Topic: personal lives, are they really necessary? (Read 1366 times)

Clark Kent · « **on:** March 22, 2004, 06:52:07 pm »

It's been about a year since my last girlfriend dumped me- which I still wish had never happened, and I've only been out with a couple girls since then. The other day a girl I'd never met before came accross me on AOL and we chatted for a while. She asked for my number, which i gave to her, and she finally called this morning and we had the longest and best conversation I have had since my ex left me. Actually, I completely drained my cell phone before I had realized how much time I had spent talking to her. It turns out she's around 6 years my junior (I'm 26), which I'm not sure if it's an issue, or will be. In any event, she would like to get to know me better, and I her, eventually leading up to a meeting in person. She's a real sweetheart, soft spoken, like myself, and it seems like a lot of common interests and beliefs. To add icing to the cake, she's very pretty, from what I've seen.
Sounds pretty good, except I (being myself) have some reservations. Over the last year I've spent alot of time rethinking my life, and have changed alot of ideas of where I want my life to go. I realize most will give me the "other fish in the sea" speech or something like that, but I've heard it a million times, and I don't think my new plans fit into most womens' ideas of how to go with life. For instance, I don't want marriage, or kids. I don't want to offend any of the married folks around here, but I just don't believe that the institution of marriage is something that's worth going through anymore. I think at one time it was, but not these days. Ther majority of marraiges end in divorce now, and that number continues to rise. Moreover, I have no intention of spending thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars to pay for a wedding, when after all the "I do's" and "till death do we part's" she can just walk out on me the same as a girlfriend would.
Things like this, I feel are a sticking point, since I don't want to use anyone for companionship, no matter how lonely I am only to do to them what others have done to me many times before. Obviously, if things are work out, I can't hide little tidbits like this last one, but I'm not sure how or when to bring it up. After all, when you're just starting to get to know someone, it's best to stay away from talking about long term commitments,and so forth, isn't it?

CK

P.S. I like latinas...

Stormbringer · « **Reply #1 on:** March 22, 2004, 06:58:22 pm »

your choice. But concerning marriage, it's as permanent as you make it. It has the value that you attribute to it. Today marriages a ephemoral because people are self absorbed and society does not value it as it was in olden times. Whats happeningto marriage is a result of society's actions not the idea of marriage but how we treat it.

IndyShark · « **Reply #2 on:** March 22, 2004, 07:00:38 pm »

Clark, the best thing to do is to stop thinking about it. I was "checking out" all the girls over the summer between my Freshman and Sophmore year at college. At the end of the summer, I thought the summer was over and started thinking about football and going back to school. I definately WAS NOT looking..........and I met my wife.

Just relax. Have fun. If you like her, keep seeing her. Don't let a "relationship" spoil your friendship. If she's the right girl, you will know, but you'll never know if you don't get to know her and you'll never get to know her if you don't relax.

Be yourself. Have fun. If she stays and you like doing things with her, she may be a keeper.

Clark Kent · « **Reply #3 on:** March 22, 2004, 09:24:58 pm »

Quote:

Just relax. Have fun. If you like her, keep seeing her. Don't let a "relationship" spoil your friendship. If she's the right girl, you will know, but you'll never know if you don't get to know her and you'll never get to know her if you don't relax.

Be yourself. Have fun. If she stays and you like doing things with her, she may be a keeper.

Perhaps you didn't know this, but relaxing isn't my cup of tea. I'm so uptight that I've earned the status of biggest diamond producer in the US. Two weeks, with a piece of coal shoved up my butt and you got a diamond.

You're advice is sound, I just tend to get ahead of myself,
CK

P.S. I like latinas...

The_Joker · « **Reply #4 on:** March 22, 2004, 11:11:59 pm »

I second the earlier post on marriage. Its what you make it. My wife and I have been bucking the odds for the last ten years. (She was 18, I was 20. I was a pothead at the time, which I quit the day I first saw, not met, SAW her. We only dated for 4 months before we were married, yadda yadda yadda). She's still the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

Clark Kent · « **Reply #5 on:** March 22, 2004, 06:52:07 pm »

It's been about a year since my last girlfriend dumped me- which I still wish had never happened, and I've only been out with a couple girls since then. The other day a girl I'd never met before came accross me on AOL and we chatted for a while. She asked for my number, which i gave to her, and she finally called this morning and we had the longest and best conversation I have had since my ex left me. Actually, I completely drained my cell phone before I had realized how much time I had spent talking to her. It turns out she's around 6 years my junior (I'm 26), which I'm not sure if it's an issue, or will be. In any event, she would like to get to know me better, and I her, eventually leading up to a meeting in person. She's a real sweetheart, soft spoken, like myself, and it seems like a lot of common interests and beliefs. To add icing to the cake, she's very pretty, from what I've seen.
Sounds pretty good, except I (being myself) have some reservations. Over the last year I've spent alot of time rethinking my life, and have changed alot of ideas of where I want my life to go. I realize most will give me the "other fish in the sea" speech or something like that, but I've heard it a million times, and I don't think my new plans fit into most womens' ideas of how to go with life. For instance, I don't want marriage, or kids. I don't want to offend any of the married folks around here, but I just don't believe that the institution of marriage is something that's worth going through anymore. I think at one time it was, but not these days. Ther majority of marraiges end in divorce now, and that number continues to rise. Moreover, I have no intention of spending thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars to pay for a wedding, when after all the "I do's" and "till death do we part's" she can just walk out on me the same as a girlfriend would.
Things like this, I feel are a sticking point, since I don't want to use anyone for companionship, no matter how lonely I am only to do to them what others have done to me many times before. Obviously, if things are work out, I can't hide little tidbits like this last one, but I'm not sure how or when to bring it up. After all, when you're just starting to get to know someone, it's best to stay away from talking about long term commitments,and so forth, isn't it?

