Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away there was a group of programers who worked for Interplay, a minion of the evil Empire. One day, they decided that they didn't have enough pain and grief in their lives and pitched an idea to transform a little known, but highly detailed board game into a real time computer game. Interplay agreed, always looking for a way to garner delight from torturing their subjects any way they could. Several months followed with the sound of keyboards furiously clacking away deep in the bowels of Interplay's dungeons. And thus was "SFC1: The New Dope" born and the developers said "It is good".
The fans, some of whom had been waiting 20 years for this moment, quickly became addicted to The New Dope, foregoing food, sex, interpersonal contact and direct sunlight to indulge in their favorite passion. There was some low grumbling about doubled shields and doubled internals and cries of "Romulans and Hydrans are too strong!" and the developers heard and took pity on these poor addicted souls who would never see the light of day again, but for the most part, all was well.
Feeling that they had not stepped deep enough into the quagmire and that they weren't getting enough dirt in their diet, the developers decided to strike out on their own and form a company called Taldren. Although still under the umbrella of the evil and suppressive Interplay, they forged ahead and after many more months of keyboards furiously clacking away "SFC2-EAW: The Fans Strike Back" was born to much rejoicing and Taldren said "It is good".
Once again the fans eagerly comsumed their favorite treat and for awhile all was well. Alas, it was not to last. For you see, the game was released incomplete due to Interplay's not too stingy use of the whip on the poor Taldrenites in order to meet some cryptic deadline only they understood. Thus was the beginning of incessant bitching and whinning among the addicted fans that still echoes through the cosmos to this very day. Understandably unsettled by these events, the Taldrenites made promises to make all right with the Universe; promises that due to unforseen events and treachery on Interplay's part they were unable to fulfill in a timely fashion. Nevertheless, they forged ahead, made new allies and ultimately produced the promised Dynaverse Multiplayer Experience that many fans had been chomping at the bit for since the begining of time. And for awhile, all was well. Alas, it was not to last.
Soon cries of "Fix the Patrol Bug!", "Photons can't hit the broadside of a planet!", "Plasma sucks now!", "The ISC are too powerful!", "SFB ruins the whole thing!", "Hydrans have been nerfed!", "Drones are cheese!" and "The Federation Blue Plague is ruining the game!" plus many others were heard across the galaxy. Taldren was understandably nonplussed, but again took pity on these hapless people and tried to make things right with the Universe. They went back and made another deal with the vilely scummy and villainous Interplay in order to get the funds to fix SFC2 and make the fans happy. Thus after several months more of furiously clacking keyboards "SFC2.5 OP: Return of the Klingon Firing Arcs" was born to moderate rejoicing and Taldren said "It is good".
But alas, it was not received as well as was expected. Many fans would not buy it because they were still upset by the SFC2 problems. Many who did buy it were upset by the fact that many of the same problems, plus more, were still present in the game. Others, who were by now so far gone in the addiction to form any cognizant thoughts, fixated on the addition of X-Ships, saying that they ruined the game, when in actuality they were less than 1/4 of the shiplist. Still, some others embraced the X-Ships as their salvation and happily puttered around at speed 31, firing all weapons and having no regard for power management or for others who wanted to play something other than Advanced Era saying "That's what EAW is for!".
Finally, after a time, Taldren managed to cut the umbilical from the evil Interplay, but fell into an even greater evil known as Activision. Activision promised them the Garden of Eden and Taldren eagerly signed on. But Activision had other plans. They incessantly meddled in things they had no clue about and allowed ignorant people in suits to make important decisions that should have been left to Taldren. Still, after many months of furiously clacking keyboards "SFC3: The Phantom of the Previous Games" was born to much confusion and Taldren said "It is good".
The people did not know what to make of this new game. It was SFC, yet it wasn't. Some rejoiced as it was not "SFB" and was "TNG". Others dismissed it out of hand and refused to even look at it, feeling it was pure evil. Still others gave it a chance and found they liked it, despite their preconceived notions of what it was supposed to be and still others tried it and were disappointed. To this day the sounds of "Where's the frickin' patch!" can be heard on every outpost in the known Universe.
So ends the saga of SFC. Or does it? There are still some that hold out hope in the form of a small ember; nurturing it, fanning it with the desire to see it one day become fully ignited into "SFC4-GAW: God Awful Whinning", because Lord knows we haven't had our fill of that!
THE END.
Topic: Taldren-May I have a history lesson regarding the beginning of SFC? (Read 2740 times)