Out of no where she will strike when I move the mouse. this has caused alot of Embarrising moment's while playing games online, and Viewing Pr0n. I didn't ned to see Michael Jacksons Website after all.

3.) allergies. The weather has been on and off with rain this week, but nothing compares to trying to sleep, Getting comfortable at night, and her Comes Poo. Climbing on the bed while your trying to read a book. Oh and once again while reading she jumps up and does her Namesake yet again.

4.) I was just typing this too show you my displeasure with Poo, when she leaps from a Sitting chair I have in my Bedroom. The Infection should die down soon from the Mass attack that she felt I needed.

5.) Those beady little eyes. She just loves to stare at me and Meow. She does this Right before she jumps o my shoes Scrambles up y legs like a Rodent with a love affair gone wrong, and Perches on my shoulder. WTH? She's a cat, who nurses on Dog's, and pretends to be a Parrot.

Sorry for the Rant all, But I just needed to get this all off my chest.

Stephen

[Kmelew]

Awwww!!  Sounds like someone has a new best friend!!    

[Sirgod]

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Awwww!!  Sounds like someone has a new best friend!!    

LOL, Yep I do I guess.  Just don't let anyone else know I'm a big softy. SHHHH!!!!!

Stephen

[TB613]

Welcome to the world of cats.    

[Dragon93]

Let me give you the lowdown on cats.

When guys own cats, they love to [bleep] about them, it's sort of what you are supposed to do. But at the same time, if anyone even thought about looking at them with malice, watch out.

I love my five little monsters.

Slinky is the oldest. He is smart but shy and a little bit socially inept.

Silver is my retard, she was abandoned and malnourished as a kitten but I love her no matter how stupid she is.

Gimme Cat was a stray I took in. SHe got her name because she likes to steal things.

Pooka is Gimme Cat's daughter from her one and only litter. Pooka is a big, fat, fluffy thing who never grew up.

I lost my little guy Ghost in February and it tore me up. I now have his little brother sharing my home with me and my other four. I named him Spirit in honor of his fallen brother. I miss Ghost a lot and think about him often he was one of the smartest cats I have ever had and his brother seems to be following in his footsteps. Spirit is not to be taken as a replacement for Ghost, he just is another member of my family to be loved for who he is.

Ghost was eight months old when he passed. Spirit is going on 10 weeks now. Because Spirit looks identical to Ghost, I sometimes find myself calling him Ghost, especially when he is being naughty.

If anyone cares to see photos of my furry retarded children, check out my  Yahoo Photo Album  

[Sirgod]

Oh man Dragon93, Ghost almost looks exactly like my Little Poo.

Stephen

PS I'm sorry about that loss, I hope It wasn't in the fire.

   

[Soreyes]

Quote:

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Awwww!!  Sounds like someone has a new best friend!!    

LOL, Yep I do I guess.  Just don't let anyone else know I'm a big softy. SHHHH!!!!!

Stephen  

Yes!  Yes!  Our plan for the Domination of Earth is working perfectly!!!!!!!!

Signed: Captain Soreyes Of The Kzinti Earth Invasion Task Force.

[KRolling]

I wish you guys would stop it!!!!

Now, I want another cat..... <sob>

[Sirgod]

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I wish you guys would stop it!!!!

Now, I want another cat..... <sob>  

Don't do It, Cats are evil. I just today discovered this while giving Poo Medication after taking care of my Boston's.

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little f'er's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to
wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch.

15) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

16) Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1) Wrap in bacon.
---------------------

Stephen

[Monty]

 

Having owned two cats myself I found myself laughing very hard at this.  

[Khalee]

<Points at sirgod and HAHA> dont know how to give Medicine to cats  

[Captain Krenn]

Seems to me if you gave the kitty some of that scotch and whiskey you'd have no problem
getting him to swallow the pill.  

 

[Soreyes]

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Seems to me if you gave the kitty some of that scotch and whiskey you'd have no problem
getting him to swallow the pill.  

   

Always worked for me

[Khalee]

Dont look like your not getting much sympathy from us former and current cat owners are you.  If you did it the way you did the dogs pill you would not have much trouble with the cat, course you use a cat treat instead of bacon.  

[Sirgod]

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Dont look like your not getting much sympathy from us former and current cat owners are you.  If you did it the way you did the dogs pill you would not have much trouble with the cat, course you use a cat treat instead of bacon.  

But that would be too easy, and not nearly as Funny.  

stephen

[RazalYllib]

But seriously folks...

Feline critters require special special handleing when it comes to oral meds.

A good friend of mine worked for a vet and swears by the following:

Pills, coat it liberly w/ plain butter (margerine), pop pill close critter jaws massage throat to encourage swallow reflex will gently holding jaws shut.

For manageing the claws if neccessary for transport or whatever, wrap said critter tightly in towel (yet another use for the towel) trust me it will save you from scratches.

[Kmelew]

Quote:
But seriously folks...

Feline critters require special special handleing when it comes to oral meds.

A good friend of mine worked for a vet and swears by the following:

Pills, coat it liberly w/ plain butter (margerine), pop pill close critter jaws massage throat to encourage swallow reflex will gently holding jaws shut.

For manageing the claws if neccessary for transport or whatever, wrap said critter tightly in towel (yet another use for the towel) trust me it will save you from scratches.  

A few years ago my cat had pneumonia and the vet gave us liquid antibotic Xithromax to treat it.  She told just pry the cat's mouth open and squirt it in with the dropper.  No way was I going to stick my fingers in the mouth of an angry cat!

So I cradled her like a baby and very gently poked the side of her mouth with the dropper.  Sure enough she would get PO'd and bite the dropper, at which point I squirted the medicine in.  A few days later she was as good as new!  

[James_Smith]

LOL Sirgod, I guess we got lucky with our cat. She doesn't seem to mind pills or vets.

 http://www.freewebs.com/jamesrsmith/willow 2.jpg

She is, however, totally brainless. She also doesn't have a fully-working tail after she managed to dislocate it at the point where it joins up with the spine (nasty injury that one, nearly paralysed her). Also, she's great around people and loves making friends. But she can't bear to be near another animal, and has to set about killing any cat, bird, mouse, dog, wolf or elephant that she happens to be near. I've had to pull her off cats before so they could escape while they were still alive - for such a cat who is very sweet-natured around people, she is utterly vicious with other animals.

EDIT: you may have to copy that link into your address bar to see the pic.