CK

P.S. I like latinas...

Stormbringer · « **Reply #6 on:** March 22, 2004, 06:58:22 pm »

your choice. But concerning marriage, it's as permanent as you make it. It has the value that you attribute to it. Today marriages a ephemoral because people are self absorbed and society does not value it as it was in olden times. Whats happeningto marriage is a result of society's actions not the idea of marriage but how we treat it.

IndyShark · « **Reply #7 on:** March 22, 2004, 07:00:38 pm »

Clark, the best thing to do is to stop thinking about it. I was "checking out" all the girls over the summer between my Freshman and Sophmore year at college. At the end of the summer, I thought the summer was over and started thinking about football and going back to school. I definately WAS NOT looking..........and I met my wife.

Just relax. Have fun. If you like her, keep seeing her. Don't let a "relationship" spoil your friendship. If she's the right girl, you will know, but you'll never know if you don't get to know her and you'll never get to know her if you don't relax.

Be yourself. Have fun. If she stays and you like doing things with her, she may be a keeper.

The_Joker · « **Reply #9 on:** March 22, 2004, 11:11:59 pm »

I second the earlier post on marriage. Its what you make it. My wife and I have been bucking the odds for the last ten years. (She was 18, I was 20. I was a pothead at the time, which I quit the day I first saw, not met, SAW her. We only dated for 4 months before we were married, yadda yadda yadda). She's still the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

Clark Kent · « **Reply #10 on:** March 22, 2004, 06:52:07 pm »

It's been about a year since my last girlfriend dumped me- which I still wish had never happened, and I've only been out with a couple girls since then. The other day a girl I'd never met before came accross me on AOL and we chatted for a while. She asked for my number, which i gave to her, and she finally called this morning and we had the longest and best conversation I have had since my ex left me. Actually, I completely drained my cell phone before I had realized how much time I had spent talking to her. It turns out she's around 6 years my junior (I'm 26), which I'm not sure if it's an issue, or will be. In any event, she would like to get to know me better, and I her, eventually leading up to a meeting in person. She's a real sweetheart, soft spoken, like myself, and it seems like a lot of common interests and beliefs. To add icing to the cake, she's very pretty, from what I've seen.
Sounds pretty good, except I (being myself) have some reservations. Over the last year I've spent alot of time rethinking my life, and have changed alot of ideas of where I want my life to go. I realize most will give me the "other fish in the sea" speech or something like that, but I've heard it a million times, and I don't think my new plans fit into most womens' ideas of how to go with life. For instance, I don't want marriage, or kids. I don't want to offend any of the married folks around here, but I just don't believe that the institution of marriage is something that's worth going through anymore. I think at one time it was, but not these days. Ther majority of marraiges end in divorce now, and that number continues to rise. Moreover, I have no intention of spending thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars to pay for a wedding, when after all the "I do's" and "till death do we part's" she can just walk out on me the same as a girlfriend would.
Things like this, I feel are a sticking point, since I don't want to use anyone for companionship, no matter how lonely I am only to do to them what others have done to me many times before. Obviously, if things are work out, I can't hide little tidbits like this last one, but I'm not sure how or when to bring it up. After all, when you're just starting to get to know someone, it's best to stay away from talking about long term commitments,and so forth, isn't it?

CK

P.S. I like latinas...

Stormbringer · « **Reply #11 on:** March 22, 2004, 06:58:22 pm »

your choice. But concerning marriage, it's as permanent as you make it. It has the value that you attribute to it. Today marriages a ephemoral because people are self absorbed and society does not value it as it was in olden times. Whats happeningto marriage is a result of society's actions not the idea of marriage but how we treat it.

IndyShark · « **Reply #12 on:** March 22, 2004, 07:00:38 pm »

Clark, the best thing to do is to stop thinking about it. I was "checking out" all the girls over the summer between my Freshman and Sophmore year at college. At the end of the summer, I thought the summer was over and started thinking about football and going back to school. I definately WAS NOT looking..........and I met my wife.

Just relax. Have fun. If you like her, keep seeing her. Don't let a "relationship" spoil your friendship. If she's the right girl, you will know, but you'll never know if you don't get to know her and you'll never get to know her if you don't relax.

Be yourself. Have fun. If she stays and you like doing things with her, she may be a keeper.

The_Joker · « **Reply #14 on:** March 22, 2004, 11:11:59 pm »

I second the earlier post on marriage. Its what you make it. My wife and I have been bucking the odds for the last ten years. (She was 18, I was 20. I was a pothead at the time, which I quit the day I first saw, not met, SAW her. We only dated for 4 months before we were married, yadda yadda yadda). She's still the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

Clark Kent

Re: personal lives, are they really necessary?

Clark Kent

Re: personal lives, are they really necessary?

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