I know, I know, Kzin are such barbarians. Well, we just think this is so undeserved. Fred's, Frog's, Lizards, etc., you just don't know us. This reputation is based solely on what we eat. Is this fair? Not likely, not at all. True, we may have a problem with fleas from time to time, but no one is perfect. Only Bas is perfect.
Well, here are some favorite recipes we have at KOTH. It just goes to show that we are trying to be a bit more imaginative with our food. Normally we just devour it alive and kickin' (hey, nothing wrong with food that has a kick to it).
I hope these help to allay your thoughts of us peace lovin' Kzin being barbaric. See, we can prepare meals that would please any palate.
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Lets begin with some Gorn Fricasseed Legs.
"String up a good sized Gorn by its ankles and cut off the head so all the blood comes out. Collect all the blood in a ceremonial Cauldron for a delicious sauce later... After the Blood is removed, skin the torso and set the skin aside because who doesn't like Gorn skin boots! Am I right or am I Right! Oh where were we... ah ok, sauté' the Gorn legs with butter and a little fresh garlic until the meat is a light golden brown. Take that cauldron of Gorn blood and boil it rapidly for 10 minutes, then add 2 bottles of your favorite red wine (I recommend KK'tlef brand from the southern province of the home world). Remove the sauce form the heat and let cool. Garnish the Gorns legs with zheerekti and strips of dried zianvas. Enjoy!"
Head Chef Krakk
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Federation Finger Delight
Lets just call them FF?s for short. ;-)
First off the bigger the Federation person the more you will have to cook with. If done right what is left over will keep for a few more days without spoiling. You can even prepare this while working in the interrogation section.
Gag the prisoner so as not to hurt your sensitive cat hearing. Chop off all fingers and thumbs cleanly at the last joint. Cauterize where the fingers were removed from with the searing iron. This will keep the leftovers from spoiling. You can remove the gag now, as the prisoner should be unconscious.
Put the fingers and thumbs in a fry pan with earth olive oil on high heat. As the pan heats up be sure to be continually stirring the FF?s. Once the outside is brown add some Romulan Ale, garlic, and salt and pepper to taste then continue to stir and cook on medium heat.
For dipping sauce I recommend the name brand Crème Della Bloodspot federation flavor. For EXTRA finger licking good taste! ;-)
Arrange neatly on the outside area of plate with fingers pointing towards the sauce and all thumbs around the sauce in the middle. There you have it the PURRRRRRRRFECT party snack!
Bona Pâté
Head Chef Wolfar
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How to Cook a Feddie
Ingredients:
One large or two small Feddies.
Ketchup.
2 large cloves garlic.
Crisco or other solid vegetable shortening.(Lard may be substituted).
1 keg cheap beer.
1 lb. Katnip.
2 lbs. assorted health foods, such as tofu or yogurt.
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First, catch a Feddie. Remove the tail and horns.
Carefully separate the large ego and reserve for sauce.
Remove any pencils, calculators, slide rules, or illegal drugs and discard.
Clean the Feddie as you would squid, but do not separate the tentacles from the body.
If you have an older Feddie, such as a Admiral, you may wish to tenderize by pounding the rock on a rock with a surfboard or other flat heavy object.
Next, pour 1/2 of the keg of beer into a bath-tub and soak the Feddie in the beer for at least 12 hours. (If your Feddie was on the USS Enterprise you may skip this step.)
When the Feddie is sufficiently soaked, remove any clothes the Feddie may be wearing and rub it all over with the garlic.
Then cover the Feddie with Crisco, using a slow circular motion, and taking care to cover every inch of the Feddie's body with the shortening.
Now send an SOS message on a Starfleet channel saying you are a disabled Vulcan Freighter, making sure that you use a lot of emotional outbursts.
Keep this up for at least an hour to ensure adequate flames for cooking your Feddie.
When the flames have died down to a medium inferno, place your Feddie on top of your terminal until it's well tanned and the hair turns bleached blond.
Be careful not to overcook, or the Feddie may become rancid.
Make a sauce by combining the previously reserved ego, the Katnip, and ketchup to taste. Redirect the output to your blender and puree' until smooth. Slice the Feddie as you would any other white meat, and serve accompanied by the assorted health foods and the remaining beer.
AKA : KAT M?Ress, KOTH Redfur
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Pickled Romulan Ears.
Ingredients:
1. 4 Bigheaded Romulan Captives (Preferably with big ears.)
2. 2 quart jars with airtight seal lids.
3. 3 ½ cups Blood Wine Vinegar
4. 2 tablespoons of Salt
5. 2 Aesopian red hot peppers
In a large stainless steel power converter warp vacuum-sealed bowl, cover removed Romulan ears with water.
Boil the Pointy Romulan ears 1.5 to 2 hours or till the flesh starts to come away from the cartilage.
Next drain then rinse the ears in hot water to remove any space grime dust or Romulan hair oil left over.
NOTE* NO NIBBLING ALLOWED! I know it?s tempting but this process takes time and patience is a virtue with this recipe.
Put 1 Aesopian red hot pepper in each jar and 4 Romulan ears in each jar as well.
Next mix the Salt and Blood Wine Vinegar together completely. Then pour this mixture in each of the jars covering the ears.
Refrigerate for 3 days to 1 week before eating.
Makes 2 quarts.
Enjoy!
Top Romulan
Dice one Romulan into one-inch chunks.
Toss into cooking pot adding any drained blood.
Add salt, pepper, onions and monosodium glutamate. Cook on medium heat until liquid is boiled off. Toss into heavy duty freeze drier.
Package with freeze dried noodles.
When you are hungry and don't have the time to properly boil a prisoner, open one of these treats, add water and nuke for one to two minutes.
Caution, contents will be hot.
Makes a tasty entrée for Fed Fingers
Topic: What's For Dinner (Read 1678 times)